The Great Deceiver

“Therefore do not deceive yourself! Of all deceivers fear most yourself!” ~ Søren Kierkegaard

I have been reflecting lately on how we deceive ourselves when we cannot face our fears. I have a couple of friends who talk in circles sometimes when I listen to them. It has made me aware of my own limitations in letting go of false hopes and unrealistic dreams.

I wish I were freer to walk away from those emotions that bind me to ungodly desires and knock me off the path I should be walking. I have to trust sometimes that I stay to learn a lesson or to help someone else move to a better place but I also need to learn when I have overstayed.

What do you need to free yourself of self-deception?

Peace,

Suzanne

Kiss the World

One regret, dear world,
That I am determined not to have
When I am lying on my deathbed
Is that
I did not kiss you enough.

~Hafiz

Tonight I drove through sparkling snow and neighbourhoods with Christmas lights and breathed in winter. I love life. I am grateful for the love affair I have with the life I have been gifted.

A friend sent me a song called Kiss the World Beautiful by Martyn Joseph when I posted the Hazif quote on Facebook. The title resonated within me. I want to kiss the world beautiful, embrace the joy of each day, and know that each person I meet is a blessing if I choose to look deep enough.

I want to face death, knowing that I sucked the marrow from life, that I completely devoured everything on the plate I was offered, and asked for dessert when I was done.

How about you? Are you kissing the world enough?

Peace,

Suzanne

Big Yourself

“Don't belittle yourself. Be BIG yourself.” ~ Corita Kent

I had a funny experience today. If you follow my blog, you will know that I was a bit disappointed in the feedback that I received during the retreat I led last weekend. This morning I returned a phone call from someone who was at the retreat who had called me while I was away. She was calling to let me know that the session was the BEST EVER that the community had had in her mind and wondered if we might meet to discuss some further collaboration.

I was stunned because I had not been able to shake the criticism and now she was telling me how amazing the work I created was. In preparing, I believed in the product I was creating. However, at some point I relinquished the reality to someone else's opinion. I did not hold to my own truth, the prayers I had offered up, nor that God was the real Creator of the day.

I must somehow still learn to believe in my gifts and that the Trinity is in control. I am grateful for the lessons learned in these past few days.

Peace,

Suzanne

Lost and Learning

"To get lost is to learn the way." ~Swahili Proverb

Tonight I sat in on a friend's university class and loved how casual it was. I wondered if that is what a master's level class might be like. I was intrigued by the discussions and sometimes felt that I was a wee bit lost because I had not had the whole course content in which to place our discussion. However it was good to sometimes be lost, humbling even, as I am seen as an authority on the topic. We all have so much to learn. I am grateful for the opportunity given me tonight.

Peace,

Suzanne

Being Kind

"How hard is it to be kind?" ~ friend today

I had lunch with someone I used to work with many years ago. This was the question she was posing to me as she explored how people can be mean. I think she is right. How hard can it be to be kind instead of nasty?

I am going to try to be kinder than normal for the next while. I know I am a kind person but even if kind people are kinder, than others might be challenged to follow suit. What do you think? Can you be kinder than usual too?

Peace,

Suzanne

Christ as Truthful King

"Everyone who belongs to the truth listens to my voice." ~ John 18:37

Truth is an abstract thought for some I think. If I stay quiet and pray diligently, the truth can be quite loud for me. Some days even if I don't do this, the truth is still able to whisper in my ear and get my attention.

The trouble with truth though is that it can be different in any given circumstance for two people. What then? What happens when two people believe two very different concepts and yet each believes theirs to be the truth?

Well, perhaps then you end up in a predicament as Jesus did. Christ as King is the Feast we celebrate today to end ordinary time. Pilate stands questioning him in today's Gospel and his answers are mysterious and disturbing. What is this truth to which we should belong? Dare we do it? Dare we stand in the Light and say yes?

This church year ends and a journey through Advent begins. We come to the stable with the knowledge that the King, born a child, will be crucified and die. That is some awesome truth to ponder in these next weeks.

