Reviewing Resolutions

A happy New Year! Grant that I
May bring no tear to any eye
When this New Year in time shall end
Let it be said I've played the friend,
Have lived and loved and labored here,
And made of it a happy year.
~Edgar Guest

I am reviewing my 2011 resolutions. I have been home quietly enjoying being by myself, after being out every night for the past two weeks or more. I chuckled earlier this evening after mass when one of the young ‘uns asked, “Did you just say you hoped to be in bed by 10:00?” I had but obviously that deadline has come and gone.

With my journal entry from last year in front of me, I am reflecting on how I did with my dreams and goals. The first one had to do with writing. I wanted to start a new blog and try to write daily. Today ends the year with postings created 358 of the 365 days. Now, some of those were not for lack of trying. Blogspot and Shaw did not always cooperate with me. I had a goal to journal more but I think the blogging replaced that. I did not feel a need. So for those of you who were reading my blog, you could say that you were reading my journal too. I had hoped to start a novel. I kicked around a couple of ideas but I am still waiting for something to become clearer in this regard. This goes back on my list for 2012. I have been editing a friend’s homilies and have a good chunk of them selected for publication. I will have to get more serious about this in the coming year. I have been at it for almost a year and so I would like to complete this project by summer.

I had hoped to visit more with family and friends and this did happen but not as much as I would have hoped. As Guest suggests above, I would like to play the friend more in this life.

I had hoped to exercise more as well. I did manage to complete the Tai Chi class I was taking and continue on with Pilates. I still do Pilates and have been thinking I should review the Tai Chi dvd and practice some. I tried to walk once a week and succeeded for a good while but even though we have had a record mild winter, I did not keep it up. Curves did not seem to be my thing but the new gym I am at may be the ticket.

Prayer was also on my agenda. I start every day with the mass readings and try to do an Examen at the end of the day, though I do fall asleep on occasion. I had hoped to return to Taize but instead was blessed to be selected to attend the Jesuit Congress in Ontario this summer and that turned out to be a holy experience. My Chemin Neuf group is a wonderful part of my life. I enjoy the people and our sharing. It keeps me on a good path and for that I am grateful. I was able to make it out to St. Benedict’s for a retreat. Sadly, though, I find myself avoiding mass at my church during the week. I am so disturbed by what is going on there that I find it hard not to be filled with anger. My spiritual home that has been so important to me is being slowly destroyed. I hope something shifts soon.

I had hoped for some romance this year but the year is ending without a single date. I did meet a few interesting men but nothing came of it. I tried to push my comfort zone by attending events where I might meet someone new so this satisfies the attempt to be more open and available.

I see that I hoped to volunteer to do something fun. Hmmm….I am not sure if I did this. Celeste, if you are reading this, I realize this was your wish for me. I have volunteered for many things this year but were they really fun?? I wonder if volunteering to organize 50 smaller birthday parties ranks as fun. I know that these were a great joy to me. I am not sure if volunteering as a spiritual director can be classified as fun (I see Celeste shaking her head) but I must say, I am thoroughly enjoying being back in that position again. Ok, how about Taiko drumming? Would that count? One of the activities I discovered this year was making photobooks in a new way. I enjoy that a lot and am also just starting to look at making my photos into cards.

I had hoped to travel and had on my list a number of places, which I managed to make. Kelowna, Vancouver area, St. Catharines, and Mississauga were all achieved as well as Minneapolis. I also had Taize, Singapore, and California on my list. Singapore will be the big travel event of 2012. I also managed to hit Calgary this year to visit my brother and take an Alaskan cruise to as a 50th birthday gift to myself.

Under health, I hoped to lose weight and did for a while this summer but am now at an all time high. I am more conscious of what I eat, although I do not always make healthy choices. This was a baby step this year. I did find a new way to exercise with the gym program and so I look forward to seeing what 2012 brings in this regard.

For work, I had hoped to begin to prepare for retirement and to begin to look at options for other employment. Instead, I had a pretty good work year in places. I still have in my mind it would do no harm to meet with HR and begin to prepare for retirement and maybe explore other options within government that might be less stressful and allow me to do other activities I love to do.

The last area I looked at was to find a place to live where I could be warm, safe, and happy. I wanted to entertain more and to live more simply. I did not really make much headway in this regard, though, I am toying with the idea of buying more seriously than ever before. My eye is on Craiglist often for the rentals. I looked at a few places this year and am perhaps a little sad that I did not jump on one of them. My little space heater is on as I type this. My landlord still drives me crazy for the most part. I have not had many people visit. I would say this area gets the lowest of all marks but not because I did not try.

So those were my resolutions from last year. In retrospect though, the year was awesome. I can look back and say that I have lived and loved and laboured well to create a happy year. I was able to travel extensively, see many of the people who have positively influenced my life and life choices, tried many new adventures, created successful moments at work, made a difference in people’s lives all over the world (especially in DRC with some fundraising), and at the end of the year, can look back proudly over the blessings that God has showered upon me for 2011. It has been a stellar jubilee year for me and I am so incredibly grateful for all of it.

May you take a moment to review your year and find the blessings that were yours.

Peace,

Suzanne

12 Days of Eating

"Eat little, sleep sound." ~Iranian Proverb

I think I have this proverb backwards right now. I have been feasting for days and sleeping mere hours. Tonight was another evening of snacking on treats, although the photo is from last night’s potluck.

There are many calories that are placed in front of me these days and so it is no small wonder that my weight increases. However, this evening I did work out again at the body sculpting place and liked it again. There was a whole new routine. I feel much more energetic afterwards. I was happy to have a hot tub to sit in tonight to assist my weary muscles.

Tonight I watched the 12 Days of Christmas on YouTube with by Boy Mongoose, an Indian version of the song. Then we clicked on the Farting Elves and 12 Days out of curiosity. The free I-Tunes 12 Days keeps coming with good stuff. Zellers did a crazy thing by posting a coupon for 50% off on Facebook and people scored all kinds of great deals until they pulled the coupon. If you were lucky enough to get one, use it. I got a great deal today!

I see that I will have failed this proverb once again but am soon heading to bed and able to sleep in tomorrow so here is hoping that while the old year fades away in a non-Iranian way, the New Year might have to start off differently.

Peace,

Suzanne

Potluck, Piñata and Prayer

“The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.” ~ Mitch Albom

Tonight I had a delightful evening with members of the Chemin Neuf Community, some of whom had traveled from Boston and Little Rock to break bread with us. We had a gathering time initially over an amazing guacamole and cream cheese log with nacho chips and then made our way to pray in the chapel with the children before our potluck supper.

What an amazing meal it was!! Prepared by many hands, the ham and fixings were delicious. We then took a break while the children heard the story of the piñata and how it represents sin—it looks so pretty but God breaks open the glossy exterior and the good stuff gets to come out. I had not heard that explanation before. A sea of tasty desserts followed and then the children settled into games and a video while the adults had a time of prayer and sharing in the chapel.

I enjoyed all parts of the evening. I especially loved getting to know these people who are committed to following God in their lives and raising families who are part of a community. As I drove home, I sensed that deep longing once again to live in community. Albom may have it right. Community and service gives life meaning and purpose.

I am not sure where the Chemin Neuf Community is going here in Winnipeg but I do see it as a much needed element here. I enjoy meeting the people who are drawn to the community. Tonight I caught sight of Christ as He moved amongst us. Community creates that environment for me. What does community do for you?

