Sad News

"Come now you rich people, weep and wail for the miseries that are coming to you." ~ James 5:1

This week has had a fair amount of sadness to it. A long time friend of mine developed some serious neurological symptoms this summer and was finally diagnosed with a form of Parkinson's Disease. This morning a friend I visited this summer in the States posted on Facebook that her partner of 12 years passed away overnight.

These pieces of news are devastating. My first friend is slightly older than me. I cannot imagine how frustrating this sudden turn of events must be. I met the partner of my other friend this summer for the first time and liked him instantly. His death was unexpected and I am sure her world must feel like it is spinning out of control.

The readings today are not really warm and fuzzy, especially the reading from James. In both the First Reading and the Gospel, a spirit of competition and jealousy. In both readings, the concern is that people are apparently healing without proper authority. Jesus states clearly that whoever is not against him supports him. Each person is called to do the will of God and to have a role in the healing of our world.

We need healers in our world. We need to be vigilant against the forces of evil that threaten our well-being. What hope do you hang onto when miseries come your way?

Peace,

Suzanne

Know Life

"Life is known only by those who have found a way to be comfortable with change and the unknown." ~ Rachel Naomi Remen

Sometimes life throws curve balls and we have to figure out how to swing the bat. I think that is the only alternative to striking out. I don't want to be the one to lay down my bat and walk the bases. Life is too short. Swing and run!

Peace,

Suzanne

Emulating Her

“My sister will die over and over again for the rest of my life. Grief is forever. It doesn't go away; it becomes a part of you, step for step, breath for breath. I will never stop grieving (her) because I will never stop loving her. That's just how it is. Grief and love are conjoined, you don't get one without the other. All I can do is love her, and love the world, emulate her by living with daring and spirit and joy.”
~ Jandy Nelson, The Sky is Everywhere

Twenty years this day, I awoke to a phone call that changed everything for me. My youngest sister was in the hospital and by the end of the day, she would be dead. Who could have predicted that? Two decades later, I stand in gratitude for the gift of her life and the gift of mine, which I have tried to live with daring, spirit and joy.

Corrinne was beloved in our family. She got along with everyone. She had big brown eyes that sparkled, a laugh that was infectious, a growl that jokingly meant back off, and a joie de vivre that inspired people. I spent part of the day on the road, enjoying the beauty of this season: the fall colours in the leaves and grass, the geese flying overhead, and the sun sparkling on the water. I walked by a man-made lake in a city just outside of Winnipeg over the lunch hour and was grateful for the opportunity to remember.

She was someone who was just beginning to enjoy life after a rough spell. She had fallen in love and had just moved in with him. Life was turning out to be pretty amazing for her. I had never seen her happier. Today, the grief is not a huge part of my life, but the gratitude is. The love I have for her is definitely still a big part of my heart. I will never stop loving her or missing her. I hope that everyday I honour her with living well--joyfully, mindfully, and thankfully.

Hug the ones you love tonight. Be grateful for those who have been part of your life. Live with daring, spirit and joy!

Peace,

Suzanne

On the Eve of Grief Remembering

“There should be a statute of limitation on grief. A rulebook that says it is all right to wake up crying, but only for a month. That after 42 days you will no longer turn with your heart racing, certain you have heard her call out your name. That there will be no fine imposed if you feel the need to clean out her desk; take down her artwork from the refrigerator; turn over a school portrait as you pass - if only because it cuts you fresh again to see it. That it's okay to measure the time she has been gone, the way we once measured her birthdays.” ~ Jodi Picoult, My Sister's Keeper

My sister died 20 years ago tomorrow. Tonight I contemplate on what that has meant for me in my life. I remember her often, still. The anniversary of her birthday and this marker of her death, this year a significant milestone, are both key life events. There is no statute of limitations on grief. A month would never cure the heartache. A year only cements the pain of loss. Two decades later, I look at this photo of her as she holds a gift I gave her and a bittersweet feeling sweeps over me. She has been gone almost as long now as she had life.

It is ok to remember and measure the time she has been gone, in the same way we measured years of her life. She was a gem and there are moments when the pain does cut deeply, as if she were gone only yesterday. Life has moved on without her physical presence, but not without her joie de vivre and overall loveliness. That remains a part of me always.

