Too Short

I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read and all the friends I want to see. ~ John Burroughs

When I left Starbucks tonight, I was shocked at how dark it was. Not even 9:00 and no trace of a sunset. The days are certainly shorter and that is a real reminder that summer is fading. I didn’t need a jacket tonight but the air is definitely cooler. I always mourn the loss of long days because it seems you can cram more living into them. You can visit with friends, read books on the beach until late, take leisurely walks, and putter around until the light fades in the summer. I seem to have missed doing that this year.

I have not read one complete book. I still have a host of friends with whom I want catch up. There have been few walks in here in town. I have a lot more thinking about things that occurred over the summer to do. Ack!! Where did summer go?

This photo is taken on the Alaskan cruise as we were pulling out of Ketchikan. I cannot remember the exact time but it is 9:30ish maybe. It was light for quite some time afterwards. My summer was much busier than I expected. I feel a bit of a crunch to do some of the things that I normally do but I may have to just breathe deeply and say that everything I did do was enough.

Peace,

Suzanne

Scatter Seeds

"The spirit sends us forth to serve, to scatter joy like seed,
and all our days, to cherish life, to do the loving deed."
~ from a church bulletin

My friend Janet in Iowa sent me this quote from her church bulletin. She was a source of the good discussions we had during our little reunion a few weeks back. As routine soon returns to my life, I have a good mindset. I am ready to go back to work—well, not really if truth be told—but I will not return kicking and whining about the departure of summer days.

I have a number of ideas for fall activities and I do wish to serve in a variety of capacities. I guess because that will be how I scatter joy like seeds to plant a stunning flower bed like my friend Nancy did in the above photo. If those flowers represented how much joy could be sown, life would indeed be very good. I cherish life. I wake up every day, expecting miracles. My desire is to do the loving deed and to lay my head on my pillow every evening hoping that God will say, “well done, good and faithful servant.”

Peace,

Suzanne

Disobedience or Holy Obedience?

"I honestly do not know if civil disobedience has any effect on the government. I can promise you it has a great effect on the person who chooses to do it." ~ Martin Sheen

I lived and worked in the Sojourners Community in Washington, DC twenty some years ago. The community taught me many things and introduced me to people who lived with such integrity that I thought I would never be the same. I suppose that has been somewhat true but sometimes I wonder if I can ever get that edge back in my life. How do I embrace once again the kind of living that makes you do what is right even at great cost?

Two of the people I knew from those days were arrested today, along with 143 others, in an act of civil disobedience against a Canadian desire to build a pipeline through the United States. The Tar Sands Action has seen over 500 people get arrested this week alone. The Keystone XL pipeline is not welcomed by people who love this earth and its creatures. These people who were arrested are making their lives a living testimony and refusing to allow the President Obama to easily proceed with this destructive plan which would see the pipeline run through six states, carrying 800,000 barrels of crude oil a day. Obama has the opportunity to choose a different way, one that will not put the planet at risk and these arrests may make him ponder anew his options.

I am very proud of Rose, Scot and whoever else I know (or don’t know for that matter) who stood up for what they believe. I am sad that my country has played a part in their decision. Civil disobedience may not always change the minds and heart of the government or oppressor but it does change those who do it, and those with a keen sense who observe it. Thanks for caring enough to be a witness.

Peace,

Suzanne

A Life Too Short

A sister is a little bit of childhood that can never be lost. ~ Marion C. Garretty

It is hard to believe that my sister Corrinne would have been 45 years old today. As we gathered at the gravesite, my other sister remarked that she could not imagine how she would be if she had lived this long. Corrinne died 19 years ago this fall and we have never stopped loving her. I hosted her final birthday party 19 years ago. Not one of us would have thought she would never celebrate with us again.

That day was a joyous one, with lots of laughter and hope. She had brought her new boyfriend along for all of us to meet. They were to move in together a few days later, and in a month she would be dead. Even today, the concept is unimaginable. We just never know when what we love will be lost. I still find her absence a huge, gaping wound in my soul, though not as acute. On days like today though, the pain is tangible. I miss her.

This photo is of a 1984 road trip we took to the United States. Two sisters having a good time is a memory that cannot be lost. She was a bright light in my life, with a sense of fun and a flair for fashion. She is sporting the Hawaii sweatshirt that I had bought her. She could pull off skinny jeans back then. I have always loved this photo because it seems to capture a moment of closeness between us. I remember resting our shoulders together comfortably, as we sat there. A millisecond caught forever by my heart.

I cannot speculate on where she might be if she had not died but I like to think that she would be happy doing whatever she was doing. Happy Birthday, Sis! You are missed and loved.

Peace,

Suzanne

According to Your Ability

“To one he gave five talents, to another two, to another one, to each according to his ability.” Matthew 25:15

I am not quite sure why I thought I was hearing this line for the first time. I am very familiar with this passage. However, as I read it this morning, it jumped out at me. God does not want me to give more than I have, just return, with interest, what was given. I will have the ability to do whatever is needed if I do.

