Home Sweet Home

Some people, like angels, leave a hint of heaven wherever they go.
~ Saying on a bookmark I was given while on vacation

I am not quite home yet. I am in the Calgary airport, awaiting boarding. I will be happy to be home but it has been a great break. Today I hung out with my uncle and aunt. We went to the casino where my aunt did fairly well, my uncle did ok and I got zip. We had good conversations and I learned a few interesting things about my family.

I hope that with all the visits that I left a hint of heaven--I know that I am taking one with me.

Peace,

Suzanne

Ah, Breathe!

Every time I have some moment on a seashore, or in the mountains, or sometimes in a quiet forest, I think this is why the environment has to be preserved. ~ Bill Bradley

There is something majestic to me about water and mountains. I love being in the vicinity of lakes and oceans. I love the mountains. Of course, I am also forever a prairie girl where I can see the sky stretch out over the fields endlessly. Today and this week though I have been savouring the glorious Okanogan mountains and lake.

Last night as Marie and I played crib, a game rediscovered from my childhood, I would glance occasionally over her shoulder to the city lights below that sparkled off the lake. I find such peace in moments like that.

I am, of course, someone who tries hard to preserve our Earth and I always feel devastated when I see the destruction of it. For these days though, I have breathed deeply of the mountain and lake air and rejoiced to be present with them at that moment.

By the way, I used to play crib with my parents. It was hilarious to remember how to play and to even beat Marie….although last night, she did become the champion of the world. However, I did help her a little by stacking her hand with a flush when she was not looking. Hee hee! Now we will never really know who the champ is.

Be good to our earth. Be a champion for our world. We need lake and mountain moments every once in awhile in which to breathe deeply.

Peace,

Suzanne

Friends are an Angel-Sent Blessing

Friends are kisses blown to us by angels. ~Author Unknown

I had lunch with a group of my girlfriend's friends yesterday as we celebrated a birthday. One of them said as we settled into the chairs at the restaurant how she needed a day with her girlfriends. I totally understood that. I think I have said before how precious my times with groups of my girlfriends are. I could see that my friend had the same value in her life as these women updated their lives, ate, laughed, and shopped together that afternoon. What a pure gift to witness the love of friends!

I am so grateful for groups of women flung far and wide over this globe who have touched my life. I cannot imagine not having been mentored, loved, supported, loving challenged, and affirmed by women who have meant so much to me. Whether it has been in Winnipeg, St. Paul, Washington, Nairobi, Vancouver, or Toronto, I have been so blessed over my fifty years with remarkable women. They have indeed been angel-blown kisses.

Who are you thankful for today in your life?

Peace,

Suzanne

PS: I will post photos on my return from vacation.

Celebrating Life

Life is not a dress rehearsal. ~ saying from a button I have owned for many years

This Kelowna trip is the first of many that I hope to make over my 50th year. I arrived at the airport yesterday to a smiling Marie. She and I worked together when I first started my career so we have known each other for almost 30 years. She is hilarious! We laugh a lot when we are together. I have fond memories of us travelling for work to exciting places like Thunder Bay but also to conferences around North America. I have spent time here in her beautiful home that overlooks Lake Okanagan and love it. She has made her home a sanctuary and it is always very welcoming.

From the airport we went to mass where she was singing. It was very meaningful during this Lenten season. Her voice is clear and pretty. Her song choices were perfect. We went for lunch at an Asian place and then walked around downtown Kelowna. I showed up at my uncle and aunt’s place for my uncle’s 76th birthday and had fun surprising my cousins who did not know I was coming in. I had great conversations with them. They all appear to be doing pretty well.

Marie picked me up after supper and whisked me off to a Steve Bell concert. Steve was surprised to see me there and came over and gave me a big hug afterwards. His band was really hot and as always, with Steve, you just don’t get a concert, he leaves you with some thought-provoking message. He has a great song called Absalom and Steve talks about how as parents we make choices that influence our kids. He and Nancy did not save a college fund for their children; instead they have a counselling fun. I liked his line about his children’s life stories have not yet been fully told. It made me think of my friend Louise’s line “May the Lord keep you until the word of your life is fully spoken.”

My life is not yet fully spoken but thus far I think it has been an interesting read. How about yours?

Peace,

Suzanne

Birthday of an Uncle

And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. ~ Abraham Lincoln

Life is relatively short so one should grab opportunities as they become available. Hopefully later today I will gather with my uncle and his family to celebrate his 76th birthday. Now I say hopefully because I am jumping on a plane shortly and hope to make it there in time. His family moved to BC when they were still teens. I remember making the trek out there while my grandparents were still alive and then for many years afterwards to see my grandmother and other relatives. I have not been out since my grandmother’s funeral and so I decided to hop on a plane relatively last minute.

My uncle is my mom’s younger brother. He is married to a fun woman who loves to laugh. He is the father of four children and a healthy clan of grandchildren who he clearly holds dear. This photo is with his favourite daughter (hee hee, don’t mean to start a war) and loving wife. He has worked hard all of his life and took care of my grandmother in her final days. He has a good sense of humour and has always welcomed me into his home. In some ways, he has often been overshadowed by his younger brother but not so much in all ways. I think my dad, his brother-in-law, has fond memories of times when they worked together in their younger days. I would love to hear some of those stories some day. Dad does not really tell them and Mom does not seem to have many stories about her siblings.

So maybe today, as we celebrate this fine man’s life, I might hear a few of those stories. In the meantime, I pray that God will keep watch over him and grant him good health, fun family moments, loving memories, and joy unlimited.

