Give Thanks Always and Everywhere

"One act of thanksgiving made when things go wrong is worth a thousand when things go well." ~ John of the Cross

Sometimes life does not turn out as planned. This week at work we received the difficult news that one of the women who retired last year had died suddenly and unexpectedly. You could see people processing the irony and tragedy of the death the remainder of the week.

We give thanks when we remember during times of joy. We are not easily moved to thanksgiving during the dark nights of the soul. My summer has been a time to gather gratitude as I have said. I am thankful for all of my life, because it has shaped me and created how I am.

Tonight I went for a long walk with someone I have reconnected with and we were talking about how when I went to Africa, I had prayed that the experience would teach me about poverty and change me. It did. I could have been deeply traumatized by the events that unfolded there but instead I am grateful for what transpired. It has changed me and that is a blessing.

What went wrong in your life that you can still give thanks for?

Peace,

Suzanne

Claim Your Gift

"When we wish to possess somebody else's abilities, we end up incapable of discovering the gifts in ourselves." ~ Brother Roger of Taize

September is upon us and routine is about to swallow me up. I will run in several directions, sometimes pulled in two different ones at the same time for the first while. I feel the anxiety rise if I think too much about it so I try not to. Instead I try to breathe and stay in the moment.

I received an invitation to be on a provincial committee recently and when I received the letter, the criteria was to discern if I had a unique gift, specialized skill or experience that would be a welcomed asset. I sat for a moment with that question and heard the answer but the concept remained with me. Do I have a unique gift? Not just any old gift, but one that was different than what others could bring. I was not really sure but I thought I might.

I was also asked to participate in an upcoming event this fall, and I hesitated, comparing myself to the two other keynote speakers and thought I may not have much to offer. I caught myself in that thought and knew it was a lie but still my initial reaction was to go there to that place of self-deprecation.

The third recent scenario of pondering my gifts lately was yet another invitation--this time to a meeting in the spring in Montreal. I was sure they sent it to the wrong person upon reading it. I even asked them that. In a follow-up email, I retracted that somewhat and suggested that however they reached the decision, I was sure good discernment was used and that if they still wanted me to participate that I would be happy to. The reply came back: "Good, I have marked you as a yes then."

Why do we struggle so much to see our own goodness? Why do so many of us by default go to a place of comparison? Why can we not see that God has made everything good, including the person in the mirror, each with a unique gift that will be a welcomed asset?

This fall commit to believing in your own giftedness and celebrate it well.

Peace,

Suzanne

Empty and Filled

"For vessels are meant to be emptied and filled, emptied and filled, emptied and filled. " ~ Stephanie Ericsson, Companion Through the Darkness

I awoke very early today to a darkened room and rolled over thinking, "Why am I awake so early?" I snuggled deeper into my duvet but sleep was elusive. Then I remembered: Today should have been my sister's birthday. I glanced at the clock and saw that I had time to go to morning mass. Out of bed I jumped; I was happy to have this gift of the mystery of joining with my sister for a morning feast on this day. Our last one had been shared 20 years ago, at my place, as a family, with great laughter, yummy food, and a memory that lasts until this day.

I prayed in thanksgiving for her life during evening prayers with friends tonight. We ate a marvelous supper together and then sat out on their deck, riverside for a bit. Suddenly, I saw a bald eagle fly across the river and perch on a tree. No one else saw it. Later, it would take off, and the others would catch a glimpse of its beauty and strength as it flew towards us along the water and past the nearly full blue moon. This seemed like such a gift to me as this day ended. I felt like I had been emptied and filled once again on this journey of grief.

Peace,

Suzanne

Tragedy to Good

“It is not strong enough to survive tragedy—that is human instinct. We all do what we can to survive. But what is strong, and rare, is to be able to turn tragedy into something good.” ~ comment at a Quaker meeting in a report that I read today

I write this on the eve of what would have been my sister's 46th birthday. This quote seemed like a gift today when I read it. I remember our last celebration of her birthdays and smile. She was in such a good place in her life. I hosted a party and family dysfunction was at an all time low. I have such warm memories of that day and am so grateful that our family has that day as our last family time together when all of us were there.

I use the gift of diving deeply into the memory to sit with her for a minute and be grateful for the 26 years of her life that I celebrated that day, a life so full of promise and hope. Yesterday the family gathered and the family photo is minus one. You are missed, punkin.

