Half-Truths

“There can be no story without the balance of the antagonist.” ~ Antjie Krog, Country of my Skull

I have been reading about truth, reconciliation, forgiveness, and memory as I prepare for my trip to South Africa. The stories that emerge are painful ones of incredible violence. At the same time, as I said in class last night, I cannot help but think truth has more than one story to tell and today Krog stated the same thought in the above quote.

A friend of mine was an interpreter for the United Nations High Commission for Refugees’ investigation into the Rwandan genocide. Originally hired by one side, when the funds ran out, he became available and the other side snatched him up. A survivor himself, he was able to hear both sides of the “truth” and found himself bewildered. How could both perspectives hold such different facets and yet be true?

Even in our own personal lives when we argue with people, we cannot see past our own interpretation of the precipitating event to see that the antagonist might have a different understanding of what happened. How can there be one truth when there is more than one person involved? We know our own truth, but we may not have the full story so do we indeed have a true story or is it only a half story?

I have so much to ponder these days as I prepare.

Peace,

Suzanne

Blessed Blessing

"Use me today, and let me become the gift back to You through the work before me. In thanks for all your gifts, make me a gift, because becoming the blessing is what deeply blesses. Enter into me, even me, and use my life to be Your love." ~ Ann VosKamp

I read this prayer just before I left the house this morning. It stopped me because I needed so desperately to hear it. Enter into me, even me, and use me. Even me...Your unworthy, tired servant. If you can use me, surely you can use anyone. It is not a false humility, but a weariness that sees my weaknesses these days. I see my gifts too and am so very grateful for them. I stand in awe that you bless me as I become the blessing. I return it all to You.

Peace,

Suzanne

Three Words

“I give you a new commandment, that you love one another.” ~ Jesus in the Gospel of John 13

The readings today are poetic—Revelation and John, quite a duo. John sees a new heaven and a new earth. Jesus gives us a new commandment. He repeats it three times, in different ways, as if to try to let it sink through our thick skulls. So simple really: love one another.

Who am I kidding? Loving someone is quite the challenge. As I read Mandela’s Long Walk to Freedom as I lounged in bed this morning, I cried when I came to the part that the authorities would not let him go to his mother’s or son’s funeral. How could they hate him and what he stood for so much that they denied this basic need? Fear destroys love and there is no room for a new heaven or earth when fear rules.

Loving someone unconditionally is complicated. I have many relationships where I have reached that place and I get over hurts quickly or even overlook them because in the long haul, they are trivial. Other relationships are more complicated and loving someone is less easy. Jesus places this three word commandment in front of us and gives us this insane example to follow. How can we possibly compete with that? Sure, I can lay down my life for some people. Other times I wonder, how many times must I let someone hurt me before I say enough is enough? This loving thing is not easy. Not at home, not within myself for myself, not at work, not in community, and certainly not in the wider world. Simple? No. That said, we still must act in good faith and try to do the loving thing whenever possible.

When was the last time you could not love someone you should have?

Peace,

Suzanne

Chasing The One God

"What you are searching for and chasing after reveals the god that is winning the war in your heart." ~ Kyle Idleman

Where is my heart these days? I am spending hours retracing the roots and footprints of apartheid as I prepare for the course that starts on Monday. I have read two-thirds of Mandela's Long Walk to Freedom, half of Albie Sachs' memoir, a good chunk of a book on Truth and Reconciliation Commissions, and a number of other things. My heart is with this nation that still struggles with freedom.

My heart too is remembering my desire to serve God and to put God first in my life. I think I have been unfaithful in this regard. God slips down a space or two on my list, replaced by things that cannot satisfy me, though they distract me much too well before I awaken to the fact that I have fallen off the cliff. This week has been a reminder that my eyes are not always on the One who loves me. They are sometimes on shiny but empty promises that disappoint and leave me longing.

I had a crazy day, waking up feeling hurt and angry from a conversation with a friend the night before. I slipped into an unhealthy space of feeling used and abused. It is never a good outcome when that happens and yet, I think the healthy acknowledgement of boundaries was a necessary lesson. I was on retreat this morning, still brewing about the argument and distracted by my need to do some work for Monday's class that only had a brief time to occur. I left the retreat to go to the university library, parked and took longer than I hoped. As I walked back to my car, my heart stopped. Crap! Where IS my car? My heart sank. I went into the fast food restaurant in front of where I had parked and asked about what company tows the car. The sympathetic server gave me the number and acknowledged that yes, I had been towed.

