Shepherd Sunday

“I have often felt that one of the best ways we follow Jesus’ instruction to love our neighbour is by learning how to listen." ~ Fr. Brian Massie, sj

Context is everything. Ask any good interpreter and they will tell you that if you want to render a faithful rendition of the source language you need to understand the context of the message. Today’s Gospel of the Good Shepherd is a perfect example of that. In the European context, sheep are used as meat for people but in ancient Israel, the commentary explained today, sheep were raised for the long-term for their wool and milk. Therefore their shepherds became attached to them, like we would horses, giving them names of affection and caring gently for them.

Today is a bit of a day of remembering for me. It was on Good Shepherd Sunday in 2009 that my former pastor passed away…fittingly so, I might add. Yesterday at the Happy movie, I met someone who used to come to the 9 p.m. mass with her son. When we got to talking, she mentioned how much she loved to go to the mass and hear that priest who used oxygen but would give the most amazing homilies—so down to earth and so connected to life. He was real and he understood our struggles was how she explained him. When she asked if he was still there (she had stopped coming), I told her he had died.

People intently listened when Brian preached. I have wondered on occasion how people must have listened to the Good Shepherd when he spoke. Brian tried to live out his calling authentically and he often challenged us in his homilies. He could not help but reflect the One who called him. He often acknowledged his humanity when he spoke of his struggles as a recovering alcoholic. He knew that we all mess up and he always encouraged us to stick close to Jesus, even when we felt unworthy of it. He wanted us to know not only who we were, but also whose we were. Like the shepherd who knows his sheep well, Brian knew that we all have our moments of self-doubt, of feeling the weight of our sins, of not feeling lovable. He believed in a Good Shepherd who has a name of affection for us, who cares for us, who would leave an entire flock to ensure that nothing would happen to us.

I am grateful today on Good Shepherd Sunday to remember Brian who loved the people of my church community, who cared deeply about the safety of our souls, and who taught us about the man both human and divine who modeled this for him. Brian’s legacy lives on in so many people and meeting that woman yesterday reminded me that we can all touch lives by listening to the Voice who calls us to love our neighbour.

Peace,

Suzanne

Flowing out of Sheer Joy

“Flow is the state in which people are so involved in an activity that nothing else seems to matter. The experience itself is so enjoyable they will do it, even at great cost, for the sheer sake of it.” ~ Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi in Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience

Tonight I went to see the Happy movie, a film by Roko Belic, which explores the concept of happiness by using people around the world as models. Whether it is in India, Denmark, or Namibia, people are happy and lost in the flow of the moment. When I was on vacation recently, I was definitely living in the flow. I greatly appreciated that feeling. I loved living through my camera lens.

The movie is worth watching on many levels. It painfully examines what happens when you do not pursue happiness of the real kind using Japan as an example where workaholics are stressed to the point of death. The Japanese even have a word for it—Karoshi: death from overwork. The film is a bit of a wake up call for viewers I am sure.

The cinematography is stunning with beautiful scenes of the Louisiana Bayou, mountains, oceans, faces, colours, etc. The antidotes are interspersed with scientific evidence of happiness. The film is heart-warming and inspiring, challenging and thought-provoking.

Prior to leaving for the movie, I learned that a woman who goes to my church died yesterday. She had sent me an email while I was still in Bali, saying she would be excited to see me when I returned. I replied saying that maybe during Holy Week I would catch up with her. I never did. I used to stop in from time to time in her office at the university if I had a minute between classes. Her face would brighten when she saw me. I will miss that. She had a child-like simplicity about her in some ways. The film mentioned that random acts of kindness can increase happiness for the one doing the act. I hold on to that act now and bless her journey to the Light.

We only have one life and I choose to live it as fully as I can. I was nudged by the Spirit in the clip where a man who was on a track to financial success opted to work instead at Mother Teresa’s Home for the Dying in Kolkata. I have often thought that I might like to volunteer there at some point in my life but I have absolutely no illusions as to how difficult that might be. As I listened to this man’s story, I clearly saw the joy in his eyes. How could that not inspire me to move past my fears? Maybe one day the flow will help me move beyond the fear of the great cost to the sheer joy of service.

What about you? When have you experienced flow?

Peace,

Suzanne

Extraordinary Love

“We are not called by God to do extraordinary things, but to do ordinary things with extraordinary love.” ~ Jean Vanier

Tonight I listened to Stephanie Staples’ radio program, Your Life Unlimited. She had seen my post on Facebook on the fundraising dinner for Natasha’s Home last week and her interest was peaked. Natasha’s Home is a refuge for women who are trafficked. Natasha is the name of every trafficked girl—her identity is stolen and destroyed as she becomes entrenched in a system that strips her of living her life unlimited. This hit me for the first time listening to Stephanie’s program tonight.

