The Invisible Poor

“Today it is fashionable to talk about the poor. Unfortunately, it is not fashionable to talk with them.” ~ Mother Teresa

Remembering my time at Sojourners has sparked within me that desire to work once again with the poor. Some of the people I lived and worked with at Sojos really have given their lives to making change in this world. I was talking about this with a friend today. Of course, I realize that I have created change for many people throughout my life both here and in various places around the world. Some days though, I feel like I have not done enough or not worked consistently to bring Gospel values to the world.

Last week, one of the regular visitors to the chapel at the federal prison where I volunteer was murdered. My last visit there, I sat with him and some of the other guys. One of the other men said that this guy was not well liked and sort of insinuated that something might happen. The man does not hear very well so I asked him if it was true. He nodded. I was thinking of that conversation these past few days, wondering what it was like to know you were a moving target. That must have been a painful and frightening existence.

If we do not take time to talk to the poor and vulnerable, I wonder how things ever change. In the photo above, I am listening to women from Rwanda discuss their concerns fourteen years after the genocide. These women were reaching out making a difference. They were talking with the poor, not just about them. I think sometimes we don't even see the poor; they are invisible to us by choice.

Matthew 25 has been on my mind a lot these days. I want to be with the sheep on that Day.

Peace,

Suzanne

School's Out!

"The difference between school and life? In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson." ~ Tom Bodett

It has been a busy week with graduation celebrations and year-end activities. Grads went off well; a surprise retirement party was great fun, and a debut of the mime troupe from the Deaf School was amazing. Really, the year draws to an end with a good sense of accomplishment.

Now summer begins. For some students who are on to life and done with high school, there is much to consider and enjoy. It is an exciting time. This quote is a powerful one and I am holding it close to my heart these days.

School's out!!! Enjoy the summer. May you find some time to rejuvenate, catch up with life and review any lessons learned thus far this year.

Peace,

Suzanne

Friends and Memories

“A friend is someone who sees through you and still enjoys the view.” ~ Wilma Askinas

When I worked at Sojourners, I had the fortune of making many good friends. I was on Facebook recently and discovered that one of the women had posted some old photos of us. It was such a walk down memory lane. There were people in those photos who knew the dark side of me as only spouses or community members can, I think. There were people I had not thought about in years. There were people I had remembered and prayed for only a few short weeks ago.

I posted a comment saying that I was going to also post some photos this summer if I found a quiet moment to scan and upload them. I may do one or two tonight just to get a reaction from folks.

I think one of the things that I will be ever grateful for is how people saw me, really saw me, when I lived in that community. They saw through me and they saw deep into my heart. The photo is of the farewell party for the interns (of which I was one) who had come that year. The staff had everyone in stitches doing spoofs on us and we had pay back time at the end. Our demons could be laughed at because we knew that we had been loved and accepted despite and because of our weaknesses. What a blessing!

How many friends do you have that see through you and still enjoy the view?

Peace,

Suzanne

Knowing for Certain

"All who heard them pondered them and said, "What then will this child become?" For, indeed, the hand of the Lord was with him."~ Luke 1:66

John the Baptist has a Feast Day today, but the secular world also celebrates him too. He is a character who is fascinating. From his birth of aged parents to his desert wanderings to his eventual beheading, John is not unnoticed.

What will this child become? I am sure that many parents wonder as they hold their beloved babe in their arms. John's parents had every reason to wonder, given the nature of his conception. Not all of us have an angel appear to bring the news of our birth. In this man's life, the hand of the Lord did seem to be upon him.

What about in our lives? Will the Lord's hand be upon us? Personally I get so caught up in stressful situations that I do not always remember that the Lord's hand may be upon me. A lot of potential changes are pending in my life right now and I feel sometimes like I can barely breathe. I have had some decisions to make in these past few weeks and I think all of the stress of rethinking everything has caught up with me. For about a week now, I wake up, feeling ill. I get glimpses of the Lord's hand upon me and yet I still panic. I wonder how John felt as he sat in his prison cell, waiting for Herod to make a decision about his future.

I went to see The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel last night with friends. There was a quote that resonated with me by one of the lead characters, Sonny, who owns the establishment: Everything will be all right in the end... if it's not all right then it's not the end. I know that God will take care of the issues that are unsettling me right now and even if I make wrong choices, I know that God will continue to bless me. The former pastor of my parish would quote Thomas Merton on occasion--and it fits right now for me:

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where
it will end.
Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am
following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you
and I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing.
And I know that if I do this, you will lead me by the right road although I may
know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of
death, I will not fear, for you are ever with me and you will never leave me to face
my perils alone.