I could feel my frustration rising. The temptation not to return to the retreat at this point was high but I refused to give into the negative thoughts and emotions stirred up within me. I drove back to my parish and settled briefly into the remaining prayer time before gathering with the group. One of the women asked when I was leaving for South Africa. When I told her, she said they should pray for me. I welcomed that. Darkness cannot hold back the Light in my life for too long.

I am still feeling a bit grumpy as I settle in for the evening but I hope that can shift in the next hour or so. I am so very blessed and I chase after THE God who is merciful and slow to judge.

Peace,

Suzanne

Dragon Slayers

“The dragon sits by the side of the road, watching those who pass. Beware lest he devour you. We go to the Father of Souls, but it is necessary to pass by the dragon.” ~ St. Cyril of Jerusalem

In a small group that I am involved with we did a session of angels and dragons based on this quote. Each of us drew a road and placed upon it the angels and dragons that were there to bless us or try to devour us. I had several angels on the road, drawn in a lovely purple colour. The dragons were fear, distractions and unworthiness. I need to do some slaying soon for some of these creatures. I need them gone from the path that lies ahead.

Peace,

Suzanne

Not Me, But You

“Act as if everything depended on you; trust as if everything depended on God.”
~ St. Ignatius of Loyola

I am tired lately. My schedule is very full and I have not been feeling great lately. I seem to wake up at the same time every morning, half an hour prior to my alarm going off. I gave a talk tonight at my church on a topic I had not yet presented on and was feeling not as confident as I would have like to have been. I ended up nailing it. I was funny and compelling. I really felt God take over at one point. I knew I just had to get out of the way. One of the organizers of the event said from now on I would be giving that talk. I felt quite humbled because I dragged myself to show up, had several moments of doubt as I waited for the start time, went into the chapel to pray for a few minutes to try to centre myself and give my anxiety over to God, and relied less on my notes than I thought I would once I got underway.

I had to act as if everything depended on me but trusted that God would take care of these people's souls. Mid-way through I realized that God had it--God had the talk, he had their hearts, he had my weariness, and all would be well. I felt suspended in space, watching the evening unfold perfectly, despite feeling like an unworthy servant. In fact, I seemed so relaxed and, interestingly enough, funny, that I wondered who had taken possession of my body. Everything depends on God and when we surrender our service up, God shows up.

Thanks to God for taking care of us and doing more than we can ask or imagine.

Peace,

Suzanne

Surprised by Love

In every truth there is something more than we would have expected, in the love that we receive there is always an element that surprises us.” ~ Pope Benedict XVI

I have been taking this class on creating your arts career and have found it one of the most energetic courses I have ever taken, filled with amazing, talented people. Tonight we threw the instructor a surprise birthday party. What was amazing is that she began the class by gifting several of us who had been involved in some way in making the class a success. She had no idea that she would soon be the recipient of several gifts herself. I was one of the recipients of her book and cd and I was totally surprised. I really had not expected it but welcomed the love and respect that came with her generosity.

To say that our instructor was surprised by the outpouring of admiration and gratitude for all she has given us would be an understatement. We had staged the surprise perfectly. She was blown away at the never-ending gifts that came her way. It was an event of beauty and grace. Being surprised by love is a wonder to behold.

Peace,

Suzanne

Re-Viewing

"She who re-views her blessings, re-views herself — sees herself as beheld by her Beloved." ~ Ann Voskamp

If we can look again, re-view our day, and be blessed by it, we are wise. We see where God stopped by and when we noticed. We see where the Light brightened our day, bringing unspeakable joy. We pause with sadness to see the missed opportunity to welcome that Light at a moment when we should have. We learn a bit more about who we are and why we do what we do. The Examen is a great blessing in my life because the constant re-viewing of my day leads to great reflection and calls me to more grace.

I see how I am indeed beheld by my Beloved and my heart is overwhelmed with gratitude.

Look at your day. See it with God's eyes. View it again. Re-view and rejoice. We are loved by the Beloved.