I found some comfort in this line as I think about where to place my time, talent, and energy this fall. With a few short weeks before routine kicks in, I am sorting out what extra-curricular activities I will take on. The group coupons have presented some physical activities that should keep me somewhat busy into the new year. I have a pass for Curves and another one for a local personal coach. I may take a photography course. The AVLIC 2014 fundraising co-chair position will keep me busy. I have agreed to direct the Spiritual Exercises this fall. I also co-coordinate the prison ministry. I am hesitating over taking on one more coordinator role but I am almost certain that I will do it.

What are you doing with your talents as we enter a “new year”? Will you double them or bury them in the ground so that they are hidden?

Peace,

Suzanne

Begin Today

Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again. ~ Og Mandino


And so the birthday celebrations keep on going….

For lunch I picked up a childhood friend who also turned 50 this year. She is having one of her most difficult years in a long time. She was diagnosed with a mental illness in her early twenties and so for more than half her life has struggled with her situation. I wish her life had turned out differently. In the midst of celebrating my half a century, I realize that she cannot share my joy regarding her own significant birthday. Still it was important for me to meet her today and share a meal. I cannot help but think that after 45 years that what is important is to extend all the care, kindness and understanding that I can muster. Every time we meet I try to keep this in mind.

Tonight, I FINALLY got together with two friends to celebrate our milestone birthdays. Each of us has reached a “special” birthday this year. We had an awesome time at Hu’s Asian Bistro tonight. We had a fantastic waitress, someone who extended great care and kindness to us. She was excellent at her trade and blessed us with several “gifts” that kept the bill affordable, including birthday desserts, as seen in this photo. Her smile and attentiveness made the evening all the better.

I would highly recommend Hu’s, by the way. My first visit to this restaurant will not be my last. The food was delicious and the ambience lovely. I am going to bed content with the food and conversation.

Peace,

Suzanne

No Choice

"If untimely death came only those who deserved that fate, Keturah, where would choice be? No one would do good for its own sake, but only to avoid an early demise. No one would speak out against evil because of his own courageous soul, but only to live another day. The right to choose is man's great gift, but one thing is not his to choose--the time and means of death." ~ Martine Leavitt (Keturah and Lord Death)

I was having flashbacks today. I was at a funeral for a young mom who I have known since my early days in the Deaf Community. She was only 39 years old. I was remembering her at different stages of her life and wondering if she would have had a different outcome had her father also not died an untimely death.

How do we cope with the challenges thrown us? How will her own children now manage without their mother? How will this untimely death affect them? Behaving well and long life do not necessarily go hand in hand. An early demise does not mean an evil soul. I pray that she may find rest and that her remaining family will find comfort.

Peace,

Suzanne

Shine Where You Are

"Lighthouses don’t go running all over an island looking for boats to save; they just stand there shining." ~ Anne Lamott

I was not sure what to write about tonight but earlier I was looking at the results of some homework that Stephanie Staples gave me on the Alaskan Cruise session and I decided I should think about it a little bit. Stephanie had suggested that we email three friends and ask them to tell us three strengths about ourselves and why they think they are a strength. I decided to post it on FaceBook and see what the universe tossed back at me. Two of the responses came from people I probably would have asked anyway and one delightful response from a cousin. A fourth is pending. Another friend liked some of my cousin’s comments. Two responses were sent as messages so only I could see them.

As I read each of my perceived strengths, there were no surprises. The people in my life know me well. My faith came up a couple of times, which made me happy. I want to be a lighthouse in this regard. I am humbled by what people had to say. I think they are on the mark though. I guess I don’t always think about what I do and how it is perceived; I just do it…like a lighthouse.

I am glad that people see me as I see me since I try hard to live transparently and with integrity. It was a good exercise and I challenge you to try it out. You may be surprised—and blessed—by what you receive back.

Peace,

Suzanne

What Road are You Traveling?

"My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world". ~ Jack Layton

Every single day we are faced with a choice to walk down one road rather than another. Jack Layton was the federal Opposition Leader. Not so long ago, he had dreams of being the next Canadian Prime Minister. He was walking on the road of hope and determination and the nation applauded. He did not know at the time, I presume, that he was on another road, one that ended yesterday. The above words were left in a letter to Canadians and they have buzzed around cyberspace, ended up as a poster, and became several people’s Facebook profile photos. Orange is the colour of the last 24 hours in honour of Jack.

Love is greater than anger; hope better than fear; and optimism than despair. Tonight I listened to a tribute on CBC radio of my sister-in-law’s sister on The Late Show, a program that features the art of living through the deaths of extraordinary yet ordinary Canadians. The show opened with this Turkish proverb: No matter how far you’ve gone on a wrong road, turn back.

The show featured people from Lynn’s life, including my sister-in-law, sharing insights about Lynn, who was known as Winnipeg’s Street Angel, a woman whose life on the streets turned around to allow her to help other kids who struggled with addiction. One of her friends spoke of Lynn’s generosity of the soul. At the conclusion, a colleague and friend admitted that Lynn is going to be missed on this planet but believed she was close by, flying around. You can listen to a rebroadcast of The Late Show on August 26th on CBC Radio if you want to hear the story first hand.

