Two Standards

Give me only your love and your grace, that is enough for me. ~ St. Ignatius of Loyola

Tonight I taught again in the preparation retreat for the Spiritual Exercises. This concept was a little more difficult to explain than contemplation. The Two Standards is an amazing image of discernment and the struggle to always choose the Light, and not be deceived by the Evil One. Sometimes when a choice is placed before us, it is easy to see the Darkness: cheat on the exam or not, steal the item that is sitting out in the open or walk away without it, commit adultery or be faithful. No brainers for the most part, right?

The tricky part is when something looks good and pure but if you chip away at the surface, you discover it is not. Egos are funny things. We need stroking and pride takes control of our senses instead of love. We need fame and God intervenes with humility while Satan goads us on to conceit. We need security and do not step out in faith, instead hanging back and not using our gifts. These are all destructive patterns.

If we, like Ignatius, could see that we really have everything with God’s love and grace, then how different would we be? What choices would be made more freely? What attachments would be discard? What joy would bubble within?

Take Lord, receive. Give me only your love and your grace. These must be enough for me.

Peace,

Suzanne

What Do You Believe?

I believed it was an angel speaking to me, and I had the will to believe. ~ Jeanne d'Arc

Today is the Feast Day of St. Joan of Arc. She is a historical figure whose story has to inspire. Burned at the stake 570 years ago today, she had unwavering faith and belief in God. As I read through some of her story tonight, I could not help but think of Louis Riel and his passion for his people and God as well. Ah, maybe there is something about the French?

On the way home from work, I stopped at the Chemin Neuf House and they reminded me it was the Feast Day during evening prayer. I have seen movies on Joan of Arc and I remember thinking how brave she was and how much she loved God.

When the mystical happens, it is easy to disregard it. How many of us would believe an angel was speaking directly to us if today it happened? We would probably be skeptical if we read about it in the news, too. Joan’s unwavering faith as she was grilled by the powers of the day is inspiring. She serves as a grand role model for believing in herself as a child of God despite the slings and arrows of the day. Given one short life, she is acknowledged still today as someone who changed the course of history in France and who continues to touch hearts. Do we have the will to believe that angels speak to us?

The Maid of Heaven had another quote that resonates within me:

One life is all we have and we live it as we believe in living it. But to sacrifice what you are and to live without belief, that is a fate more terrible than dying.

How are you living your life? What belief guides you?

Peace,

Suzanne

Busy Day!!

Life is partly what we make it, and partly what it is made by the friends we choose. ~ Tennessee Williams

This weekend was insanely busy. It is after 11:00 and I should be sound asleep so I will try to keep this brief. I had a lot of things to do and many more that did not get done. I am not quite sure where the time went but today every appointment I had was extended, snapping up laundry and cleaning time.

However, what I want to talk about is that today is a day full of celebrations. I spent part of it with my friend Diane who celebrated a birthday today. Mom to my goddaughter, she invited me to Kess’ dance recital, which was fantastic. Kess loves this dance studio, which is more about acrobatics and aerial work. Like me, she loves to hang upside down. It makes me think of climbing trees in my youth. I really think I would have loved this form of dance.

Today is also my friend Lauralee’s birthday and my friends, Lori and Larry’s anniversary. Marlisa, I discovered via Facebook also have a birthday today. Wow!! That is a lot of people to celebrate in one day but I wouldn’t trade any of them for the world.

I had a much longer blog planned but I am falling asleep at the keyboard so off I go to bed!

Peace,

Suzanne

One Hundred and Fifty!

Discipline is the refining fire by which talent becomes ability. ~ Roy L. Smith

Wow!! I have been writing for 150 days. That is pretty exciting. I was not sure when I started this if I would actually be this disciplined. I have done fairly well, I think.

My readership is quite varied. Since the beginning 10 countries have logged on more than once. Naturally, Canada leads the way, with the United States and Singapore following. There are a few surprises: Denmark has a faithful reader but I am not sure who that would be. Denmark and Germany are neck and neck though but at least I know I have one friend in Berlin who might tune in occasionally. Someone in Russia also has read the blog as many times as someone in Iran. The United Arab Emirates and Australia have logged two readers each. The one time friends or curious spectators are not logged in from Palestine, China, India, Malaysia and Norway.

I have found this experience helpful for my writing skills but also it does help to clear my head some days. The daily routine is a refining fire in that way. I also am enjoying posting some of my photographs for people to enjoy. I have always wanted to give those skills more exposure too. All in all, I am pleased with the experience. I hope you are finding it an opportunity to think about your own life, too, and to think about how you are living the gift given.

Peace,

Suzanne

The Joys (?) of 50?

Mammograms are really sort of a gift. You can either catch something early or count your lucky stars because nothing was discovered. Either way, you're ahead of the game. ~ Charlotte Ross

Today I went for my first mammogram test. When I signed in, the receptionist asked if I had been tested for colon cancer. Ah, the joys of turning 50!

I decided to take the little kit for the second test and mail it in later. Better safe than sorry, I thought.

For the mammogram, I did not really know what to expect. My mom said it is a very painful test. Friends were mixed--some detest it; others say it is painless. Well, painless does not really describe it. The discomfort is short lived to be sure. Having had a number of friends who have had breast cancer and survived, I can tell you that the discomfort is worth it.

Fifty or above? Take the tests!

