Christ is Risen!

Christ is Risen! Alleluia!
Christ is truly risen!

Easter without family but I still had an amazing day. I hope they did too. This is the last night here in Mexico prior to departing. I have had a wee bit of a resurrection and will be able to face the newly fallen snow having had a good break. I have lots to ponder as usual after such journeys.

God is good. My heart knows that this trip was about something bigger than what is in front of me. We have had a great time. I was able to do some of the Triduum celebrations after all which made my heart glad.

I am off in the morning and so will keep this short. I, like Mary, cannot cling to the Holy One but I am blessed to have encountered him so beautifully here.

Peace,

Suzanne

This is the Night!

“This is the night! The night in which life triumphs over death, light over darkness, boundless joy over deep sorrow, infinite hope over devastating hopelessness.” ~ Jean-Pierre Prevost in the Easter Vigil reflection, Living with Christ

This is the night of nights, the holiest of Holies. Tonight we catch a glimpse of how much God loves us and yet it is beyond our grasp. How can we understand this great sacrifice our Redeemer made for us?

I wait, here in Mexico, having slipped into the stillness of the pre-celebrations at the church, all the statues covered in white cloth. I wait in the silence of the tomb, despite vacation calling me to be present to the moment. I remember you, Lord; remember me when you come into your Kingdom.

I walk down the path beyond the church through the market and I see a beautiful butterfly, reminding me that my transformation is still in process. I do not know where you are leading me, Jesus, but help me to follow with a heart fixed on you alone. I walk further up the street and stop in at the travel agent who has arranged our wonderful outings to thank him. I continue on and arrive at Borsan’s home and gallery. I want to express what his art has meant to me. The gallery is closed but he sees me. I thank him and we decide that I should look one more time at the paintings that have struck a chord within me. I thank him and leave, heading back to the condo. I walk a few blocks and stop to look at a card in a shop when I hear, “Senorita.” I turn and Borsan is there. He begins almost humbly and apologetically. It is not about the money he says but he wonders if I want to buy the paintings. He will give them to me at a good price because he believes I am the rightful owner because they speak to my soul. He wants me to consider it and come on Monday to buy them if I think it is right. Another woman wanted to buy them for a better price but he did not sell them to her. She came five times to ask but he did not give them to her because he felt they did not belong to her.

The interesting thing is that it is a being standing before a door and this year has been about me walking through open doors into the unknown with trust, which is really what the journey is about tonight, this holy night—of trusting God and walking into the unknown and knowing that there will be resurrection. I have to decide in the next 24 hours as to whether I should buy it or not. I think he saw my soul for a moment and wants me to trust what this art means for me.

I believe life triumphs over death, light over darkness, boundless joy over deep sorrow, and infinite hope over devastating hopelessness. I believe in the holiness of this night and all the richness it holds. I believe in Love and that Love wins.

Alleluia! May the joy and peace of the Risen Christ be yours this night and always.

Peace,

Suzanne

Field of Hopes and Fears

"I remembered that the real world was wide, and that a varied field of hopes and fears, of sensations and excitements, awaited those who had courage to go forth into its expanse..." ~ Charlotte Bronte, in Jane Eyre

Traveling brings out the best in me, allowing me to experience hopes and fears and dazzling sensations and excitements. Every new experience brings new courage to step further into the beautiful world around me, to meet its inhabitants and see its creatures.

I am soon off to Holy Thursday service. This is the day You taught us how to serve. May I learn anew what it means to be a good and faithful servant. Thank you for allowing me to join You at this table here in Mexico. This too is a field of Hope and Fears as we begin these Holy celebrations.

Peace,

Suzanne

Whose Eyes?

“The traveler sees what he sees. The tourist sees what he has come to see.” ~ G.K. Chesterton

Whether we travel or not, we have eyes that can see what is beyond the natural or obvious. Life presents us with gifts and choices every second. We respond, ignore or are oblivious. Traveling intensifies this reality because the choices are sometimes foreign or unpredictable. I pray for eyes to see beyond the here and now, into the Truth of situations.

