Heartfelt Journey

“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and put a new and steadfast spirit within me.” ~ Psalm 51:10

Today’s psalm reading is one of my favourites. I love the words of this psalm and several renditions of songs that are based on the words. I find them calming. The Lenten journey must be about creating something new within so that at the end of these 40 days, I am a different person.

God does not delight in burnt offerings any more—maybe God never did but we liked to think so. God wants a change of heart; God wants a new heart that recognizes our sinfulness and our inabilities to always make the best choice. God wants our hearts to depend on the One who created them.

Today I took a moment to send an email to the sister of a former colleague who has been on my mind for months now. He became a brilliant doctor who specialized in sexual dysfunctions. Ironically, he has prostate cancer. I am trying to act when my heart moves me to. This action took a couple of months. I learned that his chemotherapy is complete and the prognosis is good though there are some side effects from the chemo that might be permanent.

I hope his story has a happy ending. He is a great guy with whom I have lost contact. His sister will pass on my greetings and those of others I know are sending him the best. The reality is that these days we never know when our time may be up. Our hearts better be at peace with as many people as possible. Mostly, they need to be at peace with our loving God.

Peace,

Suzanne

How to Pray

“Pray then in this way….” ~ Mark 6:9

Some days praying is impossible. Words do not come. There is only silence. Jesus tells us then that we should not heap up empty words and gives us a formula in the Lord’s Prayer that we can use when the groans of the Spirit within us do not seem to suffice.

The first reading from Isaiah also insists that God’s word will not return empty but will accomplish what it purposes and succeed in what was sent. Today’s Psalm is 34 and we get a hint of what the psalmist suggests is worthy prayer: O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt his name together. I sought the Lord, and he answered me, and delivered me from all my fears.

I find this Lent that I am clinging to the daily readings and am grateful for the comfort the words bring. My prayer seems more real than it has for a long time and I am more centered than before.

Pray more this Lent and may your soul find comfort and serenity.

Peace,

Suzanne

Righteous or Accursed

“Lord, when was it when we saw you….” ~ Matthew 25

I find it interesting that in this well-known Scripture passage that both the righteous and the accursed are stunned because they have missed Christ in their lives. In the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius, retreatants are encouraged to do an Examen daily (nightly). This involves reflecting back over the day and seeing where they met Christ and seeing where they missed Him. The hope is that retreatants will see the patterns of their lives that prevent them from recognizing Christ and learn to look for Him in those places until it becomes second nature, thus choosing to break their bad patterns and step into better behaviour.

I have always told my retreatants that if they learn nothing else, learn this skill. Tonight reflecting on this passage, I would say it could almost make the difference between salvation and damnation if I were inclined to believe in those places but I still think it does put us more on the right path and allow us to give thanks to the One who journeys with us.

Peace,

Suzanne

The Numbers Game

“He was in the wilderness forty days, tempted by Satan; and he was with the wild beasts and the Angels waited on him.” ~ Mark 1:13

Today is my 400th post and I will be considering the number 40 on this first Sunday of Lent. Crazily enough it is my 40th post for 2012. How interesting is that?!

Today’s readings are a bit of a numbers game. The Old Testament reading from Genesis is a look at God allowing it to rain 40 days and 40 nights in order to flood the earth until it was destroyed. His conversation with Noah is when he establishes his covenant to never again do this. He sets the rainbow as a sign of his promise.

In Mark’s brief telling of the 40 days in the desert, we do not see how Jesus is tempted. Instead we discover that God sent angels to wait on him. During Lent we have 40 days to examine our lives and see the ways in which the Prince of Darkness tempts us. On the flip side, we must also search for the angels who wait on us during our desert times.

I am encountering my wild beasts through the Rosary Novena that I am doing. I see where and when I am uncharitable, unforgiving, lethargic, distracted, and all those other traits I do not like about myself. Today I am deciding to put up an angel alert so that I can be more attuned to them when they appear on the scene.

What wild beasts are hounding you this Lent? Awareness is half the battle. Know them well and decide not to feed them. Fear, competition, jealousy, and the like can creep quietly into our sacred spaces and gnaw on any bone they can get. Make an effort this Lent not to feed the beasts. Rather let us look for the angels and call on them to help us through the moments of our temptations.