Peace,

Suzanne

The Proof is in the Living

I don't have to prove my life. I just have to live. ~ Daniel Berrigan


I met Daniel Berrigan in 1989 at Kirkridge Retreat Centre. I drove up from Washington, DC, where I was living in the Sojourners Community, with some folks who were part of Philip Berrigan’s Jonah House Community in Baltimore and a young John Dear. That retreat still ruminates in my mind and soul for its richness on many levels. I met some amazing people that weekend who were living their lives out loud. They were not hiding their lights under a bushel.

Today was a day of living, no proof required. I had an excellent day at a school. I bought some fabulous purple shoes (OK, I digress here!). I attended a BBQ for the graduates of the four-year ASL-English Interpretation Program. I ran a meeting to talk about the contributions made by the Canadian Jesuits who celebrate 400 years of Canadian history this year.

I think of Daniel Berrigan as a real Jesuit. One who is so deeply immersed in social justice that his commitment is frightening to emulate, and yet John Dear, now older, has chosen to walk that path too. Our group discussion tonight was enlightening. What does the word mission mean to people today? What is its relevance? How do we live our faith beyond the Sunday mass? How can Jesuits collaborate with the laity to lessen inequities in our world? All excellent and meaty questions unlike meetings held previously in the week

These discussions help me to prepare for the Congress in Midland in July. The meeting tonight has raised the anticipation factor for me. I look forward to the dialogue that will happen in July with collaborators and Jesuits alike. I sense I am standing at an important juncture and am excited about being able to represent the people in the pews and my faith.

The proof is in the living. Live accordingly.

Peace,

Suzanne

The Meat of Meetings

People who enjoy meetings should not be in charge of anything. ~ Thomas Sowell

In the past two days I have been in about ten meetings, maybe more. UGH! Some of them were quite productive but many just made me want to bang my head against the wall. I do not enjoy any of these meetings. They are not particularly well run (and I ran at least one of them so I am not casting stones) nor are they enlightening.

They are time-consuming, boring, and endless. Where is the meat of these meetings? I must be ready for summer break because I am not usually this grumpy.

Peace,

Suzanne

Fulfill Your Potential

In all realms of life it takes courage to stretch your limits, express your power, and fulfill your potential... ~ Suze Orman

Tonight I taught for the first time in the Spiritual Exercises preparatory sessions. We are losing our spiritual guru to a new posting in the East and thus the lay collaborators are being thrust into the role of teacher. My topic was Contemplation. I did so well that they asked me to do next week too but the topic is way more challenging—the Two Standards. I feel those limits stretching. Yikes!!

During the small group sessions, the directors met and the guru priest spoke about how St. Ignatius “stalked” people he thought should do the Exercises because they would be better able to give back to the world once they had completed them. Our coordinator said that sounded just like Fr. English, the Jesuit who did a lot of training of directors before he died a number of years ago. I concurred with laughter because he chased me for a long time before I finally caved in and took the training to be a director.

What I did not know at the time was that becoming a spiritual director for the 19th Annotation would help me fulfill my potential and express my power, although I would not call it that….I would use spiritual gifts—which are full of power. I think I can guide people to God and they can have a profound encounter. I can help them discern what happened and help them to see God’s love and mercy.

With the teaching aspect, I was surprised tonight by my own ability to incorporate the feedback and revamp the talk relatively immediately. The coordinator wondered if I was a teacher. I am not but I certainly do a lot of teaching or instructing so handling the questions came easier to me than others. I think that is the part that scares people. As a bonus, I finished 20 minutes earlier than the guru does. That made people happy.

Two standards…I am going to stand under Christ’s flagpole and stretch my limits, express my spiritual gifts, and fulfill my potential. Scary stuff but I am ready to try it out.

Peace,

Suzanne

Satisfaction

If you can't feed a hundred people, then just feed one. ~ Mother Teresa

I was thinking about the children in DR Congo today. Yesterday, another $100 came in which made me very happy. For sure, $2500 has been raised for children whose mothers have been raped and had to abandon them or face disgrace in their communities.

The campaign will run until the end of May so there is a possibility of raising more. I was speaking to a friend in Vancouver today and saying that my birthday had to be about more than just me. This fundraising effort is bigger than me. I won’t know what the impact of this gift will be. I know that besides the money, I raised awareness of what is going on in the DRC and that has been important to me.

I may not feed a hundred people with my efforts but I know I have fed more than just one.

Peace,

Suzanne

Play at Any Age

We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing. ~ George Bernard Shaw

I think it is important to play. Yesterday, I watched one of the daughter’s of one of the members of the Chemin Neuf prayer group play as the adults worked. All it took was a simple laundry basket to transform her world. She forced me to be less serious about the task, to stop and join in the fun, and to laugh out loud at her silly antics.

I was trying to remember when the last time was that I played. I am not a humourless adult but I do not really play. I re-create. I leisure. I do activities. I laugh. But play? Hmmmm….I guess the last time I played might have been at the March Wellness Day I planned at work when I did Taiko drumming. That felt like playing. Play, when I looked up the definition, means to occupy oneself in amusement, sport, or other recreation. I guess I do that. Last week’s Storytelling Festival was play, especially the afternoon workshop.

