Feeding Your Soul

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” ~ Mark Twain

I left my umbrella drying in my room and it is raining again. I have just finished having Japanese food here in Bali for a change of pace. I guess I might have to order some green tea and sit to write this blog until I can get back without being soaked.

I have had an awesome last day here in Bali. I shopped and was not too traumatized by the experience. I went to a spa for a yoghurt massage that started with a foot bath of alternating hot and cold water, accompanied by a foot massage. After that, the "toe-to-toe" body massage with yoghurt felt great--well, it was painful too but the coolness of the yoghurt was lovely. Then I soaked in a bath with flower petals. I had hoped to try ear candling but I have run out of time.

After a late lunch, a driver picked me up and took me to do more shopping but this time I did not buy. He took me to the expensive tourist area so I only bought a gift for my sister and a new silver cross for me. I like to collect crosses from around the world. This one is lovely--I got the tourist discount but it really is not much of one. The driver took me to a stunningly gorgeous silver store, called Angel to Angel. Everything was way too expensive for me and I wandered around the store feeling sadder by the moment. I could not afford anything but fell in love with a number of things and wondered why anyone would spend so much on anything, even if it is beautiful.

We finally arrived at the stop for the Kecak and Fire Dance of which the photo captures one of the dancers. The dance was interesting--sort of a Romeo and Juliet tale with a happy ending. I need a few more days here in Bali to see a number of things, including the beaches but I will have to save it for another day. For now, despite the rain, I had better head back and pack. I may not have done it all but I have dreamed, explored and discovered.

Peace,

Suzanne

Last Full Day in Bali

Today is my last full day in Bali. At 7:30 in the morning, it already looks like the day will be another winner. I am soon off to breakfast and then to lie poolside for a bit prior to going shopping and to the spa. I may even try ear candling. After that, I will go around a wee bit in the countryside again before catching a Fire Dance to end my time here. My vacation is quickly coming to an end. I have a short time left in this part of the world. Tomorrow I travel back to Singapore and spend the night with Celeste. From there I return to Canada, in particular, Vancouver for a brief time with Kathy and her family. After that, I return home. I am feeling like this trip has been an awesome gift with much to consider and remember in the days ahead.

Yesterday I went to the Elephant Safari Park which is run by an Australian man who is married to a Balinese woman. I enjoyed seeing these magnificent creatures up close, though it certainly differs from a real safari where the animals are free. I decided to go for a ride on one and it turns out her name was Ramona!! That is my sister’s name.

From there we traveled to the Mother Temple which was the most aggressive place I have been in Asia. People tried to get us to pay a lot of money to enter and it sort of reminded me of how Jesus overturned the tables in his own temple out of anger for the injustice he saw there.

Finally, we went for dinner at the Crispy Duck, which made me think of my brother who loves a certain duck, but I am not sure Donald would want to be crispy. It is as if my siblings have been here with me—Corrinne in Singapore; the other two here yesterday.

I best be off. The day holds more adventures.

Peace,

Suzanne

Jump, Monkey, Jump!

"By trying often the monkey learns to jump from the tree.” ~ African proverb

I walked through the Sacred Monkey Forest this morning. It was a wee bit out of my comfort zone but they left me totally alone. They licked and kissed the other humans. I did not buy any bananas to feed them so I was not one of their attractions. Watching them play in their natural environment was pretty cool; seeing how humans are careless and put the monkeys in peril was not. Lots of stolen treasures ranging from cigarette cases to water bottles were their new toys. It made me nervous, wondering how that might impact them if they swallowed a water bottle cap or something.

Tonight I am dining at a Thai restaurant called Siam Sally and just finishing up with a marvellous fruit platter with new items, most of which I forget the name of except for snake fruit. I also remember the monkeys munching on these little furry red on the outside and jelly-like fruit in the inside today.

Learning new things here has been interesting--such as how do I eat these new fruits. The waiter recommended not eating the nut in the middle of the snake fruit! Like a monkey, I will learn to jump from the tree!

Peace,

Suzanne

Letting Go

“Unbind him and let him go!” ~ Jesus in John 11 in the raising of Lazarus story

I am now in beautiful Bali. I arrived shortly after noon today and made the trek to the Guest House where you see the view from my balcony. It is really lovely. I hope to get out and explore more of the town tomorrow after a good night’s sleep.