My dear sister, happy birthday! You are not forgotten.

love and peace,

Suzanne

As For Me

"As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord." ~ Joshua 24:15

St. Ignatius, in the this photo from Guelph, is on a journey into the wind. His cape flaps behind him as he marches onward. Following the Lord is not an easy task. Sometimes the head winds push us off course but still we must plod on.

I have a heart that desires to serve the Lord. I think the most wonderful times of my life have been spent in service. That is part of the gratitude that I continue to gather this summer, reflecting on my life and its winding journey. I don't think there is another way I want to live, other than in service to the Lord.

Joshua's people agree in the First Reading that it is their God that has protected them all the way they went and therefore they too will serve the Lord. The Second Reading is the hard to take one for a feminist at first glance, but if one can look beyond that to the lesson of serving within your marriage, loving your spouse, and living with kindness, tenderheartedness, and forgiveness then one sees the sacredness wisdom, and honour that is at the real heart of this reading.

In the Gospel, the disciples struggle with the teaching and ultimatum laid down by Christ today: Unless you eat...you have no life within you. Jesus does not mince words. Peter asks the rhetorical question: Lord, to whom can we go? For Peter there was no one else, no second choice. Jesus was the Holy One of God. I don't know about you, but I am with Peter.

Who will you serve this day?

Peace,

Suzanne

Back to Work We Go

"Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life." ~ Confucius

I went back to work today. I am somewhat miserable about it but I think it is because it means that summer is soon over. Soon the leaves will turn, the geese fill the sky, and rush hour traffic will return. Shorts and sleeveless tops will be put away. Pedicures won't be need under thick socks. Salads will turn to soups at lunch time.

Work provided an opportunity to catch up with people. It was not a particularly productive day but some inroads were made and I started on the right foot with people. I want to have a good year. I even went out for a walk at lunch which was great. Next week, more people will be in and the following week we are back into the thick of things. I am holding the Confucius quote lightly and hoping that with four years left before collecting a decent pension I might be able to love my job enough to stay and still do work that is inspiring and a blessing to me and others.

Peace,

Suzanne

Pick Up Your Cross

"We don't get to choose our crosses." ~ from a homily during a funeral mass today

I got home late last night so that I might attend a funeral today for the mother of a long time friend of mine. As his wife said to his teenage daughter who has the same name as me, "Suzanne has known your dad for 30 some years." It was another moment this summer of reconnecting. I had not seen this couple for two years but knew I had to be there.

During the homily the priest spoke of being overseas and seeing a monument to those who survived the concentration camps, part of which included the barbed wire that kept them from escaping. So profoundly moved by the image, he asked the other older priest who was showing him if he might be able to have a piece of the wire to remember it by. The old man agreed to do what he could. The younger priest was heading to India and he boarded the plane a few days later, disappointed as he never saw the other again. When he landed, he opened his suitcase to unpack and there among his possessions was a humble barb wired cross. He never knew how the priest slipped it into his bag but he showed us today that he had it still.

He talked about how we all have crosses to bear. We do not choose them and it is Christ himself who transforms the pain and suffering in unexpected ways. We must be open to this mysterious gift.

Peace,

Suzanne

Hail Holy Queen

"Mary had her heart and her head in such a place that allowed the grace of God to enter into her life, even in a surprising and unexpected way." ~ from Loyola Press' 3-Minute retreat today entitled Letting Go of Fear

Today is the Feast day of the Queenship of Mary, a Catholic memorial that allows us to recognize the rule of the Mother of God and her place in our lives. I struggled with the concept of Mary for years because of my own rocky relationship with my mother. Like the workers in today's Gospel of Matthew, I came late to the marketplace. Thankfully, I did come and have been sent to the fields where my reward awaited me afterwards.

Mary is real to me. I do not have her on a pedestal. I am more connected to her through her own suffering and her joy of Jesus.I value the insights her story gives me, a woman braver than I can think possible, a woman steadfast and loyal to the bitter end, a woman who despite a heart shattered seemingly beyond repair can rise from the pain and sit in the Upper Room. I am in awe of that Mary. She is a model of courage, of faith, of hope, and of love. It is this woman, who is very human, that I hope to let reign more in my heart today. May she always be a guide to me as she was to my grandmother before me.

I lift up today the intentions of my heart and yours, dear reader, to Mary, Mother of God, and Queen of Heaven, and place them lovingly in her hands. She will know what best to do with them as only a loving Mother does. If our hearts and heads are in such a place that will allow God to enter, surprising and unexpected miracles might indeed happen.

What shall you give Mary today?