Peace,

Suzanne

Delighting in the Sabbath

“If you call the Sabbath a delight and the hold day of the Lord honourable; if you honour it, not going your own ways, serving your own interests, or pursuing your own affairs, then you shall take delight in the Lord, and I will make you ride upon the heights of the earth…” ~ Isaiah 58:13

Tomorrow is my Sabbath Day. I LOVE Sundays. I usually sleep in and then lounge for most of the day. Tomorrow will be a little bit different as my afternoon is quite full but fun. I am going to teach two or three colleagues how to make photo books for their trips. Afterwards I will head over to my parents’ place for my niece’s birthday.

I still plan on sleeping in and then having a leisurely morning though. I need that time just to pray and be. I use part of it for reading a friend’s homilies for that Sunday. This feels tremendously like God time for me. I think Sundays are my favourite day of the week.

Do you carve out a Sabbath time for yourself, a time of not doing but just being?

Peace,

Suzanne

An Acceptable Fast

"Is not this the fast that I choose: to loose the bonds of injustice, to undo the thongs of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke? Is it not to share your bread with the hungry, and bring the homeless poor into your house, when you see the naked to cover them, and not hide yourself from your own kin?" ~ Isaiah 58: 6-7

Lent requires an action and an awareness—not just any action will do. One must be thoughtful about their choices. This Lent I am taking up the practice of saying the rosary on the advice of someone who has steered me in the right direction a few times lately. I must admit that the rosary has not been a form of prayer that I like so it does feel somewhat onerous. However, I have been surprised at how beautiful this particular Novena is that I am doing.

The prayer consists of saying one Mystery of the Rosary each night, with a particular intention, for 27 evenings. Now, typically a Novena is nine days. This is kind of Trinitarian in nature as you say it for three weeks in petition. When you complete those three weeks, you continue on for another 27 days, this time in thanksgiving, regardless of whether you have a sense of receiving the grace for which you have asked or not.

I am on Day 14. I have done all the Mysteries three times now. I love the Mysteries of Light best of all. At the end of each decade, I must bind my prayers with a virtue. This is what has been so meaningful to me. Each evening there are five different virtues and I marvel anew each time I read them. They vary from purity to charity to humility to obedience to responding to the needs of others to working for social justice.

I started the Novena on the same day of my friend’s wedding in Vancouver, which was World Happy Day, and on Thursdays which are the Mysteries of Light, I include her and her new husband in my prayers as the Wedding at Cana is one of the Mysteries that I must meditate on.

Fasting is never easy. In order to do this Novena, I must give up something in order to create the time to say the Rosary and the accompanying prayers. I am using my grandmother’s rosary, given to me after she died. I think of her as I pick up these white beads and I know that she is beloved to me. Her faith in particular was strong. I think I may be hoping that my prayers are joined to hers for my needs this Lent. I want to make the remainder of this Novena in a more committed way which may mean finding a time to prayer when I am a wee bit more awake than the last half hour of my day.

Are you doing an acceptable fast this Lent?

Peace,

Suzanne

What is Your Choice?

“See, I have set before you today life and prosperity, death and adversity.” ~ Deuteronomy 30:15

Life is about choices. As I begin my Lenten journey, we are reminded that we sometimes stand at a crossroads where we are asked to choose between life or death. Choose life, comes the recommendation from the prophet. Isaiah adds a list of how life looks: love the Lord your God, obey God, and hold fast to God. This sounds like good advice. In fact, it seems like the exact words I need to hear right now.

What about you? What choice do you make this day?

Peace,

Suzanne

Ashes to Ashes

"To walk around all day with a cross on your head is to walk around in a body inscribed with death. It is also, oddly, to walk around inscribed with hope -- the hope that comes through Jesus’ having joined us in our mortality." ~ Lauren Winner

Ash Wednesday is an odd day. People do not always get it. I liked Winner’s quote—it gets to the seriousness of the event. I have memories of walking around Honolulu with ashes on my head, having taken a break from vacation with a group of Catholic women to be “ashed” as I call it.