Today I did sit by the pool for a short time before venturing out on the streets to sightsee. I had Indonesian food for supper—rice, some tasty vegetables, and a beef dish. I tried a white mango drink to which you added liquid sugar—I really liked that part!! I assume it is made out of sugar cane.

I feel a little like I have been unbound this trip. I am living mostly in the moment due to needing to pay attention. I have done little thinking about work or worship issues that were causing me stress. I find it hard to believe that in a week this little adventure will be over and I will be sleeping in my own bed. I will just continue to enjoy the moment instead of thinking about that.

I am perhaps a little bit like Lazarus. I was “dead-tired” when I left work ten days ago. Somehow, I did get a second wind before leaving though maybe still “sleeping” a little. Now I feel as if I have been called out of the tomb, submerging myself in the beauty of this experience. I am grateful for this entire journey. I feel so fortunate to see the things I am seeing and to live out the gifts as they unfold. Tonight I had an amazing massage, followed by a facial in one of the many spas that litter this town. I found myself intrigued a little by the differences in massage techniques.

Where are you at these days? Are you in the cave, long dead, or have you been unbound and set free? This is the last week of Lent. May you cast off all that has enslaved you and make your way back to the Light. Jesus is there calling you forth, waiting for you.

Peace,

Suzanne

A Beautiful Life

It’s in living every moment
Like it could be your last
For our hearts are restless till
They rest in Love’s caress
~ Beautiful Life, Corrinne May

Last night after a busy day of sightseeing, Celeste and I went to a Corrinne May concert. She is a Catholic, Singaporean troubadour with a "voice like butter" (Celeste's description). One of the songs on her new album is called Beautiful Life and these are the opening words to it. I try to live by this philosophy--it is very Ignatian actually. Living life as if you were on your death bed, making choices for the better good.

I have been praying a six-week Novena this Lent for some special intentions and after the concert, held at Celeste's church, I wondered if there might be reconciliation today. She asked one of the Franciscans who looked at me and said he could see me now. With a big smile, he asked, "Will you be very long?" I smiled back and assured him I would not be. This man turned out to be part of the answer of my Novena. I have read sometimes of confessors who can see the hearts of their people. This priest was able to read mine. He gave me several words of encouragement but one concept that stands out is that he commented that I seemed like a joyous person and that I need not to hold back. I needed to share that joy with the world, despite the pain that I am feeling about a situation in my life. I almost fell off my chair when he said that because it is the very prayer I have been offering up. This was one of the best sacraments of reconciliation that I have received in a long time. He took his task very seriously, was insightful, and even managed to crack a joke or two.

The Lenten reflection today was entitled, Don't Act in Anger, and that was another confirmation of my Lenten journey. Nouwen writes "...give yourself time to remember who you are, to get things in perspective, to remember that the person who upset you is a beloved child. Return to your own belovedness." Food to live by: no regrets for moments lived thoughtlessly if you are living as attentively as you can.

The photo here is of the laughing Buddha in Chinatown here in Singapore. I thought of how much joy is needed sometimes for this journey and if I had a photo of the laughing Jesus I would have posted it.

Peace,

Suzanne

Exploring Singapore

I am loving Singapore! Yesterday, I spent the morning at the fabulous zoo, watching many creatures I had never seen in my life, like the white tiger. I like the zoo in some ways because it allows people to see animals that they might never see. On the other hand, I am not someone who thinks animals should live in caged surroundings. This zoo is a good compromise: it takes in some orphaned and injured animals and places them in open spaces without many barriers, instead depending on large cavities between the animal and the viewer to suffice in protecting both.

I had a wonderful dim sum lunch at the zoo before wandering through the African animals (lion, giraffe, zebra, and rhinos) exhibit. One day I will get back to my beloved Africa. There are many differences between the continents. The heat here is incredible due to the humidity. In Kenya, it was a scorching dry heat which I loved. The flora and fauna are similar but the people are different. I feel incredibly safe here. I do not have to fear being ogled or taken advantage of in any way. It is peaceful here. Walking around at night is possible and plausible. In Burundi and Nairobi, I never went out after dark. I have not see much poverty here either. It is a refreshing change and I can see why my friend is not sure she can return home.