Peace,

Suzanne

Purposeful Living

"What does it mean to be a fulfilled, purposeful, successful human being?" ~ Chris Lowney, Heroic Living

I am reading the above book right now. I bought it during my 8-day retreat and many things speak to me as I read its pages. I am trying to get back on track lately. I feel as if I lost focus some time ago. As summer ends and I return to work, I must develop a clearer focus about my purpose and work daily towards that end.

I also read an interesting homily this morning by a wise man. He said that after the Transfiguration, Jesus came down from the mountain, knowing his true purpose. He set his face towards his destiny, Jerusalem, and never wavered. He ended his public ministry of healing and teachings and set about preparing the disciples for what would come. He put his trust in God for the journey ahead.

I wonder if I will ever have clarity about my true purpose. Without meaning to sound arrogant or boastful, I have many gifts and yet sometimes I feel as if I don't really know how God wants me to use them. I think some days I am supposed to be writing a book that will change hearts and inspire people. I feel called to work in Africa and see myself returning there. I believe that I have an ability to heal people and to direct them spiritually. I can teach but I don't feel that is a vocation for me. Planting peace and hope speak to me. I am not sure where my photography skills are leading me.

Then yesterday while reading Lowney's book, he mentioned a man who had many mistresses--things that pulled him away from his wife and his true purpose in life. He tried hard to juggle all the good in his life. The words of a former spiritual director came back to me clearly, "Suzanne, your struggle is choosing between two goods, but you have to. You cannot do it all." My work, my volunteer commitments, my prayer time, my blogging, my desire to be still, my family, my friends, and so many other blessings can wind me up so much that I actually begin to unwind.

Lowney then says that the man learned that his true purpose in life was to be holy. Simple. Be holy. Be holy in all things. Do not separate life into compartments such as family, work, play. See it all as holy. Find God in all things. Again, this is a very Ignatian principle. The whole earth is full of God's glory we are told in Isaiah. Every decision I make, every breath I take, every moment I am alive needs to be surrendered to God. That is a huge challenge but one I am going to try to make this fall as I enter the busy routines again. I want to be open to the Son as a flower is to its source of life. Wish me abundant blessings and courage in the trying.

Peace,

Suzanne

Sleep-Disturbing Angels

"Most people don't know there are angels whose only job is to make sure you don't get too comfortable and fall asleep and miss your life." ~ Brian Andreas

This weekend I was in Iowa, visiting a friend. On Saturday morning we went to the Market and then walked a couple of blocks to a gallery. Brian Andreas is a local artist and this quote was on a card called Angels of Mercy that I am going to frame and put on my desk at work. I may even photocopy it and put it on my bedroom mirror as a reminder that life is short and you should not miss it. He is an artist and storyteller with these great quotes that make you think. You can check him out at http://www.storypeople.com and get a sense of his work.

For those of you who know me well, you can imagine my delight in finding this short story: He told me that the night his mother died, there were storms & far away he saw purple lightning & someone left the window open & the room filled with a swirl of butterflies & she slipped out quietly without anyone noticing & I'm sure the grief was softer because of that. I hope when I die, that you will remember that story and think that some purple lightning in the form of butterflies has come to carry me away. Of course, purple-clad angels would be even more amazing.

I have always thought that I have a host of angels to surround and protect me. I joke sometimes about my tag team angels but sure appreciate their presence in my life. This new idea of angels that don't let me get too comfortable is an intriguing one. This weekend I managed to do a variety of exciting activities with friends. We went horseback riding as well. I had not done that in years. That brought back some great memories.

This summer has not been about sleeping but about connecting with people and falling more deeply in love with life. I am glad for all the gifts given this summer. I feel a wee bit sad that I am heading back to work later this week. I love summer and the change of pace it brings. I have not had many long walks on the beach yet and so will need to fit in one or two of those before September ends.

Are you awake and living fully or falling asleep and missing life?

Peace,

Suzanne

Singing Psalms and Giving Thanks

"Be filled with the Spirit, as you sing Psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, singing to the Lord in your hearts, giving thanks to God at all times and for everything in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." ~ Ephesians 5:19

The lectionary continues with John's discourse on the Bread of Life today. Jesus states that he is the living bread come down from Heaven and invites the people to eat his flesh and drink his blood. This is a challenge for the people then, and is now, even for Catholics. The point is really more about having a steady diet of Jesus. No substitutes allowed!

The second reading shows the path to maintain this diet: sing psalms and give thanks at all times and for everything. I have had a great weekend away with friends, and my heart does sing to the Lord in thanksgiving. I am deeply blessed with such amazing opportunities and good friends.