Peace,

Suzanne

Stuffed for Days

"The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later you're hungry again." ~ George Miller

The same could be said for Indian food in the form of the never-ending buffet. Oh my! I am stuffed and will be for days. Wait! I have yet another meal tomorrow night with friends, not to mention a luncheon. Oy! I feel the pounds settling in.

I went to Curves for my final visit in my free month. I asked to be “weighed out” even though I knew I had gained weight. Apparently, the good news is that I lost two pounds in body fat.

One of my goals for the New Year is to lose weight so hopefully this year will start off better than it is ending.

Peace,

Suzanne

Body Sculpting

"Living a healthy lifestyle will only deprive you of poor health, lethargy and fat." ~ Jill Johnson

Today I started a new regiment of exercise at a Body Sculpting Studio. The process is a circuit where you do five different routines three times with stretching in between. I sort of liked it but it is definitely way more challenging than Curves, which also uses a circuit.

This is fast-paced and you absolutely sweat. As I was leaving, I had to walk down three steps and my legs felt a little like jello. I am going to try it out for 10 sessions and see what happens. I need to adapt a few of the routines for my shoulder but otherwise it may be ok. By the third round of the exercise, I start to fade. It will be interesting to see if by the end of ten sessions there is a difference in my ability to do them without breathing so heavy.

My goal for 2012 is to live a healthier lifestyle for all of the reasons above. Deprivation sometimes is a good thing. The photo is a year old and I have gained about 10 pounds since then. I am at an all-time high as far as my weight goes and so I need to drop about 20 pounds in the coming year. With Type II Diabetes, high cholestrol, high blood pressure, and heart issues in the family, I need to take better care of myself. Wish me luck!!

Peace,

Suzanne

Born in a Stable....?

"God does some of his best work in caves." ~ John Ortberg

I have been thinking a lot about this quote since reading it this fall. At this time of year, I cannot help but reflect that the baby Jesus, according to some scholars, was born in a cave. Half a life ago, when I was in rural Greece, I realized that a stable did not necessarily translate into the traditional North American image because I discovered animals were kept in a cave in the hillside. As Jesus’ earthly life began in a cave so His resurrection occurred there too. God does do some of his best work in caves.

Oftentimes we think of Christmas as only the birth of the baby without considering the life of Jesus. Jesus came so that we would have Life. He became human and walked among us. He taught us how to love one another. He healed people. He worked hard and often took quiet moments to recuperate and reflect. He held out hope. He made people ponder what they were doing with their lives. He inspired people. He challenged folks. Christ turned everything upside down in an irreversible way. In 33 short years, his life made a difference. My former pastor used to say Christmas was messy. The passage to Bethlehem was long, arduous, and unwelcoming. The birth itself, he insisted, should never be thought of as sterile—most labours and deliveries are not. Christ is not born in a palace but he is a king. Oxen and sheep share his birthing room yet angels announce his arrival—to shepherds, of all people. Christmas is one of the greatest love stories ever told: God gives us a Son as a human infant so that we may learn to love as God loves—and to know we are deeply loved. My pastor was also a real fan of the Incarnation—of the Word becoming flesh and living among us. If we just look at the birth as the reason for celebration, we miss the point.

I wrote the above as part of my annual Christmas letter. Christmas carols have stopped playing on the radio and the magic of the season is shifting as people trudge through the malls looking for Boxing Day sales. I took a time out this afternoon and watched "The Girl with the Dragon Tatoo" with a friend. Hollywood did a wonderful rendition of the Swedish book. I want to not miss the point of these 12 days of Christmas. I went to mass today on the Feast of St. Stephen just to remind myself that the caves are linked. Christmas and Easter cannot be separated.

Peace,

Suzanne

Not So White Christmas

"Unless we make Christmas an occasion to share our blessings, all the snow in Alaska won't make it 'white'." ~ Bing Crosby

This photo is of Christmas 2008 when the snow was piled high at home. This year I do not have a comparison shot but there is literally just a dusting. As I strolled the neighbourhood after returning from the family gathering tonight, I was dressed in my fall coat, my thin gloves, and a head warmer. I was walking off the mashed potatoes and gravy and taking in the sights of the season (the twinkling lights) and smells (lots of people had fires going in their homes.

I am grateful for the family times when they are not dysfunctional. Today was a great day. Now I am ready for an early bedtime. I may just surprise my uncle and aunt out west and give them a call first.

Have a blessed Christmas season, folks. The twelve days start now.

Peace,

Suzanne

Christmas Eve Blessings

“Christmas is a season for celebrating the miracles that change our lives and bring more joy than we ever dreamed possible.” ~ words on a Christmas card that was opened tonight

Ah, just home from mass. We have three masses, packed full to the choir rafters on Christmas Eve but I go to the middle one to hear the folk group. Tonight was the first mass in a long time that I felt a deep peace and great joy as my spiritual home felt warm and welcoming. The church was decorated beautifully with trees lit up, sparkling in the darkened church during the final Silent Night. One of the visiting musicians was greeted with thundering applause after he sang O Holy Night. Go Tell It On the Mountain had people rocking out as they processed out. Alleluia!! Such a joy! Christ is born. My heart was ready.

Christmas Eve has several routines to it. I go to my high school friend’s home in the afternoon. Today her sister and parents stopped by at the end of our visit. It was lovely to see them all. Prior to heading to mass I go to another friend’s home for supper and then we all head to mass together. Tonight we went a little earlier so that we could set up for mass.

When I finally get home, I always open my Christmas gifts in front of my little Nativity scene in front of the Christmas tree. I am so deeply grateful for all I received this year, both material and spiritual. I am praying for a bit of miracle this Christmas for myself that will bring more joy than I dream possible. My heart is ready, dear Saviour. Please hear my prayer.

To all of you this Holy Eve, may you know the joy of a miracle that changes your life in ways you never dreamed possible.

Peace,

Suzanne

Share the Joy

“When it was time for Elizabeth to have her baby, she gave birth to a son. Her neighbors and relatives heard that the Lord had shown her great mercy, and they shared her joy.” ~ Luke 1:57 & 58

Today’s reading caught me as I prepared to write my blog. My cousin Kathy had called from BC and I had actually been planning on calling her. It was nice of her to beat me to the punch. I often think of her when I read about Elizabeth and Mary and the amazing relationship they had. I had read the gospel earlier in the day but tonight the final words of the quote were read anew. People shared Elizabeth’s joy. Wow!! We do that, don’t we? I am sure that Mary shared Elizabeth’s joy but I had not thought about her relatives, neighbours and friends. Of course, they would have rejoiced with her at the birth of her long-awaited son.

Kathy and I often share joys. That is us at the top of one of my favourite places in BC. As we chatted tonight, she mentioned that she noticed I had 350 blogs postings written. I am not sure how that happened as I did miss a few days and I started January 1. I am not sure how blogger tracks these things. It is a joy to have written almost a complete year almost every day as it has helped me reflect on my life.

Elizabeth’s son prepared the way for Christ. God showed Elizabeth great mercy. People who knew her shared her joy. These are all good things to reflect on the night before Christmas Eve.

Peace,

Suzanne

Christmas Cards

"Rats. Nobody sent me a Christmas card today. I almost wish there weren't a holiday season. I know nobody likes me. Why do we have to have a holiday season to emphasize it?" ~ A Charlie Brown Christmas

I did get Christmas cards today but I also spent the evening writing cards and sending Christmas emails. I ran out of letters though so I have had to wait to finish that project since my printer cartridge is now thirsty. I also seem totally disorganized after a good start. I know I bought stamps for the USA but darned if I can find them. They won’t arrive before Christmas Day but the 12 days of Christmas start then so I will still be in the Christmas season.