As a kid, I played Tag, Kick the Can, Hide and Seek, Red Light/Green Light, Statues, What Time is it, Mister Wolf?, and other children’s games. I played with Barbie dolls. The neighbourhood children played Cops and Robbers and Cowboys and Indians. We recreated Dark Shadows and Elvis Presley movies. My brother was always Elvis and I think he also was always Barnabas, the Vampire protaganist in Dark Shadows (an afternoon soap opera about vampires, witches, and werewolves, long before Twilight or Vampire Diaries). It is funny but I don't remember my parts so much, maybe because the women's roles were not so exciting back then. We were so creative. I played all sorts of sports with my brother and his friends: baseball, football, and hockey. Dad always flooded the back yard in the winter to create a skating rink. In the summer, much to my mother’s chagrin, I climbed trees. I rode my bike. Play was endless.

Now I have to think hard about play in the active sense. Our family often played card games. When I was in Kelowna this spring, I rediscovered Cribbage which was fun (especially when I won!). Of course, when I was clowning, play was much more evident in my life.

However, I can find that playful spirit quite easily and certainly encourage it in others. This little walking laundry basket giggled at me and felt free to be herself. Play is important. Find some time soon!

Peace,

Suzanne

Investing in Old Friends

One of the greatest titles we can have is "old friend". We never appreciate how important old friends are until we are older. The problem is we need to start our old friendships when we are young. We then have to nurture and grow those friendships over our middle age when a busy life and changing geographies can cause us to neglect those friends. Today is the day to invest in those people we hope will call us 'old friend" in the years to come. ~ Grant Fairley

Today was a busy Saturday. It started with going to church to meet my retreatant. Afterwards, I ran into two other spiritual directors. We had a good chat as we were either arriving or preparing to leave. I like getting to know one of them in particular who is a positive person and deeply rooted in Ignatian spirituality. We began to discuss what the director group might look like without a priest at the helm since we are losing two of the Jesuits to other cities over the summer. Lay leadership seems to be a strong possibility since a number of us have now been here longer than the Jesuits who have been our guide. I look forward to getting to know these folks better and collaborating with them. I do hope to call these people “old friends” in the future.

From there I went to help old friends move. This couple has moved back to Winnipeg to start a Chemin Neuf Community here and today took possession of the former St. Charles Retreat Centre run by the Oblate Sisters. I arrived after the moving truck had left and all the boxes were unloaded. Apparently I arrived in perfect time for lunch! I was able to help move boxes, make a bed, fill a linen closet, and take some photos of this historical event.

I was able to stop at home for about half an hour before meeting two of my long-time friends for yet another birthday supper. We met at an Ethiopian Restaurant downtown for a tasty meal, eaten with Injera bread and no utensils. We had no idea what we were eating as we shared a platter of veggies, beef, chicken, lamb, and egg.

I sipped a spiced tea as we continued chatting after devouring the shared meal. After updating each other on our lives, our conversations bounced all over the map as they usually do. I learn so much from and value greatly these women. We have invested well in one another’s lives. We have busy lives and it would be easy to neglect the friendship but we always manage to find time to celebrate milestones, to check in with one another, and to nurture our spirits with our tales. Tonight we were celebrating me but we could easily have been rejoicing over the one who will soon have walked on this earth for three-quarters of a century. That too is a significant milestone.

The above quote is good but I think I have appreciated how important my friends are early in life. I have known for a long time how blessed I am because my friends are scattered all over the globe and I try not to neglect them. I have a pretty healthy bank account in this investment. How about your investments? Are you in overdraft or do you have enough to cover your retirement days?

Peace,

Suzanne

Princess and a Pea

we've had an opening for a princess
who's good enough,
nice enough,
sweet enough,
smart enough,
rich enough for our poor prince
~ From Opening for a Princess, Once Upon a Mattress

Tonight I went to see my goddaughter in her debut in a high school musical. She was one of the milkmaids and did a brilliant job!! No bias on my part. The school did great. The play was funny and the leading female role, Princess Fred, had a strong voice and was a convincing actress.

I am sure every parent is like the Queen who decided no one would ever be good enough for her child. Even as a godmom, I wonder who is good enough, nice enough, sweet enough, etc for my goddaughter. She seems pretty happy right now with her beau.

I am very proud of her tonight, even if she did roll her eyes when I took her photo.

Peace,

Suzanne

Lunch Break

The time to relax is when you don't have time for it. ~ Unknown

I was away in the country for a few days and I feel as if I have had a vacation even though I was working. I took time to go on walks each day. Today I ended up walking to a lake on my lunch hour. I did not really have the time. I could have worked through lunch as I do on most days but it was such a sunny and warm day that I just set out. I even turned down an invite from the resource teacher to join her for lunch. When I said I was going to go for a walk instead, she totally understood, encouraging me since she knew I had a three-hour drive home.

To my great delight, I came upon a park bench at the end of the road overlooking a lake. I sat there in the sun, just breathing. It felt FANTASTIC! I wished I had that view every day. I also wondered why I had never found this spot in the many years I have been coming to that school. Never too late, I suppose.

I should really take more lunch breaks…how about you?

Peace,

Suzanne

Angel Whisperings

If you are seeking creative ideas, go out walking. Angels whisper to a man when he goes for a walk. ~ Raymond Inmon

I am just in from a walk in the country. An hour worth of clearing my head and slowing down is what it really was. I brought along my camera and snapped pictures. I love watching the evening light transform the environment. The greens of spring have started springing up--a thousand shades of green.

This was the first time walking this year and the birds serenaded me. How lovely!! I soaked it all in and came back serene. Nice way to end a day! I need to take more time to listen to angel whisperings.