Perhaps the only thing that I know for certain is that God is with me through it all.

Peace,

Suzanne

Trusting in the Lord

"Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these." ` Matthew 6:28

This week has been insane. On Sunday night my home computer caught a virus and I had to shut it down in the middle of doing an important project. Luckily, I had my trusty Netbook and so I completed some tasks and then went to bed. I knew I would be on the road for a few days with work, so I packed up my Netbook and went off. That evening, I was again working on the project when the same virus attacked. Ack!! I was computerless. How frustrating!

When I finally arrived home, I phoned my internet provider and spent five hours trying to fix both of them. Night three of going to bed after midnight. Sigh.

I have been stressed about a number of deadlines this week and without a computer I could not even write my blog. Today I am back in a somewhat more relaxed mode and hoping to get caught up on a number of things that this virus hijacked. Careful surfing the internet! There is a wicked virus out there--and do NOT click on the demand to pay for having it removed immediately. The virus is called false security alert I think. The server tech guy said I was one of the few people who he could actually help over the phone because I could still log on to my computer. Those that clicked on any of the links that came up were worse off than me.

I am considering the lilies of the field today with the projects that I have started. God will take care of me because I am much more to God than these beautiful lilies or the birds of the air. I am going to strive first for the Kingdom of God these next few weeks and hope that all I need will be given.

Peace,

Suzanne

Faith Walk

“For we walk by faith, not by sight.” ~ 2 Corinthians 5:7

Here we are, back in Ordinary Time, with no special feast day to celebrate today. The readings are challenging, using metaphoric language to make their point. Ezekiel talks about a cedar sprig being planted on a mountaintop that bears much fruit. Within its branches will live every kind of bird—a testimony to a community that grows in numbers, influence and strength and supports its members. The Lord has decreed that the dry tree will flourish. Make no mistake—the Lord will accomplish this. The power of God is at hand then and always.

In Psalm 92 we hear that the righteous will flourish, grow and produce fruit. In the Second Reading, we are reminded that this is not our home. We walk by faith and not by sight. Our goal is to please the Lord with what we do and to prepare ourselves to stand before the Judgment seat. The Gospel speaks again with the metaphor of nature, mentioning seeds of grain and mustard. Seeds sprout and grow, allowing community members to reap the benefits. We are called to service and we will be held accountable in the end in how we have given back the gifts that were loaned to us.

How are you tending the seed that you were given? Is it growing, sprouting, bearing much or little fruit? Are you depending on your sight or your faith to help it become what it is supposed to be?

Peace,

Suzanne

Pure, Immaculate Heart

"Mary, give me your Heart: so beautiful, so pure, so immaculate; your Heart so full of love and humility that I may be able to receive Jesus in the Bread of Life and love Him as you love Him and serve Him in the distressing guise of the poor."
~ Blessed Mother Teresa

At this time of year, when I am overwhelmed with trying to finish the school year effectively, I can forget the matters of the heart. Today I set out for mass and knew I would be a wee bit late but as it turned out I arrived well after the speedy Gonazales priest had completed the homily and the gifts were arriving at the altar. I actually pulled out my cell phone and looked at the time. Sorry, Mary, I guess I missed any homily on you after all. I had wanted to hear about you today but I guess that was not to be.

As I drove to church I realized how much stress I am carrying around these days and how I have not been able to show caring and love towards friends, family, and colleagues as I would normally. Yesterday though, a dear friend thanked me for birthday wishes and said I was so good at remembering people so I am probably being somewhat hard on myself.

One thing I mused over was how if I am not being fed at my church then how am I to feed others. Yesterday was the Feast of the Sacred Heart of Jesus; today is the Immaculate Heart of Mary. I knew that I needed to receive the Eucharist today. I wish I had had enough energy to make it to mass yesterday too. I love both Hearts, though as a child the photos of these feast days used to scare me. I place all of my needs and desires in the cathedral of the Sacred and Immaculate Hearts and pray that I may serve God in the distressing guise of the poor, however that may appear.

Peace,

Suzanne

Craziness!

