I Know Who You Are!

"I know who you are, the Holy One of God." ~ Gospel of Mark, Chapter 1

Today’s gospel reading from Mark has the man with the unclean spirit crying out in recognition of Jesus and who He is. Somehow even the dark side knows the Good side and with fear asks if Jesus has come to destroy the darkness. Jesus simply and quietly demands that the spirit leave the poor soul alone and come out of him.

The people wonder if Jesus has a new authority that they have never seen. Have you ever in your life experienced a personality like that? I have heard some amazing people throughout the course of my life, Jean Vanier, Stephen Lewis, Rosemary and Vincent Harding, and some not so famous but still elegantly blessed folks. I have seen them hold entire audiences captive, silently hanging on to every word they say.

I sometimes wonder what it would be like to really sit in front of Jesus and have a conversation with him. Having done the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius, this prayer style is familiar to me but to have it happen in actuality must be truly wondrous. His authority would be such a gift.

Who can capture your attention completely? Who can help drive out the darkness in your life with authority that blesses you? Who do you recognize as Holy in your life?

Peace,

Suzanne

Life-Long Learning

“The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you'll go.” ~ Dr. Seuss, I Can Read With My Eyes Shut!

After thirty years of working as an interpreter, you will still find me at most professional development opportunities AND I will still learn something. Today was no exception. Two esteemed colleagues were leading a session on developing your own professional development plan. They were witty, entertaining and challenging.

Dr. Seuss has it right! The more you learn the more places you will go, so off to learn I go!

Peace,

Suzanne

Random Quote

"Be an opener of doors for such as come after thee, and do not try to make the universe a blind alley." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

I have just pulled this quote randomly from one of my sources. When I took a writing class from Lauren Winner one summer in BC, she suggested doing something similar. I did not really have anything in mind tonight so I thought I would try this.

Interestingly enough, the quote is relevant to my day. I have decided to give three of my junior colleagues an opportunity to job shadow me. As I near retirement, I think it is a good learning experience for them and for me. I might even be inspired by what they bring to my job!

Opening doors is important, especially if they do not lead out to some deep, dark hole in which one hurts themselves.

Peace,

Suzanne

Where Are You Going?

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the only one who'll decide where you'll go." ~ Dr. Seuss

I steered myself in the wrong direction this morning. I was driving, literally on automatic pilot. I frowned as I approached the federal prison. I was supposed to be heading north alright, just one highway to the west. Sigh.

I had brains in my head and feet in my boots (at this time of year) and I was on my own, knowing I could at some point turn off and cut across the prairie to the right highway. It ended up being a pretty drive—and the most winter I have seen on the road all year. I could tell not too many people chose the road I did to cut over on from the lack of other tire tracks. When I reached the end of that road, I realized why. The remainder of the road was closed so I had to scoot up a bit and continue to zigzag along the road that passed alongside the snow-covered fields.

Sometimes when you make these choices you are surprised. I was indeed. Heading towards me was a huge house on wheels. It took up the entire road so I had to beetle over to the shoulder and stop just to ensure we passed safely.

Life is like that though. I have got brains to get me through the events of the day and feet that get me walking along, even when sometimes I would rather put my feet up and chill. When I arrived at the school, the student, who has special needs, was delighted to see me. She loved my purple skirt and kept trying to smell the flowers on it. At one point, she tried to lift up my shirt so that she could smell the flowers under it. I stopped her, saying, “You can’t go around looking at people’s belly buttons!” That made her laugh right out loud, which in turn caused me to smile. I know what I know and sometimes it is that laughter makes an awkward situation better. The teacher even chuckled to himself at his desk at our exchange.

Where have you decided you are going these days?

Peace,

Suzanne

Unused Life

“I've led such a little life. And even that will be over pretty soon. I have allowed myself to lead this little life, when inside me there was so much more. And it's all gone unused. And now it never will be. Why do we get all this life if we don't ever use it? Why do we get all these feelings and dreams and hopes if we don't ever use them? That's where Shirley Valentine disappeared to. She got lost in all this unused life." ~ Shirley Valentine in play of the same name

Friends and I went to see the theatre production of Shirley Valentine last night. Played brilliantly by Nicola Cavendish, Shirley has the audience in stitches within minutes. On occasion though, you can almost feel a tear well up in the more serious moments like this reflection above.