Yesterday on the beach, we observed two people dressed as Jesus and Mary it seemed talking to a group of young men that I had been chatting with earlier. They were on spring vacation and definitely looking for a good time. They had created a sand sculpture of a crocodile eating a human that had caught my eye. The Jesus looking guy came by and spoke in Spanish to us. His name was Abraham he said--his real birth name, but like the father of the nations. We engaged in a conversation and he ended up calling the Karens and I the gifts of God.

It would be easy to judge him as he proselytized on the beach. Holy Week celebrations are gearing up here and he wanted us to know God loves us. No harm in that! I admired his courage. He saw my crucifix around my neck and realized I was Catholic too. He was pleased.

There is so much to pay attention to here. I have already learned so much that will need to be integrated at some point. The time is a blessing. This morning we will have some pool time, followed by beach time away from here in a smaller town. I plan on keeping my eyes wide open, just like Borsan's Being watching the world as it moves through Life.

Peace,

Suzanne

Open Spirits

"Believe nothing, question everything." ~ Luis Borsan, Bucerias artist

When you meet someone extraordinary, you often know immediately. The spirit of the person seeps into you and you know you will never be the same. This was the case of the artist we meet yesterday while kicking around Bucerias. He had a way about him that enthralled us all. I fell in love with his signature "being" in his paintings. "I love this!" I exclaimed. He went on to explain that the Being was the One who watches us. We engaged in a fascinating discussion about his spirituality. I had already noticed his Spanish artist statement about believing nothing and questioning everything. He had me at that point and then as I looked more intently at his paintings, I could tell this man was a deep thinker, with a highly intuitive sense of life. The one collection that caught our eyes was two paintings and a metal sculpture--the first painting was a being standing before a large closed door, the middle sculpture was a head attached to a Being, and the second painting was the being going down a long hall, having chosen to open the door and walk through it. The piece spoke volumes to me about having the courage to walk through doors that scare us and step into the unknown.

Travel does that for me. We are walking through all kinds of doors, taking risks, going to the unknown, and loving it! I believe it is the reason I travel. I can push my comfort zone and experience newness that stretches and fosters growth. We were blessed yesterday with an amazing adventure, which included a pod of dolphins following our boat and dancing in and out of the water in our wake. Truly spectacular! We had a delicious buffet supper on the beach as the sunset and then watched a spectacular cultural Cirque de Soleil type performance under a full moon. Magical!!

At the moment, I am off to my first massage ever on the beach. That kind of newness I could get used to perhaps.

Peace,

Suzanne

The Good Life

"I believe I shall see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." ~ Psalm 27

First day in Bucerias was heaven! A wild bus ride to the condo led to a tranquil time on the beach, just relaxing. Later in the day, we walked through the market. A vendor, seeing me in my purple, called out he had a purple hat for me. Ah, I am not so hard to figure out it seems. We stopped on the way home for margaritas and nachos. Life is good!
This morning we are off to town to make plans for the rest of the week.

Peace,

Suzanne

Waving Palm Trees

“Blessed are you, who have come in your abundant mercy.” ~ Entrance Antiphon, Palm Sunday mass

I write this from high in the sky, winging to Puerto Vallerta, unable to attend mass on this Holy Day, but knowing that full well I will soon be among the palm trees and on the beach, a place where Jesus first gathered his disciples. I love the Palm Sunday liturgy, full of richness and symbolism and am sad to be missing it. I guess it is part of emptying myself this Lent and Holy Week and opening myself to what God has to give me.

I find my mind wandering this morning. The sun has risen now, just a short while ago it was a bright red ball, tossing streaks of colour across the clouds. I never cease to be amazed at the miracle of this simple and ongoing activity of a new day. We are flying over stunning snow-capped mountains, reflecting the glory of that sun. Centuries ago, perhaps Christ arose quietly and watched the sunrise on this fateful day, a day when a triumphant ride on a donkey would turn nasty and all who loved him would turn away from him out of fear.