I know that some people wait for Christmas cards, just like Charlie Brown, so I hate to disappoint them, or make them feel like nobody likes them.

Do you know that people like you?

Peace,

Suzanne

Tick Tock...God is Coming Nearer

"The Christian faith can never be separated from the soil of sacred events, from the choice made by God, who wanted to speak to us, to become man, to die and rise again, in a particular place and at a particular time." ~ Joseph Ratzinger

God is coming nearer. In just a few days, God will arrive anew. Am I ready? On all kinds of levels, the response is no. Will God come anyway? Yes. Will I stop long enough to welcome the Christ Child in? Yes. Whatever happens, Christmas in the truest sense will arrive as a blessing in my life. Praise God!!

Thanks for coming to us as a human, living among us, dying and rising to new life.

Peace,

Suzanne

Bitten by the Grinch

“Blast this Christmas music. It's joyful and triumphant.” ~ The Grinch, Dr. Seuss

Today I succumbed to a Grinch-like attitude. I had not been in the office most of this month but today the politics got to me. I was extremely grumpy half-way through my office day.

Somehow I had to pull it together as I was the MC for the holiday/retirement party, which actually turned out pretty darn good, despite me having a major headache, still feeling yucky and trying desperately to stuff the Grinch into a bag. The retiree had a hoot and so did those gathered. Mission accomplished, I would say.

I arrived home to find that my landlord had entered my apartment without my permission (again!) and created more chaos than was already there. Tonight was not the night for that. He had also left several lights on for hours it seems and broke my garbage can. He tends to break things and not tell me about them when he is in my suite. So my Grinch finally did get the better of me, I must shamefully confess. I called him and left a message for him to please stop entering my apartment when I am not home. I appreciate the work that he did but who needs to come home after a 11-hour day and start cleaning a mess that you did not make? I stopped short of telling him to replace my garbage can but I will ask him to do so when I calm down. I had hoped finally to put up my tree but I lost the mood sadly.

Bah Humbug….oops! Now I am mixing my references.

Peace,

Suzanne

Circle of Light

O come Emmanuel,
Ransom us, held captive by our grief,
Mourning in lonely exile
During this festive season.
Scarred by death,
Scared of this holiday.

~Verse in a Litany in Circle of Light Service written by me

Tonight we gathered for the 16th year for the annual Christmas Remembrance Service in my parish. The ministry started with a handful of us, some of whom are still involved today. The evening of song, story, and prayer is interspersed with meaningful rituals meant to draw out the grief of Christmas before having to experience it in a larger crowd.

About 70 people came out tonight to remember. The service felt wonderful tonight. I still am grateful that I can give back to the community that helped me survive my winter of grief. With the recent news that one of the past participants is dying, I found myself a little teary for a moment. Even as people gathered though, I realized that I knew many of stories and at one point when I looked up, I could see tears in those who are newly grieving.

I pray that those who are mourning this Christmas will find peace in the One who came to banish Death.

Peace,

Suzanne

The Angel Gabriel

“The Angel Gabriel was sent by God to a town in Galilee called Nazareth, to a virgin engaged to a man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David. The virgin’s name was Mary.” ~ Gospel of Luke 1:26

Do you ever wonder about the Angel Gabriel? What must he have thought as he stood silently and gently in front of Mary and watched her eyes widen in wonder? Gabriel is the bearer of good news. Now that is a dream job. Of course, Mary did not have to say yes, but it sure made his task easier.

I was at a Steve Bell Advent concert last night. He has a song entitled, The Angel Gabriel, in which the singer has not seen or heard Gabriel, but knows that a promise is held out for all of us if we but believe. Great concert! It was a wonderful way to end the Advent season. With less than a week to go, may my heart be ready.

Peace,

Suzanne

Sick....

“If a doctor treats your cold, it will go away in fourteen days. If you leave it alone, it will go away in two weeks." ~ Gloria Silverstein

Either way, I guess I am stuck. Ugh! It’s not the best time to catch a cold and feel like a walking germ. I sneeze five or six times at once--loudly. You cannot miss the fact that I am sick. I was supposed to join friends tonight but when I called to say I did not think I should come, everyone said to stay away.

This week is a busy one with something going on every night. Two nights I am hosting an event. Hopefully I will have a voice. I sure hope this passes quickly. I am off to bed after a hot bath.

Peace,

Suzanne

I Think I Saw....

"Seeing is not always believing." ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

Driving around Manitoba, I see all kinds of wonderful or odd things. Today, I managed to see a helicopter hovering in a field. I have no idea what it was doing there or why it was just "hanging out". How many of you are wondering....was she driving when she took that photo?

Or this one for that matter, of a very cool sunset in my rearview mirror?

That is a little bit of creative photography so I don't drive off the highway. I think our distracted driving laws might be in play here. What do you think? There are so many wonders to behold while I drive.

Do you know that today more Russians read my blog than Canadians?

peace,

Suzanne

Surprise Personalities

“Computers are incredibly fast, accurate, and stupid; humans are incredibly slow, inaccurate and brilliant; together they are powerful beyond imagination.” ~ Albert Einstein

I went to a retirement party for our IT guy this afternoon. I have known Norbert for at least a decade. He seemed to be a quiet, socially shy kind of guy—the stereotypical computer geek personality. Once though when a group of us were up North, he flew up for a day and I saw a glimpse of another side of him. I got him talking about music because I knew he was a musician.

Today he admitted that he was not someone that stirred people’s imaginations or interest unless of course, he was rescuing their lost data on computers. Only then did people hang on his every word (though truthfully not many of us understood them).

Bert has no immediate plans, having retired a week ago. In a couple of months, he may go skiing in Alberta but is just unwinding. He seemed super happy today. A roomful of people turned out to wish him well so even though he thought that he was not someone who attracted people’s attention he was appreciated today.

Now, as if to say, he was really a cool guy if you’d bother to get to know him, he chose to sing his speech. I knew he was a drummer but I did not know that he also played guitar, sang and wrote songs. Today he wrote two hilarious songs about his workdays and retiring. He shone brightly and everyone stood around smiling and hanging on his every word. Not too shabby, Mr. IT Guy. You went out with a bang! Let it be a lesson for all of us who do not look beyond the obvious. Sometimes there is a gem worth scratching the surface for.

Peace,

Suzanne

December Rains

"How do I know what I think, until I see what I say." ~ WH Auden

I drove home in rain today. The weather specialist said it was freezing rain, but I don’t think it froze until it hit the ground. Rain…in December….how utterly amazing to me! I had been out of town and despite this bizarre phenomenon, the highways were decent. I am tired tonight. I have been on the road most days and need to get to bed early. I did get a good 8 hours sleep last night which is great.

I tried to write the first draft of my Christmas letter tonight but it is turning out rather oddly so I had to stop. It sounded good in my head but on paper it is taking on a life of its own and I don’t quite know what to think of it. I feel as if I am preparing a homily instead of an annual letter.

Off to bed….

Peace,

Suzanne

I am Late

"Christmas is doing a little something extra for someone." ~ Charles Schulz

My first Christmas cards arrived yesterday. I however am very late this year. No cards sent yet. Not many presents bought or prepared. My Christmas letter is still rumbling around inside my head. Baking seems unlikely. With a week and a few days left I hope to turn it all around. I usually do something extra for someone on a regular basis so even if I am a few days late. I can still celebrate the season.