I came home for a quick dip in the pool before heading to Chinatown to meet her at one of the Hindu temples. The noise and smells were intriguing as I watched some type of ritual of offering. I have never been in a temple and so am unfamiliar with the entire process. Food offerings litter the temple and my friend tells me that often there are rats at temples which made total sense to me.

From there we wandered through the stalls of Chinatown, both of us buying gifts. I rubbed the laughing Buddha’s belly. My friend has had several dozen visitors over her time here and so knows exactly when to have us pause and take a photo and where the best deals are in town. This makes the travel experience so simple. She has been amazingly gracious, planning my days of adventure as she heads to work. I am grateful.

Then we headed to a hawker area called Gluttony Bay, which is true to its name. We shared skewers of satay, rice, and for me, a new type of vegetable that looked like spinach and was doused in oyster oil that was incredibly tasty. Afterwards we wandered through the waterfront area with a magnificent colourful skyline. The Singapore Flyer, the new casino with the pool on the top floor, the durian-shaped theatre, and the Merlion (half fish, half lion) statue are famous, must-see landmarks. The Merlion is normally a white statue that was spewing coloured water and changing colours last night via a computer light show.

We then took a boat ride to the MRT (rapid transit system) and walked around a bit in an area full of bars. We stopped in at one and had a delicious mango margaritas that had a bit of a slurpee effect. I am enjoying all the fruit and the food in general here. I have been quite well while I traveled here. You can even drink the tap water.

It was an awesome day and I am ready for another adventure today, returning to this area, including shopping in Little India and other markets, going to a mosque, trying my hand at the Casino, and seeing how much this slow tourist can fit into one day. I have been moving at a leisurely pace most days here but hope to pick it up a wee bit today.

Peace,

Suzanne

Bukit Timah Nature Reserve

I only went out for a walk and finally concluded to stay out till sundown, for going out, I found, was really going in. ~John Muir

Yesterday I spent most of the day at Bukit Timah Nature Park and Reserve. I found myself lost in the beauty of the rainforest in the middle of a busy city, soaking in the colours and sounds. I saw animals I had never seen before, in particular the odd monitor lizard which seems out of place today--I imagine it lumbering around centuries ago, although it is small, but it reminds me of a mini-dinosaur.

The colours of the flowers were magnificent. I had never seen mangrove trees and there are spectacular. I saw the monkeys at the Reserve. They pretty much left me alone, keeping a watchful eye on me as I did them. I walked my feet off yesterday in weather that was humid and hot. I have grown a second layer of skin--moisture that is constantly with me.


Last night Celeste and I went out to one of the hawkers for supper--a mix of East Indian food and then for dessert Thai, a yummy mango sticky rice dish. Afterwards we went to the Canadian International School where she works for a musical entitled Pirates put on by the grades 4-6 classes. It was fun to see Celeste in her element, well-loved and highly engaged. I will return tonight with her for the official opening of the new school. She tells me that Cirque du Soleil will be performing.

Today I am late getting going so am not really sure how much I will do. I am heading downtown.

After yesterday's trek in nature, I do feel like I went inwards as I went out, quieting myself and finding myself in the stillness of a camera lens, one of my favourite things to do.

Peace,

Suzanne

Suzanne in Singapore

"Do you want to be made well?" ~ John 5:6

I have slept well after arriving in Singapore last evening. My friend Celeste picked me up from the airport and we arrived at her great little condo. After chatting a bit, we had supper and she oriented me a little to her life here. I was in bed at 11:00 pm and awoke fairly refreshed.

This morning, as I had promised myself I went poolside for the first part of the day. I did my morning readings there and the Gospel of John had the lame man wanting to be made well. As I lay in the sun, I could feel my soul stilling and I thought, "Yes, I do want to be made well on this trip." I have been so tired at home lately that this will be a good and necessary break. I have totally unplugged from work which on the one hand, feels weird not to be checking my Blackberry but it also feels wonderful to leave it all behind.

I will write about the Hong Kong part of the journey another time. For now, I am off to the Bukit Timah Nature Reserve.

Peace,

Suzanne

Hong Kong Bound!

"Would you mind changing seats?" ~ Air Canada Attendant

I had a great evening with friends Therese and Gilles in Vancouver, sharing a Vietnamese supper at a local restaurant to start my Asian adventure perfectly.