As we walked back to the car, raving about the play, I mused that it is really a very sad play, despite all the comical moments. I insisted that I would not want my friend to come and tell me that she was bolting off to Greece and having an affair because she was bored with her husband. Yes, she finds the long-lost Shirley Valentine in the process but that comes at a great price. Many marriages and friendships die a slow and painful death due to routine and monotony. People stop infusing joy and newness into their relationships.

Living fully is a challenge—one I have tried to undertake seriously. Life is big and there are so many options. Today's is the first anniversary of the deaths of my uncle and my sister-in-law's sister. They both touched a lot of lives in different ways and I know they chased after some dreams and hopes. I pray that when I die no one laments that I got lost in an unused life.

Peace,

Suzanne

Fishers of People

“Come follow me and I will make you fishers of people.” ~ Jesus the Christ


In today’s gospel of Mark, we see the urgency that is present. Jesus is a man of action in this Gospel. The word immediately appears constantly—in these six verses, we see it twice. Immediately, the fishermen leave their nets and their father and follow Jesus.

One interesting aspect of this story is that Jesus does not ask them to stop being fisherman; instead he changes the catch. From now on, they will not be looking for fish. Does God do that with us too in our vocations? Does God ask us to be present in whatever task we do to the duty of catching people? I am not particularly evangelical in my faith. I just try to live it out and hope that people see something appealing.

My workplace is somewhat in shambles and I have begun to wonder anew about what is my task there as a Christian. We had an incident happen on Friday that was painful for one of the staff –the one with whom I have been at odds. I still feel badly for her though. I heard via a colleague that she cried all the way home. May grace penetrate and enlighten her so that she can see the lessons that might be gleaned.

What about you? Is there anything in your life that you would immediately leave given the opportunity to do something greater? What or who would compel you to do that? Sometimes it is helpful to know so that we are not deceived by something or someone that is not worth leaving everything and everyone for.

Peace,

Suzanne

En la belleza del momento

“That which is striking and beautiful is not always good, but that which is good is always beautiful.” ~ Nino de L’Enclos

I am reading Stephanie Staples' book, When Enlightening Strikes: Creating a Mindset for Uncommon Success, when I go to bed. It is a great way to end my day because she usually has a positive or thought-provoking message to consider. The above quote precedes a story of her daughter’s wish to go on a mission trip and how a lesson unfolded for Stephanie when she joined her on the journey. Her daughter graduated from high school and then, within 24 hours, they were on a plane to Central America, a place near and dear to my own heart, even if they went to a different country than the one I love.

The story goes that Stephanie did not really want to go for the same reasons lots of us don’t do such things. As often is the case, Stephanie was in for a big surprise about the power of love. The daughter who had recently been dressed for the ball was now a dirty, sweaty Cinderella but it was really her mother who was about to be transformed watching her child navigate the people and poverty while building bridges of the non-physical kind.

I remember my trips to Guatemala with a fondness I cannot describe. I mentioned it at my 50th birthday party as a highlight of my life. Like Stephanie’s daughter, the children literally lapped up every ounce of love that I could give them, and stole my own heart in the process. I was the “shampoo lady” because I had brought bubbles with me that they chased in hopes of breaking them. I painted their faces, made them balloon animals, twirled them around, tickled them to death, and laughed endlessly at their antics. I learned the meaning of the Spanish phrase "en la belleza del momento"--in the beauty of the moment--in a new light that summer.

These were not clean children, but they were beautiful and I loved each of them. Building them a new home was not half as important in some ways as building their self-esteem and confidence. Tonight I am left wondering how they are and what has become of them. They are but a handful of children in the midst of a global village who need our help and our love. They have terrific parents who live in extreme poverty due to war and violence. May God bless them all, wherever they are and whatever they are doing. May beautiful memories of our time together always be good.

Peace,

Suzanne

Not a Desperate God

“God is never desperate.” ~ John Ortberg

My heart leapt reading this statement. God never panics or runs around like a headless chicken. Aren’t we blessed to have such a God??

I have been a wee bit stressed this week because my doctor’s office called last week and asked if I could come in to discuss the results of my blood tests. No, I could not because I would be away for the rest of the week on business. We made an appointment a week away. One week. Seven days. The clock ticked slowly but my brain raced quickly. We had been watching a number of familial concerns that I had avoided up until now. Which one had finally caught up with me?