Peace,

Suzanne

Birthday of an Aunt

Only an Aunt can give hugs like a mother, can keep secrets like a sister, and share love like a friend. ~ Spanish Proverb

Today is my aunt’s 65th birthday. She and I have been close for as long as I can remember. She is one of the wisest and most beloved people I know. When she was vice-president of a hospital, my friends who worked there all said she was the only bright light in the darkness during the transition in health care.

On my dad’s side, I would say she is a favourite auntie of all of us, though her siblings are all very much loved too. For me, she is a role model of what a single woman who dedicates her life to God can be. She understands my faith and encourages me on my journey.

I had the opportunity to visit her last summer in Montreal and I could see how well she is respected in the community there, too. She treated me to supper in an exquisite French restaurant where she took many of her distinguished visitors or guests and though she assured me she did not go there often, the host greeted her warmly as he recognized her. We had a lovely meal and then had an after-supper liqueur on the house.

We all need people to affirm us in life and keep us on the right path. I am thankful today for this woman who has been such a huge support to me and to my family at various junctures of our life. As well, she has been such a blessing to so many people around the world in her work. May God bless her abundantly today and always.

Alright, I have to address this point—are you still laughing at the above photo? Love those glasses and that hair, eh?

Peace,

Suzanne

Blesses or Messes?

In the middle of my little mess, I forget how big I'm blessed. ~ Francesca Battistelli

This jazzy little song has such a truth to it. My blessings far outnumber my messes. I am incredibly grateful for that. Today is a perfect example. I had a good appointment with my physiotherapist where I could see I am greatly improved since my car accident and should be almost done appointments soon. From there I went to mass for the Feast of the Annunciation which was special. As I got into my car, I checked for messages and saw my manager had called. In her voice mail message, she apologized for calling on my day off but needed to talk to me about my request for a voluntary reduced workweek. I decided to get to my lunch date and so responded later but inwardly I was frustrated.

I had a great time over lunch with a woman who is so kind and generous with praise. As I sat in my car afterwards, I called my manager who gave me the bad news that my request had been denied. I tried to be gracious about it. I think I was, but I am hugely disappointed. I do not really want to work full-time for all kinds of reasons but I also know that these days are a request and not automatically granted.

From there it was on to the University of Winnipeg to get two tax receipts so I can claim my tuition fee rebate for graduates. I am hoping that will create a healthy tax refund. Tonight I hope to clean and pack for my time away.

I think of Mary who had an angel appear to her with amazing news. What if she had been having a lousy day, filled with little messes? What if she were cranky when Gabriel showed up with the good news? What if she did not recognize how big she was blessed? We have to see through eyes of faith when looking at our days. If I review my day, not yet complete, I can see that the “blesses” outweigh the “messes.” How great is that?

Peace,

Suzanne

Ah! Spring break....

A good traveler has no fixed plans and is not intent upon arriving. ~ Lao Tzu

I am officially on vacation for about 10 days. Spring break starts tomorrow at 3:30 for the kiddies, but I have managed to escape a wee bit earlier. I am having lunch with a friend at a Ukrainian restaurant that is an icon here in Winnipeg, called Alycia’s. The owners have put it up for sale so we are going to get our final fill of perogies, cabbage rolls and kolbasa before it closes or changes hands.

Saturday I have an annual general meeting all morning and then I am truly done with the business. I have no real fixed plans other than to head west to see friends and family. It may be slightly disrespectful to just arrive on their doorstep without nailing down the details of everything and yet I feel a need to keep things somewhat flexible. I am intent upon arriving though but once I arrive, then the rest should remain somewhat fluid.

I feel like a gardener who throws seeds up in the air and waits to see what springs up where. Speaking of spring…I hope to see some signs of it while I am away. The geese have arrived here and the temperatures are milder. Hope springs eternal.

Peace,

Suzanne

See the Face of Christ

The practice of peace and reconciliation is one of the most vital and artistic of human actions. ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

Every Lent our church hosts a reconciliation service. This year, as every year, I attend. I find it a beautiful way to connect with the community while at the same time looking at my individual sin journey. Tonight the priest suggested that I try to see the face of Christ in the person I am struggling with at the moment.

I do believe that the practice of peace and reconciliation is one of the most vital actions humans can undertake. What I love about the Thich Nhat Hanh quote is the word artistic. How can this human action towards wholeness be artistic? Well, I think perhaps my confessor hit the nail on the head. Peace and reconciliation happen when people think outside the box, when people reach beyond the every day limits and move towards something new and genuine, something other worldly.

So tomorrow I will go to work and try to be artistic about my simple actions of peace. I will look for the face of Christ in each person I meet. After work, I will do the same. I will look deeply into the eyes of those with whom I cross paths and who may cause me some annoyance and I will look for Christ. I know I will find Him there.

Peace,

Suzanne

You've Already Won the Lottery!

Work harder on yourself than anything else. ~ Stephanie Staples

Recently I organized a Wellness Day at my workplace for staff. The feedback has confirmed that the day allowed us to break from routine, learn a few things, and have a lot of fun.

In the morning, Stephanie Staples, from Your Life Unlimited, presented for two and a half hours, encouraging staff with a number of messages, but the main one being, work harder on yourself than anything else. Small changes will make a difference. If a person does not do anything, then nothing will change.

Using simple messages that will remain in our thoughts for a long time, Stephanie told entertaining and engaging stories, used activities to make the point stick, and affirmed us with positive reinforcement. She began by saying we get back what we give and told a compelling story about what happens when we become tired from over-giving at both work and home. We need to recognize the signs of burn out before it is too late and learn to throw off the Superman/Superwoman cape and change our lives. How many times do we fight to hold on to that darn cape?