Now at the airport, I've answered the page. I am now seating in a different seat-just one row ahead of where I was so that a family can sit together. My hopes of being upgraded are dashed! Well, I did not really have them, but it does seem the flight is fuller than expected. The business class is completely full. Boarding information has begun. I will be on the plane and in the air in the next hour. Woohoo! Let the fun begin.

Peace,

Suzanne

Melting Ice

“Your ice will melt!” ~ Ferdinan

Yesterday during our conversation Ferdinan from Bali announced this when I said do I need to bring a sweater. “No!” came his enthusiastic response, “it is so hot your ice will melt.” I have packed accordingly. I am leaving for the airport momentarily.

Let the adventure begin!

Peace,

Suzanne

Living Without Regrets

May you live each day
With no regret
Make the most of every chance you get
Let your eyes get wide
When you look at the stars
With the same sense of wonder as a child's heart

~ Addison Road, lyrics from This Little Light of Mine

I heard this song as I pulled up in front of the Blue Moon where I was about to meet a Balinese man who works there. As I prepare to depart for Singapore and Bali, I love that I am embracing this principle. I want to live each day without regret and make the most of every chance I get. I do hope that as I travel around I will let my eyes get wide with awe and breathe in the moon (which should be full at some point in the journey) and stars, and have a heart of a child.

Ferdinan did not disappoint. He was a lovely man who laughed happily when he met me. My friend who owns Blue Moon told me he was waiting all week to meet me. If all Balinese are so joyous, I will come back transformed by the sheer happiness of my time with these people. He gave me his brother’s phone number and mentioned he works in the tourist industry so can get me to wherever I want to go. He then proceeded to draw a map of Bali and plunk in the spots he thought I should go to and how I could group them so that I could see everything in two days and still have two days to hang out in Ubud. He suggested seeing a Fire Dance, which is like a Balinese musical theatre story of the equivalent of Romeo and Juliet. He suggested going to see that in the south of Bali where you can sit on the cliff and have the ocean as your back drop. First, though, I should go snorkeling and after the Dance, I should have a seafood supper on the beach. I love it when I do not even have to think!

The other day he thought I should climb the volcano, going shopping for crafts, check out the elephant park where I can ride one through the rice paddies and jungle, and even stop at the deaf school. While in this particular spot, he is suggesting that I go to an Indonesian buffet. Sounds like fun to me!!

I am so grateful for this opportunity. Stay tuned for my Asian Adventures beginning soon right here!

Peace,

Suzanne

A Contrite Heart

“Be mindful of your mercy, O Lord, and of your steadfast love, for they have been from of old.” ~ Psalm 25

Yesterday’s readings were about having a contrite heart, forgiveness and mercy. As Lent proceeds and reconciliation services start, the contemplations held a hard truth for me. I have been struggling for some time with a situation where I have had incredible anger at a person. The reading from Henri Nouwen talked about accepting others and ourselves as broken as we are. In recognizing that everyone is broken, we can be freed from a burden and find our way back to the Light. The other commentary said that we withhold healing and power from the one who needs it when we refuse to forgive; yet if we grant it, we may still hold the power of being righteous or have moral superiority. That reading ended with this prayer: Lord, help me empty my heart of pride and fill it with mercy and generosity. Let it be so! None of us are free without the mercy and love of our great God.

Peace,

Suzanne

Tick Tock!

"I'd have to say Bali's my favorite place that I've visited." ~ Christopher Meloni

Countdown is on! Three more sleeps until I leave on my vacation. First stop is Vancouver, then Hong Kong, on to Singapore and finally to Bali before reversing that journey to arrive home.

I have to admit that I did not know who Christopher Meloni was when I saw this quote but after checking it turns out he is the guy from Law and Order, is a month and a few days older than me, and has a cool crucified Jesus tattoo on his arm. I am hoping he is a bit of a prophet. A colleague today told me that I will LOVE Bali.

I am getting excited. I think all the details are falling into place even though there is lots to do between now and Friday’s departure. This will be my last 50th hurrah and an opportunity to check Visit Asia off my life list. I think I have also done everything I set out to do in this 50th year--except maybe fall in love. I am not looking for an Eat, Love, Pray experience in Bali but my friend Celeste in Singapore tells me I should have FUN in Bali which translates into the first two verbs. Smile.