Peace,

Suzanne

Pac-Man Nigglies

“No matter how much light I carry within me, there will always be times of feeling lost, being confused, seeking direction. It is the way of the human heart.” ~ Joyce Rupp

I am not sure how much light I do carry within me but I think it is quite a bit. I like to believe that we all are given lots. Some days though the darkness niggles away at the light. Today I gave a retreat and initially i thought it was going well. Then I got a wee bit of negative feedback and all the positive words that were said fell out of my head. The criticism ran around like Pac-Man creatures in my brain, gobbling up all the good stuff.

I believe still that I have walked through this door for a reason and so trust that the Light is in control. I am feeling glad to be done a hectic planning stage for awhile and look forward to seeing friends in the coming weeks.

The human heart is complicated. I feel a strong need to connect with friends to recover from the commitments I have had for weeks.I just need to chill.

Peace,

Suzanne

Seek Beauty

"Beauty appears to all in the same way, but is silent to one and speaks to another....They understand it who compare the voice received on the outside with the truth that lies within." ~ The Confessions of St. Augustine (adapted)

Beauty...we all have the opportunity to see it but we don't always. I have been thinking lately a lot about beauty. This morning as I was driving to an early meeting I saw something that distracted me again and had to remind myself to keep driving so that I would not be too late for the meeting. Sometimes I just want to soak beauty in.

I am part crow, I joke. I like shiny, sparkly things. I remember one summer hiking through the forest on an island off the mainland of British Columbia when a particle of sap that resembled a diamond caught my eye. I stood there for a moment, marveling. How is it that something so minute could capture me? My friend who was ahead of me had either missed it or ignored it.

A good friend of mine and I used to hike with two men. They would walk and not talk, waiting for us to catch up. My friend and I would meander, examining ferns, gazing at flowers, beholding beauty at each step. We would come upon our men folk who I am sure embraced beauty in their own way and we would laugh at each other and how we arrived at the same spot.

I think there is something beautiful too about that gift of knowing the truth that lies within. I remember one of those hikes where the men waited for us by the rushing waters. I arrived and in that moment knew that I was blessed beyond measure by these three people. The beauty was not just in the scenery around us, but in the absolute comfort and love held in these relationships.

Seek beauty. Find truth. Trust the voice.

Peace,

Suzanne

Changes

“Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.” ~ Wayne W. Dyer

Tonight at my small group, two of the members had a major change happen to them. The news came as a bit of a shock but after much discussion, we had to agree that it is the best thing for the family. Earlier in the day, a colleague of mine announced her retirement. Lots of changes coming for folks.

I think sometimes how we frame life helps how we face the changes that are presented.

Peace,

Suzanne

Letting the Light In

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” ~ Rumi

I saw this quote posted on Facebook and liked it. I think our brokenness is also a place of grace. We have a divine encounter that we might not have otherwise experienced. In the darkness, there is Light. Within the wound, there is healing. The scars remain to remind us of the lessons learned. We are perhaps never more within the embrace of grace as when we do not stand on our own power.

Peace,

Suzanne

Distracted by Beauty

“Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.” ~ Confucius

I have been distracted by beauty lately. When I was on my retreat last weekend, I was marveling at the sparkle of the snow in the evening light. So distracted was I that I wandered off the path a wee bit, slipped and fell. Hence, my phrase was born--distracted by beauty.

Yesterday, I was a passenger as my colleague drove down the Trans-Canada which was a good thing because it was a spectacular day (I am still mad at myself for not having a camera with me) where the trees were covered with hoarfrost. Eventually the fog lifted and the sun came out, setting the world ablaze with glimmering. I was beside myself with joy.

Tonight after a wonderful family meeting out at one of my favourite schools, I drove home in the dimming light. One of the reasons I proudly claim to be a prairie girl is that I know that few places can compete with the sunsets we have here. Tonight was no exception. I had to remind myself to watch the road ahead of me and not keep my eyes on the rearview mirror and the fiery ball scorching the horizon, sending orange and pink flames over the fields. I was so grateful to witness such glory!