Peace,

Suzanne

Feminism

If we can send a man to the moon, then why don't we send a woman?
Kylie Bax

I have had an interesting day. I am in small town Manitoba where feminism is not a word you would hear often. I did hear it today. I hope women here know that the world is theirs...and even the moon!!! There is a lot of struggle to find identity here. I sometimes see acts of rebellion, subtle but wonderful. The journey to the moon can be long for some of us, but once we've been there, ain't no way you settle for less.

Peace,

Suzanne

Flood Fears

Are you upset little friend? Have you been lying awake worrying? Well, don't worry...I'm here. The flood waters will recede, the famine will end, the sun will shine tomorrow, and I will always be here to take care of you. ~ Charlie Brown to Snoopy

Today I drove through Brandon, which is at risk of flooding in places. The Kia dealership had no cars in the lot. The Montana Restaurant as you can see in the photo is closed and surrounded by sandbags.

There is an eerie ghost town feeling about the area. The water has spilled over the banks of the Assiniboine River and has covered large areas. Families are evacuated. Everyone waits to hear what is going to happen. People are lying awake worrying, wondering when the floodwaters will recede. They are at least glad that the sun is shining but beginning tomorrow the winds will pick up and that may have a negative effect on the whole flood thing.

Let’s take care of each other during this time. Help out where you can. Find a Charlie Brown to get through the uncertainty.

Peace,

Suzanne

Coins for Congo

After a heartbreaking morning of hearing the tales of the refugees directly, I was asked to give a word of encouragement. I stood up reluctantly. What on earth could I offer to these people as a sign of God’s hope and love? ~ Suzanne St. Yves, newsletter article

It is now over two years since I returned from Africa but today my parish is doing a coin collection for Naomi Foundation in Eastern DR Congo. Naomi Foundation takes in children whose mothers have been raped by either the militray or rebel factions and then have been forced to give up their babies due to the stigma of the crime. I have spoken at all but one mass this weekend. I have one left tonight.

The chair of the refugee committee and I have done an initial count of the coins collected for three of the six masses. Approximately $900 has been raised for the Foundation. This is great news. The idea to assist came out of my dilemma when I visited the camp. What could I offer these internally displaced people as a sign of God’s hope and love?

Really, this weekend I have received much peace at the comments people have made leaving the church. One woman this morning said that she had no idea this was going on in our world. Another man, who may have been an African, said I had no idea what good I was really doing and that God will bless me for it. My response was that God already has. I made one woman tear up as I spoke. Little children came with fistfuls of money to plunk into the buckets. A few women opened up their change purses and shook the entire contents into the pails. One elderly woman last night mentioned that she gave everything she had but kept only a penny for herself. I was so grateful at this response from my parish. I know we have good hearts within our pews and that is a worthy cause.

I have also been blessed by the birthday wishes and the number of people who have said, as they drop in their coins, that I do not look fifty. What does 50 really look like anyway? This weekend will end the campaign that I launched in conjunction with my birthday for Naomi Foundation but I hope it continues and provides good support to the organization and the children who desperately need our help.

Peace,

Suzanne

The Power of a Story

Storytelling is the most powerful way to put ideas into the world today. ~
Robert McAfee Brown

I spent most of this day listening to stories. I met with a retreatant this morning who told me her sacred story. I am still amazed at what I heard. In the afternoon, I went to a workshop by the Amani People’s Theatre, which was part of the Annual Winnipeg International Storytelling Festival this weekend. This was a hands-on workshop from two men from Kenya (Amani means peace in Swahili) that used theatre to tell stories of conflict resolution. From there I went to church to tell part of my own story about raising funds for Naomi Foundation in DR Congo. After that, I returned to the Storytelling Festival for the closing concert which featured eight storytellers from all over the globe: Canada, the USA, Ireland, and Kenya.

The evening show began with a telling of an Aesop’s Fable, The Lion and the Mouse, an entertaining and participatory telling of the classic tale about kindness conquering fear and prejudice. A Metis woman told a story about residential schools. The Kenyan men sang and acted out a story about an African man who forgets the blessings received. A local teacher had the audience laughing at the bum clock story and the princess who refused to laugh. An American Aboriginal woman held us spellbound at the story of the Strange One while the Irish woman reminded us that perspective is everything.

I LOVE good stories, whether they are written, acted, sung, told, or danced. Listening tonight I felt stirring within me the joy of words and their meanings. Storytelling is indeed one of the most powerful ways to put forth our ideas and influence others. There is nothing more captivating to me than listening to a good story. The writer in me, perhaps even the latent storyteller, rejoices at the telling of a good tale.

Perhaps that is what this blog is really about….the telling of my story. How are you choosing to tell your story?

Peace,

Suzanne

Control Freak??

I do not want to foresee the future. I am concerned with taking care of the present. God has given me no control over the moment following. ~ Mohandas Gandhi

Ok, so I have been faithful in trying to post daily since starting this blog. You can imagine my dismay last night when I tried to log in and discovered that I was locked out as blogger worked on some issues. But, but, but!! I could not even argue with anyone. ARG!!! How frustrating was that? So I could not post yesterday.

I had an interesting day and was excited to sit down and tell you about it. I was in Portage La Prairie where tensions are high because of potential flooding due to the planned or unplanned breach of the dikes in the area. I sat and listened as the teacher explained to the children what would happen and what it might look like. The students responded by telling stories of which relatives or friends live in the area. Some of the staff and students were making lunches for sandbaggers and those who were being evacuated. Guess all that had to wait until today.