Peace,

Suzanne

The Voice

"My sheep hear my voice. I know them and they follow me." ~ Jesus in the Gospel of John, Chapter 10

What is in a voice that evokes such reactions? Voices can make us cringe. Our hearts can skip a beat when we hear the voice of one we love. In today's Gospel, Jesus assures us that no one can snatch from His hand His beloved sheep.

We listen all day to sounds, unless we are deaf. We filter out noise, bask in the beauty of the sounds we adore, and constantly make decisions about what we are hearing. Do we do this on a spiritual level too? Do we listen for the voice of the Good Shepherd who will not lead us astray when competing calls attempt to draw us away from Him? When all is said and done after the Boston bombings, will these two young men understand that they were not listening to the voice of God to carry out this act of terror and destruction? Listening to the Creator's voice, the Good Shepherd's voice, can be a challenge for most of us and we often think what we hear comes from the Holy One, but sometimes the outcome proves differently.

I think we are blessed indeed to be able to recognize the voice of the Caller, who leads us to Life. I know that the din of the Evil one can distract us away from our calling. We are all listening to something but we do not always adjust or change the channel when the things get distorted.

When do you actively listen to the Voice that is calling you to follow? Why do you shut it out some days?

Peace,

Suzanne

Death by Satisfaction OD

"There are some days when I think I am going to die from an overdose of satisfaction." ~Salvador Dali

I have written here before about the doors that have been opening in my life for the past several months. Today another opportunity arose and I walked through it. I really should not have because it was a 12-hour effort and my to-do list is long this weekend but at the same time, I am so grateful I did. I was invited out of town to see an artist's outdoor gallery with a number of other visual artists and then join them for supper at an amazing home for a healthy supper.

I drove out after a reflexology appointment that went well. During the drive, I had an hour to think about a few things going on in my life before meeting up with the others. As I walked around the gallery, I was aware of my gratitude for this opportunity. As we gathered at the other home for supper, I discovered a blessing for future--a little retreat space that would be perfect to sleep, write, dream, and be at. I could see myself there quite easily and joyfully.

There is a whole other way of living that artists carve out for ourselves that I am learning to embrace. The door opens to a myriad of mazes and I must choose which halls to walk down but I sense that each of them have a number of comfortable rooms along the way.

Grateful tonight as I head to bed.

Peace,

Suzanne

Where God Shows Up

"Discernment is the art of paying attention to God, in all the places God might show up." ~ Leah Perrault in Theology of the Body for Every Body

When was the last time you paid attention to God? Where were you at the time? Who else was present? You may be trying to conjur up a conversation during the last Eucharist or worship service you were at, but that is not what I am asking really. God is present to us in every moment, in all things, in each person, at all times, and in in all creation. Do we really comprehend what that means to us on a daily basis?

Today I organized the staff Wellness Day. A number of times, as I reflect back on the day, I paid attention. Right off the hop, we had a major glitch and I realized that my conflict resolution skills and good discernment were gifts. I dealt with the issue swiftly and confidently while I restored the positive energy. That done, the second major curve ball of the day was thrown. I caught it nicely and circumvented a tiny crisis. The rest of the day went smoothly and everyone found their way to wellness, including myself.

Paying attention to the movements of the Spirit in a day does change things. I need to do this more often. Sometimes I see where God was only at the end of a insanely busy day when I do my Examen. One would think by now that I might have mastered this listening skill. Alas! Not quite yet. I am still a novice in work-related situations.

Other times though, when I can sit and watch the sun set on a beach where the waves crash against the shore, my breath is taken away by how gloriously God has shown up. Those moments are the easy ones. Today though I caught my self being grateful for several dialogues with co-workers which left me happily wondering, when did this come to be, this relationship between us? As the massage therapist worked on my aching body, I know that God showed up in the gift of his hands. God arrived a long time ago in the producer of a movie which still inspires people in its stories. Today watching it with a group of educators this time, the bullying story made me cry as it had never done before. I could feel the room charged with the onerous responsibility we have in keeping our children safe and sane.

God shows up in the loving embrace of a dear friend, in the joy of seeing someone succeed because you opened a door for them, and in providing magical opportunities for others. In the moments when we quiet ourselves, we will discern that God has shown up. Remember at that time to give thanks for all that was and is.