Peace,

Suzanne

Our Lady

"I am the eternal Virgin Mary, Mother of the true God, Author of Life, Creator of all and Lord of the Heavens and of the Earth…" ~ words of Mary to Saint Juan Diego when she appeared to him

Today is the feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe. I arose early and was driving towards small town Manitoba as the sun rose. I was not able to make it to mass today but I swung by the retreat house I was at on the weekend to pick up something I forgot and was blessed to have Mexican friends there having lunch. Nice reminder that the Mother of the true God and the Author of Life was being celebrated well today.

How many titles do you hold? Of which are you proudest?

Peace,

Suzanne

Rejoice in the Lord Always!

"My soul magnifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Saviour." ~ Luke 1

Today is Gaudette Sunday—the third Sunday of Advent called the Sunday of Joy. The readings are filled with joy: Rejoice in the Lord always! is the Entrance Antiphon. Isaiah says I will greatly rejoice in the Lord, my soul shall exult in my God. The psalm is the Magnificat. The letter to the Thessalonians encourages readers to rejoice always.

Then there is the gospel. John the Baptist does not seem like a happy guy at first glance but today’s reading makes me realize that John had to be content in at least one thing: he knew who he was—and who he was not—and knew the purpose for which he had been called. How many of us have that luxury?

“I am the voice of one crying out in the wilderness, “Make straight the way of the Lord!” This may not seem like a dream job but John never begrudged having to do it. He is pictured as one in the desert, eating honey and locusts and wearing itchy sackcloth. He knew he was not worthy to untie the thong of Christ’s sandal and yet here he was proclaiming to anyone who would listen that the long-awaited Messiah was at hand. Sometimes, our lot in life is a dream job if we look with God’s eyes. What are you preparing the way for in life?

Peace,

Suzanne

Come, Go With Me!

“Come, stay, go!” ~ retreat leader today

I went on an Advent retreat today and the speaker summarized something that Vanier says are the invitations from Jesus: Come! Stay. Go!

We looked at the invitation that Christ extended to Peter both at the beginning of his mission and the end: Follow me. These are two simple words that most of us never are able to do whole-heartedly. I keep thinking about a scene in Have a Little Faith that I watched at my brother’s home where one of the main characters says if he gets through the night God can claim him as his own.

His mother had instilled his faith in him as a child, and even behind prison walls encouraged him to remember Jesus. The boy strays and get seduced by money and drugs until he ends up in a predicament that almost ends his life. At this moment, he turns back to God. His fear is palpable. Like Peter, he is a young man full of bravado. Like Peter, he forgets and denies Christ before returning to the One who called him. The invitation is there for all of us. Come. Stay awhile. Then go to the other ones in need.

The pattern does not end there. For all of life it is played out again and again. Do you see that pattern in your own life?

Peace,

Suzanne

Where's the Snow?

"Don't complain about the snow on your neighbor's roof when your own doorstep is unclean." ~ Confucius

Do not misunderstand me; I am NOT looking for more snow. Every day that I travel on the highways, and even in the city for that matter, I am grateful for snow-free journeys. The first week of December has melted away and so has the snow for the most part. The wind chill is bitterly cold but the snow is almost non-existent. Hard to believe!

As I drove to and from a Hutterite colony today, I was thinking about going to the sacrament of reconciliation. I realized that I was doing quite a bit of complaining about the snow on my neighbour’s roof while I could not even open my front door due to the mound of snow on my steps. Sigh. I decided not to go to the sacrament tonight as my moment of enlightenment came. I hope to find time to go next week in preparation for Christmas.

How about you? What does the snow look like on your doorstep lately?

Peace,

Suzanne

Scammers!

"A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool." ~ William Shakespeare

Tonight I was going to get to bed early when Microsoft called…or at least I thought that is what the woman said. She explained that computers were being infected by malware and spyware that regular virus scans were not catching and that I needed to run through some things with her to see if my computer was infected. She had me do a few things and the next thing I knew I was at a screen that showed I had warnings and errors by the dozens. She then asked me to type in IEXPLORE AMMYY.COM in the run section that brought me to a page that would allow her to have remote access to my computer. Ok, lady, that does not seem right. I asked for a phone number and said I would call her back in the morning. She gave me one. I hung up and called Microsoft support who were grateful that I had not given her any information. There is a big scam going on right now. Please note that Microsoft does NOT contact customers unless the customer contacts them first. They also do not monitor or detect malware remotely.

Don’t people have better things to do than ruin a perfectly good evening and annoy people? Be careful out there friends. Mean-spirited people are up to no good during the holiday season.

Peace,

Suzanne

Another Black Mark for Canada

“In their greatest hour of need, the world failed the people of Rwanda.” ~ Kofi Annan

Tonight ended the three weeks of looking at Rwanda by a visiting Jesuit Tanzanian priest. He gave a brief talk and then opened it to questions which were engaging and thought-provoking.

The truth is the memory of how the world failed Rwanda, and continues to fail so many countries, is shameful. I feel no hope still for that country. May God put to rest those souls who still wander between heaven and earth. May God have mercy on the survivors of the genocide. May hatred cease and love grow.

Peace,

Suzanne

Black Mark On Canadian History

"Early that morning, cup of coffee in her hand,
Kissed her mother on the cheek, said 'I'm more busy than I planned;
I'll be coming home a bit late--could you keep the supper warm?
Oh, it's just another busy day.'" This Memory by the Wyrd Sisters

After 22 years, I still cry thinking about what happened on this day. I cannot help it. I am a feminist and the thought that 14 women were murdered simply because they were women—perhaps not even feminists in the strictest sense—still makes my heart break.

The Wyrd Sisters painted a picture in their song of what happened that day. The opening stanza a daughter leaving her home with such ordinary words; the next verse a lover leaving her partner excited that there was so much to live for; the final verse reveals the shocking news. The chorus though is what haunts us:

But it could have been me, just as easily.
Could have been my sister, left there to bleed.
Oh it could have been my father or brother done the deed--
Oh no! Don't let me lose this memory.

Every year I choose not to lose this memory. My friend Barb lived in Montreal at the time and I remember frantically calling her to make sure she was still alive. I think often of the survivors who live with the horror of the memory of what happened that day. I wonder how siblings, parents, grandparents, spouses, partners, friends and classmates survive this anniversary. I listen to the repeated calls for gun control and do not understand the arguments completely against it. I just know that what started as any other typical day in Montreal, in Canada, ended with an unthinkable act—an act that changed our history in the saddest way possible.

Strive for peace in this world. Think about equality. Think about violence against women. Teach the boys in your life that females are precious. Do your part to make your corner of the world safe.

Peace,

Suzanne

Updated Woeful Tale

" For never was a story of more woe/ Than this of Juliet and her Romeo." ~ William Shakespeare

I went to the theatre tonight to see an updated version of the tragedy of Romeo and Juliet. The premise was that Romeo was Jewish and Juliet Muslim in contemporary Jerusalem. I am not sure the play worked on several levels, and Juliet’s flat performance did not help matters. Campy Mercutio stole the show but I don’t remember that type of character in this tale of woe. It is better suited to Shakespeare’s comedies.

I have always struggled with this storyline—two star-crossed lovers who do not really have much on which to base their love kill themselves for love…the play may have “much to do with hate and more with love” but I for one have never understood what their love was about, other than an initial physical attraction. They probably would have divorced in a year or six weeks if it were really contemporary society. The tabloids would have had a heyday.