Do you ever find yourself distracted by beauty?

Peace,

Suzanne

Holy Humanity!

"Our humanity is holy. We are God's vessels for love in the world. We are called, along side Mary and John the Baptist, to let our lives point to Jesus, to allow God to be present to us in the mess, even when we would rather he just took the mess away." ~ Leah Perrault, Theology of the Body for Every Body

As I continue to prepare for the retreat on Saturday, I keep finding some good material for it. Leah and I presented at the Archdiocesan event last month. I bought her book and only last night picked it up last night. I then discovered it was perfect for the retreat.

I could not help but think of my dear departed Fr. Brian who always talked about the Incarnation and the messiness of Christmas. I am going to try to pull this all together in the next day or two. There are still a number of things stumbling around in my brain, waving for my attention. I see that it has great potential to be a wonderful retreat though. I think embracing our humanity and divinity is a life-long goal. Even tonight as I introduced a speaker at an event, I could not help but wish I had been more articulate. Later chatting with people, they were so impressed with what I had said. Funny how we view ourselves.

Do you ever think about how divinity lives within the vessel of humanity?

Peace,

Suzanne

Eschatology

"At that time Michael, the great prince, the protector of your people, shall arise." ~ Daniel 12:1

Eschatology is a fancy word...I like it. The reading today fits into the genre of this word: it is the study of the end of the world. As we prepare for the first coming of Christ during Advent, we reflect on the Second Coming and Judgement Day. Well, if I was so inclined I would. I know that next month is supposed to bring the end of the world with all the number 12s that will appear. Really, I am too busy living to think about not being able to schedule a coffee date at the end of December.

Michael, that great prince, is a majestic creature that is busy protecting me and others who believe in his great power. I am grateful for the angels in my life that keep watch over me. Perhaps that is why living each day is what is on my mind, and not worrying about the end times. I want to live until I go Home.

Peace,

Suzanne

Listen for Your Call

"A calling is something you never stop listening for." ~ Ann Voskamp

I think for most of my adult life I have struggled with my calling. When I read this quote, it stopped me in my tracks. I have never stopped listening for my calling...ever. I think what I am learning lately though is that the call comes daily. I am less caught up in the overall "what am I supposed to do with my life, God?" than in the "what shall I do with You today?"

Peace,

Suzanne

Towards the Real Light

"Too many of us panic in the dark. We don't understand that it's a holy dark and that the idea is to surrender to it and journey towards the real light." ~ Sue Monk Kidd

I am preparing an Advent retreat for the L'Arche community here. I am playing with the themes of being both human and divine, gifts, and stars. I think I am going to use this quote as part of the day. There are days when we let the dark overcome us, and we forget that the Light came so that we would not be. Sometimes though, we stand in a dark that transforms us because we encounter our humanity, our frailty, and our shadow. If we can surrender to it, we can learn lessons that we might not otherwise learn if we flee from the dark.

I want to journey to the real Light, the Light that heals me, that changes me at my core, that helps me to embrace my humanity while helping me to comprehend that I come from the Divine, created in God's image. I find myself in a dark forest some days confronting my humanity but I have to see the beauty of that, too. I have to look for the cobwebs that catch a glint of the Light and make me gasp at their beauty. I have to wonder with awe about the mysteries I discover in this place where Light must struggle to penetrate. Mostly, I have to believe that this holy dark place is not my destination; it is simply part of a journey on my way to the final resting place.

Believe. You are still on the way to a bright place of real Light, where Love lives.

Peace,

Suzanne

Go Fly A Kite

"Throw your dreams into space like a kite, and you do not know what it will bring back, a new life, a new friend, a new love, a new country." ~ Anais Nin

I am still sorting through my life these days. It is as if I can watch it in awe, gratitude welling up, seeing life unfold like a kite in the air, dancing, riding the currents, sometimes it flutters down, other times it floats strong and free. A breath-taking sight really!