We cannot foresee the future and we must concentrate on the present moment. We need to let go of our own needs and desires. Hand it all over to God. Trust that all is well, even if you miss your blog posting because of technology. It seems so small in the light of hundreds of families losing their homes tomorrow when the dike is breached. Pray for them.

Peace,

Suzanne

Birthdays: Blessings or Curses??

Who would not glorify your name, O my Father, for you only are holy? ~ line in Great and Wonderful, a Chemin Neuf song

Tonight was yet another birthday gathering. This time it was with my Chemin Neuf group. Maria and Xavier hosted a delicious Mexican-style supper, Rick brought a tasty Caesar salad, and Nancy baked a yummy carrot cake. This time I have no photo of me eating the cake. Sorry!!

The question that we answered tonight when we settled into the prayer part of the evening had to do with birthdays—whether we embraced them or not, and how faith fit into that decision. I admitted that my birthday seemed bigger than me. My celebrations are about the journey I have had with the people and the places in my life. I feel so blessed. I have looked at this jubilee year with joy and planned to immerse myself in God’s creation while in Alaska, still myself to hear God’s voice on retreat in Midland, and serve God by collecting funds for abandoned children in DR Congo.

I mentioned that the Jesuits have influenced me by opening my eyes to God in all things. My sister’s death makes me realize that I have been given the gift of twice as many years as her. I am grateful. How can I not glorify your name, O God?

Peace,

Suzanne

The Colour Purple

I think it pisses God off when you walk by the colour purple in a field and don't notice it.
~ Shug in Alice Walker's The Colour Purple

It is no secret that purple is a favourite colour of mine. My friend Susanne knows it. This is a photo of her taken after a shopping spree in NYC. She loves to ballroom dance and bought this very elegant dress. I also bought a sexy, black dress in NYC that weekend. Susanne and I spent a year together with Sojourners Community in Washington, DC back in the late 1980’s. We shared a name, a room and a love of traveling. We spent as many weekends as we could sightseeing and exploring the area.

Yesterday her birthday package arrived.

She knows me well. The purple contents were a delight. A shawl, an evening bag, a floral clip, and necklace will be well used on my Alaskan cruise for the suppers, and at formal events elsewhere.

I am grateful for many of my friendships that span years—two, three, and four decades. Susanne is just one of my dear friends who remain in my life. We have met around the world: Germany, France, Maine, and Florida. As she also turns 50 later this year, I hope that our paths can cross to celebrate this milestone together in person. I think God does get annoyed when we don’t notice the beauty in front of us, whether that is the colour purple in a field or the soul of a person who blesses us. In trying to live more attentively, I am keeping my eyes peeled for beauty and joy. Ain’t no way I want to piss off God by not noticing it.

Peace,

Suzanne

A Pure Diamond

This little point of nothingness and of absolute poverty
is the pure glory of God in us.

It is like a pure diamond, blazing with the invisible light of heaven.
It is in everybody, and if we could see it
we would see these billions of points of light
coming together in the face and blaze of a sun
that would make all the darkness and cruelty of life vanish completely.

~Thomas Merton, The Center of Self

I share a birthday with a friend of mine who lives on the East Coast. He sent me a couple of pieces of Merton’s writings for my birthday. I loved the image of a tiny pinprick of nothingness that shone like a pure diamond, dazzled with that sacred, secret light of Heaven living within each of us. This glory of God makes all things new, all things whole, and all things pure. What if we could see it? How marvelous that would be?

I got a glimpse of that glory on Saturday night as my friends shared their love for me. I knew they were seeing me with the eyes of God, reflecting back to me parts of me that are invisible to me. They made my poverty of spirit and self vanish completely. For all those times when Evil wins at chipping away at my self esteem, they gave me a billion lights to see my soul and my 50 years in ways that I could not. It was a little bit like watching my own, “It’s a Wonderful Life.” I am blessed.

Peace,

Suzanne

Happy to Be Me

This is my life. It is my one time to be me. I want to experience every good thing. ~ Maya Angelou

I think Maya Angelou is a bright, articulate woman. As I still bask in the glow of the weekend’s festivities and blessings, I know I want to experience every good thing. I will only get one shot at being me and I want to do it well. Last night and again this morning as I re-read my cards, I suspect I am on the right track. Sometimes, I fail miserably, but I just keep trying to be the best me I can be.

This afternoon I went to the ballet. En route, we passed a march for missing Aboriginal women which seemed apropos since one of the dances being performed was The Ecstasy of Rita Joe. The march honoured the mothers and grandmothers of these missing women. Such a crime in our country—both the abduction and possible murders and the apathy Canadians show towards the high number of missing women! In the many years since Rita Joe was written, not much has changed.

Taking time for cultural events has long been an important part of my life. Right after high school, on a visit to Vancouver, I went to see a play, A Streetcar Named Desire. I knew right then that I wanted to always immerse myself in theatre, film, and dance. Today was the last ballet of the season and as the retiring star principal dancer took her curtain call, her toddler daughter came out to give her a bouquet of flowers, making us all laugh at her cuteness. Amidst the long standing ovation, dancers young and old came forward to lay roses at her feet. Tara was overcome with emotion; twenty years of dancing was coming to an end.

It made me think of how after 30 years, I dream of doing something different and yet know how difficult it will be to leave the Deaf Community. All I do know is that clearly Tara had experienced every good thing as a dancer and her gratitude was evident. I hope when my time comes, I can say this is my life, and every good thing was experienced. I was me to the best of my ability. If the words from this weekend are any indication, I have a hunch that I am safe in this regard.