Fear is an ongoing battle for me. I would like to think that I would have stood by Jesus, my Beloved, on that fateful day, that I would not just have rejoiced at the crowd’s celebration of finally recognizing His glory, but that I would also have followed Him to the cross. Given the track record of those who were with Jesus, I have to acknowledge that I would have been no more faithful. We are all capable of betrayal and it is only through Jesus’ abundant mercy that we can move forward, forgiven and free.

Waving palms and shouting gleefully is an easy place to be with friends. Standing with those in sorrow, pain, fear, and confusion is a place of struggle and challenge. I am profoundly aware that I am entering Holy Week this year with friends who are in the later space. This trip was almost canceled because my friend’s mother fell ill and has subsequently passed away. The friend who is joining us and I have had some struggles of our own lately. We may all deal with those demons this week as we rest, stroll on the beach, and walk the Via Crucis. We will be in good company, as Someone has shed His own blood to mark the path.

I enter this Holy Week, expectant, as I always do. I know that God has given me a gift beyond measure. Blessed is the One who comes! Hosanna in the Highest! I am ready to receive the mercy and blessings You have to bestow. Come, Emmanuel—I raise my palm to greet you this Holy Day; I prepare like those other fishermen and the women who served with you to walk as humbly as I can this Week with you. This is the reason you came; this is the faith I embrace. The way of the cross is the way to life. Keep my feet upon the path and my eyes always on you.

May this journey to the death and resurrection of Jesus the Christ bring blessings to each of you.

Peace,

Suzanne

We are Blessed

“All we have is all we need. All we need is the awareness of how blessed we really are.” ~ Sarah Ban Breathnach

Getting ready to get on a plane and looking forward to all that is coming my way. I am feeling somewhat better and know that I can sleep and rest on the plane.

May my heart be open to all you wish to give to me this trip. May I be your light to all I meet. May I have all that I need and may I bring what others need with me. May I always know that I am deeply blessed. I am so grateful.

Peace,

Suzanne

Sick in Bed

"There is one consolation in being sick; and that is the possibility that you may recover to a better state than you were ever in before." ~ Henry David Thoreau

I have spent the day in bed feeling little energy. At 4:30 this morning, I awoke feeling violently ill. I have not been that bad since I was in Africa a few years ago. It is a horrible feeling and one of the times in life when I feel sad to be single and alone in the house without anyone to help care for me.

As night falls, I have done very little to prepare for my trip tomorrow. I must pack, clean and do a few things that must happen prior to departure. I am unsure how much of them will get down yet tonight. I canceled lunch and supper plans and finally ate some oatmeal which seems to be staying down. Tomorrow I have lunch plans with the family. I guess the food I have left in the house can be shared with them.

I am hoping that the rest I got today will help with a restful start to the trip.

Peace,

Suzanne

Hopeful Symptom

“The impulse to travel is one of the hopeful symptoms of life.” ~ Agnes Repplier

I have shifted to vacation mode and it is a glorious feeling. I officially have 11 days off, the magical number. I am hoping to rest, recuperate, and think through a number of decisions as I walk the beach, lay in the sun, laugh with friends, toast the blessings received, explore unknown territory, see uncommon critters like the blue-footed booby, taste foreign cuisine, dance up a storm, and simply embrace life.

I need to take life's pulse again and resurrect with Christ during this Holy Week. I have been somewhat overwhelmed with all the blessings and sorrows of life this month. I have not lost joy as hope lingers but I think I have misplaced her at times this week in particular. Travel tends to restore me to the wonder of the world and its inhabitants. Exploring places, meeting people, and trying new things are invigorating to me. Spending quiet time by myself is also crucial to my sanity. I can walk the beach for miles and I return renewed. I am bringing my camera which slows me down and forces me to see details and divinity. I am confident that I shall be revived.

Happy Spring Break! May you follow your impulses and arrive at a hopeful place.