There have been tributes for over 24 hours to Jack Layton who will also be missed on this planet. He, like Lynn, had reached out and tried to make a difference. How are you choosing to live your life? Are you walking down the wrong road? Turn back. There is no shame in starting anew and making a better way. Choose love, hope, and optimism. Change the world.

Peace,

Suzanne

Living Beautifully

"The life that you've been living,
the days that you've been given
were made for something beautiful
Life-don't let it pass you by
because you were created for something beautiful."
Matthew West and Chance Scoggins

Natalie Grant sings this song on her Awaken release. Driving back to Winnipeg tonight, passing these windmills at sunset, I listened to it for the first time. I had plenty of time to do some thinking and this song made me grateful for my life. I had just spent the weekend with people who had been part of my life at life-shaping moments.

My friend Bob was part of my Sojourners Community experience and catching up with him ever so briefly was great. I reminisced as I drove along about some moments with that Community and all the good things that happened to me there. Many people I met that year remain dear to me, even if I do not see them.

I crammed an intense visit with my women friends in Minneapolis. We need about a week so that we do not stay up late every night, engaging in deep thoughts. I love that we can share our opinions and not offend the others. These are women with wisdom and strength who I honestly admire.

All these lives are about making something beautiful. Not one of these people is letting life pass them by. They are living fully and genuinely. I love that. My life is more beautiful because they have touched it.

How are you living your life beautifully?

Peace,

Suzanne

What is Your Passion?

Earth laughs in flowers. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Ah, the joy and serenity of beauty. My hostess has a gorgeous home in Minneapolis. I left today, tearing myself away from a short visit with the women I met 30 years ago. We had been poolside, soaking in the sun, engaged in deep conversation. We laughed a lot too, during these intense conversations. One question was "what is your passion?" which sparked a good dialogue, but all the questions we brought forth had done that. These women are insightful and thoughtful. They are also not afraid to speak their mind. I LOVE the honesty and the degrees for variation amongst us and yet the ability to still ask the questions.

The joy of the gardens set a peaceful and happy tone for our gatherings. Of course, so did the kitchen table, laden with fresh vegetables and meat. One of the guests had brought up fresh produce which we devoured.

The earth has the right idea: laugh in beauty and colour! It has been a good visit.

Peace,

Suzanne

Teddy Bear Love

"Teddy bears don't need hearts as they are already stuffed with love." ~ Unknown

I am enjoying my visit with my friends here in the Twin Cities. Today we went to Stillwater and came across this quaint Teddy Bear Park. I feel loved within this group of women--I have always felt that way. How about you? Are there places and/or people in your life who stuff you up with love?

Peace,

Suzanne

Purple Barn

It will not always be summer; build barns. ~ Hesiod

You can imagine my great delight as I drove along a country road this morning, spotting a purple barn. I am afraid this photo will not do it justice but it was very purple.

I had a great day today, chatting with people from my past. I arrived safe and sound, with plenty of time for coffee with one friend before meeting my former classmates. Building barns to store memories and friendships for the winter years is important.

It is quite late so I am keeping it brief tonight.

Peace,

Suzanne

Time Traveling

"I'll just tell you what I remember because memory is as close as I've gotten to building my own time machine." ~ Samantha Hunt in The Invention of Everything Else


I have driven the trek to the Twin Cities a number of times in my life. I was 20 when I moved there to study ASL-English interpretation, thirty years ago this September. One of the youngest in a class of 30 students, I met women who would change me forever. Four of those women remain in my life today and we will gather to celebrate our friendship tomorrow night.
As I started the journey today, I had plenty of time to think and to still my soul. I have not had much as much quiet time as normal this summer.

The trip down was more or less uneventful with a minor incident at the border. The customs agent flipped through my passport and I saw her linger on a page, prior to asking me, “Why were you in Kenya? ” “Ack! She thinks I am a terrorist,” I thought. Sure enough, rather than wave me on, she asked me to pull up to bay 3. Sigh.

There I was asked a string of intriguing questions when I was asked to step out of the car. Did I have any weapons on board? I must have looked like a deer in the headlights. “Guns, knives??” No, I did not. Then the most interesting question of all: When was the last time I was fingerprinted, charged with a crime, or arrested? Really?? That was quite an assumption or a trick question. There was only a two second pause before I asked my own question: Never?

I was ushered into a waiting room which already had another woman and her three-month old baby sitting there. Apparently she gets pulled over all the time and searched. They pulled apart a panel once and did not quite put it back together. I was lucky though. They called me almost right away and I was soon off to my own thoughts, but I did wonder how long they kept that woman there as I scooted off.