Yesterday finally crawled into being and I arrived at the doctor’s office to wait for 15 minutes before sitting down to discover the issue. I was remarkably calm and pretty sure which one it was going to be. “Your mineral levels are low—in particular, your calcium.” My brain tried to compute the message. Oh, that is not great news but it is good news. It could have been so much worse. Prescription for calcium supplements in hand, I stepped back out into the frosty air. I have never been a fan of milk and I guess that caught up with me.

I did not feel desperate or even resigned going into the appointment. I was ready for whatever came for a change. Maybe I am growing up? God knows waiting for some medical updates I have been desperate. I should strive to be more like God more often.

Peace,

Suzanne

The Flyer Must Fly

"The flyer must never try to catch the catcher," the trapeze artist told Nouwen. He must wait in absolute trust. The catcher will catch him. But he must wait. His job is not to flail about in anxiety. In fact if he does, it could kill him. His job is to be still. To wait. And to wait is the hardest work of all." – John Ortberg retelling a Henri Nouwen story

Waiting is the hardest work of all. I read this when I was home sick and the story resonated within me. I had to wait to get better. I could not just will myself to be better. Unfortunately, the flu has quite a grip on me and despite returning to work today, I am not well. I rarely take two sick days in a row and people were concerned because I still did not look well.

This image spoke to me on a much more profound level. I have a tendency to make things happen. I heard the order to stay still. Stop thrashing about. It was as if I heard God say: I have this; you do not need to get it. I have let go and am in midair awaiting the catcher. Can I stand the stillness of that experience? Can I fight every instinct that tells me to reach out for the hand to grab me? Can I trust that the catcher will catch me? It is an ultimate test. I have no other choice but to try.

Peace,

Suzanne

Sharing Selves

“I strongly feel that it is only when there is a deep understanding of one's own religious beliefs and commitments that progress can be made in achieving true understanding and respect for the religious values and beliefs of others.” ~ David R. Smock

Our interfaith group has taken an interesting turn. We had a “dinner dialogue” when we meet before 2011 finished and decided to try it without the dinner this past week. The previous time we were comprised of mostly Christians and one Jew. This time we were represented by a Jew, a Muslim, an atheist, and the remaining Christians, mostly Mennonite, though also Catholic and United Church.

I started the answers again, and set the tone for deep sharing. The topic this time for me was call. I had preached on call that morning so the theme was in my head. I had five minutes to share. Everyone else shared deeply too. Even the atheist drew a topic to which he could passionately speak.

These dialogues have pushed the group to more intimate knowledge of each other, even though we have been meeting over five years. I think we are getting glimpses of our core beings in the answers. We have decided to do this one more time at the next meeting in March. I enjoy probing my own belief system in order to understand it better and would agree with the quote that it does help me gain respect for the others.

Peace,

Suzanne

Caught a Bug

"Tis healthy to be sick sometimes." ~ Henry David Thoreau

I am down Day 6 with the flu. My friend’s husband also missed work today and so we postponed our theatre outing until next week in the hopes we will both be better and she will not be sick.

I have lounged around most of the day. I cannot even say that I had a great day. The time somehow evaporated. I may take tomorrow off unless I wake up feeling like the flu is gone. I suppose taking a "sick day" can be healthy but this stint is about being healthy for other people. I don't want to share this with anyone.

I think I might be back down to my pre-holiday weight. That is one of the “bonuses” I suppose. Be well, people. This is not a pretty bug. Avoid it at all costs.

Peace,

Suzanne

Speak, Lord

"Speak, Lord, Your servant is listening.” ~ 1 Samuel 3

My day started by facilitating a retreat for a church group. We used this reading from the day’s lectionary as our jumping off point. We are called to serve the Lord. We may not always hear that call the first time—it may take three times before it gets figured out. We might need some help from an older, wiser person, as Samuel needed Eli. Discerning a call is not a solo sport but is often best done in community.

We need both Elis and Samuels in our communities to survive. We need those who have spent years serving and now dim-eyed are in need of a rest but still able to guide and nurture. We need those who are young and energetic and yet may not fully know the Lord yet.

Sometimes we are like Eli—weary and achy on the journey—but still able to listen and discern. Sometimes we are like Samuel—unable to discern by ourselves what is happening but with a heart that gets up every time and says, “Here I am.”

The other important point is that God did not stop calling after the first or second time. God is ever patient. He calls each of us and will not stop until we—or someone else on our behalf—hears. God has a plan for us and that is the hope presented today—that we can figure it out.