What will you give thanks for this day?

Peace,

Suzanne

Road Trip

"There's a little bit of devil in those angel eyes." ~ lyrics from a country song

I love road trips! My parents used to pack the four kids into the back of the truck and off we would go. We were fortunate enough to travel throughout western Canada and the USA. They would even pull us out of school early some years to do it. Who could complain? Disneyland, Carlsbad Caverns, Grandma's place in beautiful BC, and Aunty Gibby's farm--so many amazing memories.

I am on a road trip now. Yesterday driving, I cranked the tunes and then settled on listening to country music on the radio. I grew up in a home where music was a huge piece of my life. Initially from my parents--my dad was a big country fan. Johhny Cash and some of the other golden oldies were one strand of music and then there was always Elvis. Yesterday, I was struck by how much country music was filled with love and/or images of sex. I don't listen much to secular music these days. I mostly listen to Christian or independent music.

Anyway, as I made my way south to friends in the USA, I began to think about relationships past and that occupied my mind as I drove. I think I have been pretty fortunate for the most part with ex-partners, even if a long-term relationship did not develop out of it. By the time I landed at my friend's home, I was happy for the quiet hours in the car to think--or not. I had a good visit last night and am on my way today with another friend even further south to meet up with yet another of our friends. I am looking forward to the continued road trip.

Peace,

Suzanne

Prayers Needed

"May you know always and everywhere the protection of her, through whom you have been found worthy to receive the author of life." ~ Solemn blessing, on Feast Day of the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary

I did not make it to the Feast Day Mass today. This day did not turn out as expected. Early in the day, my cousin sent me a Facebook message in response to my phone call the night before. I had been worried about her dad, my uncle, for about a week now. Her news was not good.

After responding back to her, I called my mom and sister and emailed my brother. My grandmother, my uncle's mom, had a strong devotion to Mary. If anyone wishes to pray for Mary's intercession for healing for my uncle, that would be appreciated. Mostly, though, I pray for the protection of my uncle from the harm that cancer does to one's body, mind, and spirit. It is hard to be so far away from them at this time. My aunt is, naturally, devastated. My uncle has fought a good fight up until now but the the options seem to be limited now.

Being assumed, or "falling asleep" in the old vocabulary,would be a lovely way to go, I think.

Peace,

Suzanne

Fully Alive?

"What do you do that makes you feel fully alive?" ~ John Ortberg

This is a pulse check. I was reading a few pages from Ortberg's the me I want to be this afternoon as I waited for my pedicure to dry. He asks the reader the above question. I have many things that make me feel completely alive: Walking country roads at sunset, being at the beach, baking (I have just pulled a peach-mango-blueberry crisp out of my oven and it smells amazing), learning something new, engaging in deep conversation with a good friend, taking photos of beautiful objects, hanging out with children, and laughing until your stomach and jaws hurt.

What about you? What is your fully alive moment?

Peace,

Suzanne

Living Fearless

"People living deeply have no fear of death." ~ Anaïs Nin

This is my 500th post! How exciting!

As I reflect on my summer, I think it will turn out to be the summer of fascinating conversations. I have been blessed and stretched by frank and thought-provoking dialogue. Summer is not yet over and I know in the coming week, in particular, as I gather with former classmates from 30 years ago, that the chats with these women who have helped shape me, will continue to inspire me.

Recently I had a Facebook conversation with someone which took interesting turns and twists. We got on the topic of fears. I have realized some time ago that I had many fears. In my 40's I set out to conquer them. With my fear of heights, I climbed higher on the scaffolding every year until I made it to the roof to shingle. Of course, getting down was an adventure but I did it. I signed up for a kayaking class and on the first day came abruptly and brutally face-to-face with my fear of water...or rather being under water...when we had to do a wet exit. I did that too, though it was much more of an ordeal than I thought. I even tried hard to overcome my irrational fear of spiders, a fear that stemmed from finding a lovely little tarantula on me while traipsing though the Guatemalan rain forest. I found myself slowly checking off items from the list of things that frightened me silly.

I am not sure when I first lost my fear of death. I would guess it happened too when I was in Guatemala, standing in the back of a pick up truck with the Habitat crew, heading back to our hotel. An eerie feeling passed over me as the driver of the truck hesitated at a blind corner as we came out of a dirt road onto the highway. I remember looking at my friends, wondering what was about to happen. In that millisecond, a gasoline tanker came barreling full speed around the corner. If we had already entered the intersection, we would have been blown into tiny smithereens. My good friend Lori and I spoke of it later, in a quiet moment. We both agreed that we were ready to go Home if we had died that day.

