It’s not that I forget how much I love to look at the world through my camera lens but these past few days have really helped restore my spirit by doing so. There is so much beauty here at Loyola House that I have appreciated the time outdoors and wish in some little way that there was less structured time and more free time. Our evening meetings run late but I am grateful for the insights that I am gleaning.
We sang Eye Has Not Seen today. The music here is really beautiful and I am soaking it up. With this song, I find myself wondering what God has ready for me. For the recessional song at mass this evening we sang something I had never heard before but that was so fitting for this retreat with co-labourers. Part of the refrain of Jerusalem, My Destiny is “Though I cannot see the end for me, I cannot turn away. We have set our hearts for the way; this journey is our destiny.”
I could not sing this the first time through. The image of Jesus setting his face towards Jerusalem and not turning away from us was powerful. My own journey has been challenging in so any aspects of my life. In several areas, I cannot turn away. My heart is set. We live in a throw-away and walk-away society of which I refuse to be part. I cannot leave a community that has shaped me and formed me. I need to stay. I have known this all along but the fear of what staying was doing to my soul began to prevail. I think that fear has passed though, replaced instead by love and a desire to be more whole. I don’t know what this journey has as an end for me, but I know I must stick with the journey. I love God and I am not sure what God has ready for me but I am trusting in this process.
After lunch today, I took a walk without my camera or my journal. I simply wanted to be open to what God wanted me to observe. I sat on a bench by a stream and began to think. I got distracted and I suddenly heard a big splash. I think it was a fish jumping but it brought me back to my thoughts at hand. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of a chipmunk. It ran across the bridge I was now standing on. I am not sure if it was the same one or another one that skittered back across. I watched this happen a few times when the little critter actually stopped dead, and stood up, aware of my presence finally. It became quite agitated. “I’m traumatizing the poor thing,” I thought. “I should go.” I realized the same was true for the person I had been thinking about. As I made that link, the chipmunk ran willy-nilly across the bridge and scampered right over my foot. Ouch!! It hurt for such a small creature. Hmmm….maybe I should stay and endure the pain. I had as much right to be there as he did.
The last 24 hours have been profound on several levels. One story that impacted me was that of a Jesuit who talked about being a target for the laity’s anger at the Church for two years but he stuck with it anyway. I think we need to stay on the journey to Jerusalem together. We will step on each other’s toes and we will hurt each other, but we are capable of moving beyond that. We have to be. At the very least, I must try.
Peace,
Suzanne
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