"When I learned 'you are what you eat', I realized I was nuts." ~ Squirrel to the psychiatrist

It is just after 11:00 and I am still awake, puttering. I was supposed to go to a friend's tonight but when I got home I was wiped because last night I was up until 1:45 a.m. trying to finish a personal project on the computer but the software was misbehaving and then my computer seemed to also get tired and so I was cranky and wondering why on earth I was not yet sound asleep. I am starting to feel a wee bit squirrelly. If I time this right, I may even post this at 11:11 and then my brother who has a thing about the number 11 and if I recall, some connection to squirrels himself (didn't he campaign to start a national Squirrel Day one year?), then I can say I am truly nuts. The coherency of this post is due to sleep deprivation as much as it is to eating nuts which I was doing earlier--pistachios to be exact. And yes, I know that critter in the photo is NOT a squirrel, nor is it eating nuts for that matter. I must post this and then get to bed so that I can write something more meaningful tomorrow.

Peace,

Suzanne

Borrowed Graciousness

“You are living on the graciousness of other people.” ~ Sr. Cyril Mooney

Last night I attended a talk by Sr. Cyril Mooney at my parish. Sr. Cyril lives in Calcutta, India, where she is working in a school with 1,500 female students, half of which are so poor that they cannot afford anything. She shared her story of the many innovative programs that the Loreto Day School has. I had heard her speak some time ago and it was more or less the same speech but I was glad to hear it again. We have so much to learn in this world about how most of its inhabitants live.

She said the above quote in describing how the rich girls at the school live off the graciousness of their parents—none of the students pay for schooling. Rich parents pay or the cost is absorbed for the poor students. Sr. Cyril transforms girls into compassionate human beings with her love and energy. She expects much in return from these children though and it appears is not disappointed because the girls do turn to service with a caring heart.

I think though that the quote is true for all of us. We all live off the graciousness of others. Last night I sent a text to a colleague asking if she wanted a ride today. She has been through a rough time lately and I was basically driving past her house this morning on the way to our staff meeting. She called me this morning without having opened her cellular phone, asking for a ride. Check your phone, I said. You will see that I am happy to do so.

I have gracious people in my life who go above and beyond normal niceness. I am a recipient of graciousness often. I try to do random acts of kindness and graciousness so as to pay it forward. I have been so busy lately though that I am not sure I can remember beyond that phone call a time of doing that recently. I need to slow down and reach out to those in need.

The photo was taken in Congo from my hotel room. There was a workshop going on for survivors of sexual abuse in the same hotel where I was staying. I stood at my window for a moment and saw this woman take some private moments with her baby. There was such tenderness in their exchange. I felt privileged to watch, and yet, at the same time, I could not help but wonder if this child was born from a rape, which is common in the area. If that was true, the mother’s actions never showed for a moment anything but love for her child. That would be ultimate graciousness, I think.

When was the last time you were gracious or had an act of graciousness bestowed upon you?

Peace,

Suzanne

Kissing Frogs

"Did you used to dream about your wedding day?" ~ Friend tonight over supper

I finally got together with a friend after months of attempting to catch up on our lives. She had been through hell and is back in the game, as they say. We had dim sum and told our stories. Hers was in part of how she is dating again after her marriage fell apart.

She posed this question about dreaming of the perfect wedding to me. My response was nah, not me. Her neither, it turns out. Neither of us envisioned wedding dresses and ball-like fairy tale stories. In fact, I was never really sure I wanted to be married. I knew that I did not want to be a mother. It took me a long time to realize that I would have been a great parent. I was open to being married but it has never been something I have dwelled on.

Last year on the Alaskan cruise, I decided to ask for help during one of the workshops on how I might go about dating. My friend has been doing the Internet dating scene, which was the one stipulation that I was not open to on the cruise. She is having fun, as is another friend of mine who tried that route. I still am not quite convinced but my friend tonight said to call her when I was ready for that and she would give me some pointers.

I told her that the woman who led the workshops on the cruise sent an email about a week ago asking if I was still single and if I was would I be interested in trying something. She has her own radio program and will be interviewing a woman who has written a book about kissing a lot of frogs before meeting the prince and has a three-step program to finding lasting love. Would I be interested in reading the book and trying out her program? Yes, I replied. I would be. I would try to be open. In case this photo is not clear, it is a shot of hundreds of frogs at Blue Lake in British Columbia. There are a lot of frogs out there apparently.