Peace,

Suzanne

Tough Choices

“It is our choices, Harry, that show us what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” ~ J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Sometimes we are faced with making tough choices. I had one to make recently and I am regretting it at some levels. I know I will accept it as the wise decision at some point down the road but right now I just feel sad.

When was the last time you did something right and yet felt crumby in making that choice initially? I can assure you that if you made the decision out of the great wealth of who you are, that the decision is right. Stay with that and know the rest will pass. Even in the darkness of letting go, there is light and beauty.

Peace,

Suzanne

Peaceable and Pure

"But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without a trace of partiality or hypocrisy. And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace for those who make peace." ~ James 3:17-18

Peace...a favourite word for me! I have been thinking about purity quite a bit lately too. Specifically, I have been thinking about a pure heart and my own desire to have one and to walk steadfast in the ways of righteousness. We reap what we sow. In the second reading, there is much discussion about conflicts and disputes, about wanting things that you do not have and committing murder to get them, about coveting things and causing disputes because of it.

I have had an interesting day. My family and I gathered at the cemetery this morning to remember my sister whose 20th anniversary is later this week. Mom wondered out loud if she would have been married with kids--my mother's disappointment in the rest of us for not doing well enough in that category was obvious. From there I went to church for the annual picnic and on the way in, a homeless man, reached out his hand, filled with pennies, and said something I could not comprehend but I replied with, "how about a brownie instead? I made them myself. They are pretty good." He looked down at the plate of treats in my hand, and then, back at me. "I trust you," he replied as he took one.

The picnic was good too. A friend has returned to Winnipeg and I had invited her to join me. It was wonderful to see her again, and, with all my ramblings this summer, it was nice to be in my home community and greet people I had not seen all summer. I chatted at the end of the event with a man who has a real hunger for God and Ignatian spirituality. I love seeing that in a man. He has a heart that wants to yield to God's will, and seeks good fruits. I walked away impressed.

So many times we argue as the disciples do in the Gospel of Mark today, about who is the greatest. This man just longed to be a better human, a better dad, a better Catholic. When was the last time you did an act of kindness for no reason at all? How did you bless someone with your peace recently?

Peace,

Suzanne

Friends Who Bring Joy

“I cannot even imagine where I would be today were it not for that handful of friends who have given me a heart full of joy. Let's face it, friends make life a lot more fun.” ~ Charles R. Swindoll

Last night I was with friends, catching up on summer adventures and dining on East Indian food. I felt myself relax into the evening, having truly missed these conversations this summer while we traveled away from each other. There is something about friends whose presence can give me a heart full of joy.

I heard Chuck Swindoll talk about grace the other day on the radio, and how we do not get it. I think this is true. We have no clue how much we are graced but as I sat there with my two friends, I knew how well grace was operating and blessing me.

Tonight I went with seven other women to a play about female immigrants to Winnipeg and the trials they had to undertake. I realized at some point that I was the only Canadian in our group. Most were Latinas, plus one American. One of the women in the play is part of a small group that I am involved with and so we came out to support her. Tonight made me think about friends and grace too.

When was the last time you thought about how much joy your friends bring you?

Peace,

Suzanne

Falling into Fall

"You can't live life in the rearview mirror." ~ Kelly Hughes

Last official day of summer and I have done that internal switch. I am geared up to plunge into the fall activities. Most of this week I have been running and trying to finish projects. I hope to be back here at the keyboard a bit more often in the next few weeks.

Letting go of summer has been a challenge for me this year. I LOVED my summer. However, as Kelly says, no living life in the rearview mirror. I am looking forward, excited about some upcoming events. Tonight after work I got together with a friend to pray. I hope that it was the first of many amazing discussions where we break open Scripture together. We had such good insights to the Gospel reading today of the woman who anointed Christ's feet.

One of them was how Simon missed welcoming Jesus into his home. I think as the fall begins it is easy to think I am keeping my eyes on Christ and then I realize I have missed the most important details. I am like Simon some days.

Anyway, it is late and so I am on my way to bed.