Peace,

Suzanne

A Generation Fades

When you are sorrowful
look into your heart
and you shall see that
you are weeping
for that which has been
your delight
~ Kahlil Gibran

I dragged myself from my sick bed this morning to go to a funeral of a woman who helped welcome me to my parish many years ago. She was a woman who sought justice and loved mercy. She and I served on a committee together for a short time. She had a smile that welcomed people on a deep level, with eyes that twinkled.

I sat through the funeral, remembering so many of the elders of my parish who laid down the foundations of the good work we do here: Hugh, Louise, Eva, Ted, Gert…and the list goes on. I could not help but feel sadness at the tremendous loss. As I was leaving the church I saw another pillar of the church and stopped by to greet him and his wife. I have been blessed by people taking me under their wings, mentoring me, and encouraging me to take on leadership roles.

This parish has meant so much to me and given me more than I could ever imagine. I watch as a generation gently fades and heads Home. May God welcome them as they have welcomed me.

Peace,

Suzanne

A Bit of Bad Luck

“It is bad luck to be superstitious.” ~ Andrew Mathis

Perspective…it is an important concept that most people fail at mastering. As I drove along the highway yesterday, staring at the sundogs (does this count as distracted driving?), I heard something zip through my front wheel well and ting off what I thought was the bottom of my car. I really did not think much about it…until 30 kilometers later. I was just entering a small town when I noticed that a loud noise was coming from my car. I wondered if a rock had ruptured my exhaust system. I rolled down the window to listen and a gust of freezing air blew through the vehicle but it did not seem like muffler noise. I had almost driven through the one-blink town and so decided I had better pull over and have a look. I did not think I had a flat. Wrong! My back tire was incredibly flat and that noise was the sound of my rim hitting the ground I presume. Sigh. This was yesterday when the winter weather finally hit Manitoba. Not yet Friday the 13th.

I flipped around and went to the Esso station where a woman greeted me warmly. When I asked if there was a garage in town she offered to call for me. Within minutes a man arrived and offered to have a look. We had a brief conversation about how he thought the rim was fine and that the tires looked new enough (bought this winter) that I should still be under warranty (he later turned out to be right when I called the shop). He pulled off the tire, took it back to his shop, and came back with the verdict that the tire was unfixable. He had marked the puncture so that I would not have to wait for the tire shop to find it despite the hole being large enough to see.

While he did this, I hung out in the Esso with the lovely woman, chatting prior to the coffee clutch arriving—a group of entertaining men who made me laugh. The other guy came back, put on my donut and explained that I should be able to get to where I was going and back fine. He also refused to take one cent for his generosity and kindness because he could not fix it.

As I got into the car, I realized that I was incredibly lucky. If the wheel had lost all of the air 20 minutes earlier or later I would have been stuck on the frigid highway, looking at the sundogs, calling CAA, and wondering why I had not filled up with gas before I left the city. Usually, a busy highway in the morning, it had been fairly deserted. I was grateful for timing.

Anyway, perspective gets you through or escalates many a mini-crisis. I found myself chuckling a little at the men who felt the need to entertain me as I waited with their small-town tales, as they called them. Next time I come through, I will drop off cookies for their coffee break and something even better for the kind mechanic.

Peace,

Suzanne

First Step: Awareness

“What you are aware of you are in control of; what you are not aware of controls you.” Anthony de Mello

I had a crazy day yesterday. In the morning I went to meet with a mediator who has been doing some work with our team. I asked her to push me hard on my “stuff”. It worked, but it was not pretty. I felt drained the rest of the day. I have been mulling over our conversation. The interesting thing was that today in the discussions between directors regarding the Second Week of the Spiritual Exercises, something twigged for me. One of the directors shared the quote above and another bolt of lightning struck. Now that I am aware of something, I can control it because I am done with it controlling me. All very good learning that will help me move onward.

Yesterday, a day without blogging, was long. I worked, I had a dentist appointment and then helped a colleague create the beginnings of a photo book of her son’s wedding. By the time I got home, I was beat. I brushed my teeth and thought the best thing I could do was crawl into bed.

Today zipped by. I had quite a bit to do on my list and managed to complete a good portion of it. I still need to pack for my road trip tomorrow. I had three meetings regarding the Spiritual Exercises and each of them brought me to a kinder place in my soul than yesterday. God is good!