The drive evoked some memories of past traveling companions: Barb, Jan, Gordana, Angela, Lori, Larry, and Elsie. Lots of good conversation happened in those 16-hour round-trip drives. My favourite rest stop on one of the lakes was flooded out. It is a bit sad to see how high the water still is on both sides of the border. I kept looking for this one church on a hill. Maybe I have not yet passed it. I used to love that church. I think it must have represented something to me like God in the middle of nowhere, waiting for me. I was always heartened when I saw it.
I was remembering that I have been down to Iowa at least three times to see Janet who is coming up tomorrow night. I had this delightful memory of us tubing down the Iowa River and Janet finding out later that I could not swim. I also remembered going over to Nancy’s home in Hastings around
Christmas and stringing popcorn and cranberries together before going for a beautiful winter walk in the park one night. It was so stunning. I can almost hear the rocks skimming across the frozen lake now. I am transported back in time.

Myrna and I have had some deep conversations which I have appreciated greatly. Liz teaches me to live more like Christ and to laugh often. Each of these women has been a gift to me. It is the kind of friendship that permeates deeply, and is not surface, especially after 30 years. Each of them is a healing balm to me, a gift that I have never stopped being grateful for. These are strong, remarkable women who welcomed the young upstart into their lives three decades ago and taught me about feminism, independence, fidelity, and courage. The word grateful comes to mind when I think about them.

Have you ever thanked someone who has helped to shape your life?

Peace,

Suzanne

Willing

"Delay is the deadliest form of denial." ~ C. Northcote Parkinson

Tonight I went to a friend’s house for supper. Her mom died recently and we chatted about a number of things related to death and dying. One item that came up is that my friend and her husband still do not have a will. They have talked about getting one for some time now but have never done it.

After my sister died, I finally made a will. I updated it a few years back. Now I should probably buy a funeral package but I really have no idea where I might be in five years. What if I die in Africa twenty years from now? That would be my home, not here. Would I want to be buried in the same place as my parents’ and sister’s plot? I don’t like it there. Bury me in a wooded area where any visitors might find rest for their souls. Who designs cemeteries these days anyways? They are so unfriendly and unwelcoming.

When it comes to death, humans sure make a lot of denials. Delay does not help in this instance. Be prepared! I hope that my procrastination in this regard does not end badly for my loved ones. I would hate to leave them more burdened than necessary.

Do you have an up-to-date will? Think about those who will take care of your affairs and have the heart to make things easier for them.

Peace,

Suzanne

Birthday Celebration Number ??

“We can’t get lazy when things get crazy.” ~ Motormouth Maybelle in Hairspray

I have lost track of what number tonight’s birthday celebration is…but my friend Kathleen treated me to a fantastically fun evening. We had a delicious supper and then headed off to Hairspray at the local outdoor theatre. The cast was fabulous—there were two standing ovations. We laughed lots during the performance.

At the same time, the play gives people lots to think about: issues of race, sexual orientation, beauty, overweight people, and more abound in this play. The line by Motormouth Maybelle caught my attention for some reason. The challenge is one that I need to learn to live by. It is easier to retreat than to stand up for what you believe in at the time, but in the end you pay big consequences.

It is late here and I need to work in the morning so I better get to bed! Thanks, Kathleen, for such a wonderful evening.

Peace

Suzanne

Feast of Pure Joy

"The mother's arms that once held the infant Jesus are now in heaven, opened wide waiting to embrace us." ~ Fr. Peter John Cameron, O.P.

Today is the Feast of the Assumption, a Marian Feast that is described as a feast of pure joy. Most other of her feast days entail an element of sorrow and joy but this one points simply to the purity and complexity of who Mary is.

I am not a Catholic who has Mary on a pedestal. I am attracted to her by her seemingly unending yes, by her praise of the Creator, by her fidelity to the path she knew she had to walk, and by her grace. The real Mary fascinates me. Fr. Brian, my former pastor, always unglorified the reality of Christmas—it was messy, he insisted. There were no sterile sheets upon which to lay the Christ Child. This was not a clean home, brimming with well-wishers and midwives. This was no ordinary baby born into poverty and humility.

Mary, to me, is a woman whose fidelity to God gave her the strength to do what was asked of her and to demand us to “do whatever he tells” us. Her life was not pious or untouched. Instead her heart was pierced and I am sure many times she wondered what her yes would mean.

This feast celebrates the fact that Mary awaits us, whole and radiant, in Heaven. I sometimes wonder who my grandmother flung wide open her arms to greet in her final seconds of life. Some relatives think it was her Mother to whom she had a special devotion. She shared some parts of Mary’s motherhood issues and I believe turned to her early on in life to weather the cruel blows that came her way.

I would be happy to arrive at the gates of Heaven to find my grandmother, Mary and so many others ready to warmly embrace me, joyously shouting, “Well done, good and faithful servant. Welcome Home.”