I am currently reading the book, I told my Internet dating friend, and finding out interesting things about myself. Her question of envisioning the perfect wedding struck a chord in me. Some of my friends dreamed about weddings to the littlest details. Some have romantic notions about meeting “the one.” I honestly don’t spend a lot of time going there. I am an oddity I imagine. In reading this book, I found myself puzzled by the introductory chapter where the author describes an amazing experience and states that for the first time in her life she had someone else to share an extraordinary moment and how precious that was. My initial reaction? Really? I think I sort of get it but I have shared all sorts of powerful experiences and had a few all by myself where I was glad that I was alone. This person sounds like she has had similar life experiences to me and yet I could not relate one iota to her comment. I know this will sound very weird to people reading it but I felt sorry for her instead of me. I have always believed as a single person that my life is abundantly full and awesome. It never occurred to me to feel any other way for the most part. Sure there are times when I wish I did not have to drive to a party by myself or attend a wedding alone, but for the most part, I am so grateful for my life that I don’t know what I am missing apparently.

I am not sure yet what else this book will teach me but I am trying to remain open to it. Who knows, maybe at the end of it, I will decide to call up my friend and ask her to share her Internet dating tips. In the meantime, I am not sure I want to date a bunch of frogs when it took me this long to set up a dinner date with someone I care about and value in my life. I am willing to keep an open spirit though.

Peace,

Suzanne

Corpus Christi Feast

“While fewer people participate in Sunday Eucharist, could it be that the problem is not so much a certain fatigue or dissatisfaction about how mass is celebrated, but rather the lack of awareness and pride of being part of a people, part of a community which is happy to be God’s people?” ~ Jean-Pierre Prevost

Feast days on Sundays are flowing lately: Pentecost, Ascension, Trinity, and today, the Body and Blood of Christ, formerly called Corpus Christi. We are a blessed people when we take advantage of celebrating these feasts with joy and acceptance of the Mysteries they represent.

Today’s feast celebrates the sacrament that allows us to come to the table and have our lives filled to satisfaction by participating in this communal meal of bread and wine, the Body and Blood of Christ. Here we are healed, not only as individuals but also as a community. As I struggle to remain in my spiritual home of twenty-five years, I often suspect people do not get what this aspect of Church is all about. We are one body and yes, while church-hopping or finding a new home may provide me with a “good meal” and allows me to partake in the sacrament as a larger body, it does not nourish me as dining with my spiritual family who I have come to know and love with all its dysfunctions and foibles. My puzzlement at people’s ability to walk away and “experiment” with other religions has taken some flack. I am not saying that Catholicism is best but as a Catholic, I wonder if people truly understand what we do during the mass, especially on days like today that recognize the Mystery of our faith. The lack of fidelity to the Body of Christ that is home to me frustrates me. Several people close to me have encouraged me to “just find a different church that works for you.”

The truth of the matter is I want this church to work for me. One of my friends has been praying intently for me, keeping my struggle in her prayers, entrusting my pain to the One we worship, simply because the thought of losing me in the community is like someone cutting off her arm. She gets it. I grieve the loss of my community. It hurts me almost physically to see that the mass I attend is down two hundred people.

At last night’s party, I spoke to one of the people who does music now for us at the late mass. She has found it hard to fit in. We have not embraced the change whole-heartedly but as we discussed it she admitted that the former pastor and the music group who has been singing there for decades is really her favourite too. We were a well-fed flock then. Now we are in a time of drought and devastation.

Why then do I keep going to my community? Because the notion of being the Body and Blood of Christ resonates within me. Here at the table I am forgiven for all the sins I bring. Here at the table I am reconciled with my brothers and sisters. Here at the table I must believe that all things will be set right again. Here at the table I long to be whole again and not so broken by the failings of my parish and the Catholic Church as a whole.

Christ is there among us at the Eucharist. His life is poured out anew to sustain us for the challenging moments of the earthly journey. Christ is present not only in the Sacrament but in the people gathered there. Christ is present in the heavenly cloud of witnesses that have gone before us, creating a history that does not exist for me at other parishes. This is why I stay.

The priest invokes the Holy Spirit to come down on these gifts—and not just the bread and wine, but also on each of us gathered there. For me, because I have traveled so extensively in life, I often feel connected to my home community when I am away and to friends and family around the world when I am here during the Eucharist. This is one of the great Mysteries of the sacrament. I am happy to be one of God’s people in my spiritual community, and as a wider community of Church. I come forward to receive the Body and Blood of Christ and say Amen to the covenant represented, not just with God but with my beloved community. I want to be part of this community. God give me the graces I need to make it so.