I hold so many dreams still in my heart. I want to throw them up into the sky and watch them take wing. I suspect they would fly unencumbered and delight those that catch a glimpse. Wouldn't it be marvelous if we all surrendered our dreams to God and let them soar?

Peace,

Suzanne

On the Threshold

"Sometimes you don’t know when you’re taking the first step through a door until you’re already inside.” ~ Ann Voskamp

I think sometimes when we walk in faith, we have no idea where it will take us. Lately, I feel as if doors have been flinging open and I keep walking through, wondering what next. Sometimes, as Voskamp says, I find myself having crossed a threshold and inside of something new and wonderful, having arrived at a place I did not set out to land. All I can do is stand there and explore, grateful for the destination and the One who led me to it.

I found this amazing video clip on YouTube the other day because I had clicked on a website of a woman who had spoken at MoMondays and she had this link to someone else. I have watched the video a dozen times since finding it 24 hours ago. I find it stunning both in words and images and inspirational. I want to create something like it myself. Check out the link if you can here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GhOUaszMGvQ&feature=player_embedded and see if you do not find it a happy way to spend a few minutes in our busy world.

How willing are you to walk through a door that is opening in your life?

Peace,

Suzanne

Waiting for the Stars

"I will wait for the stars,
Trust their guidance,
And let their light be enough for me."
~Joyce Rupp

This poem was handed out on the weekend by Margaret Silf. I am preparing for an Advent retreat day that I have been asked to facilitate. I feel as if images are slowly coming together for the day. I just caught these words now and they fit with what is also unfolding for my hopes for the day.

I love this line from it too: "There was a time before maps when pilgrims travelled by the stars." Many of us wish we were able to see more than a few steps in front of us. I have found lately that I am free to stand in the dim light of the journey and not know its outcome. This has been a huge freedom for me and I don't know if I can embrace the change permanently but I want to try.

Some people want to see the future and consult all sorts of mystics to do so. I want to continue to learn to throw myself in complete trust upon the One who knows what is ahead and loves me enough not to show me what will happen. I will wait for the stars, and trust in their light to be more than enough for me, even when the night seems darker than anything I know and scary because of it. Those moments are harder than these that I currently am in which seem more like nights where the snow reflects the moon and the stars so that it does not seem dark or scary. It just feels like I am standing in that in-between space of no longer and not yet and that the dawn is coming. I just need to keep my eye on the Star.

peace,

Suzanne

Making Room

"To be a contemplative, there must be room for God." ~ Joan Chittister

I took time out this weekend to make room for God. I am glad that I did that. Today I had a good day, because something inside of me seems to have shifted a bit. I fell back into a routine I had fallen out of. I have accomplished a lot today and am happy about that. I like being productive. I have not done everything I set out to do today but my list was long.

I love having a day off. I have not left the house, except to shovel the walk. I am about to head out though and I feel as if I want to stay cocooned into the space I have created today. I know that as soon as I arrive where I am going that will change. God will be where I am going to, but I am grateful for a leisurely, contemplative day here with God. I need to have more days like this one.

When was the last time you made room for God?

Peace,

Suzanne

Everything She Had

"They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything--all she had to live on." ~ Mark 12:44

Today's readings are about women's ability to give and give more than generously. In the First Reading, the widow is gathering sticks to bake a last meal when Elijah comes to her asking her for some water. She carries out his instructions and is blessed in the doing. In the Gospel, once again, it is a woman who catches the attention of a man for her generosity. This time it is Jesus and he points out that this poor widow puts in everything.

I have been thinking about generosity lately--my own in particular. I am not sure if I need to reign it in sometimes. A part of me feels taken advantage of in a specific situation and realizing that I need to step away from a relationship that is somewhat unhealthy. I have telling friends that for weeks...maybe longer. I am sure that they are tired of hearing me say that I am going to do it but I have not made much headway in establishing new boundaries.