Peace,

Suzanne

Miracle Needed

"Don't believe in miracles - depend on them." ~ Laurence J. Peter

As I walked from my car to the office, today, I thought, I really need a small miracle today. My work place, my worship space, and my home are a bit unstable these days. I realize that I am probably more stressed than I have been in some time. I asked God to please let me see just a wee miracle today that would brighten my spirits and bring hope.

As always, God came through. As I walked back to my car at day’s end, I smiled at how certain things went well today in relationships. In fact, during a last minute meeting, I thought to myself, we almost seem like a healthy staff. Imagine!!

I do believe in miracles, but some days I depend on them.

Peace,

Suzanne

Epiphany Joy

"Since in all confidence you follow Christ, who today appeared in the world as a light shining in darkness, may God make you, too, a light for your brothers and sisters." ~ from the Solemn blessing on this Feast Day of Epiphany

I remember my time in Africa with such fondness. I still reap treasures from my experience there. This is me in Mombassa, just about to ride a camel a short distance down a beach. I had spent the morning, stalking a magnificent white bird—an egret I think—for the perfect photo in the dazzling sun on the Indian Ocean. I love that photo and the fact that the task absorbed me entirely into its soul. As I came out of the water, some folks that I had meet from Nairobi offered to negotiate the ride for me.

I think of that ride on Epiphany…of three men who observed a star at its rising and came to pay homage to a King. These three men experienced joy that overwhelmed them at just the thought of knowing that they had reached their destination. They were never the same after gazing upon the child—are we? Matthew is the only Gospel that records this story. The Old Testament reading from Isaiah 60 states that nations and kings shall come to the brightness of the dawn and will see and be radiant. Our hearts shall thrill and rejoice. Herein lies the prediction that a multitude of camels will come bearing gifts of gold and frankincense. Arise, shine, for your Light has indeed come! I love this reading.

I have been thinking too as I read the Gospel how the Magi were called to be seekers who kept their eyes on the One they sought. They could not be distracted by others who would cause harm. Once they met Jesus, they could not do what King Herod requested of them. They began a new, radical life that entailed courage and shaped their every decision. They have become role models for us as to how an encounter with the Holy One can, and should, change us.

With one final warning via a dream, they returned on a different road to their country. They did not need a star apparently to travel back. Perhaps meeting Jesus was the compass that could now guide their lives? Their story is a light to us now, centuries later, to guide our steps towards the Christ Child, to make us stop and wonder in amazement, to bow down and pay homage. Their story is a star for the faithful to follow. Our faith too must be manifested in word and deed. We must shine our light in a dark world that needs our gifts, humble as they might be.

How are you a light for your brothers and sisters? What star do you follow in your life? What defines you and helps you to make wise decisions? For whom or what would you step out in faith on a very different road than you expected? What gifts do you bear for this journey?

Peace,

Suzanne

3-M Day

“Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.” ~ Kin Hubbard

The Christmas season is officially over, at least in the Roman rite. Tomorrow is Epiphany in the Church. I think it was on Friday actually. At least, iTunes finished their 12 days of Christmas giveaways then.

Today was a 3 M kind of day: Massage, museum, and movie. I had scooped a Team Buy coupon for an hour-long massage so enjoyed a Hawaiian Lomilomi massage, which is a little different than I normally have. Apparently, the massage therapist tells me the movements are like a hula dance. It was relaxing and healing.

From there, I joined my younger goddaughter’s family at the Circus Exhibit at the Manitoba Museum which is a very cool opportunity for kids of all ages to experience the circus. The exhibition had an excellent balance of both hands on activities and facts. We were able to try to guess whose dung was whose, read about animal facts like lions cannot purr—they only roar, step out on a high wire, and do some acrobatic spinning. The man at the desk told me we would be able to go through the display in half an hour. Two and a half hours we were still marveling at all that we could do and explore.

A couple of friends had suggested seeing the movie New Year’s Eve so I took my older goddaughter to that tonight. We both laughed. I cried. She of course asked rather loudly, ‘are you crying?” “I always cry,” I responded, which is true.

So as Christmas packs up and moves on until next year, I can sigh that I celebrated well, giving out and receiving the last gifts of the season this day.

Peace,

Suzanne

A Clean Start

"By perseverance, the snail reached the ark." ~ Charles Spurgeon

I have had a productive day. This is blog #365 by the way, which means I have now officially completed a year’s worth of posts. Woohoo!! This snail has reached the ark!!