What if the best time for something in our lives was right now? No excuses or good reasons should prevent us from living unlimited. She challenged us to think about how much we care about what people we do not know or love think of us. I mean really, does it matter that the person in the supermarket check out does not approve of you wearing sweats to do your grocery shopping. Really?? There is always a better way in life and we must look for it.

She had an excellent idea of how to let people know not to interrupt her when she needed her down time. I have been looking for a way to have staff know that I am too busy for idle chatter some moments and she gave me a new idea. She pulled out a tiara and plunked it on her head and told hilarious stories of how successfully it worked, not only in her family, but also how much interest it drew when she wore it through airport security. Luckily, Queen Zanna (see my earlier post from Epiphany) already has a tiara which she will now bring to the office.

She used 5 As to make her point: awareness, accountability, attitude, appreciation, and action. The ideas are pretty self-explanatory. In the end she asked staff what we want to be known for? What kind of legacy do we want to leave for our family, friends, students, and others in our life? We can take responsibility for changing our attitude or mindset. Recruit positive people and repel negative people to make strides in your own life. I am trying to do this in order to stay healthy. Negative people are such a drain on my energy.

Focus on abundance and appreciation. Each of us can live our lives unlimited. To find out more about Stephanie click on http://yourlifeunlimited.ca and see what she has to offer.

Remember to live your life unlimited!

Peace,

Suzanne

Life-Changers

If you begin to understand what you are without trying to change it, then what you are undergoes a transformation.
~ Jiddu Krishnamurti

Sometimes two unlikely people connect and actually end up liking each other. Such was the case with Fr. Brian and I. Our first meeting was typical. He was in the sacristy preparing for mass when I walked in and he could not find what he was looking for. “Some blankety-blank-blank left this out here ….” I was a little taken aback but I got an excellent glimpse of a man I was to end up loving. Some people left the parish because of his colourful language and unorthodox thinking but lots of people came to hear this man who renewed their faith in all kinds of ways.

He was a recovering alcoholic who said it as it was. He did not make the message pretty with angel talk or fluffy warm feelings. Nope, not Brian. Instead he took his truth and smacked you in the head with it, and before you knew it, you were nodding in agreement. From the characters from the pages of Scriptures, he would spin a story, calling Joseph Joe and sure enough, they had become realer than they had ever been.

Brian had amazing real life stories and was the first to show his own woundedness. He had spent time working in Jamaica and had both hilarious and poignant stories, especially about his time accompanying the inmates on death row there.

He loved the beach and would escape to Florida from time to time. He led the parish on a trip to Cuba where we brought medical and school supplies to the local people. Upon arrival, he could hardly breathe and we wondered if he would need to go to the hospital. He had kicked a lot of things in life, but smoking was one habit he could not or would not give up and in the end the damage to his lungs was what killed him.

He did his research on me and I was one of the people he ended up trusting completely. We sat together on Pastoral Parish Council (PPC) and he convinced me to stay for a run of seven years, making me trustee. I loved being on PPC because my gifts were used and valued. I headed up the Stewardship Committee under his watch and when it was not very successful, he still could not express his gratitude enough to me, saying, “We do what we do because it is good and should be done. If it happens to work well, that's a bonus!"

Before he died, he sent me another email, this time surprising me by an acknowledgement. Brian was similar to my father in the sense that my dad does not always express himself with the words, “I love you,” but you can still comprehend that he does love you. Brian had been on a board of an organization in Toronto when he lived there and when he stepped off, they gave him a token of appreciation. I have told only one other person this story but because today is his birthday and I miss him, I thought I would share the secret that I have kept these past few years. He inspired me to be a better person—as he did for many others. He never tried to change anyone; it just happened because he called out the best in people. He affirmed me in my journey—as he did others. Today though I am humbly and gratefully remembering that he also wanted me to know he was profoundly aware of my efforts to make the parish a great place to be. So with that in mind, he asked me to help him think of a concrete way to acknowledge the PPC volunteers because of my example of volunteering. We sometimes do not know the effect we have until someone else points it out. Brian did that to me in this simple gesture. I am honoured that a gift was created because I inspired it and it does not matter to me that very few people know that part of the story. Brian called forth the best in people and changed lives. That is probably one of the things I miss most about him.

Last night I went to a Purim party that the Jewish woman hosted for our interfaith group. I had a fantastic time. We ate well, laughed lots, read the story of Queen Esther, and went home content with the gifts that our host Esther had prepared for us, as is customary at Purim. Queen Esther was another person who changed lives by her prayer and fasting.

What are you doing to change lives today?

Peace,

Suzanne

Shame on You!

Love is revealing to someone else that person's own beauty. ~ Jean Vanier

Today the retreat on healing trauma continued with the topic toxic shame. I had not heard this definition before: shame is a form of self-torment, including feelings of disappointment, embarrassment, humiliation and a long list of other emotions. Something about the word self-torment struck me. If I am the one doing the tormenting, maybe I am the one who needs to stop.

Maureen Conroy of the Upper Room in New Jersey was the facilitator and she began by distinguishing healthy shame from toxic shame. She said people need to recognize we are not perfect and we all have limitations. When we make a mistake, feeling embarrassed is normal, but the berating of oneself is not. One mistake does not mean that someone is a complete failure. People with healthy shame can be humble about it without being self-denigrating.