Peace,

Suzanne

L'Shana Tova

"Ah, these are Rosh Hashanah matters." ~ Hostess tonight as we women were in deep discussion in the kitchen pre-supper

September is start up time and as one of the guests said tonight, "The Jews got it right--September is the new year." The same crowd, plus or minus a guest or two, gathers every year at my friend's place to celebrate. We eat abundantly, drink wine extravagantly, laugh heartily, speak deeply, and leave satisfied. We feast on matzoh ball soup, brisket, couscous, sweet carrots, kugel, and honey cake.

Rosh Hashanah is a time for joy, for new beginnings, for celebrations, and for counting blessings. My goddaughter's family hosts this event and she turns 18 later this week. I count her among my blessings. I count each of those people around the table as a blessing because we gather "for a good year" and we bless each other and wish each other a sweet year ahead as we dip apples and bread in honey.

Sometimes when we step outside of our own cultural norms we see the beauty that each faith has to offer. L'Shana Tova--or for a good year! I raise a cup in blessing on your year.

Peace...or shalom, my friends, shalom,

Suzanne

Who Do You Say I Am?

"Jesus asked them, "But who do you say that I am?" ~ Mark 8:29

Do we really know each other deeply? I have just completed an activity of gathering what my innate abilities are from 15 people. What surprised me was how well people know me. I realized that who I am is pretty transparent. There were no surprises in the gifts that were named and all rang true for me.

Jesus' closest earthly friends thought they knew him. Peter even responded resoundingly: You are the Christ! What Peter named, he could not identify though. He did not really comprehend what that naming meant. The gift that being the Christ entailed was beyond his understanding.

So often who we are gets misunderstood. Today Jesus clearly reminds us who he is and what his true purpose in life is. The reason he came was to redeem the world and that meant suffering and dying on a cross. He encourages the disciples to be ready to do the same. If we are to follow Christ, we must pick up our own crosses. No free rides here. Total commitment is required. We cannot always think as humans think. We need to try to see the world and ourselves through the eyes of God and then follow what we see.

I think accepting or embracing our life calling can be a challenge. Jesus is strong and rooted in who he is. When I look at my own gifts that were named, I see that many of them are deeply rooted and I live comfortably with them. Some are still emerging. Some need to be claimed more completely. I am discovering how my gifts relate to my life calling and that is interesting for me.

Do you know who you are and how others see you? Do those two images match?

Peace,

Suzanne

Safe!

"You cannot be transformed if you do not feel safe." ~ Dr. Barbara O'Dea

I was at a workshop this morning where this quote was part of the opening remarks. I loved it. Our fears prevent us from being open to change. The workshop was really good and I learned a lot. It felt like a safe environment to share ideas.

This week has been busy. Long days and extra-curricular events peppered my schedule. Late nights meant no energy to write the blog. Something had to give! Two retirement parties were a blessing. Both women have given quite a bit to their respective work communities. Last night's party was especially a blessing because it was my work place and we needed a boost. I think that honouring the woman pictured here helped remind all of us that the work we do is important. She made the students she worked with feel safe and many were transformed over the years of her career.

What are you doing to transform spaces into safe havens?

Peace,

Suzanne

Hocus Pocus

"Self-esteem is the real magic wand that can form a child’s future." ~ Stephanie Martson, The Magic of Encouragement

Some days I wonder if people think I have a special magic wand in order to fix the issues they lay before me. I have only been back in a few schools but once again I can see how the children on my caseload need a Harry Potter caliber wand. I am not sure why it is that Deaf children scare people so much. I observed in these recent visits heartbreaking interactions--or lack of thereof. I simply cannot imagine what it must feel like to have one's self-esteem chipped away at every single day.

I need to get me one of them powerful wands this year I suspect. Have mercy, Lord, have mercy on us.

Peace,

Suzanne

Being Heard

"Be opened." ~ Mark 7:34

If I had to describe my summer in words other than I have thus far, it might be the summer of amazing conversations or the summer of being opened. In today's Gospel, Jesus heals the Deaf man by uttering three words: Ephphatha and be opened. He speaks to a Deaf man and is somehow heard. Do we hear work at hearing God in our lives so that we might respond to the needs of the Kingdom?

I think that many people just want to be heard, myself included. We want to be listened to. We want people to see just a glimpse of what is happening deep inside of us. I have been blessed this summer with that gift--the joy of listening well and being heard completely.