How many of us choose to live our lives severely limited? These females have that choice violently removed from them. Forced to work in the sex trade or garment industry primarily, they are kept behind locked doors, beaten, drugged, raped, and/or threatened. They do not have freedom. Sometimes they barely survive their ordeal. There is a reason that human trafficking is referred to as modern day slavery. Some of these people are kept shackled to beds. We must act to end this phenomenon. Stephanie asked the question a couple of times: What can we do?

She admitted to being guilty of behaving like a suburban ostrich with her head in the sand and wanted to be open to changing that. Good for Stephanie! Some advice was cutting—do not just drive by the girls on the street. Call the police when you see something that looks suspicious. Children as young as twelve are being pulled into sex rings. It does not just happen in the North End of this city, though we hear more of that type of disappearance and those are the bodies that tend to turn up. Tonight we heard about a girl who was trafficked to Los Angeles from Ottawa. She could have been my goddaughter. She could have been your sister.

I remember working alongside Linda Fuller, the wife of the founder of Habitat for Humanity International here one summer and unlike the American cities they were used to building in, Winnipeg did not sanitize the neighbourhood. The young prostitutes working in the ‘hood shocked the Americans who had come up for the build. I could not believe that they had not seen it in their cities, having lived in two large American centres myself, and had been propositioned myself a number of times in both. In fact, I could well have been a trafficked woman if not for my guardian angel and some swift thinking on my part when a pimp scanning young women arriving in his city approached me. We can all hide our heads in the sand.

Or we have a better option: We can do ordinary things with extraordinary love. I suspect that is the love demanded here. The dark side of this world turned MP Joy Smith’s son’s hair grey in the blink of an eye. He literally aged working as a police officer trying to save these girls. See Joy's webpage ( http://www.joysmith.ca/main.asp?cat_ID=27 ) for information on how to help and to become more educated. The victims need our help; the families of missing girls and women need our support, and even the johns and pimps need us. The multi-national companies that buy girls to work in horrific conditions in their third world factories need us. The later two need us to say stop! Can you extend some extraordinary love in the direction of this issue? Educate yourself on sex trafficking and the garment industry atrocities. Stop human trafficking now!

Peace,

Suzanne

Truth Walking

"There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth…not going all the way, and not starting." ~ Buddha

I have been doing prison ministry for a decade or so, I think. I have not necessarily gone consistently, especially lately due to other commitments and also because at one point I wondered if I was putting myself in harm’s way. After some deep thought and discernment, I decided to keep doing the ministry.

Recently, it seems I have had to review what I believe about this ministry. I strongly believe that people deserve second chances. God has given us all that opportunity and that grace and mercy needs to have a human face some days. I was challenged by friends lately about why I do this ministry to men who do bad things. Why did I not start a ministry at the new prison for women instead? Alternatively, why do I not find a ministry to women in need?

Good questions, I suppose. Years ago when I was writing a series about prison ministry, the women I encountered at the remand centre bothered my spirit. I could not understand them and was not drawn to assist them. Mostly I struggled with how these women who were for the most part also mothers, could give up their children for men or drugs or pleasure of some form. I was pretty judgmental. I could not relate to them. True, I do not relate to the men any better about some of their life choices so I feel as if I have not yet reached the end of that journey to the truth.

I have been drawn on and off to volunteer with women who have been trafficked. I am not exactly sure how I want to plug in though. I guess I just expect that a door will open when I am ready to walk through it. I have connections but have not yet seen something that calls my name. Here I wonder if my mistake is not beginning the journey.

I pray for guidance in both these areas. Walking towards truth is never easy; it is like a labyrinth. Once I arrive, I am hoping I will recognize the place of Truth.

Peace,

Suzanne

Stretch Marks

“A mind stretched to a new idea never returns to its original dimensions.” ~ Oliver Wendall Holmes

Not all minds that are stretched to new ideas are a good thing. Take these elephants for example. Do you think that they could ever return to the wild, knowing that they could sit down, like on a toilet seat, and paint a picture? I still do not know what to think of the elephant shows that I saw. I prefer to see them in their native habitat.