Toxic shame, contrarily, is an inability to accept limits to a degree where the person believes that he or she is a defective human being. In their mind, the person becomes the mistake instead of having made one.

Half the battle is claiming your own belovedness, in my opinion. I remember reading Rebecca Wells’ Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood and resonating deeply with Sidda, the protagonist, and her struggle with her mother. When I read it in university for a project on family relationships, I had an amazing breakthrough. The paper I wrote made my professor teary-eyed. I was not entirely free from that day on, but I was no longer bound by my childhood shame. Something amazing occurs when one arrives at a place one never thought possible of arriving—and arrives more or less intact, to boot.

Vanier is an incredible human being. Of course, he is correct in the above quote and in assuming we all have our own beauty. He once told a story about one of the men at L’Arche who put himself in a garbage dumpster because that was where he thought he belonged. I had happened to meet that man when I was at L'Arche in Trosly, France and so the story was even more poignant to me. Nobody is a piece of garbage. Not all of us know and trust that though. We need to be told, to be affirmed and reaffirmed.

I feel convinced more than ever that I need to be a more affirming voice in this world. We have too many voices that shame and denigrate people. Choices surround us daily. I am going to try to choose the voice of love more often.

Peace,

Suzanne

God Has My Back!

Healing presence is the condition of being consciously and compassionately in the present moment with another or with others, believing in and affirming their potential for wholeness, wherever they are in life. ~ James Miller

This weekend I am at a retreat centre where Maureen Conroy, from the Upper Room in New Jersey, is facilitating a session entitled Healing Trauma: The gift of prayer and spiritual direction. It has been an interesting couple of days as we've learned about the basic truths of trauma, prayer and spiritual direction, the various forms of trauma, their symptoms, and how prayer and spiritual direction can help resolve them.

I am always aware that the stories I hear as a spiritual director are sacred and the privilege to walk with someone through their journey is not lost on me. During my time with the Formation for Healing Ministry, I have witnessed people who have been traumatized restored to wholeness. God works in mysterious and wonderful ways. To be consciously and compassionately in the present moment with another is a gift for both people, especially when God joins in, too.

Trauma means wound, I learned this weekend. Whether that wound is perceived or actual, the person experiencing it, is overwhelmed and unable to cope. The length of time varies and whether it is simple trauma (meaning one event) or more complicated like post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or complex-PTSD, trauma can change everything temporarily for the person affected.

Motor vehicle accidents was an example of an event that can traumatize a person. I know this personally because I still have feelings of anxiety when the glare of headlights catches my eye as it did when I was involved in a car accident in the fall. This phenomena gives me a bit of a flashback and heightens my stress.

We had the opportunity to discuss our own traumas with another person today and I selected the incident in DR Congo. It was really helpful. I was asked by the woman I was teamed with how I felt about God in the whole thing. I heard myself say a number of things about protection and how God was in control. What surprised me was when I said, "I knew then that God had my back." Such an odd statement but it struck me as so true--and who better to have my back?

Tomorrow we explore toxic shame and guilt. That should be interesting. While I knew some of the more basic information, I am gleaning lots of things that would be useful if I return to Congo. My sense and experience of what the body holds in its memory was confirmed today. Maureen has shown us a few simple movements to awaken the body to healing. I hope to practice them and not forget them.

I have enjoyed slowing down and seeing people here with a passion to serve other people on the road to wholeness. I met someone I had not seen in decades (a trauma therapist) but who had a profound impact on my own healing with the vicarious trauma I experienced at work. She had given a workshop to the professional group of interpreters in the province at a time when I was figuring out that I needed to change what I was doing if I was going to survive and not burn out. She affirmed me on the journey and here I still am in the field.

I love to learn and I hope I never stop having the desire to seek out new information. I think it has kept me sane and joyful all these years. How about you? Where are you at these days and who has your back?

Be Well!

Motion changes emotion. ~ Stephanie Staples

Today the Wellness Day I organized occurred at long last. I was very excited about it. I will say more about it but I am dashing off to a weekend retreat on Healing Trauma and don’t really have the time right now.

Stephanie Staples was the morning speaker and she did an excellent job at setting the tone for the day. Some of the staff told me later they could have listened to her all day. I will post her webpage and blog information in an upcoming blog with more information on her presentation.

One of the lines she uses was the quote above. Well, that sure was true for those of us (like yours truly) who participated in the Zumba and Hinode Taiko Drumming class. I sure burned off energy and felt a thousand times better than I did yesterday. Photos of the day to come! Check back to this post later.

Peace,

Suzanne

Taking Care of Yourself

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book. ~Irish Proverb

Happy St. Patrick’s Day, Everyone!

I thought an Irish quote would be perfect for today’s blog. Tomorrow is the Wellness Day that I have been playing for over a month now. We have all sorts of fun things going on, beginning with a presentation on living an unlimited life by Stephanie Staples for the morning. After that we have some break out sessions where staff can learn some new activities.

I am going to take a Zumba class and then do Hinode Taiko Drumming. I am really excited about both sessions. I am looking for a fun exercise class and am wondering if Zumba might be for me. This is an easy and cheap way to find out. Here is hoping I don’t die mid-way through the class. Good thing some of us were recently in a CPR course!

Japanese drumming has always looked cool to me. I love drums. My brother used to hang out in school with ex-Crash Test Dummies’ drummer, Mitch Dorge. Mitch had his drums in our basement for a few days while the guys were jamming and I remember arriving home to find the house empty. I could not resist temptation. I slipped in behind them and let loose. Such fun!!