Today someone said to me that I have the gift of making her seem like the most important person when she talks to me because I give her my attention. I know that feeling of being well listened to and so I appreciated the compliment.

I pray today that you may always have a person with whom you can be open, with whom you will be heard on a significant level. May you also be a source of compassionate listening.

Peace,

Suzanne

A Kind Face

"A kind face is a precious gift." ~ St. Francis of Assisi

I have had a couple of interesting evenings. Last night I did a demonstration of healing prayer and was profoundly moved at how the Spirit moved. I had not participated in this ministry for years but I can still see the power that remains. I was blessed by my own part and gifts that were displayed. The time was a precious reminder that prayer is powerful and God is at work, waiting to use our gifts for the greater Good. As I watched the team work together, I knew that a kind face is also valuable gift.

Tonight at prison, I sat beside a newcomer, or so I thought. It turned out he was a lifer who had returned after being out for seven years. He spoke to me during mass a few times and I could see his profound struggle. I had an encouraging word for him though and I tried so hard to keep a kind face as I listened to his story. His eyes teared up at a couple of places in his sharing and once, I could feel tears rise in my own eyes. After ten years, I can tell when I am being played, and this felt real and honest. I wanted him to know that God loved him, even if he could no longer believe in God who had deserted him in his opinion. He was not bitter which surprised me. He maintains that he is innocent this time. He has lost everything by this arrest. As I end this day, I am haunted by his story and pray that God would wrap his arms around him.

Peace,

Suzanne

Recognizing All is Given

"The fish in the water that is thirsty needs serious professional counseling." ~ Kabir

I had a lovely encounter today with a friend at the grocery store. We were both thrilled with the many gifts we received this summer and both sighing heavily at our first day back into real routine.

I feel so blessed and as we talked about our experiences, it was marvelous to know that someone else has been aware of her blessings, too. We were on each other's "must-see" list but it did not quite work out so we made plans, standing there, and I found myself, once again, counting my blessings.

I have felt much like a fish that is not thirsty in these past two months. Instead I have breathed in more satisfaction than I could ever have imagined. As I lay in bed last night, reviewing my day, a thought came to my mind as I contemplated the gift of gathering gratitude. In a few short weeks, the 20th anniversary of my sister's death will be marked. I thought that it was a beautiful place to arrive, this place of gratitude and joy for all that life has given me and to know that my sister would have been pleased that I embraced the gift of life well these past two decades. A profound sense of peace came over me as I drifted off to sleep. God is good, as they say, all the time.

Peace,

Suzanne

Glorious Journey

"Where am I going on this glorious journey?" ~ Rumi

September is here and I have reflected a wee bit on my journey this summer. Here are a few lessons I learned:

1. Gathering gratitude is an awesome exercise that brings blessings.
2. Staying with the emotion and not moving into action is sometimes a good thing.
3. Looking through a camera lens slows me down and focuses me on beauty.
4. Pay attention to your inner song--do not lose the music of joy within you.
5. Family and good friends are treasures that can weave in and out of your life but should not be taken for granted. Renew friendships whenever possible.
6. Life is a glorious journey that is revealed only a step at a time. Don't try to run down the path before the moment comes.
7. Life is short and precious. Be aware as much as you can of the blessings in front of you.
8. The bridge can be shared but once in awhile when hurrying to get across you might step on someone else's foot. However, they have a right to be there too. Forgive them.
9. Eat well, sleep late, breathe in beauty, share deeply, hug often, walk in nature, travel to a new place, lazily float down a stream, and break out of the routine that binds you most of the year. You will not regret it.
10. Be open to newness--whether in the form of a relationship, an idea, or a place. Your mind and heart may expand that way.

Peace,

Suzanne

Doers of the Word

"But be doers of the word, and not merely hearers who deceive themselves." ~ James 1:22

Today the Pharisees and scribes fail to understand that to act without love is to not act in accordance with the law. Jesus warns them that nothing from the outside defiles a person, but it is that which is within the human heart that corrupts. James also says in his letters that a pure religion includes caring for the orphans and widows in their distress. This photo of Deaf women in Bujumbura reminds me that there is a big world out there where care is needed. My own heart still yearns to be a doer of the word.

What about you--what does your heart yearn to do in this regard?

Peace,

Suzanne