What is it that makes me--or anyone, for that matter--give without counting the cost (a good Ignatian philosophy) or give with a scoreboard in hand? I had the pleasure of thanking a speaker at retreat this weekend and I pointed out that she had given us everything she had, just like the widows in the readings this weekend. She also gave us the ability to become like sourdough bread, inadvertently commissioning us to go forth to share our own gifts. She gave twice because of this, and the giving will have a ripple effect. I knew from the retreat centre director that she gave until it hurt...physically. That selflessness is admirable.

So why then not give without counting the cost all the time? God who is the Great Giver does not keep track of our indiscretions, of our lack of gratitude, of our attempts to manipulate situations, of our blatant taking advantage of God's generosity. Is it possible to give like that when we are human? Is it possible not to feel hurt and self-righteous when we realize the recipient has been far from grateful?

I find myself thinking of the two widows today and wanting to give back to God everything I have been given by serving others. I think when people give out of their abundance, it is easy to give. When we give out of our very selves, the cost of the generosity is extravagant and we become vulnerable. These two widows stepped beyond themselves and into God's grace in order to give as they did. There is a lesson there for me.

Peace,

Suzanne

No Man's Land

"You need to let go of the familiar to go to the new place to which you are invited." ~ paraphrase of a comment by Margaret Silf

This photo is a bit odd I know. In 2009, my new colleague, Jacinta, and I were sitting stuck in Rwanda, unable to cross over into DR Congo. We could see DRC but we could not go there due to some visa issues/corruption tactics. There was a piece of land between the two border stations that was known as No Man's Land. You were neither in DRC nor Rwanda. It had a bit of a strange feeling to it--as if I did not belong anywhere for a few minutes as we walked across the neutral space. I was neither here nor there.

Today Margaret Silf had interesting themes for the retreat: Crisis-Opportunity, The Blessings of Chaos, Kick Starts and Strange Attactors, and Letting Go. Lots of richness gleaned will be reflected on in the week ahead but tonight I am going to focus on this image that came to me as Silf was sharing about that in-between space of no longer and not yet. As she described it, I was back in Africa in No Man's Land, with that disconnected feeling. She talked about the space in between as a gap--a gap that should be recognized as a place of grace. Something resonated for me as I listened to her.

Currently my life is unfolding on several levels that creates a no longer feeling (I cannot go backwards) and a not yet arrival (I have to wait for the bloom to open). I thought I was back in neither here nor there, but I realized that even in Africa, I was not scared of the unfolding. I had been standing in a space of grace as I am now. The visual of being between two destinations was powerful for me though and pertinent for the present unfolding.

I am excited and a little unnerved at times as doors open in a cascading fashion for me but the combination of all the wisdom coming at me today helped me to see that Grace is indeed at work. One of the gems that Silf explained was that when we are in the gap, we are vulnerable (which I tangibly experienced between the two borders guarded by soldiers with machine guns), but she added vulnerability is a place of grace. Since June, I believe I have been making myself vulnerable in a variety of ways and recently I was marveling to someone how I seemed to not yet be overwhelmed by all my "yeses" and all my decisions to step out in faith. Instead I sensed I was in a place of abundance. I only now realize that Grace has been my steady partner all these months. I have felt the blessings of Grace without fully comprehending her Gift.

Speaking of gifts, Silf told a fabulous story that she had heard on BBC radio. It entails an interview between between Iona Community member John Bell and a South African woman. He asked her at one point what legacy she desired to leave behind. Her response was something like this: I hope when I meet my Maker that I will have used up every gift I have been given and that I will come empty-handed to the Creator. Silf said that the question we will be asked is not have you been saved but have you been spent.

When I think about the many gifts I have been given--as we all have--and I see the doors of opportunity flying open lately, I know I must try to walk through them with grace and humility. I have to trust that I will be given what I need for this journey. Tonight I realize that I need a good portion of wisdom to know how and when to use the gifts properly. I want to arrive at my Maker, no longer in No Man's Land, and totally spent.