When I was in Bujumbura two years ago, I would hear the African drummers start playing late afternoon. I never knew where they played until one day, on the way to visit a friend in the poorer part of the city, I saw them in the lot beside the post office. I was so excited. I dragged my friend, who was Deaf, back to listen for a while. Of course, he had seen them many times but tolerated my curiosity. As you can see from the above photo, they were fantastic and entertaining!

I have also been drawn to the Aboriginal drumming—both at the powwow and the single drum used at various smudging events. That particular drum has often moved me on a deep level that I cannot explain. Some days when I listen to it, I think I could just weep. Something about it is both haunting and grounding. It is as if Mother Earth cries out from the core to touch your most inner self. I can't really describe it.

There are lots of ways to wellness. Tomorrow will introduce me to a few new paths. I am sure along the way I will have a few good laughs, especially trying to learn the Zumba steps. I am off to bed early tonight so that I can get a long sleep and be ready for a great day!

Peace,

Suzanne

Healing Child

The soul is healed by being with children. ~ Fydor Dostoevsky

I had a long day today. Drove across the province and back to meetings at two different schools. My energy felt a little zapped by a series of emails that I was dealing with. I got home and knew I had time for a quick bite to eat prior to picking up a 12-year-old boy who I had promised to take out this evening.

We had had plans to go tobogganing but that fell through with the rain we had today. The run was closed for the season. We tossed around a couple of options and decided to go to this place that had games and arcades. We laughed and had a good time. Driving home I realized that the stress of the day had dissipated. My soul was healed by being with this child. I am going to bed with a grateful heart.

Peace,

Suzanne

Facing Ourselves

Lent enables us to face ourselves, to see the weak places, to touch the wounds in our own soul, and to determine to try once more to live beyond our lowest aspirations. ~ Joan Chittister in The Liturgical Year

I am reading Chittister’s book this Lent and loving her insights. Sometimes looking at ourselves requires fortitude. Lent provides us with a perfect opportunity for such a scrutiny. Sometimes change is like trying to move mountains. The effort seems overwhelming.

The insight I gleaned from this sentence was that we do set our own bars fairly low at times and it is good to take stock and raise them to where they should be, whatever the issue is that keeps us from living fully. Last night, exhausted from a long day’s work, I sat down on the couch with the TV on and half watched The Bachelor. It is not a show I regularly tune into. What shocked me was his reaction to the woman who was a mother asking him to define what being a good father and provider meant. I distinctly remember thinking, “Run, woman! This man has some deep-rooted anger issues.”

When we cannot face ourselves, we usually cannot face the wounds of the other gracefully either. We try to paint them over, sweep them aside, and then we are shocked when we come face to face with them. I encourage you to live this Lent with awareness of your wounds—explore them in these remaining days and hopefully you will come out living with greater aspirations than when you began the journey.

Peace,

Suzanne

I'll Have the Usual....or Not!

If a person has the opportunity to taste a new fruit and refuses to do so, he will have to account for that in the next world. ~ Talmud

Sometimes we are our own worst enemies. We limit ourselves. We are given an abundance of choices and sometimes we are the ones who sabotage the amazing experiences that await us.

How many of us go to a restaurant and order the same thing every time because we know it and we love it? Nothing else on the menu can entice us. Does that process play itself out in life decisions too? Do we always choose the same item from the menu of life?

Now, it may be that being safe and happy is a good thing. I am not knocking that. I do know though that buffets can widen our choices—and isn’t life one tremendous buffet? What are you going to have today?

Peace,

Suzanne

Happiness is a Duty

God has not brought me this far to leave me. ~ Source Unknown

I am not sure when I first heard the above quote but it may have been in a song or sermon while I lived in Washington, DC. It was a mantra for a while after my sister died. I heard a similar line this morning during the radio Praise and Worship Hour: God would not make us just to have us suffer. I agree. God created us to praise and worship God and to enjoy life to the fullest. Interestingly enough, a Facebook friend posed this question this morning: is happiness our birthright?

My response was no, but it is our duty. We should strive to be happy and to bring joy when and where we can. I believe that Eeyores and Puddleglums exist everywhere but most of us don’t really want to see the glass as only half empty, or worse yet, as a song bemoans, “it doesn’t matter because it’s gonna spill anyway.”

I have been through some pretty dark moments in life where the light seems to be just a pinprick but I knew I stood surrounded by One who loved me and had walked the walk before me. I was not created to suffer but there is a definite promise that when I do, I will not be left.

Peace,

Suzanne

Who Do I Want to Please?

God wants a lot. Satan is more easily pleased. ~ Madeleine L’Engle in The Rock That is Higher: Story as truth.

"That was a good story,” the inmate whispered as I slipped back into my chair in the prison chapel tonight. He continued after a pause, “ I almost fell asleep.” It took me a moment to figure out what he meant but then I quietly responded with a smile, "It is a good bedtime story.” My voice had soothed something in him as I proclaimed the first reading, which was fairly lengthy.

It is a story from my own childhood—Eve and the serpent in the garden. I was in Grade 1 and hearing the Hebrew Testament stories for the first time in English and falling madly, deeply, and passionately in love with them. Many misogynists and a few misinformed, but good-hearted, souls have misinterpreted the conversation between these two characters. I won’t go there in this blog though.

I think Madeleine’s quote gives a hint as to the real story of the Garden of Eden. God demands a lot from us. As I work this 40-day program, one of the questions is what is the lie that I believe about a certain aspect of my life based on a short daily reading. I am finding this piece intriguing as it pushes me to think about what I believe and what I think I believe about my value base, my thoughts, my desires, and my actions. This daily check in has been a challenge and I am only on Day 4. I have five more weeks to go.