Peace,

Suzanne

Destination Nowhere

"And so after waiting patiently, Abraham received what was promised." ~
Hebrews 6:14-16

It has been a crazy weird day!! First of all, I woke up and was confused as to what day of the week it was. It felt like it should be Thursday. I had to double check that it was really Monday. I went to work and had a busy day. I got home and managed to call my dad for the results of his ultrasound and CAT scan. The good news/bad news scenario there is puzzling. The doctors still don’t know what the spot on his lungs or kidney are but it is not the C word. Dad for his part is frustrated because he continues to cough up blood and have to run to the bathroom often day and night. Sigh.

I went to the airport to catch a flight only to find out no flights had been flying most of the day. There was a backlog of four flights by the time I arrived. Freezing rain in March in the northern part of the province had wreaked havoc with the planes. After a three and a half hour wait, the flight was canceled. That still works out pretty good for me. I have enough over time booked from the wait that I can still have Thursday off hopefully to get a pedicure and do last minute trip things AND I have tomorrow night here at home to finish doing things. Win-win for me. Not so much though for the people anxious to get home tonight. I felt bad for them. I do feel like after waiting patiently, I still received a promise from God that all would be well—and for me it is. After a few moment of panic about needing to work on Thursday, I am pretty sure it will all work out. I will see what my boss says tomorrow.

Now I am home and I think I am just going to head to bed. It has been a crazy day.

Peace,

Suzanne

Thirsty

“Give me this water…” ~ Gospel of John

Today’s alternate gospel is the story of the Samaritan women at the well. In the heat of the day, she crept to the well because her personal shame kept her from joining others. Her “sinful” past caused her to be an outcast. Jesus met her where she did not want to be met, as we learned in the mission this past week.

He managed to go immediately to the heart of the matter and astound her with what he knew about her. She did not try to play games with him but admitted that what he said was true. Once she encountered Jesus, she was not the same. She told everyone about their encounter. Can you imagine the conversations that occurred? What exactly did she go home to the man with whom she was living and say to him? To the people who looked down their noses at her, how did she find the courage to tell of the marvelous man she had met? When we meet Jesus, everything can change. We become thirsty for the living water and so substitutes will do.

What has changed in your life because of Jesus?

Peace,

Suzanne

Jesus Tweeted Me

Jesus called me on my cell phone
No roaming charges were incurred
He told me that I should go out in the world
And spread His glorious word
~from The Calling, Altar Boyz

Friends and I went to the delightfully fun production of the Altar Boyz tonight. A unique spin on boy bands, these Catholic (and one Jewish) young men sing and dance their way through an hour and a half of songs and turmoil. Poking fun at how Catholics stand, sit and kneel through a mass or coming out as a Catholic who had been beaten by Episcopalian thugs were songs that had people chuckling.

Sexual innuendos spice up the play, including a song about abstinence. As in any musical theater paying attention to lyrics is important in order to understand the story line. In this play, you will find yourselves amused at the words.

Fun evening! Good friends, laughter, and a reminder to go out there and spread God’s word.

Peace,

Suzanne

Between Two Criminals

“Christ was not crucified on a cathedral altar between two candles but on a garbage dump between two criminals.” ~ Prison Ministry Brochure

Tonight I gave a talk at the Way of the Cross on the Prison Ministry that my church has been doing over the years. Here is part of what I said:

When preparing for this talk in the context of doing the Way of the Cross, I could not help but think of the slogan printed on the prison ministry brochure:
Christ was not crucified on a cathedral altar between two candles but on a garbage dump between two criminals.

The cross is a symbol of our faith. It points to hope, an assurance of God’s love and mercy, and proof of forgiveness. As Jesus is crucified, he is placed between two criminals. In Matthew’s Gospel, both men revile him. In Luke’s Gospel account, we see where one is repentant and open to Christ and the other hurls abuse at Him. The repentant one takes responsibility for what he has done and says they deserve to be there but Jesus does not. Sometimes in this ministry we encounter both types of men: One who is willing to admit the mistakes made and is looking for forgiveness and a new life; another who is not yet ready for change.