I took a writing course from Lauren Winner a few years back in Vancouver and appreciated her sensibility. The article I pulled this quote from tells of how she and a friend took the ashes to the streets in North Carolina to ash folks who were to busy to make it to a church for a service.

Tonight at my church, the priest and ministers changed the usual “Turn away from sin and follow the Gospel” or “Dust to dust and ashes to ashes” to some funky “Follow Jesus and believe in Him” or something. I didn’t quite catch it and it threw me. Wait…where is the long hard look at ourselves? Can we reach the same place if we don’t dwell on our sins and mortality? Isn't Lent about examining our souls and hoping to change something at the core of our being so that we are a step closer to living out the Gospel? Isn't that partially where the hope lies too? Are we so intent on laundering the language that we miss the point? I am not convinced and miss the chastisement to be honest. Who would have known?

Happy Lenten journey folks!

Peace,

Suzanne

Self-Approval

"We become whole by being all of ourselves, including the aspects of ourselves we like least as well as those of which we are able to approve." ~ Madeleine L'Engle

A friend posted this quote on Facebook today and it made me remember how much I love Madeleine and her writings. I took a writing class from her a long time ago, with my friend whose wedding I recently attended. We had a blast learning from her.

Madeleine had loyal readers who fell into her books, whatever the genre. My cousin, our friend and I often discussed them. Another friend in Minneapolis started me on her Crosswicks Journals. We too rehashed the lessons learned from Madeleine.

There are lots of things I like least about myself, and just as many things I approve. I am grateful for that as many women have a shopping list 10 pages long about our self-hatred areas. I have worked hard to not to that to myself.

How about you? How does your list balance out?

Peace,

Suzanne

Look for Holy Moments

«For everything that lives is holy, life delights in life.» ~ William Blake

This afternoon I visited a friend in the hospital for about an hour. She is a woman who welcomed me into my parish when I started going. I told her that today—that I was so grateful for her and her husband. In life, we do not always recognize holy moments until another one faces us. She is dying and I am so sad that she is yet another one of the elders from my community that is bidding us adieu.

She had a few teary moments as we spoke. Sadly, she is losing her memory. During my 50-minute visit, she repeated herself a few times and was confused about a couple of things but in the same breath, still delighted in life. I had brought my photo book from my Alaskan cruise and sat with her, tenderly helping her turn the pages. She was engaged and told stories about her younger days. At one point, she paid me a compliment that I will hold dearly for a long time. I had laughed at something she said and responded with, “Oh, I don’t know where time goes sometimes!” Without skipping a beat, she looked me in the eyes and with great affection and seriousness replied, “I know where it goes with you: you spend your time doing good and helping others.” She has known me half of my life and so her words meant a great deal to me. Her eyes welled up and she admitted that she was sad she would not be there to help me next Christmas with the annual Bereavement Service.

I have been so blessed by people welcoming me into my church community, calling forth my gifts and creating me to be a person who knows that everything that lives is holy and I simply need to open my eyes to that. I pray that I may always delight in life.

Pray for those who are sick and dying—in thanksgiving for the lessons you have learned from them and for the gifts they will leave behind.

Peace,

Suzanne

Loving Friends

"We cannot be sure whether we are loving God, although we may have good reason that we are. But we can know quite well whether we are loving our neighbor." ~ St. Teresa of Avila

In today’s Gospel, we see people who are loving their neighbour as they think outside of the box and discover a way to bring their friend before Jesus. How many of us would go to the rooftops and ensure that someone we loved would be touched by Jesus? The story of the paralytic has been a favourite of mine for some time. I think it is because I do not like to ask people to do things for me and yet when I stretch beyond my comfort zone and do so, I have good results. I wonder if this man asked his friends to help him get to Jesus?

I have had a busy day which started with a Skype call to my friend in Singapore, a bunch of errands, a wonderful birthday supper at a new restaurant in town with two friends who are celebrating birthdays, and then mass. I know at one point mid-afternoon, I wanted just to crawl back into bed and nap. I think Jesus’ words of pick up your mat and go resonated within me though because I did not lay down.

What about you? Do you have proof that you are loving your neighbour? Do you know that your neighbour is loving you? I pray that you find yourself surrounded by people who will, like in the Gospel, go the extra mile for you, and who will think out of the box to get you what you need.