Peace,

Suzanne

Treasure Hunt

“A philosophy of life: I'm an adventurer, looking for treasure.” ~ Paulo Coelho

I am starting to get excited about my latest treasure hunt. I emailed my hostess earlier tonight to share some thoughts about what some of the adventures might look like. I am blessed to have a philosophy of life that believes in the awesomeness that daily unfolds, showering blessings and miracles on those with eyes to see.

What treasure do you seek this moment?

Peace,

Suzanne

No Time to Ponder

“So much has been given to me I have not time to ponder over that which has been denied.” ~ Helen Keller

I have blessings abundant. I find I drop into bed each night with a grateful heart and so little time to be unhappy or to consider what may not have happened. Does a stained glass window say to the artist that the colours it radiates today are simply not enough? No, in sunny and overcast skies, the window simply allows the Light to permeate its very being. I feel as if God is at work in me and even when I do not quite comprehend what is happening, I must let myself be used for the plan.

Peace,

Suzanne

Secret of Happiness

I discovered the secret of happiness is not to mourn the past
I discovered the secret of happiness is not to run too fast
You can still beat them by coming in last ‘coz
The secret, the secret of happiness is
I discovered the secret of happiness is not be afraid
~ lyrics Paul Gordon, The Secret of Happiness from Daddy Long Legs

Today's First Reading from Daniel 13 is the little-known but inspiring story included in Catholic bibles, about the beautiful young woman named Susanna, that Daniel saves by tripping up her scoundrel accusers by their own lies. Susanna stands firm in her faith and does not give into her fears. She beat these lustful men by seemingly coming in last, but still manages to win. I have long loved this story. I am inspired by Susanna's fidelity as much, if not more, than Daniel's cleverness. She is a woman of incredible strength and convictions. How many of us dare to stand in trust and depend solely on God to deliver us when we are afraid?

Tonight I attended the play on our main stage theatre, Daddy Long Legs where another heroine stands firm in her beliefs and is delivered to a better place. Another young man comes to her aid in the drama. I found it interesting that while she poured out her heart to Daddy Long Legs in letters, he could not be honest with her because of his own fears. He ends up entangled in lies and betrayal before he finds the courage to speak the truth. How often do relationships fail because people cannot believe in the truth and in who they are as they are? Can we be mindfully honest with ourselves so that we can trust the other with the essence of who we are? Can we stand in our fears and trust that God will bring us to a place of peace, acceptance and joy in our relationships?

For several years, I have committed to trying to move beyond my fears and trust that all shall be well. This could indeed be the secret of my joy--do not be afraid! Lean fully on the One who created you to be so much more. How about you, will you try to do the same in order to discover the secret of happiness?

Peace,

Suzanne

Tireless God

"God never tires of forgiving us." ~ Pope Francis I

On the first Sunday since his election, Pope Francis reassured his listeners that God is patient, merciful and forgiving. Today's Gospel reading shows that through Jesus and his interaction with the woman caught in adultery. He is a gentle, tender soul towards this woman surrounded by her accusers. We all have moments of wanting to throw the first stone but if we really think about it, we should hang our heads in shame or rather reach out a loving hand because each of us knows how hard it is to walk a holy path.

I went to the sacrament of reconciliation this week and when I finished my confession the priest asked if that was it. In retrospect, I guess there was so much more, but I was cognizant of the long line still outside the room and had really given only the most pressing items. He assured me that his absolution would cover my multitude of sins.

God never tires of loving us in our sinfulness. He encourages us on our path to holiness and accepts us as we are--right at this present moment. How lucky--or rather blessed--are we on this St. Patrick's Day to have a God like that in our corner? As the Psalmist sings today: The Lord had done great things for us; we are filled with joy.

Do you know you are forgiven? Can you accept this amazing reality? God never tires of forgiving you or me.