I have been in several situations like that in my life--scary, I suppose. I remember being horribly ill in a remote Kenyan village and thinking I would be shot to death at the bank as I keeled over and the armed guards would think I was creating a diversion for a robbery. That made me realize that I can be a bit of a drama queen. A little rocket launcher incident in Congo followed by a riot mob creating havoc, made me wonder if I would see the light of day. I guess even some health issues at various points in my life have sobered me to the idea of my own death. All that said, when my friend asked what my fears were, I replied I was not sure that I had any. I guess conquering fear of death is a substantial one.

However, I have been reflecting on fears since and realize that, of course, I have them. Living deeply does balance them but still they exist. I thought of all kinds of silly fears, such as peeing my pants in public (see how humbling aging is) but I also started to delve deeper into what makes me tick. I am proud of some of what I uncovered. In university, for a conflict in the family class, I had to read a novel and then write a paper on how the family functioned in the book and how it compared to my own family. That was one of the most amazing projects I had to do in my academic career. I chose Rebecca Wells' Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood and I could never have predicted how profoundly that book would change my life. The book was brilliantly written and has so many extraordinarily healing moments in it, if one can battle through the pain of it. My own truth was held in those pages. I was tired of dropping the basket. I could not live in fear of my own mother's harsh judgement and have her voice in my head all the time, insisting that I was not good enough. That year, during that project, I realized that I was good enough and that I had been all along. My mother was terribly broken and somehow, I translated that into my being broken to the point of being unfixable. At that moment, I stopped living in fear of not being enough--not being pretty enough, smart enough, outgoing enough, good enough--and started owning my heritage as a child of God, loved and loving.

I still struggle with some of that legacy but I come out of the downward spirals faster and recognize the lies faster than ever before. I don't feel so broken as I once did; now I see myself as scarred instead of scared. I think we can be as fragile as butterflies when we look at the tapes that have developed in our souls from our childhood. The fears pop up in the oddest places or hover around, chipping away at our best selves. They have the potential to ruin friendships, sabotage intimate relationships, and undermine our best intentions.

I hope to probe around in the coming weeks to see what fears still linger for me. It is always a good thing to find the beast and decide not to feed it, rather than let the beast find you and feast on your fears.

What about you?

What fears prevent you from living fully?

Peace,

Suzanne

Bread from Heaven

" I am the living bread that came down from heaven, says the Lord, whoever eats of this bread will live forever." ~ John 6.51

The readings continue with the Gospel of John's teachings on the Eucharist. There is the promise that those who eat of this bread will have life forever. I have a deep love of the Eucharist. The opportunity to come to the table, surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses is awesome. We join with everyone, alive and gone, to participate in the saving grace of salvation. Elijah, in the first reading, is told to get up and eat and he does. He goes on the strength of that food for forty days and nights.

The Eucharist can sustain us beyond our wildest imaginings. Come to the banquet and eat!

Peace,

Suzanne

No Holding Back

“They can crush a few flowers, but they cannot hold back the springtime.” ~ Franciscan Sr. Pat Farrell, President of LCWR quoted this Chilean saying in her closing remarks at the annual meeting in response to the Vatican's scrutiny of American nuns.

What a brilliant quote! Farrell made a number of honest and inspiring comments in her closing speech. I was heartened by her gentleness and tenacity at the same time. Willing to listen, but not willing to be run over without being listened to was what struck me.

I am not sure where the Church is heading but I do know that nuns throughout our world are making a difference in the lives of many. The springtime will not be held back, not even with global warming and climate destruction. I picked up my two plants that someone else was caring for while I was on vacation. They are near death but I am hoping that they will not be crushed. I hold on to hope.

Peace,

Suzanne

Resting After a Vacation

“How beautiful it is to do nothing, and then rest afterwards.” — Spanish Proverb

I have slept in both mornings since returning home, getting a glorious eight-hour sleep. I seem to be so tired after vacationing. In fact, yesterday I even took an afternoon nap.

Today I have not done much in many ways. Yes, my to-do list has a few things checked off. I also had a major surprise. My credit card number was somehow hacked and so my bank called to ask if I had made a purchase in the wee hours of the morning from a company called Big Bad Toys or something like that. I actually giggled before saying no I had not. The woman at the other end also laughed when she heard my response. I am sure she was expecting a different reaction. It was the card I use for buying things online and I am hoping that everything is ok with my computer. What an inconvenience! I am glad that I have a card that I do not use to purchase things online so that I do not have to pay cash for all my purchases until the new card arrives.

