Mother's Day Musings

"Our lives make no sense if we are not helping others." ~ Muuxi, in The Lucky Ones, African Refugees' Stories of Extraordinary Courage, AnneMahon

In less than half an hour, it is Mother's Day. I have spent a good chunk of this day reading Mother to Mother by Sindiwe Magona, a novel in which a Black South African mother tries to explain why her son was involved in the murder of a White American. Inspired by the story of Amy Biehl's murder in a South African township, Magona paints the story of oppression and frustration that the South African family faced. It is a good time to read it as we near the celebration of mothers. We see how Mandisa tries to explain the circumstances that led to the fateful reaction as she narrates the story of her own childhood, the birth of Mxolisi, the horrors that they lived, and the outcome of such violence and oppression. She appeals to the American mother in this book and opens the reader's eyes to a side of the crime not considered by most. We are drawn into her tale and burdened by it, as if watching our own son commit the crime.

Mother's Day is often a difficult "celebration" for many people. Even tonight, en route to prison, I asked the two other volunteers that I drove out with if they had plans, as mothers, for tomorrow. I could feel the tension rise in the car. So much struggle. So much pain. I almost wanted to withdraw my question. How many of the men we were going to minister to were thinking of the pain that they had caused their mothers? How many were thinking of their wives who celebrated their day without their husbands?

My own mother is often hugely disappointed in her children. I have struggled most of my life with not being enough--good enough, smart enough, independent enough--because of my mother. I have learned over the years to let go of some of that but I still recognize it when it appears in my life, although somewhat belatedly. Mother's Day should be a day where no mother and no child has expectations, good or bad. It should be a day just to gather and recognize that mothering is no easy task. If we could do that without any judgment, then maybe there would be reason to celebrate.

Peace,

Suzanne