Bitterly cold night here in the ‘Peg but I got two warm hugs at intermission: one from a priest friend and the other from the Archbishop with the funniest line of the night as he called me Jacquie which he usually does and when I corrected him, he said, with a twinkle in his eye, “I know, now I am just teasing you.”

Peace,

Suzanne

Advent Waiting

"Every valley shall be lifted up, and every mountain and hill be made low." ~ Isaiah 40

Snowy day here in Calgary! I should have taken the stunning view from my brother's window yesterday morning when the mountains were visible. Now they are definitely made low.

It is the second Sunday of Advent. I love the Old Testament readings at this time. Today's first reading has the prophet Isaiah, crying out for God, "Comfort, O comfort my people!" The Lord God reigns and will feed his flock, gathering the lambs in his arms. God is gentle and loving in these readings. In the second reading, we wait for new heavens and a new earth, where righteousness reigns.

Ah, if only we knew how to wait with grace, as the Lord moves in preparation in our lives. Prepare the way and then wait expectantly. God is coming to comfort and bring joy. I loved the entrance antiphon this morning: "...the Lord will make the glory of his voice heard in the joy of your heart." Listen for that joy!

Peace,

Suzanne

What's Your Glory?

"What's your glory?" ~ Rabbi in Have a Little Faith by Mitch Albom

I am in Calgary visiting my brother and his wife. We had a busy day, shopping (I have new purple hiking boots!) and attending the Diabetes Day at U of Calgary. My sister-in-law was working and when she was done we picked her up and headed home.

I bought Chinese food to celebrate their anniversary. You know, it is not true what they say. We finished eating hours ago and I am still full! My brother had prepared a DVD for my 50th birthday--there were photos in it that I had not seen. I loved it!! A couple of the photos brought back some fond memories--heaps of snow in the backyard made me smile for some crazy reason but now it makes me cringe as I watch it floating down tonight.

We settled into watching the Hallmark production of Have a Little Faith. I read the book about two years and the final line of the movie was one of the quotes I used in a Christmas letter about two years ago. I am in love with hope. Yes, that line still resonates with me.

I am not sure I know what my glory is. The Rabbi had written a book by that title and he and Mitch got into a bit of a discussion about it. The Rabbi said his was teaching. I have to give it some thought. What about you--do you know what your glory is?

Peace,

Suzanne

Heartfelt Prayer

"In prayer it is better to have a heart without words than words without a heart." ~ Mahatma Gandhi

Praying is not always an easy task. Some days I do not know how to pray. Gandhi reminds me that words are not necessary—rather let the heart take the lead.

Peace,

Suzanne

Living the Difference

"The purpose of life is not to be happy - but to matter, to be productive, to be useful, to have it make some difference that you have lived at all." ~Leo Rosten

I tried to post this last night but blogger was misbehaving so I gave up. Twenty-four hours later, here it is, mixed in with today's post.

Sometimes I wonder if my career does make a difference. Today (Tuesday) though I think I might have. As I drove from the capital city to another city today, I thought about how I am really happiest in developing countries, like Guatemala or Burundi.

I tell myself though that my work here in Manitoba is not quite done. I must still prepare the way for who will follow me when I leave. I have to remember that all things need to be done in love and service.

Tonight (Wednesday) I went to hear a talk on Rwanda--a three-night session on the country destroyed by genocide. Many people are mattering through the amazing work they do, especially in countries like Rwanda.I had missed the anniversary of my grandma’s death on Monday and hers was a life that made a difference.

Are you just aiming for happy—or are you mattering and living a difference?


Peace,

Suzanne

Good Conversations

"A single conversation across the table with a wise person is worth a month's study of books.” ~ Chinese Proverb

I have just finished a three-hour supper conversation with a dearly loved friend. I love how she stretches my mind and spirit. In some of my rougher times, she was my weekly sermon, giving strength for the journey. I am glad that has not changed for us.

Who in your life gives you a month’s worth of study in a single conversation?

Peace,

Suzanne

Prepare the Way!

“A prison cell, in which one waits, hopes... and is completely dependent on the fact that the door of freedom has to be opened from the outside, is not a bad picture of Advent.” ~ Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Waiting is never easy. The key, as Bonhoeffer suggests, is to wait with hope. This Advent begins with a new chapter in the history of the English-speaking church as we install the New Roman Missal. Mass went not too badly tonight, with the odd glitch of some folks standing and others kneeling here and there. Breaking the habit of saying, And also with you will take some time. Last night due to the priest preparing that particular parish went a whole lot smoother than tonight’s celebration. We have some catch up to do.

The sermon was good though. We are not a patient society and waiting is a chore for us. We do not save up money and then buy that big screen TV; instead we put it on credit. We do not wait patiently in traffic. We start honking the horn or flipping the bird. We want everything quickly and extravagantly so we cannot relinquish control to God who already has an agenda for us if we could wait simply, patiently, and hope-filled.

Tonight for the processional, we sang, Prepare the Way, from Godspell. Prepare my heart and spirit these next few weeks, Jesus, to live out the words from the Mass: As we wait in joyful hope, for the coming of our Saviour, Jesus Christ. God give me the grace to wait with hope and joy this Advent. May I be completely dependent on You this Advent to open the door to Freedom from the outside.

Peace,

Suzanne

Freezing Water

"A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water." ~ Carl Reiner

I was getting used to the no-snow look here in Winterpeg. Today though we awoke to a beautiful blanket of white. I had quite a bit to do today but driving was not too bad. The mall was packed when I dropped off my shoebox for Operation Christmas Child. However I did not have trouble finding a parking spot.

I went to mass with a friend tonight. Her church is ready for the changes that take place as we enter Advent with the new missal. It was a beautiful celebration, blessing the new book as it was used for the first time. I understand that my church had a beautiful blessing of the final use of the old book as it was removed from use.

Half way through the mass, I panicked as I suddenly realized that at some point I might have to interpret the new missal. I am so used to doing the liturgy that I grew up with that this unfamiliar language scared me in this aspect. I started planning a professional development workshop for a few minutes before settling back into the mass.

The homily was good. We begin the time of waiting but with the understanding that this is not a passive twiddling of the thumbs but an active and attentive expectation that something amazing is about to happen.

I ended the evening with another friend and colleague by attending a fundraiser for Anna’s House. Anna was my friend’s mother and a dear woman who would always greet me with, “Suzanne, where have you been?” even if I had seen her earlier in the week. A home for orphaned children has been set up in her memory in Ethiopia. Hutterite and Ethiopian food were on the menu plus music and clowning.

If water has to unnecessarily freeze, I must not let it keep me indoors. Today I am happy to say it did not.

Peace,

Suzanne

A Funny Thing Happened....

"Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave." ~ Quentin Crisp

I could have also started this with a quote of a joke: Why did the chicken cross the road? The fact is though this is not a chicken; it is a wild turkey. It crossed the road in front of me today on my way to a school, leaving a bunch of other turkeys behind. I get that…sometimes you just have to leave the turkeys in order to get some perspective. Don’t we all do that once in a while to gain sanity? Some days things just look better on the other side of the street. I know I certainly love leaving the turkeys behind and moving on.

That is enough of an attempt at humour as my brother gets jealous when I venture into his genre.