Peace,

Suzanne

One, Wild and Precious Life

What do you plan to do with your one, wild and precious life? ~ Mary Oliver

What an amazing day!! For starters, it is a (5) 7-11 day...have a slurpee!

Ok, just kidding. Today was THE Big Day...my 50th! Woohoo!!

I have amazing friends. The day was interspersed with all sorts of fun events. I had several emails and Facebook messages first thing in the morning. My brother and sister-in-law sent a beautiful, bright bouquet of yellow roses, daisies,

and PURPLE irises which arrived just before I left to direct a retreat at my church.

That retreat went very well. I always feel like I get so much more than I give some days and I am totally amazed that in such a short time I can see the hand of God move so powerfully in someone’s life. I managed to attend mass too and give thanks for the gift of my life. Afterwards, one of the Healing Teams prayed a blessing over me, which was spectacular. The words that stick with me from that prayer are radiating joy and gratitude. I came home to more phone and email messages.

Then I went to Pine Ridge Hollow Restaurant with friends to really celebrate. The weather was a bit chillier than hoped for so the hike prior to supper turned out to be more of a short stroll around the grounds. I had planned to tell stories of these people who were so instrumental in my life, which turned out to be a fun activity.

I gave them a rock with a word on it to symbolize that they had been part of rock solid ground and a strong foundation for me.

There were lots of good stories, laughter, and maybe even an emotional moment or two. The tiara and bling are courtesy of a pay back 50th from last year. Hee hee. Do we look like we were having fun?

I am borrowing a page from my friend Celeste’s blog and putting a lot of photos in this blog to share the fun.

Celeste, who is in Singapore, even called in the middle of the evening to wish me a happy birthday. When I got home, there were several phone and email messages too. I am so blessed.

I even got a hug from one friend who rarely does so! Guess who from my facial expression?!

Also, I managed to raise over $300 for Naomi Foundation which was about making my 50th more than just about me. I am pretty grateful about that. I received a card about a year ago from my aunt with the above quote on it and knew that my 50th had to be bigger than me, that I had to somehow give back. I have this one, wild and precious life and desire to use it well. I pray that I may continue to do so.

I am ending the first day of being 50 with such gratitude and joy.

Peace,

Suzanne

Goodbye Forties!!

Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened. ~ attributed to Theodor Seuss Geisel, (but probably not really his)

Ah, as I write this, I have another half hour of being in my 40’s. I loved my forties. So many wonderful things happened in this decade. I sat on a beach in Tofino and decided to go back to university and get my BA. Nine years later I graduated, a more confident and smarter woman. I spent three amazing months in Africa which changed me in unspeakable ways. I got a better handle on my health issues. I started a program that saw 15 women graduate from college. I have lots of amazing adventures to smile about. I send my 40’s a big hug and kiss, thankful for all that has been. They were a friend to me.

Today the parties continued. A colleague took me out to lunch to celebrate and then when we got back to the school, the kids sang me Happy Birthday in four languages: English, ASL, French, and Italian. This evening Chef Lucien whipped up some mouth-watering steaks as we gathered for the first BBQ of the season. Yum, yum! Dad sure knows how to cook. Aunt Jacquie was in town to help celebrate which was fabulous. She has been such an instrumental part of my life that I was thrilled to have her join us.

After hanging out with my family to bid adieu to one decade and welcome another, I went to a 20th wedding anniversary party where there were more well wishes for tomorrow’s big event. Now it is off to bed though.

Thank you, Forties, for the gift you have been to me.

Peace,

Suzanne

Let the Fun Begin!

I am all the ages I've ever been. ~ Anne Lamott

The first of the official parties happened tonight. My friends Lauralee and Theresa are women that I have worked with during my 30-year stint as an interpreter. We had a lovely Italian supper in the Village, catching up on our lives and sharing a few memories.

We even had a good laugh about the fire truck roaring by….as if it were coming to put out the 50 candles on my birthday cake!

At one point, Theresa mentioned that we had known some really amazing people who we never see any more. Throughout the ages of our lives, we are blessed with different people who come in and out of our presence. Sometimes the paths cross again but not always. However, the heart is always grateful even for the brief time spent together.

I am saying goodbye tomorrow to my forties and beginning to greet the fifth decade of my life on Saturday. I am grateful for all the ages I have ever been and all the people who have shared the journey, like dear friends such as Lauralee and Theresa.

Peace,

Suzanne

Compassion: the Heart of Our Vision

The spirit of service is our guiding reference. ~ Romeo Dallaire

I heard Romeo Dallaire speak a number of years ago to an over-packed house at the University. He gave a compelling and engaging talk. I had not yet been to Rwanda though. Tonight as I listened to him address the 500+ people in the audience, I found my emotions running rampant because I could see clearly people that I had met in Rwanda, relive my experiences in the Internally Displaced Persons camp, remember my walk through the Genocide Museum in Kigali, almost smell the flowers in the garden which is really a mass grave site,

and envision clearly the conflict in DR Congo that I witnessed. Though I was already pretty enlightened the first time, this time Dallaire was speaking to a different person. One who better knew of what he spoke.


He said a lot of things that made great sense to me. He defined a civil war as a country imploding. He talked about the absence of humanity in such events. He talked about all humans are human. All humans are equal. Some humans are not more human than others.