Peace,

Suzanne

When the Plough Goes Through

"If life has ploughed up your plans, quite possibly it was to plant new seeds."~ Margaret Silf

I am on retreat this weekend, listening to Margaret Silf from England discuss the topic, The Other Side of Chaos: Breaking Through When Life is Breaking Down. Tonight's session was entitled "When the Plough Goes Through" which got quite a chuckle due to the snow storm threatening to blow through tonight and tomorrow.

Margaret is delightful--witty, British, thought-provoking, and inspiring. The Brits have a lovely way about them. I think I will find rest here. The image she created tonight was based on a story of a man who ploughed a field and had the creatures who walked through it, respond in upheaval. The once grassy path was now deeply furrowed and not so easily maneuvered. However, flocks of birds embraced the change, discovering food in the newly upturned soil. Silf made the link that when life ploughs up our fields, God can prepare the ground for new seeding and a new harvest, a new way of being human.

Think about the times in your own life when the plough of circumstance has messed up your life. Not everything bad happens for a reason but when the plough does come through, something new may arise, perhaps something that has been buried. This unexpected grace can be a treasure . She gave the example of the para-Olympians who when asked why they were here as athletes answered, "I'm here by accident." Literally. The play on words caught my attention. How often do we end up somewhere we never meant to?

From my own experience, I know that the death of my sister tore a huge and ugly gash in my life geography, changing me forever. I would never wish my experience on anyone, but I do know that twenty years later, I am grateful for the crop that came out of the turning up of the soil of my life. I see how it has and still continues to shape me, to hold lightly to all things but to embrace with gratitude for whatever experience I have, whether short or long. I think in some ways, my sister's death nudged me towards Ignatian spirituality and that very lesson.

Silf suggested that any real spiritual growth does not happen on mountain tops but in the valley where you realize you cannot do it yourself but that you need God. The gusts of wind that threaten to overwhelm you, push you into what supports you. When life knocks you sideways, you are now able to look in a new direction. She spoke of St. Ignatius and his grumbling attitude as he convalesced after being wounded. Suddenly, life took on a whole different direction for him, for which I personally 450 years later, am incredibly grateful. Sometimes, when life lets you down, you end up at Christ's feet. She used the story of the paralytic whose friends tore off the roof to lower him down to Jesus to illustrate this.

I like the spirit of this retreat and coming here always feels like coming home. The sisters who run the place are so welcoming to me. I have taken refuge here many times in my life and come away so much wiser and peaceful. The women who come to these events...and God bless those men who should be here listening too but who rarely take time out to do so...are familiar faces and open spirits. There is always good conversation.

May the plough turn up some interesting new food for me this weekend.

Peace,

Suzanne

Watching Angels

"Peace be unto you from the watching angels." ~ lyrics from Peace Be Unto You on Steve Bell's new release, Keening for the Dawn

I have this feeling of abundance that is difficult to explain lately. I swung by Steve Bell's music studio and chatted with him and the words--I feel as if life is abundant right now--or something like that were running through my head as I caught him up on my life. I am so very grateful for the many opportunities presenting themselves so graciously to me. I appreciate that somehow I have the energy to do them all. This song from his new cd is haunting me and has grabbed a piece of my soul. I know my angels are watching and guiding me. I feel as if I am standing before a door that opens wider and wider and I just keep walking through with a trusting heart.

Do you feel watching angels showering peace upon you?

Peace,

Suzanne

Within You

“You must find the place inside yourself where nothing is impossible.” ~ Deepak Chopra

When we limit ourselves by our thinking, we lose out before even setting out. If we can believe deep inside ourselves that all things are possible because we have been blessed beyond our imaginings we might discover the truth of the power that lies within us. Trust that the gifts you have been given are all you will need because God has hand selected each one specifically for you to help bring about the Kingdom through you.

Peace,

Suzanne

Relief!

"In the end, that's what this election is about. Do we participate in a politics of cynicism or a politics of hope?" ~ Barack Obama

Whew!!! I can sleep well tonight. I am hanging on to hope.