This ministry is primarily a ministry of presence. We are not there to evangelize or convert people. We are there to be a merciful, loving presence to men who have carried a cross and created crosses for others to bear, who have humiliated and been humiliated, and who have felt deserted and deserted others. Many prisoners do feel abandoned and forsaken as Christ did on the cross. They may have no support systems and few or no visitors. They may carry internal crosses that are challenging to see behind tough exteriors. Our volunteers stand at the foot of their crosses and listen to their agony some days. Other days, our volunteers need to be wise because some of these men do revile Christ and are not to be trusted. Some of these men have done horrible crimes for which they have not repented or show any remorse. Some of them will play mind games with our volunteers. I have been there. I have been conned by some of these guys. However, after a decade of doing the ministry, I believe that it is never too late to turn to Christ. The criminal who asked to be remembered in the Kingdom had only a few hours of life left. Each of these men deserves that chance.

Visiting these men in prison is not easy for many reasons, but it is the work of the kingdom and a blessing. I have seen both types of criminals. I remember one man who shot and killed his wife said he deserved to serve time. He never once took a stance of denial nor did he shift the blame elsewhere, despite being a victim of the violence of the residential schools which drove him to alcohol to block out the pain and eventually in a drunken rage he shot his wife to death. I know another who never tells that he hired someone to kill his wife. Both men deserve God’s love and mercy. Both men need to have someone show them the road to hope and forgiveness. Both men need someone to help them carry their cross until they realize that the road they walk on can offer healing. Please pray for the ministry and the inmates.

Peace,

Suzanne

Wherever You Go

“Rabbis say that one reason that Ruth is revered is that she teaches us that God will stick with us.” ~ Sr. Bernadette at tonight’s Lenten Mission

The last night of the mission was based on the famous and beautiful reading from the Book of Ruth. Ruth will go wherever her mother-in-law will go. She cannot be alone. She must be in community. She has become interdependent. The theme of the mission has moved from independence to dependence to interdependence. Community life requires interdependence.

When we commit ourselves to community, we experience Mystery. We must learn to trust each other and the God who calls us into community. We stick together, like Ruth does with Naomi. The choice of this reading was beautiful on International Women’s Day. The presenters could have chosen a number of Scripture passages to comment on being faithful to God in community, of being woven together in relationship, but they chose one of two women on this day.

Fr. Larry suggested that that there were three ways to relate to God: pleasing, appeasing and squeezing. He gave the example of Peter not wanting to have his feet washed: were his feet too dirty or not dirty enough? What pulled him out of his comfort zone? Christ will ask much of you and He will wash your feet, your hands, your memories and anything else that is required in order for you to become the hands, feet, body, smile and gestures of Christ. We depend on God to give us gifts and God depends equally upon us to use them.

He suggested that we put our gifts together: family, friends, Church…find your gifts and don’t put your gifts on a shelf, he joked, as that would be “shelfish.” What I have been given is not just for me.

The reflection questions had to do with remembering experiences of God sticking to us. I have lots of those. In Ignatian terms these are moments of graced history. I look back over my life and see that God has been present and gracious. I am grateful for this mission. I came as a thirsty person in the desert and left happy to have gulped at the spring of water.

Peace,

Suzanne

In the Potter's Hands

“A candle alone is useless; it needs a spark to fulfill its mission.”~ from tonight’s parish Lenten mission

Night two of our annual parish Lenten Mission had the reading from Jeremiah about the clay and Potter. Clay has a beauty of its own. It can be shaped and formed and yet is its own substance. Clay can fall apart and be reshaped. Clay can resist it is not passive. God can and does recreate us in the midst of trials.

Bernadette talked about Jacob wrestling with God and planted the thought that some think he was really wrestling with his own identity and God named it Israel. Now Jacob is no longer a phony Esau or ashamed of who he is. Now God gives him a title and he can live fully into who he is as a leader. Later Fr. Larry would challenge us with a litany of questions about who names us, why do we allow that, what negative names are we known by, etc. He used his own example of being defined as a man who is blind rather than a blind man. Do we define ourselves by adjectives? He also asked what name does Jesus give you. I have to contemplate that one a wee bit and see but I do hear the echo from the story, The Tree That Survived the Winter: I am called Faithful.