Peace,

Suzanne

Thankful

"Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough."
 ~ Oprah Winfrey

I have been thinking about abundance lately even though I have felt like there was not enough finances to go with all the changes I am making in my life. As I have written before, I had a realization recently that I did not need more, I just needed enough. Today I lived into that knowledge in a more powerful and loving way. God's grace is sufficient and I have enough. It goes with another mantra that has been a few years in the making: I am enough. The gifts I have to offer this world are all I need. I am grateful for those who recognize my role in this world and help me live it out. That is such a blessing!

Can you trust in Providence? Throw all your cares on the shoulders of the One who is big enough to handle them and you will discover a power there that you never dreamed of.

Peace (and much gratitude),

Suzanne

Gifts Prepared and Presented

"Prepared gifts cannot serve their purpose unless they are presented gifts." ~ Priscilla Shirer

I am tired lately. I have been busy and burning the midnight oil. It is not a good combination. I have something on almost every night this week. I still struggle with the divine line of presenting my gifts so that they may serve their purpose and caring for the temple that holds these gifts. This post will be short because tonight I am going to opt for caring for the temple.

Tonight I was at a meeting that is examining prison ministry in Manitoba and I was giving the information about the various aspects of this work that my parish offers. The discussions were good. Why do I do the work that I do? What calls me or draws me to it? What gifts does one need for prison ministry? Where this committee goes may be very exciting news for those who do this volunteer and paid work. The benefits I suspect will extend to the inmates and those who work in the institutions. Who knows what the gifts presented are preparing!

When was the last time you presented your gifts in service?

Peace,

Suzanne

A New World Longing

"We are united in grief because we long for a world where peace and joy reign." ~ my Facebook post on my timeline tonight

I was cranky on the way home from work tonight. I had not yet heard the devastating news of the bomb attacks in Boston. As I prepared to do my examen for the day, I realized that my earlier crabbiness had come upon me for some unknown reason and had stayed with me, sucking the joy out of my life. If this had been my last moment, I would have died miserable. I don't even know why I was so out of sorts really--I do know the clerk at the grocery store was sarcastic about my having failed to swipe my air miles card properly and made a comment that irritated me. That was my first inkling I was in a bad mood. I am rarely in a bad mood and often don't know what to do with myself when I am. Meanwhile people had died in Boston, some had been seriously injured, and once again we hold our breath as we wait to see who has done this terrible deed and why on earth anyone would think up such an act.

Our hearts are not made for evil. I believe that in my deepest being. We are made for love. Oftentimes in life that is stolen from us at a young age, and yet some of us remain resilient, even if we are not unscathed. We choose the way of Love for a world so in need of healing, mercy and forgiveness. Why do some of us choose that way, while others stand for destruction, hatred, and horror?

I still choose joy. I sit here, reflecting back upon my day for today's dare: a gift in a bag, in a box and in a book. Three gifts a day will lead to over a thousand in a year and I shall be even more transformed into a being of Joy. Bagging my own groceries shifted my awareness of my grumpiness to a place of peace. A colleague dragged me to her office and hijacked my plans for the afternoon by insisting that she feed me Smarties for helping her. She knows I rarely say no to chocolate and really, aren't relationships more important than most things we do at work? Always, Ann Voskamp has a word for me and I am so grateful for stumbling across her blog by no accident, and for reading her book and devotional. Tonight I found solace in her words on the origin of joy. Such a wonderful image that it is linked to the word Eucharist.

Tonight I lift up all those affected by the Boston bombings--those of the dead, the injured, the innocent bystanders, the runners, the perpetrators and their families, and those awaiting news of family and friends. The voices raised in prayer once again prevail upon a new world longing, one in which peace, joy, and mercy live. May that day come when all the tears are wiped away.

Peace,

Suzanne

No Backwards Living

"Jesus said to them, 'Children, you have no fish, have you?'"~ Gospel of John

Today's Gospel is jam-packed full of meaning and challenges. Jesus appears once again to the disciples, this time meeting them as Simon Peter is attempting to live his life backwards. The Messiah did not do as was hoped, and so Peter was going back to life as he knew it before meeting Christ. He hopped in a boat and fished through the night. The result? He caught absolutely nothing.