I do think I am fairly honest with myself. Actually, I can be brutally honest with myself. I am incredibly introspective. What I am finding though is that God wants even more of that from me. Satan loves the superficial, “yeah, I should really try to give up chocolate for Lent” and chuckles when we decide one little piece won’t wreck the journey. God is much more on the ball, calling us to wholeness and accountability while continuing to love us completely. God knows that the one little piece chips away at the integrity of the bigger plan of health and peace.

God had some pretty harsh words for Adam and Eve in the Garden but God was still amazingly generous in responding. We can strive half-heartedly to please God this Lent, or we can try to be as faithful as we can to our Lenten commitments. Yes, I am saying this because I just messed up. I spotted a Lindt chocolate bar moments before starting this blog posting and before I knew it, I had eaten several squares. I am trying not to eat in the last four hours of my day. Blew that tonight. Thank goodness, God’s mercy is new every morning. I will try again tomorrow to get back on track.

I am grateful that God does have high standards and that I can try to live them out. I am happy to even have the desire to follow them. It is a gift really. On Day 4, I think I am starting to see that my desire to please God is growing. I won’t always be able to control the temptations that slither my way, but I can see that the next time they appear I have a choice. I don’t just have to give in to my cravings. I can give them over to One who cares about my health and sanity.

Peace,

Suzanne

Slow Down!

For fast-acting relief, try slowing down. ~Lily Tomlin

Ah, Friday…it is often my stay-at-home night. I like to just hang out here in my sanctuary and chill. The rest of the weekend will be pretty busy. I am in an all day work-related professional development session tomorrow and then off to prison in the evening. Sunday I am off to the ballet of Alice in Wonderland, which got mixed reviews in the news. We lose an hour sleep on Sunday, not something I needed. I can use every hour of slowing down I can get!

However to put it all in perspective, today parts of Japan were devastated by a massive earthquake and a tsunami. We live such busy lives that when something like this happens, I wonder if it changes our priorities. No one needs to tell me that I need to slow down more but on days like today, I wonder if being busy is such a need. Take the time to enjoy life this moment.

Peace,

Suzanne

Choices: Life or Death?

Choose life so that you and your descendants may live, loving the Lord your God, obeying Him, and holding fast to Him. ~ Deuteronomy 30

Post number 70. So far so good….

I love my life, despite some of my whining. I choose life--my life. If I had to choose it all over again, I would. I love the Lord my God, I try my best to obey God, and through thick and thin, I hold fast to God. I may not always be successful but at least I feel like I am on the right path.

So often people do not choose life. Lent gives us an opportunity to rethink that choice each and every day. I am on Day 2 of my plan and notice a few changes already. Hope thrives!

Peace,

Suzanne

Turning from Sin

Turn away from sin and be faithful to the gospel. ~ Ash Wednesday Liturgy

Ash Wednesday officially “kicks off” Lent, the journey through the desert of the Passion of Christ prior to the Resurrection on Easter. This is a time of preparing to walk towards Calvary and the tomb with Jesus. Usually a solemn 40 days, the season is not quite as celebratory as Advent and its path to Christmas. Most Catholics still “give up” something but since my time in Africa, I prefer to look at it as “living into” something. I don’t want whatever changes I am trying to make during these 40 days to end but to continue on and be transformed by them.

What am I going to change this Lent? Well, a few things come to mind. I bought a book entitled, change your habits, change your life several months ago and recently noticed that it has a 40-day plan in it. I thought it would be a good time to set it in practice. The book examines healthy living, including food and exercise but goes beyond that to changing unhealthy thoughts and achieving new energy and rest. I will let you know how it goes.

One of the Jesuits gave an excellent homily recently on rumours and reminded us that we should not be talking about other people. He said that trying to take rumours back is like chasing feathers in the wind. I loved that startling image. I am going to work on that a little this Lent again. I had heard the analogy last year and tried hard to live it out. Quite a challenge!! I may try to continue again. I have noticed that I have changed somewhat in that respect but still would like to work even more on changing my habits in this regard.

Lent is really about prayer, fasting and almsgiving on the sacrificial level. I hope to increase my prayer time a little more. I am definitely fasting from food, but there are a few non-edible items I am going to fast from too; gossiping be just one of them. Almsgiving comes in different forms as well, so I am going to try and give my time to certain people more than I normally do. I am preparing a book for publication—not my own, but a selection of writings of a friend to be included in a book. When I fast that is what I will work on instead of the activities that are less healthy for my soul. I also see it as almsgiving since I am doing it for no other purpose than I think this person has much to say that the world needs to hear.

Tonight I will make my way to my church, my community in which I will attempt to live out this plan, and be “ashed” as I say. I will be marked with ashes with the sign of the cross as an outward symbol to show my commitment to turn away from sin and be faithful to the gospel of Jesus. I pray that for those of us walking this journey this Lent that we will find our way to the solid Rock upon which our faith calls us to stand. Sinning is easy; being faithful is the challenge.

Have a blessed Lenten journey!

Peace,

Suzanne

Pancakes, Anyone?

Shrove Tuesday is kind of a day of foolishness and silliness. That's why a carnival makes sense, being silly and foolish before moving into the seriousness of Ash Wednesday. ~ Pat Eidsness

Growing up my family ALWAYS had pancakes for supper on this day. I never really understood it since Ash Wednesday was a day of fasting from meat too. We never had bacon with those pancakes, which would have really made it FAT Tuesday. Really, pancakes don’t seem too exciting or fattening. Having said that, as a kid, I knew that something special was happening even if I did not comprehend all the connections between pancakes and the Easter bunny. Call me nostalgic but tonight after a long day out of town, I came home and made pancakes.