I feel lately as if my mind is being stretched to new ideas—bombarded by them actually. I have had a number of events force me into thinking in new ways or pushing the limits to what I believe. I was out with friends tonight for supper and a good conversation. One topic of discussion was the Vatican’s investigation of the American nuns. This event has saddened me. I am having difficulty wrapping my head around the fact that this covert operation only looks at the women religious. Did no priests support the Obama administration’s health care? Have all priests spoken up about abortion and been silent about same-sex marriage? Is doing social justice a sin? Is challenging the status quo not allowed? I will be curious to see how this unfolds. At a time when the US church is declining in numbers because of cover-ups of sexual abuse by bishops and priests, this seems to be a slap in the face to women who have dedicated their lives to a church that has let them down.

I know my mind cannot return to its original shape and I know that this is a challenge. I am feeling a little like those elephants and wonder why on earth I ever learned to sit up.

Peace,

Suzanne

50 Days of Rejoicing

In Lent we had 40 days in the desert. Now we have 50 days of rejoicing. ~ from this morning’s homily by Fr. Miranda

Can you imagine being so afraid that you lock yourself in a room and stay there for days? The eleven apostles and their companions may have been in this state—afraid that they might be next now that Jesus was crucified. In today’s Gospel, we read how the two men who were met by Jesus on the road to Emmaus had returned to Jerusalem with the good news of having seen the Risen Christ when Jesus himself suddenly appeared among them, greeting them with the words, “Peace be with you.”

For some in that room who had already encountered Christ Risen, there must have been some rejoicing. For others, it must have been slightly unnerving. We face that option too—to accept something with joy or reject it in fear. Jesus invited them to touch him—to feel that he was indeed human. He asked for food so that they could see he could touch and consume it to prove he was not a ghost. He reminded them of the words that he had spoken while he was still with them before his crucifixion. Their minds were opened to understand and accept what they saw then. They were among the first witnesses.

A witness does not only see; they must also tell. Oftentimes, they choose to do as well. Fr. Miranda used the example of Hannah Taylor, a local young girl, who when she was eight years old witnessed a homeless man digging through a dumpster. When she learned that this man had nothing to eat, she told people about what she had seen and then she chose to do something to change what she saw. From that experience, Hannah has started the Ladybug Foundation and has gone on to raise funds for and awareness on the issue of homelessness. What surprised me is that many of the young people gathered around the priest for the children’s homily seemed to know what the Ladybug Foundation is and what Hannah has done. As I reflected on this, I could see the power of being a witness.

We each have the choice of accepting with joy or rejecting in fear. In these 50 days of Easter, may we choose joy and may we be a witness to the Risen Christ in our world, reaching out to those most in need.

What will you do to be a witness to the power of Good?

Peace,

Suzanne

Heart Ponderings

"But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart." ~ Luke 2:19

Since returning from my trip, I have been doing a lot of thinking. While I was in Singapore and Bali, one of the blessings was I did not do any serious thinking—not even in this moment captured on film.

This morning I woke up at 7:30 and the wheels were already turning. I got up, did a few things, awaited a 9:00 phone call, did a few more things, and then decided to crawl back into bed around 10:30. My brain was turning over a number of things going on in my life. I huddled under the covers, closed my eyes, and listened to my heart. Thankfully, my cousin from Vancouver called about an hour later or I still might be there.

I discovered enough in that hour to let some peace settle in where it had been elusive. I mostly have been wondering about vocation since my return. I am grateful for those two weeks that broke me out of routine and slowed me down. I am glad to have seen new things—beauty in land, creatures, and people, culture that is different and mystical, and life in full. I was happy for few responsibilities other than to myself—yes, I enjoyed that selfishness. I felt a freedom that resonated deeply within me.

Now back into routine, I am overbooked and busy; happily on many levels but at the same time, miserable on other levels. I have known for weeks what it is…I have been here before. Vocation calls. Am I really doing what you want, God? I have had some soul-nudging experiences for some time, even before my departure, including a suggestion that I apply for a job that is coming up in a few months that would see me working in a very different environment. My soul is very restless. As odd as this may sound to those who know me, I feel lately as if I am missing the boat about where I am to serve.

Buried under my covers, I dug deep into the ponderings of my heart this morning. I faced some of the sadness there. I held up the question of “What now, God?” I replayed the voices of people who have spoken truth to me recently. Last night at a gathering, one of the nuns I know only slightly expressed how much joy I have that bubbles over into my immediate surroundings. I had been praying for joy during my six-week novena. Is it possible that it remains visible for others though is not yet in my own heart completely? Am I a source of joy? Right now, it feels hard to believe in my ponderings.