Peace,

Suzanne

Passage to Gratitude

“You can only come to the morning through the shadows.” ~ J.R.R. Tolkien

I was remembering as I gathered in my small group tonight where I was approximately a year ago both geographically and spiritually. I was in Singapore with my friend Celeste at a Corrinne May concert. My life in some ways felt like it was in shambles. I was so unhappy on many fronts. Tonight though I see that I have moved through that dark shadow and found the sunshine that awaited me. I remember after the concert asking if there was reconciliation that week at the church but the date it was, I was going to be leaving for Bali. The priest happily said he would see me right then. Perhaps that was the beginning of my gratitude. He saved my life spiritually and helped break the bonds that held me.

I told my group that I currently feel an abundance of blessings in my life and am so grateful that I am not in the same place as I was. God has moved me beyond the dark night to the morning light. How can I be anything but humbly appreciative?

Peace,

Suzanne

To God!

“Adieu! 'tis love's last greeting." ~ Pierre Jean de Beranger

I was at a funeral for my friend's mother today. I have known my friend since I was five. That is a very long time. The priest said something lovely at one point. He said the French, the Italians and the Spaniards have a beautiful way of saying goodbye. Adieu in French literally means to God, as do the equivalent in the other languages. So at a funeral, those gathered say adieu and hand the person back to God. I loved that concept and found great comfort in it.

Peace,

Suzanne

All We Need

"Abundance comes as I break free of scarcity thinking and remind myself again and again that 'What we need is here'..." ~ Parker J. Palmer based on a Wendall Berry poem, The Wild Geese

Abundance is a word on my mind lately. I am thinking about how I have made some decisions without thinking through everything financially. This is supposed to be the year I win the lottery according to my horoscope, if I believed in such things. However, I keep hearing, "and all will be well." So, I believe that.

The decisions I have made are all wonderful. Another woman who has decided to also come to South Africa agreed that some things are worth owing money on--amazing experiences are one of them. I return to my own mantra of "I don't need more, I just need enough." I like Wendall Berry's words too--what we need is here.

I have to stop dwelling on the scarcity factor and breathe in the abundance that is already here.

Peace,

Suzanne

A New Hope?

"Jesus teaches us another way: Go out. Go out and share your testimony, go out and interact with your brothers, go out and share, go out and ask. Become the Word in body as well as spirit." ~ Pope Francis

Wow! I have been so discouraged about what might happen with the election of a new pope that I could not even follow any news about the candidates. You can imagine my surprise when I received an email at work after a meeting from a friend with the words: A Jesuit! in the message line and nothing else. I was stunned and scrolled down to his previous message: Habemus Papam. I cannot remember my exact and hastily typed words but they were something like: WHAT!!?? Are you kidding me? Now my friend does have a great sense of humour but still I could not believe he would play with my mind like that. I had been in meetings and had not heard. In fact, I had just had a quick 40-minute lunch with four other Ignatian-type folks, two of them full-fledged Jesuits. Two hours later, the world had a Jesuit pope.

I do not normally text and type on city streets, but my friend kept sending updates and I could not wait to get to a computer. I almost rear-ended someone. My angels were taking care of me big time on the drive. (I know, I hang my head in shame because I really was breaking the law and could have hurt someone badly). I was fascinated with this turn of events. I do not really know what it means for me and my church but I found myself jolted with hope when I read the email message. A Jesuit? A South American? A man whose heart embraces some aspects of social justice even if he is conservative on some fronts.

One of my favourite principals to work with was a woman who I found cleaning the staff room fridge one day. I remember walking into the staff room and stopping dead in my tracks at the sight of it. When I mentioned to her that I had never seen a principal do that and thanked her for her efforts, she replied: A good leader doesn't ask someone to do something unless she would do it herself. As cardinal, this pope seems to have had that attitude. He may usher in on the 50th anniversary of Vatican II, a new way.