Peace,

Suzanne

Cave Dwelling

“God does some of his best work in caves.” ~ John Ortberg

The cave is where God resurrects things…I have been reading Ortberg again. He is helping me with the concept of failure and reminding me that God is in the cave in those very dark moments. I sometimes wonder what God is resurrecting in my dark place these days. I am grateful that God sits here with me. This is Week 1 in the Spiritual Exercises and as I watch the retreatant walk through cosmic and personal sin, I am reminded of my own. I am oftentimes humbled by how much grace there is in this world.

Today I traveled to visit a situation that is very tough to see. My heart is frustrated with the situation on so many levels. It did not go too badly today though. I have been relaxing at the hotel. I watched The Last Song and cried. That is one dark cave to sit in. It brought back memories of watching people die. Tonight I was remembering when I visited my friend’s family after she had died and how her young son had a meltdown one morning because it was picture day at school and mom was not there to dress him. Grief is so painful.

When was the last time that you sat in a cave? What did the resurrection moment look like?

Peace,

Readership

"God put us here, on this carnival ride. We close our eyes never knowing where it'll take us next.” ~ Carrie Underwood

Currently there are more Russians than Canadians reading my blog. They started to outnumber my American friends last week. I do not think I have any friends or relatives currently in Russia. I am definitely surprised by this and wonder what might be the appeal for them. God’s ways are not ours though and so I just write and am not sure what will come out some days so I get to be surprised along with you.

Today was a busy day. I am in the midst of wrapping up a fundraiser with a colleague and was organizing the final details of the campaign. I saw my retreatant and had my group meeting with the other spiritual directors. That was a fantastic session as the Tanzanian Jesuit led the educational component of it. He brought a new perspective, which was inspiring. After that, I visited friends for a couple of hours before heading home to finish a few errands and for a quick supper before heading off to hear the Jesuit I just mentioned speak on Rwanda.

Now I see how tired I am and will soon head to bed. This carnival ride sometimes is wilder than other times.

Peace,

Suzanne

I Once Was Blind...

“The most pathetic person in the world is someone who has sight, but has no vision.” ~ Helen Keller

Today my colleagues met with the mediators, one more step on the journey of trying to become a healthier team. I realize how much inner work I have done on myself at moments like this--not that I have it all figured out cuz I don't! I have had a few aha moments lately about my own growth. Sometimes it takes tremendous courage to move forward in life. Oftentimes, a community of loving and affirming people is needed to be cheerleaders. I am blessed to have been given both when needed.

I think the ability to see ourselves honestly is one thing, but to embrace the vision to change what we see is yet another, and much more challenging task.

When was the last time you looked at yourself and decided you needed to make some changes for the better?

Peace,

Suzanne

Prayer is a Battle

"You're one of the most spiritual people I know..." ~ former colleague to me today

Living out your faith is not always easy which is why I received a graced moment today. I had been on a quick break during an all-day meeting when I stopped by to see a former colleague who was in the building doing a small project. As I was leaving she called me back, looking a little embarrassed. She had something to tell me and she said she would cry. My mind raced to a number of possible outcomes but I was not expecting her to say that I was one of the most spiritual people she knew. She thought I lived out my faith authentically in a way she had not seen many others do. She caught me totally off guard and as she teared up, I did too. I had not felt like the first part of the morning had been a shining example of living my faith but for her to tell me then and there was a reminder that I am more than who I am in some moments that are not so grace-filled.

I am grateful that others do see my integrity and my efforts in trying to be a disciple. It is not always easy. Tonight in my prayer group, we discussed prayer as a battle and I realize that my workplace does seem like a battleground where prayer is needed. I have had times of feeling blessed by others who see my faith—like in this photo at my missioning service before I headed to Africa. God, you are such a stronghold and refuge for me. Thanks for reminding me today that my journey can make a difference.

Peace,

Suzanne

The Least of These

"Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me." ~ Matthew 25:40

Today we finish up the tough readings from Matthew 25 with the Gospel of the sheep and goats. I love this reading as frightening as it is. I think it marked me for life early on. I try to live it by welcoming the stranger, clothing the naked, feeding the hungry, and visiting the prisoner. I am not always successful but I try to live out this challenge.

A friend of mine teases me about the blankets I make for the poor which is her way of saying I do live Matthew 25 fairly well, and not that I actually make blankets. I used to hand out blankets in Washington, DC when I volunteered with House of Ruth, which ministers to homeless people in downtown DC. The number of homeless people in DC is overwhelming. The man in the photo was having a hot dog from a vender along the Mall one day. I would often chat with some of the people who “lived” among the many tourist attractions in Washington. They remain a part of who I became that year.

We all have the potential to easily live out the orders Christ the King sets before us today and not know that we did gift the least of these. Do we remember the least of these in our prayers? Do we take it a step further by doing some action to rectify the situation? Do we give to the food bank? Do we send our old clothes to shelters? Do we drop off hats and mitts to organizations that collect them at this time of year? Do we donate for hampers in our workplace? Do we give a homeless person a warm smile and a kind word even if we do not give them cash?

Jesus, our King and Lord, wants to say to each of us, come! Which way are you heading? Left or right?

Peace,

Suzanne

El Camino

“At its heart, the journey of each life is a pilgrimage, through unforeseen sacred places that enlarge and enrich the soul.” ~ John O’Donohue



I went to see a movie called The Way tonight. I have been intrigued by the Camino de Santiago de Compostela for years now. I first heard about it in Taize where I met a pilgrim from Belgium. Every year he walked part of the pilgrimage, starting where he had stopped the year before. Over the years several of my friends have done the trek. One suggested we do it together but that has yet to materialize. I bought Joyce Rupp’s book, Walk in a Relaxed Manner: Life Lessons from the Camino and my interest was peaked again.

After seeing the film, I doubt I could actually physically do the Way with my limitations. I would have to do it slowly…and even then maybe not truly be a pilgrim as they discuss in the film because I might have to cheat and ride a bike, horse, or bus to complete the Way. Rupp was 60 when she did it so maybe there is still hope.

The movie is beautiful on many levels. Four pilgrims end up doing the journey together and each enrich their souls in their own way, just perhaps not the way they expected. The characters throughout the film are decadent from a spiritual gendarmerie who delivers the difficult news to the father, played by Martin Sheen to crazy pilgrim hosts who scare off the pilgrims to the son Daniel whose desire to break free of the constraints of the first world expectation on how to live.

On the way to the airport, Daniel tells his dad, “You don’t choose a life, you live it.” Ah, therein lies the sacredness of life. We spend so time trying to create life that we miss living it. Sometimes you just need to leap in, with a heart full of trust.

The theme of these past 24 hours has been that sometimes life does not turn out as you plan. The sense I had watching this film is that the son wanted to live fully while the dad had settled for living a life that had not turned out exactly as he wanted—especially when his son is suddenly killed. I am back to reading If You Want to Walk on Water which is now discussing that sinking feeling when not everything has a fairy tale ending and still things get worse. Have you ever had a time in your life where you weep until you fall exhausted in a heap? It is there that God may meet you.

Interestingly enough, none of the four pilgrims are doing the journey for spiritual reasons. I am not sure that they are even aware that they see the sacred spaces until they are enlarged enough to each have their own aha moment. Each life is a pilgrimage but like those in the film, despite the longing for something deeper or more meaningful, not everyone recognizes it along the way.

I have lots to ponder from this excellent film…and a desire to re-read Rupp’s book now having seen it. The desire to walk El Camino has never left me. Perhaps one day this sacred journey will be mine to discover.