Peace,

Suzanne

Hovering Souls

“The things which the child loves remain in the domain of the heart until old age. The most beautiful thing in life is that our souls remain hovering over the places where we once enjoyed ourselves. I am one of those who remembers such places regardless of distance or time.” ~ Kahlil Gibran

Today I took a drive to the places where, according to Gibran, my soul still hovers. When I was a child my family had a trailer over the summer months in a camp near Gimli. I took my parents back there today and I must admit that Gibran’s words make good sense to me. I loved my summer “home” where I discovered good friends, had childhood crushes, played Barbies for hours with the other girls, played baseball and “kick the can” with all the kids, told campfire stories, waved as the train zipped by, walked on the beach, climbed trees, picked wild roses, and did countless other things that helped to create my love of the outdoors, my passion for beauty, my fidelity to friends, and my respect for places and people who shape me.

I saw yet another side of my dad, the ex-farm boy, as he commented on the crops we drove along. He not only recognizes the crop, but he also could explain what the farmers had done to the fields and why. Two deers came leaping through those fields and made me brake so as not to run into them. It was an interesting ride on a variety of levels.

As I slowed down to turn right on Husavick Road, I smiled to myself remembering the first time I took that corner in a vehicle. I had no experience driving on the highway but I had been allowed to drive to the lake that particular weekend. No one told me that you cannot turn onto a gravel road at 100 clicks an hour. I have no idea why we did not all die that day, but we didn’t, thank goodness. This time I maneuvered the corner as someone who has 35 more years of driving experience and there was no fear of flying off the road.

As we drove down the still familiar road, there were some houses still standing and some new ones that changed the face of the area. The campground was totally different but the hall across the gravel road still stood. Most of the treed areas are gone. I continued down to the end of the road where the beach is. The Ukrainian Camp is gone, replaced by massive homes—they look too luxurious to be cottages. The path with the wild roses is also gone, now a wide-open space that leads to the beach. The rusted top of a vehicle is gone in that leveling. I did not hear the frogs that we used to chase as kids. The long stretch of sandy solitude that I used to enjoy now has beachfront homes that would be distracting. My spirit felt a little sad at the changes but it rejoiced at seeing the little sandbar that still juts out on the left.

Willow Creek was where my brother, dad, and male friends would go fishing. We could not see the bridge where they would fish from as we drove down the highway. Maybe it is no longer there. The creek seemed more like a bulrush pad than fishing pond.

We walked around Gimli and ate some amazing pan-fried pickerel for lunch. Mom thought it was delicious. Dad wolfed down the fish and fries, eating more than I have seen him eat in a long time. Mom and I took a walk on the pier, looking at the painted murals.I left them sitting in the shade as I went to bring the car around. It was a spectacular day and I did not want them overcome by the heat.

We had also gone into one of the most popular stores in town and managed to run into someone I knew who is married to someone who knows my parents so that was interesting. My parents thought he was a very nice man and kept commenting on this as we drove to Winnipeg Beach which was our next destination. It was turning out to be a perfect day.

As kids, we would come here to play the arcade machines and pinball after having an ice cream cone. Today, we set Dad up in a lawn chair by the beach to give him a few minutes of quiet in the shade and headed off to get some ice cream ourselves. My mom was in exquisite form today, choosing a sugar-free maple walnut cone that she raved about. You have to understand that my mother is a very picky eater so you can imagine my great delight with having her satisfied with lunch and a treat!

I took the scenic route home, driving along the lake through some of the small beach communities. I love this side of the lake, even though few of my friends prefer it to the other, more popular side. I know that it will remain in the domain of my heart until my death. I feel so blessed to have spent so many happy moments there. I will remember it fondly regardless of where I am or how many years have passed. My prayer is that the lake will stay healthy as it is in danger in so many ways.

What childhood place does your soul hover over?

Peace,

Suzanne

Gifted!

“Every gift from a friend is a wish for your happiness.” ~ Richard Bach

I am blessed with amazing friends. This year has been as much about celebrating them as it has been about toasting to my 50th year of life. This cute little head wrap is a gift from my friends, Glenice and James who I saw in Mississauga earlier this summer. They sent me some money before I left on my cruise for Alaska and when I saw this I thought it was gorgeous and very “Suzanne” since it was purple. I will wear it with much love and joy, remembering that I am loved and that I love.

At this stage of my life, I do not need much in the way of possessions but I do appreciate the love and good wishes that accompany the gifts. At prison tonight, I sat and listened to one of the inmates talk about why he was in this time. His daughter’s birthday was coming up he needed some money so he decided to rob an establishment, a struggle ensued and he ended up pulling out the weapon he was carrying and injured the other person. I cannot imagine how desperate he must have been to steal so that he could provide his daughter with a gift. The judgmental part of me thinks maybe he should have just spent an hour or so with her, doing something cheap and fun, so that he could be with her now. Instead when asked about her dad, she replies honestly that he is in jail. The compassionate part of me believes this young man has had a crazy life and had some choices end up in bad outcomes. His world was so foreign to me. He did not hold back and I for my part registered no shock. I let him talk. I am not sure he has had many people listen to him without judging him and calling him down.

