Not Me, But You

“Act as if everything depended on you; trust as if everything depended on God.”
~ St. Ignatius of Loyola

I am tired lately. My schedule is very full and I have not been feeling great lately. I seem to wake up at the same time every morning, half an hour prior to my alarm going off. I gave a talk tonight at my church on a topic I had not yet presented on and was feeling not as confident as I would have like to have been. I ended up nailing it. I was funny and compelling. I really felt God take over at one point. I knew I just had to get out of the way. One of the organizers of the event said from now on I would be giving that talk. I felt quite humbled because I dragged myself to show up, had several moments of doubt as I waited for the start time, went into the chapel to pray for a few minutes to try to centre myself and give my anxiety over to God, and relied less on my notes than I thought I would once I got underway.

I had to act as if everything depended on me but trusted that God would take care of these people's souls. Mid-way through I realized that God had it--God had the talk, he had their hearts, he had my weariness, and all would be well. I felt suspended in space, watching the evening unfold perfectly, despite feeling like an unworthy servant. In fact, I seemed so relaxed and, interestingly enough, funny, that I wondered who had taken possession of my body. Everything depends on God and when we surrender our service up, God shows up.

Thanks to God for taking care of us and doing more than we can ask or imagine.

Peace,

Suzanne