What do we do when we are disappointed? Seeking comfort in some places leads to further disappointments. We are creatures of habit at times, and yet Christ calls us to so much more. At those moments do we hear the tender voice asking us, "Children, you have no fish, no satisfaction, in this futile seeking, have you?" We cannot go back to life as we knew it after knowing Christ. We will not have enough fish for our solo efforts. Yet with one word from Jesus, one correction--do it this way, cast the net here--there is more than enough, more, in fact, than we can ever imagine.

I watched fishermen in Bucerias one night bringing in a net of fish. The task was not easy and a crowd gathered to watch. The fishermen knew what they were doing and worked together to haul in the nets. I stood there watching and remembered this Gospel story. We are part of a community and we are to catch people by how we live our lives. We draw them in by being bright lights, by sparkling like the water we were immersed in on our baptismal day. Do we shine with joy, peace or hope for others? Do we catch enough fish in a day? Or do we simply cast the net half-heartedly and without being mindful? When we keep our eyes on the Lord, we recognize the signs of His presence faster, and like Peter we can jump into the water, without a care for our looks and forgetting that we have betrayed the Great Giver, because despite our inability to remain faithful, Jesus does. What a glorious Saviour we have!

We do not get off easily though as we see in the final exchange in this Gospel. Jesus looks into the eyes of the disciple who denied him, not once, but three times, for one of the first time since the cock crowed. What courage it took for Peter to respond three times with the affirmative answer that he loved Jesus to counterbalance his earlier denials. How often we are called to re-evaluate our lives and decisions and to stand in the Light and agree that we still love Jesus, even if on the surface, we appear to have lost sight of that.

Jesus has shown them once again that to follow him means a life of service. He has a meal of bread and fish awaiting these hardworking fishermen and now he reminds Peter that he must do the same by feeding His sheep. He warns him that this life will lead to suffering. The cost of loving is pain. Some days the journey of loving service seems beyond our capabilities. Jesus still bids us in the final words today to follow Him.

Will you?

Peace,

Suzanne

Freedom for All

"We were not fighting to free someone else, we were in fact fighting for ourselves, we were struggling for our own rights, the right to be free citizens of a free country, that was the answer, and the only way we could achieve our own true freedom was by helping to destroy the system of white domination that as crushing the whole country and denying us all our humanity, black and white." ~ Albie Sachs in Soft Vengeance of a Freedom Fighter

Albie Sachs walked into the room with a dozen or so people and the bright camera lights humbly and yet at ease. He sat in his assigned chair and APTN interviewed him for twenty minutes or so. The journalist asked if he had any final words, and his response was simply, "Do you think I might have a cup of coffee?" His casual sense of humour peeked through at that moment after the intensity of the interview. He joined us at the table at that point to begin his discussion with those of us who were traveling to South Africa in a few months.

As he settled into the chair across from me, I realized I already had quite a bit of admiration for this man, having gotten half way through his book, Soft Vengeance. I studied his face, fascinated by the scars there. One long one splashed across his face and a myriad of marks from the shrapnel that hit his body when the car bomb exploded. I am a tactile person and for some reason I had a deep longing to reach out and touch his face, perhaps in a moment of healing, or of a moment of wanting to be healed. I am not sure that there is a separation in that, but rather a combination of the two. He speaks of his body and the journey after the bomb with such brutal honesty. Most of us never arrive at a place of seemingly loving such a wounded body and yet, here is this man who appears to.

Within minutes he has begun to tell us that those in the human rights movement must keep a certain amount of vitality in life. All I can think of are the portions of his book where it is clear that he is overjoyed to be alive. He speaks of his work regarding same sex marriage in South Africa and how doing away with the word marriage for everyone would have created an equality of the graveyard and what he wanted to create was an equality of the vineyard. I am aware that I find his ideas fascinating and am enthralled by his articulate nature. This man is not a saint but his spirit is compelling. He has my attention and I believe in his words and how I am called to be a better human.

We could have kept him there for hours. I had a number of questions--or perhaps more accurately comments of affirmation for what I had been reading in his book. I wanted to sit and learn from this man to be less judgmental, more compassionate, and more vulnerable.