He gave disturbing statistics. Currently in the world due to war, there

are

· 25 million child refugees or displaced persons
· 1 million orphaned children
· 6 million seriously injured or disabled children
· 2 million children killed

He did not give a current number for child soldiers, which would have been interesting too. He did, however, say that 40% of child soldiers are girls.

He gave the example of the deployment of troops to Yugoslavia and posed this question: Is it possible that some humans are more human than others? At one point during the conflict in Rwanda he was told that there was nothing there—no valuable diamonds, oil, or gold. The only thing that was there were human beings, and there was too many of them anyway. The translation is that European humans are more valuable than those in sub-Sahara Africa. Dallaire, of course, refused to leave those humans behind, and disobeyed an order to withdraw his troops. The order was legal but immoral because he knew that there would be no witnesses left for war tribunals if they left. What criteria gives leadership the decision-making ability to abandon the post?

He was speaking to a group of Canadian Catholic care providers at this keynote kickoff address for their conference. He did not mince words, saying that in Rwanda the churches were instruments of slaughter. He wondered aloud if the great religions of our time would be instruments of reconciliation of humanity or instruments of conflict. He spoke of sin and crimes against humanity. Though he did not couch it in biblical words, he did say successful leadership must be ready to lay down their lives for others. When they do so, there will be no limits to the possibilities.

He said something that struck me deeply. When he entered the service, his father said to him, “You’re entering the service and therefore you’re at the service of others. Don’t expect a thank you.” That spirit of service should be our guiding reference. I agree and within me stirred all the longings that had been fulfilled while I was serving in the Great Lakes Region of Africa. When the map flashed on the screen tonight and I saw Goma, Kigali, Bukavu, Butare, and other places I had come to know during my travels in 2009, my heart leapt within me. There are many times in my life that I have felt fully alive. Almost all of those times have entailed service. I did not expect a thank you at those times because I did not need it. I knew that I was doing “my Father’s business” and I had all the thanks I needed at that time.

He did suggest that as a rite of passage, every young person in the developed world should go and see how 80% of the world lives. In this new world disorder, as he called it, we need to have a long-term vision for change. It will take 20 or 25 years before things change but humanity is seeking serenity and it can be achieved.

He spoke of his attempted suicides, which drew some nervous giggles from the crowd. For those who have never experienced inhumanity on a grand scale, it is hard to comprehend why someone would attempt to take his own life four times before finding an inner resolution. I think of everything I saw in those three months of my practicum, of all the stories that are etched in my mind and soul, and of all the unresolved issues that remain within me. Mine are only a small fraction of his memories and experiences. I have no judgment on him for his decisions in this regard. The fact that he is still standing, still telling his story, and still alive are a testament to something beyond him.

At the end, a woman was given the opportunity to share with him a letter from a woman in Butare that he had personally saved. The rest of her family were killed that day. I watched his physical reaction as she spoke. I could see him holding his arm and knew that it was a painful moment for him still. Compassion needs to be at the heart of our vision for humanity. There needs to be no more moments when someone is thanked for saving a life. There needs to be only moments of enduring peace.

I am going to use this opportunity to remind people that for my birthday I am asking people to make donations to the "Five Alive" program at my church. The monies will go to help children in Eastern DR Congo survive as their country implodes. For $5 a month, you can help support one of the children in Naomi Foundation, an organization which takes in children whose mothers have been raped by either the militia or rebels and later abandoned due to the stigma. Give me the gift of a life, of peace, of compassion this year. Send me a message if you want more details as to how to do that.

Peace,

Suzanne

Remembering A Good Shepherd

And I felt like my heart had been so thoroughly and irreparably broken that there could be no real joy again, that at best there might eventually be a little contentment. Everyone wanted me to get help and rejoin life, pick up the pieces and move on, and I tried to, I wanted to, but I just had to lie in the mud with my arms wrapped around myself, eyes closed, grieving, until I didn’t have to anymore. ~ Anne Lamott

Today is the second anniversary of the death my friend, Fr. Brian Massie, the former pastor at my church. I thought I might share here the words I spoke at the Prayers of Remembrance Service as a way to pay tribute to him tonight:

I first met Fr. Brian Massie in the sacristy. I had gone to sign in for Eucharistic Minister duty and no one else was there yet. We introduced ourselves, and he then said, “Some blankity-blank blank left this out here.” I thought, “Oh my. This is going to be different.” And different it was indeed. We heard a lot of that language in the weeks and months to come and it both repelled people from the parish and drew them in throngs at the same time. Fr. Brian was real and we loved him because of that. I served seven years with him on parish council and I can tell you that we were lucky to have him as our pastor.

I know that in those first days, Fr. Brian turned some people off. We lost a few parishioners who disagreed with his language and theology and sent letters to the Archbishop expressing their discontent. In the same breath, those looking for a spirituality that was refreshingly honest and unbelievably believable returned to the fold and brought their friends with them. He talked about the messiness of Christmas, Mary as a real person, and suffering without sugarcoating it. Those of us who called St. Ignatius home were thrilled with the latest in a string of good pastors.

Our parish went through many changes with Fr. Brian at its helm. He did away with some formalities that allowed the ordinary person in the pew to step forward and participate in the life of our parish. New ministries arose, parishioners willingly took on new tasks and we reaped the benefit, as our faith lives deepened. Whether he was calling us to contemplate on holding baby Jesus in our arms during a Christmas homily or quoting the Merton Prayer, or encouraging us at Easter to renew our baptismal promises with a hearty “I do”, Fr. Brian changed us.