Using the lilies of the field Scripture reference, Fr. Larry suggested that it is not always easy to depend on God. He encouraged us to reach for things that help you be who you are, letting your name as Child of God slowly be revealed to you. Jesus alone gives you a name that you can really live with and not hide from.

Bernadette added that Jesus met people where they would rather not be met—citing characters like Zacchaeus and the Samaritan woman. He named them and then he sent them. How many times has Jesus met you in a place where you would rather not be seen? I can think of a number of times this has happened to me.

I had a funny experience during the reflection questions. In the first one, I was to picture myself as how I respond to the Potter’s hands at this point in my life. I kept self-imploding. The Potter would begin to create a vessel and then it would collapse. This happened several times. It could be because of my own weariness that I could not sustain my shape but upon reflection it felt more like a refusal to be the vessel that God was trying to create. The next reflection question was regarding praying with the value that God has given me. As I closed my eyes to contemplate this, an image came to me of a magnificently shaped pot—the one from the first question that I refused to become. I must admit that its beauty took my breath away. Something inside of me longs to be that creation.

Before the closing ritual, Fr. Larry asked who have you helped God to create. I thought of a conversation earlier that day with someone when I talked about the number of people who have helped to shape me in this parish and spoke of the number of people who I have helped to use their gifts there because of my own experience of being welcomed and called. I felt affirmed as a co-creator.

The ritual tonight had to do with lighting a candle—I suppose to illustrate dependency, as seen in tonight’s quote. We were to light our taper candles and say aloud, “ Let me be filled with your Light and shine.” I do want to be filled with the Light of God and shine brightly for all to see. As my flame feels slightly diminished, I pray that it can be fanned into a light that attracts many to the one Light who conquers the darkness.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reckless!

“Incompleteness is a blessing, a human blessing, a reality that allows us to reach beyond what we have to the Giver.” -Larry Gillick, sj

Tonight was our parish Lenten mission, led by my friend Sr. Bernadette O’Reilly and her friend, Fr. Larry Gillick who is a blind Jesuit working out of Creighton College and does amazing work with the Spiritual Exercises. I have been looking forward to this like a person in a desert waits to stumble upon a spring of water. I was not disappointed.

Larry opened up after a bit of humour with the desire to have “give-ups” or “want-to-dos” during Lent. He suggested that maybe we should give up picking on ourselves. The theme developed a little into thinking about entitlement and independence. The North America culture values independence to the point that we forget we depend on God. We believe that we can become so independent and strong that we no longer understand we need and have a Saviour.

Bernadette told a story of how when she was going on a retreat that a friend suggested that she pray about how she had been so reckless with her spirit and then her director told her during the retreat that she had squandered her inheritance. Ouch!! That rang true for me. I am pretty much exhausted right now and have told my friend in Singapore that I will probably spend the first two days sleeping by her pool so not to worry about entertaining me. I am tired physically and emotionally.

She said most of us in the Prodigal Son story are not that son (most of us do not have the courage to be that bad) or the father (we are not capable of that much generosity); we are the older son who has a sense of entitlement. Entitlement is the sin of our North American culture. We lose sight of the sense that our life is a gift and gratitude fights against entitlement. We must live gratefully. Larry says that we become reckless when we develop a sense of entitlement.

I am feeling reckless right now. I had jokingly said that I was giving up going to bed late during Lent but if you look at the hour of this posting you will see I am failing miserably at that tonight. I am going to return to the mission tomorrow and see what other precious information I can glean.

I had a couple of profound moments at the end of the retreat. We closed with a ritual of clenching our fists and then opening them during a song, Be Still and Know. I could not open my hands—I did not want to let go of what I am clinging to. Very telling! It actually surprised me greatly. The other incident was a conversation with someone I have been meaning to have since Christmas Eve. I found that too very revealing. I pry open my hands and promise myself I will return tomorrow.


Peace,

Suzanne

What is Your Isaac?

“God said, ‘Take your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains that I will show you.’” ~ Genesis 22:2

The daily readings were difficult ones today. Most of us do not understand the test God lays before Abraham. Why would a loving God request that a father sacrifice his only son after promising that his descendents would number more than the sand on the shore or the stars in the sky? The kind of God who would sacrifice an only Son would make such a request.