I believe I am called to engage in the goal of freedom for all. This week has been a difficult one for me in the Deaf Community. Sometimes on the time line I think we take steps backwards by decades instead of forward in baby steps. This week had a few moments like that and I find myself tired in the struggle. Moments of such deep oppression and ignorance that leave me speechless wear away at my soul. I cannot fathom how people do not see how hurtful they are being with their actions or comments. Sachs is on the mark with the thinking in his quote. None of us are truly free while some of us remain chained and treated unfairly.

Peace,

Suzanne

Trust Your Intuition

"My intuition was right. If in my heart I feel diminished and ashamed, I will betray this in my movements and physical attitude; if I feel proud and comfortable with my reality, I will bear myself accordingly, and the world will take its cue." ~ Albie Sachs

Albie Sachs came to this profound realization while sitting in the hot sun in a rose garden and agonizing over taking off his jacket and ruining the beauty of the moment for those around him who would see the stub of his blown off arm and be horrified. When he decided that his attitude might shape the reaction of others, he discovered this truth: the world did take its cue from him. In the midst of beauty, he found his own worth by trusting his intuition. What would happen if we all did that more often?

How we view ourselves really affects those around us. I had an interesting conversation this week with a young woman who was struggling with self-esteem. Bullied for a good portion of her life, the messages in her head and spirit are ones that diminish who she is and what she does. How do we turn that around? While a good amount of grace is helpful, I think finding your self worth comes from knowing that you are deeply loved, regardless of your shortcomings. Some days you have to fake it until you make it, but at some point, you do arrive at a place that feels comfortable and affirming.

Recently, on my vacation, I put on a bikini and walked down the beach. The first day I wore it my two girlfriends commented on how brave I was. I managed to pull it off with a certain degree of confidence. Of course, both of them had commented earlier that I had lost a fair amount of weight so I had been working up to this moment and though I am still wanting to lose some weight, I was pleased and proud of the progress I made. As I walked down that beach, I felt like a beauty queen and the world took its cue from me.

Of course, a funnier story was my walk down the beach on my second last night. I was turning heads like crazy and thought I must look pretty good. One guy started to say something as I passed by him, but then did not really continue his train of thought. A few steps later I turned around to take a final shot of the sunset and saw him staring after me with this strange look on his face. I did not really process it and kept walking though a niggling voice stayed with me for a second. When I reached my turn off to the town, I stopped at the top of the stairs to brush the sand off my feet and and then dusted off my hands on the back of my dress. That was when I had an inkling of why I was turning so many heads. Something did not feel quite right. My dress had a tie in the back and it had gotten caught in my lacy underwear when I had been to the bathroom prior to walking down the beach. I was turning heads but not for the reason I had thought! However, I was not mortified as I might have been at another point in my life. Instead, I held my head proudly and thought how entertaining that must have been for people and hoped they had enjoyed the view.

These stories are a good example of feeling comfortable in your own skin and trusting what is yours. Sachs has been an inspiration to me as I have read his memoir of surviving the bomb attack. I think meeting him tomorrow will be a life-changing event. His courage to step beyond the event that transfigured him has set a new bar for me.

When you last trusted your intuition, what did the world see in you?

Peace,

Suzanne

Puzzling Reactions

"What puzzles me is something else, and the doctors do not seem to have an explanation for it, and that is, why, after having been through what must have been a terrible experience, and lying in complete darkness with a mass of fractures and wounds, I am feeling so wonderful." ~ Albie Sachs in The Soft Vengeance of a Freedom Fighter

The older I get, the more I realize that it is not so much life's experiences that shape us but our responses to them that do. I am reading in preparation to hearing him speak on Thursday night, Sachs' autobiography about life after the car bomb that ripped off his arm, destroyed his sight in one eye and left his body riddled with shrapnel. What the bomb did not damage was his Freedom Fighter spirit.

He was so happy to be alive that he confounded doctors, colleagues, and even friends. When I think back on my own valleys in life, I am grateful that I could stand strong and cling to the joy that remained. Those are pure moments of grace that I hope I will always recognize.

In your complete darkness, can you still feel wonderful?