He speculated that our lives could not have been more different. In a group home by 12 years old, he had been in and out of the system for over a decade. He sees nothing wrong with his life. I am not sure what prompted me to ask him if he saw himself at 80 years old as a grandpa but I did. He was a quiet for a moment, and he squinted, almost as if he was trying to visualize it, and then admitted, “I think I might like that.”

Tonight I am praying for this young man, and hoping that he might find happiness in ways that he has never known. Tonight I am also thanking God for the people who have loved me and gifted me with all sorts of non-material gifts: presents of presence, love, joy, happiness, affirmation, and peace. I am blessed.

Peace,

Suzanne

Find 1%

"No person is 100% bad, find at least 1% that the Holy Spirit can affect." ~ Adolfo Nicholas, Father General of the Jesuits

I found myself thinking again of the Father General of the Jesuits and the remarks he made during the Congress. He definitely is a spiritual man, someone one meets and knows immediately that there is something different about him. I felt the same when I met Jean Vanier. God dwells within men like these.

He spoke so well on collaboration and how the mission no longer belongs to just the religious but also to the lay collaborators. We must learn to share the power and control. If the mission truly belongs to God, then God is free to choose who serves there. It will not always be the clergy. We must be available. The response that was once, “Here I am send me” becomes, “Here we are, send us.” The man has a heart for service which he stressed was what really mattered. He believed that the Holy Spirit will decide what the laity can provide.

He told a story of Rumi saying we are all of us mirrors of God. When there is conflict or jealousy, it is good to remember that God gave me this partner to polish the mirror. We never stop learning and growing.

Suggesting that no one is 100% bad, Nicholas encouraged us to find the 1% in a person that the Holy Spirit can work. Cast out competition and jealousy and work together for the good of the Kingdom. He warned that a priest whose needs are at the centre corrupts everything.

I want to always look for the 1% in a person. It is so easy to miss it when the 99% screams in your face. I know my own mirror needs to be polished a lot. I hope that the Spirit will decide a beautiful future together of lay collaborators and Jesuits.

Peace,

Suzanne

You is Smart

“Am I gone believe what them fools say about me today?” ~ Kathryn Stockett in The Help

Tonight my goddaughter and I went to see the film, The Help. I highly recommend it. Actually, I think it is my new favourite film. It has the familiar flavour of The Secret Live of Bees—white and black women who work together and are strong, believable, courageous creatures that make you realize that henceforth you must live your life with more integrity.

I was thinking today about a recent situation or two on which I have perseverated. I needed someone to ask me this quote above like Constantine demanded of Skeeter. Why would I let wounded, or ugly, or mean people define who I am? Why would I believe what they say about me when I know it is not so?

Bring your girlfriends, your daughters, your mothers, and just about anyone else who will go with you to this film. Drag your menfolk as they whine that it is chiclet and a chick flick. Make them watch and then debrief it with them.

I try hard to encourage my goddaughter and one of the lines touched me deeply because I know that children need this mantra told to them hundreds, if not thousands of times, a day: “You is kind. You is smart. You is important." In particular, most of the female species, needs to have it penetrate the depths of their souls to balance the onslaught of negative messages we receive in the media, in classrooms, on the playground, on the sports field, and in relationships.

Women can be mean to one another and this story shows it on several fronts. I found myself rooting for the various underdogs in this film and wondering where such hatred is born. The Help is an intricate look at how people treat each other, and often miss the mark of recognizing a human face as they treat the other person worse than a piece of chocolate pie (you will have to watch the movie or read the book to understand that line fully).

The strong, single woman who writes The Help with the maids is fiercely determined and a fantastic role model for young women today. The maids are courageous, compassionate characters who will make you feel as if you should change the way you are living in order to be a better person. Even the sweet, “white trash” misfit makes you want to stand up and cheer as her story unfolds. I am glad that my sixteen-year-old goddaughter loved the film. I hope she will always know she is kind, smart and important and that she does not have to believe what fools may ever say about her.

Peace,

Suzanne

Nothing for Something

Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something. ~ Wilson Mizner

Today I went to South Beach Casino with my parents. I am not a gambling fan. I don’t really understand it and there are so many other ways to spend my time…like being on the beach for example. I hung around for an hour as both my parents got nothing for something and I managed to lose my allotted money. We had lunch together and then I zipped off to a nearby beach where I walked and soaked in the sun for a bit.

The water was high so I actually had to sit in a spot where the sand had some branches growing up. Nonetheless, I was happy to sit and chill.

I returned to the Casino to find my mom up some bucks and Dad not. Mom suggested heading back to the city which suited me just fine.

Another day, another dollar…but maybe this time lost instead of gained?

Peace,

Suzanne

Deep, Permanent Changes

“Travel is more than the seeing of sights; it is a change that goes on, deep and permanent, in the ideas of living.” ~ Miriam Beard

Relics are definitely a Catholic “event.” I am not really sure if other religions have them. This photo is taken at the Martyr’s Shrine in Midland, ON and is the remaining part of the skull of St. Jean de Brébeuf. I have yet to duly process my visit to the Shrine, Ste-Marie Among the Hurons, and St. Ignace. I know that something has changed within me from being there. I am just not sure exactly what it is. I am drawn to returning at some point and doing a more prayerful walk through all three sites.