Tonight at the Lenten mission of my Ignatian parish, the Jesuit retreat leader planted another seed of hope within me. He had been teaching on the Examen, a tool I have grown to love and appreciate beyond measure. The Examen is more important to Jesuits than the liturgy of the hours because it downloads all the grace that we have missed during the day, he revealed. The pope is now doing this at least once a day, he said. I marveled at this revelation because I know the power of the Examen in my own life and its call to be truthful and an agent of change. Now when I do my nightly prayer, I can be assured that the Holy Father is also paying attention to what he is doing every day and wanting to see God in all things, as the Jesuits say. In praying like this, Pope Francis may bring healing to the Church. What a gift Ignatian spirituality may be.

Peace,

Suzanne

Beauty is Enough

"At some point in life the world’s beauty becomes enough. You don’t need to photograph, paint, or even remember it. It is enough.” ~Toni Morrison

Tonight in the art career management course that I am taking we had to partner up with someone and discuss why do we do what we do. What drives us to be an artist? I was surprised by many of my answers. I started writing to escape and create a world that brought adventure to my life. I do something similar with my photography. Most recently, after the Newtown school shootings, I grabbed my camera and went in search of beauty. I needed to submerge myself in a different world than the one unfolding in the media.

My desire is to heal and inspire people with both my writing and pictures but I had not perhaps fully realized that I wanted to mend my own brokenness too until tonight when I heard myself say that. As much as I want others to soak in joy, peace, and love, I write probably first and foremost for myself. I want to point people to beyond this world but my art grounds me in the Creator, Giver, and Sustainer. As I delve into the divine, I realize that my own soul is healed. What a gift!

Toni Morrison has it right, though. Perhaps some of my best photographs live in my head, ones that I never took after lining up the shot. I was too saturated by my emotions to click the button. Those sacred moments have been enough for me and sustained me long after the memory fades.

Peace,

Suzanne

Facing Fears

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Tonight I took on the continued challenge of pushing my comfort zone further out. I do quite a bit of public speaking with my job and within faith circles but I agreed to speak tonight at a secular event of sorts--MoMondays. Motivational Mondays is a new and happening event in Winnipeg. I had been to the first two and the MC and founder of Winnipeg MoMondays, Stephanie Staples, asked me to speak at this one. I did not jump at the chance but am so glad that I said yes and stepped past my fears.

The speakers were amazing at this evening's event. I laughed, I held back tears (only because I was next up), and was invigorated by people's ability to lean fully into life with all its joys and sorrows. I did not think about my speech until it was time to get up and onto the stage. As I began my prepared speech, I could hear the quivering in my voice (though a stranger later said I was so calm) but as I went on, I relaxed. This was the first time I spoke without looking at notes. I faced a fear I have long had. The journey from an excruciatingly shy child to public speaker is an upward climb for me but tonight I am proud to say I did it! I looked fear in the face and have gained an experience that will remain with me for future presentations.

Peace,

Suzanne

Prodigal Life

“A waiting person is a patient person. The word patience means the willingness to stay where we are and live the situation out to the full in the belief that something hidden there will manifest itself to us.” ~ Henri J.M. Nouwen

Today's Gospel of the Prodigal Sons and Faithful Father is a favourite. I imagine that father waiting and watching every day for the return of his beloved son. What patience he must have had! What hope he sustained day in and day out! What sorrow he must have felt as each day passed too. His task was not easy. Every day must have ended with heartache and yet each day must have begun with incredible hope.

This was no leisurely kick your shoes off and sit by the pond waiting. No, this was a worry-filled waiting that his son would return home safely soon. How often do we wait for something with great impatience? Right now I have a number of people in my life waiting for very serious medical information. As I wait with them, I sense their stress. There is no place else to go as they wait. I suppose they could numb themselves with all sorts of things, but I suspect they would soon see the pigpen that they would wake up in and come to their senses. The wonderful observation is that each of these people are living fully into the situation while they await a diagnosis or outcome.

One of them said to me today in a strong voice after we had shared a tearful moment that she believed that we were going to be together as planned in a few weeks because it was meant to be. That the trip had been booked for a reason and when we decided upon the vacation we did not know that it would bring us to this place. Something greater was being manifested. I heard truth in those words. I know God is in control, even when we bring ourselves into a place that awakens us to our blessings--gifts that we may have been unaware of until they have been deserted. A longing comes, as with the younger prodigal son, that we cannot ignore in our desperation.