Peace,

Suzanne

Peace I Give

"Again Jesus said, “Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you." ~ John 20:21

Peace is a cherished word for me. I sign off my blog posts with it because if I could wish someone anything, that would be it. The Psalmist today encourages us to be glad in this day that the Lord has made. I see joy and peace linked inextricably. With peace, joy will come.

Jesus appears amongst the apostles today and wishes them peace. All but Thomas are there. Poor Thomas! He must have been so frustrated to learn he missed this event. I am sure his peace was undone when he heard that the others had seen the Risen Christ. How often do we let our peace unravel rather than be happy for the opportunities that others have? When we doubt ourselves and the circumstances we find ourselves in, once again peace crumbles. If we wish others well and trust that all will be well, peace rules in our hearts.

Peace, Jesus reminds us today, is not meant to be kept just for ourselves. The Risen Lord sends us out to share that peace so that all may know it. He breathes on his disciples and bestows upon them the gift of the Holy Spirit. Peace I give you; peace, I leave you. This peace is a gift unlike any other we receive. I end as usual.

Peace,

Suzanne

Joy Now

"Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are." ~ Marianne Williamson

Joy is an emotion I feel often. As I am distracted by beauty, I move into that space of wonder and awe that leads to joy. When I look back over my life, I realize how deeply blessed I am to have had so many graced history moments. I am not sure that I have had more than most, though my life has had a seemingly abundance of blessings and miracles. I think more honestly, I have the capacity to recognize how good things really are and to be grateful for that.

I had applied for a scholarship for a retreat I hope to take with the Vietnamese Buddhist monk, Thich Naht Hanh this August in Ontario and I heard recently that I did not receive it. I was sad for just a moment and then I moved into the space of gratitude that I will be able to hear this wise man speak and teach me.

Life is an amazing journey for me and some days I can hardly contain my joy for all that comes. This does not mean I do not have sorrow knocking at my door from time to time. In fact, sorrow seems to be lounging in the hall waiting for me to stumble over it, but I refuse. I see it there but won't give it more attention than it warrants.

I have an excitement about how many things will unfold in the coming months. If I give in to that emotion, I would scarcely be able to stay in the present moment. One day at a time helps to keep the joy alive and real.

When was the last time you recognized how good things really are in your life?

Peace,

Suzanne

What's Your Worth?

"We are infinitely more than we think." ~ Kahlil Gibran

The topic in class that night was: I am worth _______. We had to fill in the blank. My answer was everything. Someone else's was more accurate though--more than I think. That resonated within me. What surprised me was the response of one of the males. He did not know his own worth. He is someone I have a lot of respect for and I would never have guessed that he would have said that.

More and more I realize that humans are insecure and we do not know our own worth. We do not realize that we are wondrously made and are such gifts to this world. Our purpose is not to play a small part in life as it unfolds but our part which is magnificent and needed. We all need to believe our worth. The world awaits that which we bring. Trust that the gift you have been given is more than you think it is. We do not always see the outcome of what we bring and so we do not know how we plant seeds that flower into beauty that is priceless.

When was the last time you did something that you had an inkling was going to be much greater than what you could see?

Peace,

Suzanne

Choices

When you take a conscious part in life and its multitudes of choices, you won't let life happen to you - you will make life happen for you.” ~ James Van Praagh, Ghosts Among Us: Uncovering the Truth About the Other Side

We have choices to make every second of the day. Do I hit the snooze one more time? Can I get a workout in before heading to the office? Does it matter if I do not get around to brushing my teeth after breakfast? What should I wear to work today? Do I let that person into my lane en route to work? Do I chat with my colleague for a few minutes and try to make up the time later? Do I remember to thank my Maker before noon for all the blessings that I have received already this day?

While walking back to my friend's condo one afternoon via the beach in Mexico, I was pondering Ann VosKamp's gratitude gifts of the day: three gifts uncovered. I was thinking about the conversation I had had with the artist Borsan and how he uncovered my soul in our chats, of how he could see my spirit and my longings. The second gift of uncovering came minutes later when a beach umbrella was caught up in the wind and went flying past me down the beach. I watched it zip by and then decided I should run after it to try to catch it. The "uncovered" owner was sprinting behind me, attempting to retrieve it too. Another man dashed from a different angle to assist too. We must have made quite a sight because most of the people on the beach were laughing which made me laugh too, especially when the umbrella, now rolling down the sand, neared two young boys whose eyes grew large watching it approach. Miraculously it leapt over them and was finally caught by the third man. I could not help but think that laughter was the right choice in that uncovering.