I have been fairly miserable since my return as I have written. Something has begun to shift though as I settle in here. Last night’s fundraiser for trafficked women stirred the pot some more. For a few years, I have had the desire to serve this population—but how and where? I have contacts here that would allow me to do so but sense I must wait. This morning came the news of yet another Aboriginal girl gone missing—from the Pow Wow at the university I attended, a 15-minute walk from my home. She is suspected to have been taken by a group of men who were last seen with her. Listening to the talks last night have left me unsettled. Every spring, the Aboriginal community fears the thaw as they wait for missing bodies that lie beneath the snow to be revealed. How tragic!

I am not one to ruminate to the point of depression. I do ponder and treasure, treasure and ponder, the truths of what I receive. I shift through my heart and spirit to listen to God’s voice. God has never let me down, and yet, the Holy One does not let me off easily. Re-emerging from my bed this morning, I did finally have the sense that all will be well. I may not be exactly sure of the road unfolding but I can still treasure that. Some thoughts surprised me a little in my hour rant with God about what God might have in mind. Lead me on, Lord! I will go.

Peace,

Suzanne

High School Memories

"Well my music was different in high school; I was singing about love—you know, things I don't care about anymore.” ~ Lady Gaga

Gaga might have it right. What was important to us at one point in our lives may be completely different now. Tonight I was back at the annual Rock Show at a local high school. My friend’s son is in his last year and he did an amazing job with his solo piece, “I’m Too Sexy.”

I knew two other students who also rocked the show: one was having a blast in her stiletto white boots when I think normally she is a shy, reserved girl and the other was poised in all her performances as she is other times on stage talking to large crowds. I watched some female students nervously pull down short skirts and some male students awkwardly dance while some girls flaunted what they had, posing for the cameras and some guys rocked out with their guitar solos. This evening is always a walk down memory lane for me. I loved high school and was grateful for having places where I plugged in and felt safe.

I knew almost all the songs from this year’s theme of Glitter and Glam: Space Oddity, Bang a Gong, Ballroom Blitz, Wake Me Up Before You Go Go, and Mickey to name a few. I usually go on the closing night but because I will be out of town went to the opening instead. I love watching the graduating class thank the staff that put on the event. I will miss that this year.

What memories do you have from high school? What music was playing at your soc hops/dances? What things don’t you care about anymore?

Peace,

Suzanne

Sharing Doubt

"The community of believers was of one heart and mind, and no one claimed that any of his possessions was his own, but they had everything in common." ~ Acts 4:32

I love this quote from today’s readings and used it on an application form when I was applying for an internship with an organization that shared everything in common. Living in their community was one of the best years of my life. It helped me understand community dynamics.

Today’s Gospel story of doubting Thomas is a poignant one. How many of us need proof to believe the unbelievable? I am sure we all do. Why was Thomas not with the others when Jesus had originally appeared? What was going on for him in the midst of community’s grief? In his own grief?

When believers share one heart and mind, there can still be skepticism. Poor Thomas! He needed something that the others who had not seen maybe could not voice but also needed. The faith journey is filled with doubts but that is why we are part of a community--so we have others to encourage us when we hit those rough spots.

In a community of believers, what is it you still need?

Peace,

Suzanne

Deepest Desires

"Often our deep desires are hidden below a confusing mass of less important but more clamorous, insistent wants, needs and longings." ~ Annemarie Pauli

Today I helped facilitate the Chemin Neuf Community Day. The themes of the day were Ignatian desires, consolation, and desolation. This quote was one of the lines I used to describe our challenging the work of naming our desires can be. I think today we hurry at a frantic pace and do not really take the time to be still and sort through the maze of longings deep within us.

Since returning from Bali, I have been somewhat miserable. Well, maybe not initially but with the weather being seasonably normal I am not a happy camper. I am daydreaming about being on a beach in Bali more and more often. Ugh! Gotta get a new perspective on life. Can I survive the desolation?

Today though as I described desires, consolation, and desolation I became even a little more aware of my own desires about traveling, warm weather, and healthy lifestyles. This week I have been thinking quite a bit about photography and how looking through a camera lens is a relaxing activity for me. I wonder if someone would hire me on to be a travel photojournalist? I am guessing that could be a fun career.

I must find some time in the near future to go away to a quiet place and sort through the longings of my heart.

Do you know the holy desires of your heart?