Week four of Lent begins. How are you waiting and what do you think will eventually be manifested?

Peace,

Suzanne

Healing Moments

"Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future." ~Paul Boese

Today was an amazing day. Full of blessings, each of the three events I participated in brought much healing in various ways. Specifically, tonight my mind is on the prison visit and a conversation I had with one of the inmates. We were talking about forgiveness and I said that he needed to forgive himself. His crime is horrible but the Creator wanted him to be free was my suggestion. He had served his time and needed to let go and move on with his life.

I could tell he does not think he is worthy of mercy or grace. I know what he did cannot change the past but I have a sense that he could change not only his future but that of others.

I need to head to bed. Emotionally this day was amazing but I am quite exhausted and on the brink of daylight savings time, I best sleep.

Peace,

Suzanne

International Women's Day

"Every time we liberate a woman, we liberate a man." ~Margaret Mead

I am so blessed to have amazing women in my life. I have a set of older women who have been good "mothers" to me. Many of whom have passed on and left me a rich legacy. I have ones who are just a few steps ahead of me on the journey whose wisdom I cherish. I have my age-mates who bring me joy and have shared many experiences with me. The ones who are a bit younger than I keep me youthful. The young women in my life remind me of my mentoring tasks. The girls in my life bring hope for the future. The women of the developing countries have taught me how to be grateful with little. My rural women folk reveal how one should be always attached to the land. It will teach you much. I have so many memories of women who have birthed me into new life. I am grateful tonight as I turn out the lights that I have them in my heart.

Peace,

Suzanne

Courage for Conversations

“Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.” ~ Winston Churchill

This week has been challenging for me. I have needed to know when to speak up and when to shut up. Tomorrow will be a day of meetings in which I will need to discern when to speak and when to hold my tongue. Tonight I listened to a friend talk about a stressful situation in life and tried to be a support. I feel as if I have been through an aerobic boot camp with all the tough news received these past few days.

There have been some shining moments which help to balance. Sometimes I need to listen to those too and absorb them completely. In this long winter, I stand ready for spring but I know I have survived the emotional workout.

Peace,

Suzanne

I Don't Want To

"Time is a created thing. To say 'I don't have time' is like saying, 'I don't want to.'" ~ Lao Tzu

Today is the last of a reduced work week plan I have been on. I must admit that I will miss these days, days to rest and take care of myself, hours to catch up on my long to-do lists, and the opportunity to be instead of do. I often bemoan the fact that I do not have enough hours in the day so this quote was like an arrow to the heart. How on earth do I learn what it means to create time? Perhaps I am spending too much time in my happy place, stranded on some beach somewhere?

Many days I do just lift up the busy schedule to God and say, "You take care of the details." Then I know whatever gets done is grace and whatever is left undone is grace yet to arrive. This day, I have a sense that I do not want to do my tax preparation which was on the top of my to-do list for the day. Soon as this blog is posted, I will begin that task. Ah, the temptation to keep typing arises. I see the glimmer of truth in this quote after all.

What is it today that you do not want to do?

Peace,

Suzanne

Hole in My Soul

“Lord, I crawled across the barrenness to you with my empty cup uncertain in asking any small drop of refreshment. If only I had known you better I'd have come running with a bucket." ~ Nancy Spiegelberg

Lent has its barren moments in the desert where I feel alone and tempted to give in to the voices of the Seducer. I crawl, indeed perhaps slither, like the snake that whispers in my ear that I am unworthy, incapable, beyond repair. That part of me holds out an empty, battered cup with a shaking hand. Really what I need to realize this Lent is that I can stand on firm ground as the sand shifts around me, and swing my bucket with hope and faith because You know exactly what I need before I even ask. You desire my wholeness even more than I do. You fill my empty spaces and holes in my soul. You wait for me to realize that even a bucket will not hold all that you wish to pour into me. Be open!