Peace,

Suzanne

Turn Left!

"The best way to navigate through life is to give up all of our controls." ~
Gerald Jampolsky

Today was a Chemin Neuf Community Day where we looked at discernment and decision-making. I was the facilitator of a small group and in my sharing I said I am beginning to think of God as a GPS voice: “Turn left at the next intersection. Turn left now. Turn left! Left! Now!! LEFT! Sigh…alright then, fine, turn right at the next intersection instead.”

Sometimes I wonder if we really hear God and even if we do, do we pay attention to that voice or decide that we know a better way? I found the sharing today helpful and affirming about how I have made major life decisions. With the tools of the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius it is definitely easier but at the same time, we know that the Deceiver can still muddy the waters of good discernment.

I enjoyed today, and even did some teaching on the Examen and Contemplation, which I think went well. I did not feel very prepared but had decided to turn left at the next intersection when I heard the instructions the first time and I think things went pretty well.

Peace,

Suzanne

Valentine's Day Love

“What does love look like? It has the hands to help others. It has the feet to hasten to the poor and needy. It has eyes to see misery and want. It has the ears to hear the sighs and sorrows of men. That is what love looks like.” ~ Saint Augustine (source unknown)

This day is such a stressful event for most people. Expectations run high. Disappointment is rampant. Loneliness can be overwhelming. Fear can play all sorts of mind games. Yet love is the basis of this day. Do we forget that?

I have spent a day out of town on business helping people understand what love and respect means. I know—I think that falls under other duties as assigned. I have always had a heart for the “least of these” and today was about working with a child who has some big problems in learning and is experiencing his first crush. His young brain (maybe like that of an 7 or 8-year-old) is caught in a teenage, hormonal body and that is causing some issues for him. Poor thing!! My eyes could definitely see his misery and want and my hands signed a message that I hoped was clear so that I could help him. I hasten to help everyone involved. I drove home thinking a little bit about love.

I have spent a lovely evening by myself. I worked out at the end of my day and then came home and made myself a delicious seafood pasta. I flipped through emails. I found one that made me a wee bit nervous since a violent sexual offender who came looking for me at church a week ago (and did not find me) has breached his curfew. Sigh. Hopefully he will wind up back behind bars soon enough and I can breathe easily. Sometimes, the least of these need some major intervention and guidance.

On the weekend, I got these awesome handmade valentines from my cousins. I love them!! They are the kind of valentines I love best—unsolicited, creative, made with pure love—no strings attached.

I am about to settle into a TV show and then head to bed early if possible. I am loving myself tonight, which is a good place to start.

Peace,

Suzanne

West Coast Wedding

"It is not your love that sustains the marriage, but from now on, the marriage that sustains your love." ~Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Hesed is a love that not many of us know on a personal level. We would long for it if we did. This weekend at the West Coast wedding of a friend, the pastor spoke of hesed as a loyal and steadfast love. When the bride entered the church….well, after she snuck in and then after a moment in hiding behind a screen, called out, “Sorry I’m late!” she stood with all eyes on her and looked down the aisle at her soon-to-be husband and she welled up with tears. The journey to this moment has been a long one, and those gathered felt the joy and intensity of the love being celebrated.

Today’s Gospel was about the inclusion of someone from community due to leprosy. The wedding yesterday was about community, strong and broad, borne out of fidelity to God, family, and friends. I cannot imagine being cut off from community. Joining my friend for her wedding seemed like something I had to do, to stand with her as she exchanged her vows, to bless them as they began their life together, and to affirm the decision that was reached.

Jesus reached out to touch the leper and he longs for each of us to experience his healing touch and the joy of hesed. May you come to know it if you have never experienced it before.

Peace,

Suzanne

Love and Marriage

"Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing." ~ Goethe

I am getting excited. Tomorrow at this time, the hall will be decorated for my friend Shelley’s wedding. We will have broken bread together and blessed her and her fiancé.

I love this story of love and marriage. I remember the summer Shel met John…her excitement and joy. I was intrigued. This summer I sat with them having lunch. We had ice cream in White Rock later. We sat in the living room as it grew dark, talking non-stop. We forfeited a walk along one of my favourite beaches in the world as John and I got to know each other better. By the time I left, I was hoping an engagement would be forthcoming. Hurray!