As you can see by the photo, I also have managed to almost clean my desk off so will return to work next week more organized than I was in September. I also attacked filing cabinets this week and found things that I had forgotten existed. It has only taken me three years to find the time to do such things.

Now it is Friday night and after a lovely chat with my cousin in BC, I am feeling quite happy. I am thinking 2012 is off to a very good start.

Peace,

Suzanne

Cure for Sadness

"I know a cure for sadness:
Let your hands touch something that
makes your eyes
smile."
~Mira

I was supposed to have lunch with a friend from elementary school days today. This was the second attempt. She has been in the hospital for a year. During our school days, I would often bring her the homework, as she would miss days at a time. In high school, our paths took on somewhat different groups of friends but, still, we would hang out. After graduation, we saw each other. She lived only a few blocks away.

I never would have suspected that she would be diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Later the decision would be schizophrenia. She would be in and out of hospitals over the years. This is the longest stint I can remember in a long time. I feel so sad for her. I wish I could take away that which prevents her from finding joy. I cannot imagine her pain and frustration.

I think I need to go and find something to touch that will make my eyes smile.

Peace,

Suzanne

You are the Cure

You suppose you are the trouble
But you are the cure
You suppose that you are the lock on the door
But you are the key that opens it
~ Rumi

Sometimes in life we have to do difficult things in order to do the right thing. I have been struggling with something that I observed on Christmas Eve. I observed someone in a leadership role do something mean-spirited to someone and remained silent. I shared my dilemma with someone else today who challenged me to do the right thing and gave me a good solution to the problem. I pray that I am the cure and the key.

Peace,

Suzanne

Death's Heartache

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. ~From a headstone in Ireland

I went to a funeral for a mother of a colleague today. I knew the mom well, as she was Deaf and her husband a member of one of the largest Deaf clans in the city. She was only 66 years old. She leaves behind two children, two grandchildren and two siblings. The funeral home was overflowing, even the priest commented on how an earlier service only had half of one room filled and this had both rooms maximized.

I am not sure what was going on for me today, but I found I could not focus during the reception. I just wanted out. In the reception line, I was behind a friend who had lost a pet recently and I could see her really struggling. I wanted to reach out and hug her but I did not think she could bear it. She smiled at me and then silently slipped out the door.

Death is never easy. This woman fought a short battle and apparently never once was filled with self-pity. Another woman from my church, in her 80’s, has been given a terminal diagnosis and she is really struggling. Death is never really a welcome visitor.

One can only hope that eventually the memories are less heartbreaking and more life giving.

Peace,

Suzanne

1/2/12

"God willing she'll reborn as a man." ~ Bhagavati in the film Water

I finally got a moment on this evening with the funny date (1/2/12) to settle in and watch Water, a beautiful but painful film set in the time of Ghandi (1938) that focuses on widows in India. The story follows an eight-year-old girl Chuyia, who after she is widowed is placed in an ashram. The Canadian-made film created riots in India as men caught wind of the storyline. Though not an attack on Hinduism, it is an honest and eye-opening look at how widows were forced to live in poverty, become prostitutes, and in the case of Chuyia, be expected to spend decades of life in seclusion from the world and never remarry.

I won’t say more about this brave historic exposé but I would encourage you to watch it if you have not. There are some amazing women portrayed in the film. There are some horrible women (as well as men) also in the story. I have also been hunkered down these past few days reading Little Bee, a wild story that twists and turns, again about strong women whose lives are torn apart by males.

I cannot help but think about women in the world who suffer greatly just because they are women. Bhagavati’s plea must be joined by millions of women who wish they had a different destiny. My heart is heavy thinking about some of the women that I met in DRC in particular, like this widow pictured here. I remember her sorrow as she revealed to me that no one talks about widows in her culture.

God willing, life will be gentler for women on this planet some day.

Peace,

Suzanne

1/1/12

May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art - write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope that somewhere in the next year you surprise yourself….

I hope you will have a wonderful year, that you'll dream dangerously and outrageously, that you'll make something that didn't exist before you made it, that you will be loved and you will be liked and you will have people to love and to like in return. And most importantly (because I think there should be more kindness and more wisdom in the world right now), I hope that you will, when you need to be, be wise and that you will always be kind.

I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes. Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You're doing things you've never done before, and more importantly, you're Doing Something.