I watch the news events lately and feel so conflicted about wanting to leave everything in order to return to East Africa to assist with the drought-stricken areas. A real part of me feels that my calling is elsewhere and it unsettles me sometimes with its tenacity. Was that what drove Brébeuf and his companions to give without counting the cost? That phrase seems so stuck in my mind. That may be a permanent change for me. Can I learn to give freely, even when the cost is so great?

The Jesuits and the donnés (laity) were all tortured and killed for their beliefs. I am sure they must have experienced great fear and much trepidation at times. The story goes that Brébeuf never let out a scream as the Iroquois mutilated him and so they ate his heart, believing that they would gain his courage. I find myself wondering for what or for whom would I be willing to lay my life down. I think about my experience in Eastern DRC and wonder about what could have happened and how things might have played out. I did not really have much courage.

My travels this summer have changed me. The seeing of the sights are not what linger so much as the Spirit that I encountered in the places I visited. I will grow into the lessons yet to learn. I know that the unsettledness is a good thing. The ideas that are percolating are deep. The outcome will be a cup that I hope I am ready to drink.

Peace,

Suzanne

Childhood Friends

"We plan our lives according to a dream that came to us in our childhood, and we find that life alters our plans. And yet, at the end, from a rare height, we also see that our dream was our fate. It's just that providence had other ideas as to how we would get there. Destiny plans a different route, or turns the dream around, as if it were a riddle, and fulfills the dream in ways we couldn't have expected.” ~ Ben Okri

Today I gathered with a few friends with whom I graduated from High School. We met in Junior High and began to hang out. One lives in California these days and so we have a mini-reunion when he comes home during the summer. We usually go to an old haunt and today, despite looking like we are in Venice, we are at a pizza joint we used to go to after school dances or on a Friday night when about eight of us would need a place to hang because our parents had had enough of us.

Sigh. I have such fond memories of my school days and the friends I made. Who would have known the curve balls that have come our way or the joys that we would have experienced? One of this foursome was the valedictorian of our graduating class. I seem to remember vaguely words of encouragement and hope. I suppose each of us had dreams then….post-secondary education, career, marriage, travel, and unarticulated expectations. What did we really know about anything back then?

Some of our class has not made it this far. We have had several former classmates die. At 50, I am grateful to not be amongst those. We cannot explain the riddles of our lives. Why am I still here, but my baby sister gone? For someone who never thought she would go on with schooling, I did. My mom just wanted to have me get married and have children. Funny fate! That has not happened to date. Dreams get all twisted and turned around indeed. I feel my dreams have been fulfilled though in so many ways and when I get together with my childhood friends and we compare notes, reminisce, and stand solidly in the present, it is a reminder that I did not do this journey alone. I had good folks, walking alongside with their own dreams. Today we even discussed the very concept of this quote and wondered where we would each be at the end of our jubilee year. What lies ahead for each of us? Life can definitely alter our plans. I pray that God will bless each of our plans to be in accordance to the One who plants the desires and dreams in our hearts in the first place.

Peace,

Suzanne

Walking on Water

"Take heart, it is I; have no fear." ~ Matthew 14: 27

When I was in Nairobi over two years ago, I started reading If You Want to Walk on Water, You've Got to Get Out of the Boat by John Ortberg and still have yet to finish it. I had borrowed it from my host family’s library. I finally bought it when I came back home but I have yet to read it in its entirety. The title is based on today’s Scripture reading from Matthew.

Jesus is walking on the water, heading towards the disciples who are in the boat, when Peter requests “Bid me come to you.” Out of the boat he hops and after his initial steps, sinks when he suddenly gets caught up in his fear. Jesus reaches out and saves him, as he scolds him for not having enough faith.

The first reading from Kings has Elijah looking for God in the likely places only to discover God is in an unexpected place. We are both Peter and Elijah. At times, we can be bold and hop out of the boat; other times we cannot even get out of the boat because our faith is so compromised. Some days we think we know exactly what God has planned and then we get a curve ball. Why wasn’t God in the wind, fire, or earthquake? Who would have imagined that God would be a still, small voice? We look for signs and wonders and we receive them. Jesus will catch us as we falter. God will show up as promised. We may get out of the boat in order to receive the graces of walking on water. We may even be able to put aside our pre-conceived ideas of who or what God is long enough to hear that still, small voice. Either way, it is not God who is not there when needed. Most days, it is me who is distracted by my own request to realize God is there. I think it is time for me to pull that book out and start reading it again. This time I should finish it though.

Peace,

Suzanne

Transfigured

God is transfiguring the world right this very moment through us because God believes in us and because God loves us. ~ Desmond Tutu

Today is the Feast of the Transfiguration, a celebration that I love and has special meaning to me. When I think about being transfigured, I imagine that something powerful has occurred and nothing will ever be the same again. I also know that the Light that shines from my face will affect change in those around me.