Peace,

Suzanne

Sick and Tired

"Sickness shows us what we are.” ~ Latin Proverb

I woke up at 2:00 in the morning, feeling quite sick. I ran through supper in my head, wondering what I had eaten that had triggered the stomach pain and nausea. I could not have food poisoning. I envisioned the great plate of steak and garlic mashed potatoes with vegetables. No, I thought, nothing there. The Caesar salad was a possibility. The cake seemed most likely as it had cream in it and could have been sitting out on the counter for a while. Sigh…. In the end, I was left wondering if maybe beef that is not well-done causes this pain. I had experienced a similar episode earlier this fall.

I had to be on the highway early this morning. The lack of sleep would not be a good thing, especially since the forecast was for snow. I finally fell asleep and when I awoke, I called in sick for the morning. I still felt queasy. I slept for another couple of hours and then got up. I started answering emails from my blackberry and decided I should just go into work. I may as well not use sick hours when I was working from home.

I hate being sick…with a passion. I prefer to be healthy. Sickness shows me that I am stubborn and a bad patient. It shows me that I long to be well, in all aspects of my life. I am not a wimp when it comes to illness. How about you?

Peace,

Suzanne

Retirement Party

"When is the right age to retire? When you dread going to work." ~ Mary Bright

A colleague retired in June. Tonight we hosted a retirement party for him. Over 50 people gathered to wish him well. His comment, “I don’t regret retiring.” That is the second person to say that to me this fall. I have a sense I will feel the same way. I am starting to seriously consider it though it is still a few years away. I am so blessed with many options in my life and I hope I can do more of the things I love to do. I am not yet at the stage of dreading going to work but as the snow flies and word that a colleague was in yet another serious car accident, I know that I dread the next few months of work.

I am not sure when the right age is to retire, or what that even means to someone like me. I do know that I am happy to be working and that I foresee a future with many possibilities for me. The time is coming when I will want to do something different.

Peace,

Suzanne

Magic Memories

“God gave us memories that we might have roses in December.” ~J.M. Barrie

Tonight a few of us gathered to watch an old videotape of a performance we used to do in the Deaf Community called The Magic of ASL. I had hoped it would be one of the older tapes but this one had some fun moments on it. One of the stars of the show has since died; he was someone many interpreters, including myself, owe a great debt to as he welcomed us into the community and helped us maneuver through all the cultural issues.

I have fond memories of those early days in the community. We might revive it and have another live performance. Memories exist on a cold November night with snow falling. December is soon here and roses are fading but their fragrance lingers.

Peace,

Suzanne

Prison Ministry

“I was naked and you clothed me. I was sick, and you took care of me. I was in prison, and you came to me.” ~ Matthew 25:36

Tonight a meeting was held to discuss prison ministries that Catholics are doing in the province. About 45 people gathered to pray, share a meal, discuss their work, and listen to a panel tell of their experiences. I was impressed on several fronts. The turnout was awesome. The food was fantastic and provided by a parishioner who has a catering business. The number of people from my parish who showed up in various capacities was a testimony to our commitment to social justice. The Archbishop who had called the idea of the meeting into being stayed the entire evening and was purring like a cat, in his own words, about what he saw unfolding. The panelists (a volunteer, parents of an offender, and two offenders) were all thought provoking in their comments.

I am looking forward to future gatherings and am excited for what it might mean to our prison ministry.

Peace,

Suzanne

Angels in Disguise

I've seen and met angels wearing the disguise of ordinary people living ordinary lives. ~ Tracy Chapman

Every once in awhile you meet someone and you wonder if they are human or not. No, I mean this in a good way. They seem very holy or angelic in nature. I remember when I went to Greece I met someone who let me ride his donkey into town. He seemingly appeared out of nowhere and took my luggage so that I would not have to carry it in the hot noon sun. He disappeared after dropping me off. I thought of this again when I read Chapman’s quote.

Have you ever met an angel?

Suzanne

Lasting Joy

"Father of all that is good, keep us faithful in serving you, for to serve you is lasting joy." ~ from today's Opening Prayer of the Mass

What a busy weekend! I spent a good part of it in service or preparation for service. I probably still have a few more things to do but I MUST be in bed by 11:00 or earlier tonight.

Friday late afternoon I helped out with the annual Roast Beef Dinner in the Deaf Community. I usually am one of the food servers. As always, it was a delightful event. Right after I was done, I scooted home and finished packing for the youth retreat at a local retreat centre. Most of the young people had been to World Youth Day and I was to be cooking for them. Tonight I have prepared for a fundraiser for tomorrow. I am feeling energized at the moment but know I still need to get to bed and get a solid 8 hours of sleep.

The photo is the view from the back of the retreat house which is in the shape of a boat. I do feel like I got out of the boat this weekend, paradoxically, as I had never cooked for that many people before. I had fun! I would do it again for sure. I suppose I could have gotten caught in the fears and sank at any moment but that did not happen.

Anyway, I did want to say that one thing I say this weekend were young people with amazing faith and talents. I was impressed on several occasions as they shared and participated in prayer times. Perhaps our world is in better shape than I thought. On that bright note, I will sign off and head to my bed.

Peace,

Suzanne

Keep Searching

"For while they live among his works, they keep searching, and they trust in what they see, because the things that are seen are beautiful." ~ Book of Wisdom, Chapter 13

Today has been an awesome day. I awoke to a spectacular sunrise on the river, just outside my bedroom window at the retreat house where I am spending the weekend. I have had a busy day, cooking for a youth retreat but at the same time found a moment to chat briefly online with a friend who I met in Burundi who mentioned he might be moving to Eastern Congo. Afterwards, I went briefly on an errand and on my way, I saw a hawk sitting on a lamp post, seemingly oblivious to everything. Such a beautiful creature! The photo does not do it justice.

The evening liturgy was beautiful. I was moved several times by the music, the prayers, the explanation of certain parts, and the homily on the talents. I felt inspired and renewed. I can trust in a Eucharistic celebration that is well thought out. I felt sad for a moment because in a week or so, what I have known all of my life as the liturgy will change when the new missal begins. I trust that what is coming--finally having seen a glimpse tonight is also beautiful.

The priest challenged us to use our gifts or talents well so that we can glorify God. I live among the works of God and I continue to search for the beauty of this great and wondrous gift in order to fully appreciate life. May you too keep searching. Much beauty is out there. Look!

Peace,

Suzanne

Remembering War; Desiring Peace

November pierces with its bleak remembrance
Of all the bitterness and waste of war.
Our silence tries but fails to make a semblance
Of that lost peace they thought worth fighting for.
~ from Silence (a sonnet for Rembrance Day) ~ Malcolm Guite

I struggle with Remembrance Day. I think because of the sentiments in Guite’s sonnet. Every year, we stand silent for two minutes, and, we remember. The trouble for me is that many of us immediately forget. We go about our day, wearing our poppies, and continue to fight our private wars, without giving thought to peace.

Do we extend an effort to understand that sometimes where we shop, what we eat, what we wear, how we commute means that somewhere someone in our world may not have peace? Do we know that Remembrance Day is about now, not then? That countries beyond the obvious are still at war and every day thousands of women and children in particular are victims. I always feel unsettled on this day. I wish there was more that I could do personally. I despise the fact that war seems glorified on this day. There is nothing glamourous about what happened in any of the wars of old. All we need to do is watch the people who mourn for their dead children and spouses.