I am not doing anything silly or foolish tonight (unless preparing my taxes counts) but if you are, enjoy every second of it before the seriousness of Lent begins.

Peace,

Suzanne

Little Sacrifices

In all the world only one thing really mattered, to do the will of the One she followed and loved, no matter what it involved or cost. ~ Hannah Hurnard

I am not sure if this quote is from Hind’s Feet on High Places or not but I am guessing it is. That book inspired me at a time in my life when I was in great need of getting back on the right track. I found my way again through the protagonist Much Afraid.

Tonight I had my Chemin Neuf group and the question we examined was what we hope the upcoming Lenten season holds for our personal journey. I heard something that resonated with me. One of the men shared that a priest told him that it is important to make daily little sacrifices.

As Lent draws near, perhaps doing the will of the One I follow and love no matter what is the key in making those little sacrifices with great love. I pray that my heart be open to such a proposal.

Peace,

Suzanne

As Beautiful on the Inside

Once upon a time, in a faraway land, a young prince lived in a shining castle. Although he had everything his heart desired, the prince was spoiled, selfish, and unkind. But then, one winter's night, an old beggar woman came to the castle and offered him a single rose in return for shelter from the bitter cold. Repulsed by her haggard appearance, the prince sneered at the gift and turned the old woman away. But she warned him not to be deceived by appearances, for beauty is found within. And when he dismissed her again, the old woman's ugliness melted away to reveal a beautiful enchantress. The prince tried to apologize, but it was too late, for she had seen that there was no love in his heart. And as punishment, she transformed him into a hideous beast and placed a powerful spell on the castle and all who lived there. Ashamed of his monstrous form, the beast concealed himself inside his castle, with a magic mirror as his only window to the outside world. The rose she had offered was truly an enchanted rose, which would bloom until his 21st year. If he could learn to love another, and earn her love in return by the time the last petal fell, then the spell would be broken. If not, he would be doomed to remain a beast for all time. As the years passed, he fell into despair and lost all hope. For who could ever learn to love a beast?
~ from the opening lines of Beauty and the Beast

I have had two outings thus far today. The first was the 12-year-old blessing ceremony of my goddaughter’s brother. He is turning into a fine young man thought there is still an innocence about him that is endearing. He is learning the above lesson the way we all do: one relationship at a time. Some of us see the beauty within quicker than others. I could not help but look at David as he stood in front of the congregation and see what a handsome young man he is turning out to be. Within a few year, he will be a hottie as they say.

While a men’s blessing party was going on for him, his sister and his mom and I went to see Beastly, the new movie that has a bit of a spin on the old Disney tale. The hot and popular boy in school publicly humilates the Goth girl who turns out to be a witch and casts a spell on him that makes him as ugly on the outside as he is on the inside. His dad hopefully falls victim to the witch at the end of the flick. There are some neat characters who love the boy despite his moods and bad attitude and they are the ones who help him find the courage and strength to do the right thing. One of the most touching moments in the film is one between the beast and the witch when he pleads with her on behalf of his friends. He is learning the biblical passage that being ready to lay down your life for your friends is the most important mission.

I don’t know why some young people today are so mean. Are we really raising a generation of children who are self-centred and obsessed with hanging out with the popular gang at all costs? At one point in the film, one of the Beast's former female cronies admits things are much better without him because she was always so mean-spirited when he was there. When I said we earlier, I meant we. It takes a village to raise a child and we all have a hand in ensuring that children become great citizens with loving and gentle hearts. The world needs people with beautiful "insides." I am hoping that David learned that today as the men from his church community gathered around to mentor and bless him this afternoon.

Peace,

Suzanne

Eucharistic Union

If we really understand the Eucharist, if we really center our lives on Jesus’ Body and Blood, if we nourish our lives with the Bread of the Eucharist, it will be easy for us to see Christ in that hungry one next door, the one lying in the gutter, the alcoholic man we shun, our husband or our wife, or our restless child. For in them, we will recognize the distressing disguises of the poor: Jesus in our midst. ~ Blessed Teresa of Calcutta

My dad is not a very religious man but every once in awhile I catch a glimpse of such deep faith that I am moved. Today was one of those days. We were at a funeral of a man that we had known for decades. Mom and Dad used to square dance with him and his wife and all of us kids got to hang out. I am still good friends with the man’s son.

It is my understanding that my dad does not always take the Eucharist. I think it has something to do with feeling unworthy to receive the Host. Today though he remained standing when we arrived at the point in the mass where you proceed up the aisle. I could see he was scoping out which way might be easiest for him to maneuver. We filed up the aisle and I slid back into my seat first. I glanced up at my dad as he came down the aisle and I could see he was fighting back tears, trying desperately to contain them.

Now I might be reading more into this than is there but two things came to mind. In the Eucharist all believers are united—past and present. This man whose life we were celebrating, and my dad’s youngest brother who also recently died, are joined in mysterious ways to those of us who participate in the sacrament. I believe my dad comprehended this concept and that is why he chose to receive today. He was one with each of those men and he knew it on a profound level.

The other thought that ran through my mind was dad is like a cat on his eighth life. He knows that at some point he is going to meet this Christ figure and is not yet ready to do so. In consuming the Eucharist today, he is nourishing his life while recognizing the distressing disguise of his own poverty.