His homilies always inspired people and gave us lots to think about. In fact, from the beginning his homilies left US breathless. He spoke often about the rough spots of his life as an alcoholic, giving hope to all of us who struggled with our own addictions and temptations, whatever they might be. He challenged us to remember the least of these and to act justly. He made us laugh at ourselves with his insights and at a good joke shared at the end of mass. He stirred us with his spontaneous singing at mass even when he did not seem to have breath left. He reminded us that rest is a good thing and it was always a joy to see him return tanned and tranquil from Florida. It was even a greater joy when he invited parishioners to join him in Cuba one year. What a delight it was for those who sunned with him and brought down school and medical supplies for the Cuban people.

As we have heard, Fr. Brian resurrected a prison ministry here and he was really the perfect pastor to do it. He could capture the inmates’ attention and some have found a home here at St. Ignatius. I remember one time, when he used some of his infamous language. The inmates were shocked to hear a “man of the cloth” use such words. The result was that a group of “hardened criminals” giggled like 6-year-olds when they heard him use it. It was delightful to see those men find enjoyment in such a simple thing. Brian could relate to them on a level of humanity, just like he could relate to each of us. He called forth goodness from all of us, whoever we were. He had a special affection for the whole community of St. Ignatius and the people we minister to. He often encouraged us to reach beyond our walls.

He inspired us to grow by example. PPC went through many transformations during my time on it. It ended up being a discernment body more than anything under his guidance. He was clear that he did not want to make the final decisions—that this group of people could override him. Well, that was fine, until one night, some of us disagreed with him. He won that evening but it was brutal for some around the table as he pulled rank. He had a tendency at times to do things HIS way. I will never forget the next month though, when he began the meeting by humbly apologizing and saying he was out of line. He wanted to live out what he had said and so we revisited the decision. He appreciated people who were frank with him. He was a man of integrity, willing to admit his mistakes whenever possible, able to be a good shepherd for his flock, and lead us to a Merciful Creator.

When a good friend of mine was diagnosed with cancer and given weeks to live, Brian sent an email, quoting the Spiritual Exercises: “A short life or a long life, riches or poverty, sickness or health ....it all sounds so nice in a prayer”, he said. However in the end, he lived out these principles well. He lived his short life with much sickness and yet much grace and we will miss him in profound ways. He once said in a homily that “going through the Narrow Gate is worth it because of what is on the other side.” Welcome to the other side, Brian.

Two years later, Brian is still intensely missed by many of us at the parish and elsewhere. I know that he made it through the Narrow Gate and is a new creation where the physical struggles of this life no longer limit him.

Grieving has been a hard process. I actually spoke those words on the evening of my birthday. His unexpected death was a blow to the entire community. His presence, as well as his absence, linger within the pews still. I do feel like I want to just lie in the mud and not do church-related things some days. Tonight, however, I am grateful for knowing him, for being his friend, and for having the absolute privilege of sharing life with him. He one time told me he was profoundly grateful for my faithful efforts. I think that is my sense tonight about him. I am profoundly grateful for who he was to so many of us.

Peace,

Suzanne

My Goodness!!

An election is coming. Universal peace is declared, and the foxes have a sincere interest in prolonging the lives of the poultry. ~George Eliot

My goodness!! I did not see this one coming. A majority Conservative government in Canada, the Liberal party crumbling nationally, the Bloc leader gone, and perhaps the first Green member elected even if she was not given a voice during the debates.

I am not the only one in shock. One of my friends on FaceBook had only one word in her post…four letters long, beginning with F, all caps, and followed by an exclamation point. Another simply posted: say it so!

I don’t know if these foxes have the best interest of us chickens in mind but I suspect the fun will begin soon enough.

Peace,

Suzanne

May Day!

If you really wish to serve
Your brothers and sisters,
Let Christ reign in your hearts.
Let him strengthen you in virtue
And fill you above all with his charity.
Let him guide you along the path
That leads to holiness…
Do not be afraid to be saints!

~ Pope John Paul II, 1989

May has arrived!! And what an arrival, if I may say so. It appears to still be snowing outside. Driving outside the city is treacherous. Maybe it is a good thing I still have not switched over my snow tires. I remember attending a May Day celebration in Washington, DC in an upscale neighbourhood with a friend from St. Augustine when I lived there. The party was complete with a May Pole which we did indeed dance around. No snow that day—only the warmth of the sun and fragrant smell of magnolias in the air.

Today is also the beatification of John Paul II. It seems apropos on May Day—or International Workers Day—since he had a special place in his heart for workers, writing an encyclical on the theme of Human Work. In it, he stated: the Church considers it her task always to call attention to the dignity and rights of those who work (and) to condemn situations in which that dignity and those rights are violated. Social justice is such a passion of mine and I appreciate these words.

The quote regarding service and the path to holiness rings true for me. My most significant life experiences are those that entail service or being present to those in need. A loving heart was required in many instances. I remember clearing a field in Guatemala for a house that was being built and with each swing of the pickaxe, I prayed for a friend in need. I really should try to offer my work up daily and see what occurs.

I am not aiming to be a saint, but I do have a goal to live a sacred life, one where Christ rules in my heart. I hope to follow Christ on the path that leads to holiness and be a servant that exudes the love, joy, and peace of the One who leads.

Peace,

Suzanne