My summer is going quickly and many things have happened which I have not yet processed. There is much from the cruise that needs to be sifted through—and a remaining “homework” task of writing my life statement or vision from the Stephanie Staples workshop. I have not had much time to work on that yet but I do think about it. My time with friends in Ontario was fun and relaxed. The Jesuit Congress was intense and compacted. I want to live more fully into a few transfiguring moments of that experience.

I have a few more treats yet to experience this summer, including a reunion with a few of my interpreting classmates. I return to work earlier this year and I am a wee bit apprehensive that I may not have the time to rest and reflect that I may need. At one point, I will have a 14-hour drive by myself that will provide that opportunity, I suppose.

God is transfiguring the world through each of us. God believes in you and me. God needs us to buy into transforming the world and each other. God loves you…and me. Have you had opportunities this summer to allow God to shine through you?

Peace,

Suzanne

Hoe Your Garden

"Once, while St. Francis of Assisi was hoeing his garden, he was asked, 'What would you do if you were suddenly to learn that you were to die at sunset today?' He replied, 'I would finish hoeing my garden.'"

I have been on the go all summer, with one event after another, and still have a couple of more to go. As tired as I am right now, I would probably respond as St. Francis did. You can change what you are doing right now, but if you are making good, solid choices, and checking in with the Creator, you do not have to. Live as if everyday were your last. That is how you end up having few regrets.

Peace,

Suzanne

God is Master

"God is the Master of our lives" - Joseph Chihouatenhoua

I am reading the biography of the first Huron convert, Joseph Chihouatenhoua and find it interesting. My own faith experiences started when I was young. I have been introduced to many faiths since childhood but I always return to my love of my own. I am Christian, and more specifically Catholic, because I am nourished at this particular table. I have been in other churches, temples, and buildings, but my love draws me back to Catholicism. My heart remains ecumenical. I am not uncomfortable in most other worship spaces. I believe God is the Master of our lives. May we, like Joseph, understand that despite the trials of our lives.

Peace,

Suzanne

Pilgrim's Graces

As I make my slow pilgrimage through the world, a certain sense of beautiful mystery seems to gather and grow. ~ Arthur Christopher Benson

I wondered if I should make the pilgrimage this past week from the Shrine of the Martyrs to St. Ignace, the site of the mission where St. Jean de Brebeuf was tortured and killed. I was unsure if I could walk five kilometers but had brought my walking stick and decided that I would. What I forgot to bring was a pair of socks so I ended up getting two blisters.

As I mentioned earlier, the bus driver dropped us off earlier than he should have so the walk ended up being longer than five km. I am glad that I did it. I asked the woman I was walking with if I could do the first kilometer in silence so that I could pray for my intentions. Each step I took became a prayer for the people in my life, the ministries I am involved in, and my desires. Later, the prayers became filled with gratitude for blessings received.

Anna, who I was walking with, and I did chat from time to time. As the sun came out and the humidity rose, we began to fade. A cool breeze at one point refreshed us. The walk was along a well-forested path made for walking, running, and cycling. This splash of colour leapt out at me at one point, fuchsia flowers twinkling still with the morning raindrops.

I think that the slow pilgrimage through these fifty fabulous years has always been one sensing the beautiful Mystery around me. I am not sure how the intentions of my pilgrimage will unfold. I prayed for many of you as I walked and my hope is that your personal needs will be met in the days ahead. The Martyrs’ lives are shining examples of living without counting the cost and all for the glory of God. May each step I make be ones that honour the One to whom I am walking towards.

Peace,

Suzanne

PS: I have decided not to take my laptop with me as it is unlikely that there will be internet access where I am going to be for the next few days which means that I won't post any blogs for the next couple of days unless I do short ones from my blackberry.

In Whose Confidence Are You Depending?

"My confidence is placed in God who does not need our help for accomplishing his designs. Our single endeavor should be to give ourselves to the work and to be faithful to him, and not to spoil his work by our shortcomings." ~ St. Isaac Jogues

This photo is of St. Jean de Brebeuf in the garden named for him at the Shrine of the Martyrs in Midland. His outstretched arms say it all. Brebeuf and Jogues were dependent on God, giving themselves with their very blood, and were faithful to their final breaths. I have a lot to ponder in the weeks ahead as to what this Jesuit Congress has meant to me. I still have some processing of the Stephanie Staples sessions from the cruise to Alaska. The summer has been incredibly busy thus far and will continue to be so in the week ahead. I may not even be able to blog since I will be out of town and away from Internet access.

One of the amazing elements of the Congress was the people I met. Many were following in the footsteps of the martyrs with their deep faith. One of the Jesuits said to me that whenever he heard me speak, he saw light. I was deeply humbled yet moved by the comment. I want to be a light-bearer. I do not want to spoil God’s work by my shortcomings.

In the weeks ahead, I hope to begin to process the many events that occurred during the month of July. In the meantime, my prayer is that I will place my confidence in God and open my arms wide to receive the graces of these weeks with gratitude.

Peace,

Suzanne