I love watching my dad in action and I know that as much as he did not really want to be at this funeral today to avoid the pain that is evident within his spirit, he did his social butterfly flittering and enjoyed the afternoon. His earthly life will come to an end one day and I think, despite his fears, he will be welcomed into the Kingdom with great joy. Not everyone understands the depth that a little white wafer holds, but I think this child of God does.

Peace,

Suzanne

Trusting God

Blessed are all they that put their trust in God. ~ Psalms 2:12

I don’t have much time if I am going to post this before midnight. It has been a long day. Work seemed so incredibly heavy. Staff morale seems to be tanking lately. This week has been excessively busy which has not helped matters either, not to mention that my car sounds more like a small plane, which just adds to the stress since I need a car for most of my travels next week and cannot prolong taking it in to the shop.

After work I met a colleague for supper and we sat for hours chatting and catching up on things. We were both tired but managed to find the energy to chat and eat. Funny how when trying to find an outlet we can be quite motivated.

I am heading to bed, putting my trust in God that tomorrow is a new day and all will be well.

peace,

Suzanne

I am Strong!

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself. ~ Harvey S. Firestone

Yesterday we held our Networking Day at work. Deaf and hard of hearing children from all over the province come together three times a year, along with their parents and staff, to learn and socialize. The theme of the day was the social-emotional needs of Deaf and hard of hearing children. I organized a panel of students who spoke about what school was like for them, answering questions such as was school a happy place, who supported them, had they been bullied, and what did they want to do after they graduated. Fascinating!!! Almost all of them had been bullied—even the pretty girls and jock boys.

What was more incredible was watching the students come together and find a solace or shelter in each other. Some were attending the day for the first time and they loved it. You could almost see their self-esteem grow as the day went on.

These days are always exhausting to some of us organizers. We wear numerous hats and run around all day (sometimes like Charlie the Chicken without a head….oh, wait, buk-aaawk!!!, that is a character from my brother’s blog), carrying out the various tasks. We scarf down lunch and drop into our desk chairs after the last guest has exited, depleted of reserve energy but tremendously happy about how the day goes.

One of the greatest things in life that we can do is build someone’s self-esteem, especially a child’s. I saw some really cool things happen that day, including one of the school bullies stand up and thank the young panelists for being honest and brave and then admit he was not the nicest person but that he had been trying to change his ways as he got ready to graduate, hoping it was not too late. One of the middle school girls was in awe of the Deaf linguist with a Ph.D. who was one of the morning speakers, and another senior years boy told her that she was living proof that Deaf people could succeed.

I hope that these children will find themselves and create an identity that is not based on limitations but rather possibilities. I remember being bullied a bit in elementary school myself and one day, when one of the boys stood in front of me, with a pile of snow in his hand, sneering, “who is gonna get their face washed today?” I found a side of myself that I did not know existed. “You are!” I retorted, slapping the bottom of his hand, sending the snow into his face. I had to run like crazy to avoid a beating but I laughed gleefully at my courage that day. Don’t be a victim! Define yourself in a loving, strong way.

Peace,

Suzanne

Free to Be

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss

Last night through the generous gift of a friend, I went to see The Shunning at MTC. The story is bleak, set in the Canadian prairies, showcasing the “exile” of a church member who begins to think outside the box regarding God. He refuses to humble himself and submit to the church and God and this pride leads to his shunning. As the drama unfolds, the audience sees an unraveling of a community as the pastor pressures everyone to see the errors of this man’s ways. His marriage falls apart. His friends stop coming by. His brother appears to be the only one who cuts him slack.

Though the play focuses on Mennonites, the concept of a church trying to control the thinking of its congregation is broader. Conforming to the beliefs can be suffocating. Jesus taught another way—the way of love. He showed on numerous occasions that following the letter of the law was not the way. I think the sad thing about the play was that the protagonist did not lose his faith; he just stopped believing in the way he had believed. What happens when we have a shift that brings us to a new level of believing? If Jacob wrestled with God and still was his friend, what makes it wrong when the rest of us do the same?

There was lots to think about after seeing this play. I would still recommend it.

Peace,

Suzanne

A Challenge

See the Face of God in everyone. - St. Catherine Labouré

St. Catherine Labouré was a Daughter of Charity in France to whom Mary is said to have appeared with instructions to develop a medal which has become known as the Miraculous Medal. My grandmother gave me my first Medal when I was diagnosed with a benign tumor at the age of 21. I wore it for many years but then just carried one around with me until recently when I lost it. That one was from Paris. I think of Gram every time I see one.

While in Paris one year, I stumbled across the chapel on Rue du Bac, where the incorruptible body of St. Catherine is, and arrived just in time for mass. The white chapel was a bright and welcome change from all the dark and gothic (but beautiful in their own way) cathedrals I had been exploring while in Europe.

I do not really know much about St. Catherine but I like this quote. We are all the face of God in this world. We encounter God in each person on our path, we who are made in God’s own likeness. Today, I saw God in the face of my physiotherapist who helps to heal me, a cashier who made me laugh, and a saleswoman who was very kind and helpful. I am sure tonight when I gather with friends for supper God will be there. When I join a kind friend who invited me to the theatre afterwards, God will be there. God will be in the faces of the actors as I watch the play too.

If we treated everyone like God and said things to God’s face, what would change in how we behave? Would we drive differently? Would we hold our tongue more often? Would we be more lavish in our praise? Would we be more honest about what we are thinking or feeling? See the face of God in everyone in the next day or so and see if anything changes for you. I dare you!

Peace,

Suzanne