Everything She Had

"They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything--all she had to live on." ~ Mark 12:44

Today's readings are about women's ability to give and give more than generously. In the First Reading, the widow is gathering sticks to bake a last meal when Elijah comes to her asking her for some water. She carries out his instructions and is blessed in the doing. In the Gospel, once again, it is a woman who catches the attention of a man for her generosity. This time it is Jesus and he points out that this poor widow puts in everything.

I have been thinking about generosity lately--my own in particular. I am not sure if I need to reign it in sometimes. A part of me feels taken advantage of in a specific situation and realizing that I need to step away from a relationship that is somewhat unhealthy. I have telling friends that for weeks...maybe longer. I am sure that they are tired of hearing me say that I am going to do it but I have not made much headway in establishing new boundaries.

What is it that makes me--or anyone, for that matter--give without counting the cost (a good Ignatian philosophy) or give with a scoreboard in hand? I had the pleasure of thanking a speaker at retreat this weekend and I pointed out that she had given us everything she had, just like the widows in the readings this weekend. She also gave us the ability to become like sourdough bread, inadvertently commissioning us to go forth to share our own gifts. She gave twice because of this, and the giving will have a ripple effect. I knew from the retreat centre director that she gave until it hurt...physically. That selflessness is admirable.

So why then not give without counting the cost all the time? God who is the Great Giver does not keep track of our indiscretions, of our lack of gratitude, of our attempts to manipulate situations, of our blatant taking advantage of God's generosity. Is it possible to give like that when we are human? Is it possible not to feel hurt and self-righteous when we realize the recipient has been far from grateful?

I find myself thinking of the two widows today and wanting to give back to God everything I have been given by serving others. I think when people give out of their abundance, it is easy to give. When we give out of our very selves, the cost of the generosity is extravagant and we become vulnerable. These two widows stepped beyond themselves and into God's grace in order to give as they did. There is a lesson there for me.

Peace,

Suzanne