The third uncovering of the day was that evening at the Easter Vigil when the man could not uncover the statues, try as he may. He eventually got Christ's hand free from the white cloth but that was it. He must have felt every single eye in the church boring holes in his back but he did not give up. His persistence included getting a longer stick, still to no avail. He did not let life happen; he still took control of the situation.

The next few months will be very telling for me as I undertake the challenge of returning to school and embrace some new thinking and experiences. I am excited and some days, a bit overwhelmed by it all. I have to stay focused and look at one day at a time. Otherwise I will let life happen to me instead of for me. When I trust the One who opens the doors, I know that all will be well, even if things do not turn out as hoped for.

What choices are you making these days and how conscious are they?

Peace,

Suzanne

Source of Joy

“Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

I have to smile looking at this photo. It was only a few days ago that I was on that sail boat and even though my scalp is flaking due to a nasty burn (who knew that could happen?) and my back is starting to itch probably before it peels, I still smile. What memories I made this trip.

Tonight I chatted with my Mexican friends about my vacation--they love my tan and the fact that I had an amazing time in their country. We were talking about the food I had there when their youngest daughter piped up: Jicama? I LOVE jicama. The tone in her voice made me laugh.

Joy can be instigated by a smile or the smile can allow joy to blossom. I get that tonight as I remember my time away.

When was the last time you smiled so broadly you lit up everything around you?

Peace,

Suzanne

Education Leads to Freedom

"Education is the great engine of personal development. It is through education that the daughter of a peasant can become a doctor, that the son of a mineworker can become the head of the mine, that the child of farmworkers can become the president of a great nation." ~ Nelson Mandela, Long Walk to Freedom

Education is something I value. I guess that is why I am returning to university. I am reading this book as part of the preparation for my trip to South Africa. Mandela really is an interesting person. From the small village to presidency is a walk that not many people can say they have done.

During tonight's class, even though it is not a university level course, I thought how fortunate I am to be there. Not only because of the learning but because of the relationships I am forming and the experiences I am getting. We are an amazing group of people with such talent and energy that I am already dreading the last class. Part of the teachings tonight were on money and what value we place on it and on our talents. The truth was startling to many of us. We are rooted in our values and they can control us if we are not aware of how much power we give them.

Education comes in many forms. I keep replaying my vacation and all the things that I learned, especially those lessons about who I am and what I want in life. Travel is a form of education and one I embrace whole-heartedly. I was wrong yesterday about me letting go a little easier of this trip. I was miserable this morning as I drove to work. Not so much was I disheartened by the snow and cool crispness of the day. Rather I was questioning once again how I do not seem to find my joy in this first world as much as in the South. My soul is made to be barefoot and in the heat, living with a simpler lifestyle and a heart unburdened with material things.

This realization along with the money discussion tonight makes me wonder to what am I really being called. I think of the t-shirt I bought in La Cruz--life in abundance. I think a simple life can have all of the things one needs. I have to try to figure out this lesson in the coming year I think.

From my humble youth, where my father worked hard for his money and to provide his family with abundance, to my adult life where I now work hard to live a life of joy and service, this educated woman has made strides to personal development.

What about you--what role has education in its various forms played in your life? How has it transformed you and those around you?

Peace,

Suzanne

Taking a Moment

“All of life is an act of letting go but what hurts the most is not taking a moment to say goodbye." ~ Yann Martel, Life of Pi

Adios! And so it goes...once again I say goodbye. I had an amazing vacation for spring break in Mexico and have lots of great memories to carry me through the remaining snow-covered weeks. My heart is full of gratitude to my hosts and traveling companions. I desperately needed a break and change of pace and received this gift with appreciation especially given the circumstances.

Letting go is an ongoing activity in my life. I meet interesting people, see breathtaking sites, and have new adventures. I took a moment to say thanks and goodbye before I left though. I am maybe getting better at this letting go thing.

Peace,

Suzanne