So that's my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody's ever made before. Don't freeze, don't stop, don't worry that it isn't good enough, or it isn't perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life.

Whatever it is you're scared of doing, Do it.

Make your mistakes, next year and forever.

~ Neil Gaiman


When I look at some of my photos from my time in DRC and the rest of my African adventure I see incredible joy on my face. Perhaps it was because I knew I was doing something and not afraid to make mistakes. This quote is long but as I said to the person who sent part of it to me today, I think it is stunningly beautiful. I googled Neil Gaiman because I did not know who he was and discovered he is an award-winning writer and comic creator. The first paragraph was written a decade ago, the next five years ago, and the last were posted yesterday on his journal page.

As I sit down to put my hopes and dreams for the New Year on a page, I thought I might use this as a guide. I sincerely hope my year is filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I am a dreamer by nature and a believer that miracles await you every single day if you are attentive.

I am reading once again for the love of reading. This morning I stayed in bed until shortly after noon, absorbed in Little Bee, excited that it was the kind of book that I hoped to write one day. In fact, I have been toying with a similar style of plot and had never really seen one like it until I started this book. This might help me write a book.

I would love to kiss someone who thinks I am wonderful—and me him. Romance is back on my resolution list this year. I will continue to try new things and maybe even surprise myself in the doing.

I want to live an authentic life and so will try to be more me and less someone I am not. I would like this year to experiment a little with my photography and have purchased a class in January from a professional photographer. That may be the area where I make mistakes and yet create at the same time. It should be exciting.

I would like to dream dangerously and outrageously and not let my fears hold me back. I want to push the envelope even more than I do and step courageously beyond my comfort zone. I do not want my mistakes to hold me back or crush my motivation or paralyze me. I want to live free of all that binds me. I hope that in doing so I am changing myself and those around me in positive ways. I pray that I can be a wiser, gentler, kinder person in all that I do.

Since my posting last night, I realize that I do need to volunteer to do something fun. I have been like a dog with a bone since reading that phrase. It is not that I do not have fun in my life but the service element seems to be lacking. I want to keep an eye out for what this could be. I am not exactly sure yet.

I plan on morphing this body of mine into a new creation this year. I am hoping that the gym will get me there. Eating healthier will be another mission, as soon as I devour all the chocolate that is in the house right now. My goal is to lose at least 15 pounds in the first six months of the year.

My prayer life needs some work. Having seen The Way recently, my desire to walk El Camino is renewed. One day, I hope it will be a reality for me. The Chemin Neuf Community provides a haven for me. I pray that my spiritual home will become a place of peace on this day of peace. I am tired of feeling out of place and angry there.

Travel is always a longing in my life. I look forward to checking off Asia from my “continents I have been to” list with my spring trip to Hong Kong, Singapore and Bali. In July I will be in Calgary for a PD session, and there is talk of a family reunion in Saskatchewan. I really should ask some of my relatives if they have heard anything. For those of you reading this, maybe respond by email if you know something. I do not have any major trips planned other than those, although there is talk of moving the Minneapolis trek to Iowa this summer.

My health issues are still a mystery in lots of ways. I still suspect that doctors have not got the whole puzzle yet but in the meantime, I want to avoid some of the family history diseases such as diabetes, high blood pressure and heart issues. If something significant were discovered about my current issues that could relieve the residual pain and limitations I would be thrilled.

I pray for peace at work. I have mentioned to my boss that I am interested in pursuing something that she has asked the team to think about. I will have to see what comes of this. She was pleasantly surprised. I also have decided to mentor the interpreting team into my role so that others can understand better what I do and that I may discover new ways of looking at my job through the eyes of others.

I contemplate buying a home because I am still unhappy here but rent is high so moving does not seem to resolve the issue. I want to be able to entertain more and feel more comfortable than I do here. A home should be a sanctuary and that is not how I feel about living here.

I hope to do some crazy, unexpected thing this year that people will rejoice with me about. I have no idea what it will be but I want to be open to doing it. I want to serve in a new way—perhaps in the prison ministry that I now coordinate but doing something else. One idea is to provide ex-offenders the opportunity to do the Finding God in the Dark series, which uses films to learn about the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius.

I probably have more dreams and goals in my heart, mind and spirit but that is more than enough to tackle. I am being overly ambitious here. Mostly, I guess I trust that God has plans for me, plans to bring about a wonderful future of peace and joy. Who could ask for anything more?

Peace,

Suzanne