I have about two weeks left of vacation before I head back to work. I want to rest some so that when I get back into the swing of routine I am not exhausted. I figure I have a book or two that I can read, friends to visit, cleaning to complete, and napping to catch up on. I love that I can do nothing and then rest afterwards. The doctor might have ordered that just for me.

Peace,

Suzanne

Home

"I long, as does every human being, to be at home wherever I find myself." - Maya Angelou

I have been away from home for over three weeks now. I fly out later this evening after a day of sightseeing here in Toronto. As I reflect on my travels, I have to admire my flexibility and adaptability. It is not easy to sleep in someone else's bed, be in someone else's space, and maintain your balance.

What I have loved is seeing new things, engaging in fascinating conversations, trying new activities, and being with my friends's children. Somewhere in all that I have managed to stay true to myself and my needs.

Now I am off for my final adventures here in the big city!

Peace,

Suzanne

Transfigured

"'Rabbi, it is good for us to be here.'"- Peter in the Transfiguration story in the Gospel of Mark

Today is the Feast of the Transfiguration, one of my favorite feast days. Having had my eight-day silent retreat, I too have thought, "It is good for me to be here." I enjoyed my time with Jesus on the mountaintop, as painful as some of the realizations and insights were. I felt beloved. I felt stilled enough to receive the gifts given.

I have one more day of vacation away before I return home. I am off the mountaintop already but not yet back in routine. That won't happen for another couple of weeks yet. I want to put into practice all that I can from the lessons learned during my transfiguration. I hope that as today's First Reading says that I can be "attentive to this as a lamp shining in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in (my) heart."

Peace,

Suzanne

Filled!

"You shall have your fill of bread; then you shall know that I am the Lord your God." ~ Exodus 16:12

We are a society in Canada and the USA that is never quite satisfied. Even in my last blog, I realized I was restless and ungrateful for the present moment. I am not unhappy but I am also not quite satisfied. I can only hope that in time, I can breathe in more of the present moment. During my 8-day retreat I was more at peace in this regard.

The children of Israel complain as they wander in the wilderness in today's readings. We are afraid often to reach out into the unknown because even when we are unhappy with what we have it is safer than what might come our way. Our inability to trust is one of our weakest and most detrimental qualities as humans. God gives. God gives abundantly. In fact, God gives us more than we can ask or even imagine. God gives in ways that we cannot dream of asking. God gives with a backhoe when we hold out our teaspoon. We are created anew if we think only of asking. In the Second Reading, we see that we can clothe ourselves differently in a new wardrobe, according to the likeness of God, dressed in righteousness and holiness.

In the Gospel of John today, we learn that there is a bread that is from heaven for which we should constantly crave. Today the priest said in his homily that he longed for the day when he no longer needed the sacraments because he would be standing in front of the Bread of Life. I have such a love of the sacraments that I had never considered this before. Shivers went up my spine as he said it. One day, I will be in front of my Beloved and all I thought I ever needed or wanted will be moot. I will finally have enough!!

Peace,

Suzanne

Seeking and Finding

"Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

I have been away for three weeks now. I am ready to come home. It is not that I am not having fun where I am, because I am. I have been doing all sorts of interesting and meaningful activities. I have borne the fruits of an 8-day silent retreat. I have spent time with good friends, discussing a myriad of fascinating topics. I have enjoyed learning how to geo-cache and finding the hidden treasure as in the photo above. Yesterday, we celebrated my friend's youngest son's birthday party with a safari theme. I spent the morning, chatting with her neighbours who are avid photographers. I learned several new techniques that I can now put to use immediately.

I think what I am ready for now is some silence again to sort through what I gleaned on my retreat. I need a long walk on the beach to integrate what I discovered into an action plan. Once I plot that course, I will need the courage to stay true to what my inner compass reveals. I think a number of decisions that need to be made are clearer to me and I need to just be still again in order to make them and then gather the resolve to keep them. My life has grown somewhat unmanageable and I have drifted from my centre. My task will be to identify what the next year will bring to me and for me and not to let others distract me from where my calling lies. I can be swayed by critics who want me to do something good. Choosing between two goods is always my trouble as a former spiritual director once pointed out to me.

I hope to find the treasure of the inner work this summer, cling to it, and smile. What has been the gift you have received this summer?

Peace,

Suzanne