Peace,

Suzanne

Solid Ground?

"So if you think you are standing, watch out that you do not fall." ~ 1 Corinthians 10:12

Lent continues as does the mercy of God. We are called to be faithful to the journey through this world, which offers many temptations. We might think we are standing on solid ground when it may be shifting sands. Keeping our eyes on Jesus is key to knowing that the foundation is strong.

In today's First Reading from Exodus, Moses meets the angel of the Lord in a flame and the Lord calls him by name from the burning bush and warns him to come no closer. Moses was standing on holy ground. That is the type of ground we all wish to experience--the one where we meet God face to face and learn that God has been watching our every move and knows our sufferings and now wishes to transform them.

In the Corinthians reading we learn that God was not pleased with most of the people and struck them down. This God is a foreign entity to me personally as I do not experience God as nasty but as a loving Creator. The Gospel shows that gentle, merciful side of God, who decides to give the fig tree another year to bear fruit. Ah, the patience of God is unparalleled, even when undeserved my most of us.

On what kind of ground are you standing at this point in Lent?

Peace,

Suzanne

The Circuitous Route

"God did not bring the people to Israel on the direct route. Instead, He took them through the desert." ~ Mekhilta Midrash

Today I spent a quiet day breathing in the desert, on retreat at my church with a group of volunteers who do various types of social justice ministry. The day was entitled The Gift of the Desert and examined both desert as a place of testing and as a place of intimacy with God.

In the morning, I entered a contemplation from the book of Exodus, chapter 16, and explored what my manna was and if I received it well, tried to hoard it, or rejected it altogether. I found myself awakening in a tent in the desert, prior to anyone else and went in search of the daily manna for my family. I found that it was easy to take just enough for the day’s needs. Something told me to probe deeper so I did the exercise again, this time, going to the desert and envisioning that each piece of manna that I came upon was something of value in my life: family, relationships, home, work, university, finances, etc. Ah, there was the struggle I was expecting. Each one presented a different scenario, showing me where my attachments were or were not. That was a profound experience that revealed where I was grateful or stingy, where I had open hands or closed fists, and where I trusted God or not.

The afternoon we were given readings from Hosea and Deuteronomy. The Deuteronomy passage was brief but inspiring: “Have no fear or dread of them. The Lord your God, who has gone before you, is the one who will fight for you, just as He did in Egypt before your very eyes, and in the wilderness, where you saw how the Lord your God carried you, just as one carries a child, all the way that you traveled until you reached this place” (Deut. 1:29-31). We were then asked to ponder the our graced history as to when we had experienced intimacy with God and in what ways my “desert” experiences had been life-giving to me.

The memory that came to me was around the death of my sister—in the moments when I raged at God and the moments when the presence of the Trinity was powerful. There is something about fighting with a loved one or for a loved one that is intimate and incomparable. That experience has been transforming—for me and for others as I have stepped into their pain and grief. I sometimes speak of the death as an odd gift that keeps on giving.

The other day while I was driving and mulling over items in my head, I had the realization that I don't need more. I just need enough. Today, that thought melted into the manna concept and the retreat has provided confirmation that if I can just trust God, I will have enough, in fact, all that I need. From there God will bless me and others who I encounter. I stand ready to be faithful, even when the route seems long and indirect.

Peace,

Suzanne

World Day of Prayer

"I was a stranger and you welcomed me." ~ Matthew 25:35

Today is the World Day of Prayer (WDP) and this was the slogan for it. When was the last time you welcomed a stranger or did something that was lovely for someone that you had never met? I have been welcomed so many times in my life. Here I am with a Ugandan priest who made me feel very much at home when I was far away from local loved ones.

WDP is a worldwide movement of Christian women comprised of many traditions who come together to pray each year on the first Friday of March. This year, the event focused on human trafficking, an issue near to my heart. Tonight as I prayed in front of the candles and icon at Taize prayer, I was drawn into a wider circle of caring and love. Welcome someone soon who needs your love.

Peace,

Suzanne