On World Happy Day, they will exchange their vows in front of a relatively small cloud of witnesses. I pray that this marriage will be the real thing for both of them, grounded in their love and in God who has called them together.

Peace,

Suzanne

One Moon, Two Countries

“Those are the same stars, and that is the same moon, that look down upon your brothers and sisters, and which they see as they look up to them, though they are ever so far away from us, and each other.” ~ Sojourner Truth

I do not have a photo of the amazing full moon that peeked over the horizon as I drove home the other night. The orange half circle made me gasp when I first saw it rising. When I got home, a woman I know who is hanging out in Bali these days, had psoted a photo of the full moon there…except that she had posted hers 13 hours earlier. Same moon, two sets of eyes, thousands of kilometers away, half a day apart. Amazing, I think!

Peace,

Suzanne

Hunted

"And Simon and his companions hunted for him." ~ Gospel of Mark, Chapter 1

Hunted is an odd word choice and is later revised to a more acceptable “searching” in the next line. Hunted gives the sense of urgency on the one hand—hunted high and low for him—and of being stalked like a prey on the other hand. Jesus had slipped away in the dark to a deserted place to pray in the morning after a busy previous day of healing. I can understand why people might have wanted to hunt him down. If he cured many in one day, his disciples would be concerned if he suddenly disappeared.

I sometimes think I hunt for the cure for my diseases and come up empty-handed. If I knew that someone could cure me, I would certainly look high and low to find that person. Job cries out in the first reading that he is allotted months of emptiness and nights of misery. When we are in pain in any way, we may seek desperately for God or for Christ. The wonderful thing is that in this reading, we find Christ praying and ready to get back to the task at hand of healing.

Peace,

Suzanne

Our Fathers

"Father! - to God himself we cannot give a holier name." ~William Wordsworth

My friend’s father’s funeral was today. Her mother died about six months ago. The four children and four grandchildren gathered to send off this man graciously and tenderly. The grandchildren all spoke of their memories and my friend and her husband signed their accolades. He had now gone to join his beloved wife and he had managed to die, quite suddenly in the end, at home, as he wished. At his wife's funeral, he had said see you soon and he was serious, as he was about many things in life.

My friend who is Deaf began by sharing that her dad never learned ASL—which was true—but they would still communicate, resorting to pen and paper if need be. She spoke of a man who she knew loved her. I knew him. In fact, I know the family quite well. I had not seen the daughter who had moved out of province for a long while. When I went to extend my condolences, both she and her husband looked at me for a moment as I said her name, and then she cried out, “Suzanne!” and gave me a big hug. I had written in the sympathy card to the family that their parents had raised a solid family and as I went to each of them during the reception, I knew that this was true. They knew that they were loved. Our fathers make a lifelong impression upon us. I know mine has.

Peace,

Suzanne

Worth the Work

"There are no shortcuts to any place worth going."
~ Beverly Sills

Today was another gorgeous hoarfrost day. Our staff spent the afternoon in mediation. I am not sure what to think about where we are going however I do believe that it will be circuitous and lengthy.

Trust is challenging to achieve when people have been burned. One of the activities was to share something about the changes and challenges. Only five out of eleven of us spoke. I hope though that those five inspired others to consider the activity next time.

Waving a magic wand is not possible. We need to arrive at our destination properly and in good time. I am hoping that there might be healing for myself and others on this journey.

Peace,

Suzanne

Hoar Frost Wonder

“Forests, lakes, and rivers, clouds and winds, stars and flowers, stupendous glaciers and crystal snowflakes - every form of animate or inanimate existence, leaves its impress upon the soul of man.” ~ Orison Swett Marden

I took a bit of a hiatus from writing but I thought today was such a stunningly gorgeous day that I had to post. February 2 and the groundhog saw its shadow. We will have six more weeks of winter but we have had a great winter thus far so I can put up with it.

Today the hoarfrost decorated the city all day long. At one point, driving past one of the parks, I burst out, “God, you did a great paint job today!” which made me smile bigger than I was already smiling.

Peace,

Suzanne