Peace,

Suzanne

Forgetting Elephants

"You know ... they say an elephant never forgets. What they don't tell you is, you never forget an elephant." ~ Bill Murray in Larger Than Life

In the Gospel the other day, Jesus tells Mary not to hold on to him, as he needs to return to God. Humans have difficulty letting go of good experiences, fond memories, loving people. I have found myself missing Bali immensely this past week and a half. I keep dreaming about sitting on a beach and listening to the waves, probably because I did not get to do that before I left Bali.

Ok, so today with the earthquake, I probably would not have wanted to be in Indonesia but still, I cling to my vacation, and hate the idea of going to work every day. I know I will get over it, but right now when I look at some of my photos, I see how rested and happy I look. We do not forget the extraordinary, whether it is elephants or people or events.

Last night when I went to bed, I started hacking around midnight. That continued for several hours. At 4:00 I knew I had to let go of the idea of getting up and driving to a school two hours away. I called in sick and lay in bed, thinking about how healthy I seemed while I was away. I was in some pain, well, quite a bit of pain due to walking as much as I did but when I arrived in Bali, something shifted and I was more pain-free and at peace. I think I love the tropics. Why was I born where I was then? Nowhere near a tropical rainforest or ocean. I cling better than some top-selling kitchen wraps.

Elephants, dragonflies, and massages remain with me. People who adorn themselves with a flower every morning to remind themselves that they are holy and belong to the divine wander through my mind. I miss the smell of incense and the hundreds of offerings that I needed to step over daily. I know that in a week or so, the misery will pass and I will settle into life here and be happy but right now, I close my eyes and I am laughing at the elephant dropping a floral lei on me
or soaking up the sun as I rest by the pool.

What are you having trouble forgetting right now?

Peace,

Suzanne

Saying Goodbye to an Old Friend

"You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Easter Monday. Today was supposed to be a day to catch up on so many things but I hardly did any of the items on my list. Instead I went to a funeral for a woman who welcomed me into my parish and made me feel at home these past 25 years. I did not get home until 3:30 and then realized I was quite tired so took a wee nap.

When I think of Mary, I think of a strong woman, pictured here with her daughter and granddaughter at one of our church functions, who grew strong women, both her own and those around her. She encouraged me so often throughout the years and I knew I was not the only fortunate one. She touched many lives. I am grateful for her influence on mine.

I thought she might pass away while I was on vacation but she lingered and died on Palm Sunday. The church was packed today, filled with the lives she blessed over her many years in the parish and beyond. Her former employer celebrated and told great stories about her high expectations for life at our church. Her son and daughter sent her off with wonderful stories too.

I was glad that I was able to see her and bring her the Eucharist at the hospice where she spent her last days prior to my vacation. We reminisced and she introduced me as a dear, old friend to the staff there. She had done so much for me over the years that I was happy to give back. I had planned on starting to bring the Eucharist to her upon my return. I am relieved to know that I did not wait until it was too late. Sometimes, making time is crucial because we do not get a second chance.

Who in your life has changed you? Who should you stop and give thanks for this moment?

Peace,

Suzanne

Christ is Risen! Alleluia!

Receive (this candle) as a pleasing fragrance,
And let it mingle with the lights of heaven.
May this flame be found still burning
By the Morning Star;
The one Morning Star who never sets,
Christ your Son.

~Exultet

Ah, Easter! It’s a favourite feast day in my church. I love the Easter vigil and last night was no different. This morning I pray that the flame of faith and love is still burning in my heart.

The Gospel reading last night was about the fears of the disciples and the women when they find Jesus missing. Understanding the Easter mysteries is not easy, even for the most faithful. I pray that fear may never overwhelm me and stop me from doing your will, Jesus.

I am off to family supper so this is short. I hope to be more on track this week with my blog, finishing off some of the stories from my Asian Adventure and looking forward to spring here in Canada.

May the light within you mingle with the lights of heaven to create a light so bright the world will never be the same. Happy Easter! May joy and hope be yours.

Peace,

Suzanne

Journey to Who You Really Are

“Again the high priest asked him, "Are you the Christ, the Son of the Blessed?" ~ Mark 14: 61

Today is Palm Sunday. This is a day of a great journey for Jesus, one that starts in jubilation and ends in sorrow. Journeys are risky but to not take them is also risky. You may miss the reason you are here. This day we remember that Christ is the Son of the Blessed. We remember why he came and why he set out on the path that was laid out for him. The way was one of great joy at times and tremendous sadness at others. The human part of Jesus lived fully.

Having completed my Asian Adventure, I must say that coming home for Holy Week is a blessing. I am not sure how my journey these past two weeks will bear fruit in my life but I know without a doubt it will.

Peace,

Suzanne