Peace,

Suzanne

Life-Long Lessons

“I am still learning.” ~ Birthday Boy tonight at 60th birthday party

My friend Stan turned 60 today and we celebrated in fine fashion tonight at his home with a gathering of his friends as his extended family all live overseas. His wife and daughter threw the party for and with him. In his thank you speech he said he was still learning and that each of us had given him a gift. He then went around the room and told each of us the gift we were to him. It was very touching.

Today was a busy day. I woke up and lay in bed, hoping to will myself back to sleep. I finally got up as I had a reflexology appointment. A dear friend of mine graduated in February and I wanted to see if I liked it. I did—I especially liked the opportunity to catch up with her as she worked. My feet are very telling…my spine, reproductive organs and liver are not happy. This was not really new. I am pleased that without even trying she broke the ganglion that had grown on my foot. I heard it pop and it startled both of us, but I am glad that it is gone. Hopefully it will stay gone.

From there, because the rain had stopped, I swung by the Farmers Market as I drove by and picked up a few things, including rhubarb to make muffins. I stopped at a store to buy a baby gift for a friend that I will see near Brandon tomorrow. Her son is just a week old and I look forward to meeting the little man. From the photos, he looks absolutely perfect!

When I eventually arrived home, I found out I had no water as my landlord was doing some renos. He had expected the job to just take two hours but the water was still off when I left at 7:00 and he had started at noon. This house can be a laughing stock some days…if I am not crying over whatever is going on. I was frustrated. Lord, please fine me a new home soon that will be a place of peace.

I am still learning….to be patient, kind and gentle. I am still learning too to get to bed at a decent hour.

Peace,

Suzanne

Napping in the Sun

"I remember lying down for a nap one day at about 4:00 and walking up at 11:00 the next morning." ~ April Winchell

June in the education system is exhausting with field trips, exams, IEPs, meetings, and more meetings. It was 30 degrees here and I was driving back into town, wishing I was heading out to the beach instead. It is HOT which I love. I certainly am not complaining.

After a busy few weeks at work, with evenings booked for other events, I came home today, wrote up a final consult note and thought I should take a half hour nap, something I rarely do. I set the alarm on my Blackberry and groggily came to about an hour and a half later because I set the alarm for AM instead of PM. Sigh. I could have slept forever, like poor Winchell above.

June 30th is coming though and already I can see the light. I love summer and hope to take a few naps here and there in the sun, while at the beach.

Peace,

Suzanne

Three in One Sunday

“May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all.” ~ 2 Corinthians 13:14

Trinity Sunday….three in one, the triune God. I like this Sunday. A former pastor had such a hard time trying to explain this mystery but I like it anyway. Another Jesuit friend of mine always spoke of the Trinity. This Sunday reminds me of them both.

This photo to me captures a glimpse of the Trinity. The cross represents Jesus the Redeemer, the rural background God the Creator, and the wind that was blowing through the prairies that evening, the Spirit. Each of them were with me at the same moment, each of them the same but different. Each of them are part of me in their own unique way.

Grace, love, and fellowship are wished you this today and always.

Peace,

Suzanne

Counting My Blessings

“The unthankful heart discovers no mercies; but the thankful heart will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings.” ~ Henry Ward Beecher

Ah….it is late and I am soon to bed and rise again much too early. I have had a glorious day. I do feel like in every hour there were some heavenly blessings. I started the day by reading in bed before meeting a colleague to discuss some fundraising plans. Just prior to leaving to meet her, I received an email related to the fundraising efforts from someone that evolved throughout the day with a surprising but happy ending due to small world connections. My colleague and I sat outside and enjoyed a healthy brunch in the sun. My first outdoor eating experience here on the strip this spring I think. So good to be able to bask in the warmth of the weather!

I had a telephone chat with my brother about my upcoming visit to him next month and a few other things. A friend from church called to chat for a bit. Another friend had invited me out to her country home for supper and a hot tub. It was such a great evening. We walked for a bit before supper and I brought my camera along to shoot some photos in case we came across something interesting. This Ukrainian Catholic Church caught my eye.

We had a fabulous evening. She is one of my dearest friends and I love her even though we don’t see each other often--this relationship is more about quality than quantity. I am so grateful for her and our journey together. Our conversations are always rich and deep. I walk away feeling healed of something I did not even recognize was broken.

We sat in the hot tub, chatting but listening to the sound of frogs come alive as the sun disappeared. I did not stay for the coyote songs but perhaps another time. A near-full moon guided me home and now I go to bed with a gratitude that my heart rejoices in these moments.

Peace,

Suzanne