Those of us who claim to put God first in our lives oftentimes have a whole host of things on a list that puts God second, third, twentieth—a loved one, a career, stability, health, pride, stubbornness, loneliness, addictions, fears all win out over God most days. We know that God will forgive us and keep us in a grasp from which we cannot wiggle out and so we are not put to the test most days.

The second reading says that nothing will keep us from the love of the Christ: no hardship, no distress, no famine. Christ will still love us but will we still love Christ when these perils come? In the Gospel of the Transfiguration, we see that the disciples want to make God first in their lives having seen what happened to Jesus. They will build tents and live on the mountaintop forever at that moment.

Most of us cannot sustain the mountaintop moment. I have many Isaacs in my life—more than I am willing to admit. I realize this when I figure out how unbalanced my life has become. When I cannot find time to pray, when I lose the desire to go to mass, when I am too tired to think straight, I have gone too far and too long without God. I need to dump my pride, my ambition, my desires, and my needs on an altar and pull out the knife.

I know that in that moment God will intervene because God knows that my desire is to serve God even if I am off track or overwhelmed and tempted by the world. I used to spend much more time on mountaintops. I got very comfortable in my pews for several years with a pastor who kept me fed more than I acknowledged. There was no need to go elsewhere. I am hoping that while I am on vacation that I may find my centre again and return home at peace.

In the Spiritual Exercises, we pray this prayer and the grace to live it out:

Take, Lord, and Receive

Take, Lord, and receive all my liberty, my memory,
my understanding, and my entire will.
All I have and call my own.
Whatever I have or hold, you have given me.
I return it all to you and surrender it wholly
to be governed by your will.
Give me only your love and your grace
and I am rich enough and ask for nothing more.


What about you, who or what is your Isaac and how does it set you off the right path?

Peace,

Suzanne

The Enemy is Within

“But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” ~ Matthew 5:44

This is one of those challenging statements that Jesus places before us. Some people like Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr., and others lived this out so I know it is possible. This Lent I have been praying for my “enemies” and I have noticed a softening. The Spirit is a’ moving!

Today though I could not help but feel a deep sadness when visiting a friend at a hospice. As we chatted, I could see when there were moments of clarity and when there were moments of confusion. What do you do when the enemy is yourself? I realize she was not totally of aware of her confusion but still when she was I could see the emotional pain. I carefully steered her away from minefields, handed her a tissue when tears came, changed the topic and brought back a smile to her face, and responded to the same concerns a few times knowing full well that she had no recollection of having the conversation a few moments earlier.

I smiled as she introduced me to the worker as “an old friend” but nodded because we have known each other half of my life. I met her 25 years ago. When she named the former spouses of her children as current, I gently inserted the correct name into my response and she did not react. When she insisted that her daughter and first husband had moved into the basement suite of the hospice, I mentioned that it was wonderful that her children could spend so much time with her. When she said that no one from our parish but one of the priests had been by to visit, I pulled out the guest book and watched her forget her loneliness by reading the names of those who had been by in the six days in which she had moved into her new surroundings. I signed in so that people would let her know that I too had stopped by and left her watching the men’s curling game.

What will aging look like for me? Will I be like Gram who had her mind clear but her body limited or more like her siblings who for the most part were confused like my old friend? I watch my parents struggle with so many aches and pains and know that the potential for the enemy being within is strong. As the Gospel reading continues, we learn that God makes his sun to rise on the evil and on the good. How you live your life is not a guarantee that the end days will be easy. My friend served the church for most of her life. I brought her the Eucharist this afternoon and her eyes lit up when I asked if she would like to receive it. She even read the parts in the book that I should have read, and I let her, smiling in her enthusiasm. In her struggles, she still has an anchor. As the psalmist sings, “Happy are those who seek God with their whole heart.”

Peace,

Suzanne

The Examen

"I have a lovely habit: at night in my prayers I touch everyone I have seen that day.” ~ St. Teresa of Avila

The Spiritual Exercises have brought much depth to my life. One feature that I love is the Examen. At the end of the day (usually though it can be at the beginning for the previous day), one runs through in their mind, their entire day to see where God was present and where one noticed God or not.

This lovely little quote from St. Teresa is another spin on that habit. Bless each person who you encountered that day. I might have to add that to my routine this Lent.

Peace,

Suzanne