Today I pray that we would remember peace is essential in our world. May each of us understand the waste of war and work todays its end in our world so that no one else dies for a lost peace. Don’t forget. Peace to those who mourn. Peace to those who suffer the aftermath effects of war. Peace to those who gave their lives for our freedom.

Peace,

Suzanne

Small Decisions; Big Changes

“Sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can change your life forever.” ~ Keri Russell

I had wanted to go back to Africa for a long time when I finally made the decision to do it. That was a big decision. When I reflect on it now, I realize that a hundred little decisions often determine everything. You never know how one thing will lead to another. For example, before I left, a colleague asked me to drop off a care package for her sponsor child at a Deaf School in Nairobi. That started a chain of events that I could not have predicted, including raising almost $1000 CD for the school at a later date.

Life offers secondary opportunities like that sometimes. You make one decision and several more spin off of it. One must always be on the look out for miracles and occasions to allow Grace to enter in. Today in the middle of a long to-do list and a full day in the office, a colleague stopped by my desk and asked if I was coming to the Remembrance Day Service. I responded I had too much to do and went back to the work for a few moments--just a few moments. Long enough to make me ponder what was really important here. I knew that a woman in her 80’s was coming to speak to the students. While I have heard lots of men talk about their war experiences, I had not heard many women. I got up from my desk and walked into the assembly room just as the first chords of O Canada began to play.

She was delightful. The photo of the strikingly beautiful young woman made me think she must have been a firecracker with that twinkle in her eyes…and still she was a bombshell in many ways. She gave us all reason to pause. She talked about going to school and one day none of her Japanese friends were in the class. No teacher could really explain to a child’s satisfaction why they had disappeared. She suggested that few people in the room would know the fear she knew as a child when she missed curfew by 15 minutes and ran out of a neighbour’s house towards her own down the lane when she heard a voice cry out stop. The solider who caught her warned her that next time she might not be so lucky. Had she been a foot taller he would simply have shot her. This was the climate she grew up in, right here in Canada. The stories were real and relational. They showed a side of the war in a humble sense, right here in my country.

Small decisions can change you. I think tomorrow I will be ready to remember—those who gave their lives so that I may live in peace. I will be remembering soldiers serving in countries all over this world, especially those in eastern Congo where war was made real to me.

Peace,

Suzanne

Dragon Woman

"Be careful, lest in fighting the dragon you become the dragon." ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

Some days, the best intentions are still misunderstood and you are left to feel like you are a mean person. Today had the potential to be one of those days but if I sift through the encounters, I know that not everyone thought I was a dragon. Some days, it is a fine line.

Peace,

Suzanne

Live the Questions

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions.” ~ Rainer Maria Rilke

I was out with a friend for coffee tonight and we were engaged in an intense conversation as always. She said imagine us 14 years from now. What are the questions we will be asking then? I laughed, trying to imagine myself at almost 65 and all that will have transpired by then. What would the questions be, and how might I answer them differently than now? Love them anyway. The questions are what keeps me active and alert. Live the questions. It is a great suggestion.

Peace,

Suzanne

50 All Over Again

"The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate." ~ Oprah Winfrey

I had a marvelous gift awaiting me when I arrived home tonight. On my birthday, I gathered with good friends at a restaurant just outside the city. One of my friends videotaped the event and sent me a Youtube link to the piece he edited and created. I loved it. One of the guests had mentioned to me that I was quite articulate and I laughed. I had told stories off the top of my head that night about each guest. Watching it now, I concur that I did not do too bad of a job in honouring most of my friends.

I think Oprah’s quote above is true. As I watched the video, I chuckled at some of the “surprises” that went on without me knowing what was happening—a levitating angel??!! At the same time, I was touched all over again by how many magnificent people that I have in my life.

I have lots to celebrate in life and am grateful for this reminder. If you want to have a sneak peak at the video, drop me an email and I will be happy to pass it on to friends and family.

Celebrate and praise!

Peace,

Suzanne

Wise Stewards

"We owe it to our children to be better stewards of the environment. The alternative? - a world without whales. It's too terrible to imagine." ~ Pierce Brosnan

As I was flipping through materials yesterday, I came across some photos of my time with German friends, Susanne and Jurgen, in Cape Cod. We had an AMAZING whale watching tour one day. I had been on whale watching excursions on both the east and west coasts but I had experienced nothing as spectacular as what we saw that day—breaching, spy hopping, flipper slapping, and tail extensions left everyone breathless.

I cannot imagine what a world without that awesome creature would be like. It would be too terrible to contemplate. Be a good steward of the environment. We must be like the wise women in the Gospel today, not the foolish ones, who are ready and progressive in their thinking. We cannot just think of ourselves but of the generations to come. The next generation must be able to see whales playing in an ocean that is not toxic.

Peace,

Suzanne

Gifts of Memories

“The thing that has made the deepest impression on me about you is the value you place on people—each and every person. It’s as if you know the innate value of the individual regardless of their behaviour and qualities, their strengths and weaknesses. You just seem to know that they (we) are part of the holiness of life and holy just by our being.” ~ Ginny Earnest

Tonight I was sorting through some boxes, trying to find something, when I came across one that held letters from friends the year I lived in Washington, DC with the Sojourners Community. Within the box were the cards that each of my roommates and my two supervisors gave me on our last retreat together.

I pull them out sometimes because they are dear to me and tonight I took advantage of stumbling across them to reread them. Ginny, one of my supervisors, opened with the above sentences. I still get teary reading them. I am in awe of how each of those folks really saw into the depths of me in those 12 months we shared together. We did a lot of activities together but this one is the gift that continues to give abundantly.

It took me forever to figure out that conflict resolution was something that brought me life and yet tonight as I read these cards for the first time since graduating, I see that each of them has a comment about who I am in this regard. Bob, my other supervisor, wrote “I have seen you take risks, and step into pain—others and your own—when with ease you could have avoided it. For others, with others, you share your strength. And give away a piece of it, I think, because I don’t feel that people walk away aware of your strength as much as they walk away aware of their own and God’s.”

To me, these notes are such a gift. I treasure them. I don’t always see my own goodness. Like so many people, I see where I fell short, where I failed to extend grace, where I pray that God would redeem. Tonight, these cards were once again a balm to my deepest soul. I thank God for the wisdom of my two supervisors who came up with this concept and for each person who took the time to write a note of blessing to me. I pray that you too may encounter such a blessing at some point in your life.

Peace,

Suzanne

Breathe A Wee Bit Deeper

"Listen, are you breathing just a little and calling it a life?" ~ Mary Oliver
Today, I traveled in the beautiful sunny weather just south of the city. That corner of my province has some pretty spots to breathe in. The signer at the school is open and keen to learn. She breathes deeply, takes risks, learns much.

Tonight, I decided to stay home though there was something I wanted to attend. The week has been busy and I just needed a break. I decided that I needed to breathe just a little instead of gulp air madly while dog-paddling quickly to stay afloat. The weekend has a number of social events planned. I find I am tired this week and must be proactive about taking care of myself.

I am feeling blessed tonight as I think about turning off my computer and heading to bed. A friend from high school was in touch via Face Book and in my response I said to him something to the effect of, “My life has had many blessings and I am grateful.” It is over 30 years since I have seen him and so much has happened to me in that time. We used to walk home sometimes together because he lived up the street from me. Two of my friends dated him—at different times. We could never have predicted where life would lead us. I call what I do a life and thank God for the blessings received.

Breathe…as deep as you can. Life is meant to be inhaled.

Peace,

Suzanne