Suz

Waiting for Love

"Love is around the corner." ~ in my fortune cookie

I shared this prediction with friends on Sunday night prior to heading to mass. As mass came to an end, one of the guys who I have been having interesting conversations with, stopped by and asked me to come for tea....at his house. We had started a conversation that we needed to end. Sure was my response and he gave me his address. Mass ended and I headed to the door but was intercepted three times. When I finally got to my car, I was no longer 100% sure of the address I had been given. When love is around the corner, it would be good to pay attention to the address!!! Needless to say, I stood him up because when I arrived at what I thought was the address it did not exist. Sigh. I finally remembered it about one and a half hours later.

On a happier note, tonight I was at a gathering of the Ignatian Family which focused on the principle and foundation. The Jesuit leading the session had a few nuggets for me and those gathered. One was that we should make our gifts not the centre of our lives but the context in which to serve and love. God wants us to move through the gifts we have been given to find our true joy and freedom.

Perhaps that is what my fortune cookie meant...find my true joy and freedom by loving service.

Peace,

Suzanne

Single-Hearted

"Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength." Deuteronomy 6:4-5

Can we love the Lord with all our hearts, all our souls and all our strength? What might that mean? I think it requires a single-heartedness that few of us ever master. Instead we love the Lord deeply and madly some days but other days we might be distant or distracted. The First Reading reminds us that if we want all to go well with us, we must observe the Lord's decrees diligently.

The Gospel drives home that message with a new twist. If we proclaim to love God, we must also love our neighbour and ourselves who are made in the image of the Creator. Well, if we cannot even love God passionately all the time, how will this work? God is the Great Giver and if we cannot give God all of our love, then we can understand why we withhold loving others and have self-loathing at times. This was part of a discussion that I participated in yesterday and I have to admit that some of it rang true for me. We attach so many rules to love that we forget that it should be freely given.

I am going to start practicing this more often--or at least make an attempt.

Peace,

Suzanne

Powerful Moments

"Never forget the three powerful resources you always have available to you: love, prayer, and forgiveness." ~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

I had an awesome day, facilitating a retreat day. The teachings were great and the small group discussion was inspiring. I have lots to think about regarding call. The main readings today were regarding Peter's call, in particular getting out of the boat which has deep meaning for me.

I was also asked to lead an Advent retreat for a community that I value. I accepted. I have probably now officially lost my mind but I see this as another door opening for me and want to walk through it. Getting out of the boat happens in all kinds of ways.

As I reflect on the day, I am humbled by the number of powerful moments that I witnessed today, including a glimpse of my own ability to love, pray and forgive. These three resources are something I want to hang on to.

Peace,

Suzanne

Another Friday Night

"I understand what's it like to work all week and on Friday night just want to go and leave your brain at the door, buy some popcorn and be thrilled by something." ~ Don Cheadle

I was in need of lounging tonight but I dragged myself out to mass to remember my sister and so many loved ones on All Soul's Day. The main image in my head though was that of a young girl killed yesterday in a tragic car accident. She was with four of her friends on a lunch hour from school and the driver lost control and hit a tree. She was ejected and died at the scene. We never know when we will be called Home. The driver will be haunted by this for the rest of his life. I pray for her family and friends tonight, so very devastated by this event.

I came home and vegged for a bit. I made popcorn and watched TV. I cleaned a little when I got a second wind. Now I should post this and soon head to bed.

Blessings,

Suzanne

All Saints Day

"May the fire burn in your bellies!" ~ blessing of the guests tonight at a party

Tonight I went to friends who live in the neighbourhood for a blessing of a community outdoor wood oven and a celebration of All Saints Day. I loved the gathering, so eclectic and community-oriented. I had not see a number of people in awhile and the joy in the reconnecting was glorious. I especially loved the passion that the hostess had for the Saints, cooking and relationships. One of the guests and I chatted about how difficult it was for her to break out of summer routine, and then the two of us started listing all the reasons why, as we stood by the fire pit warming ourselves and drinking hot apple cider. I met two people who have a Bed and Breakfast in France, and after struggling in English for awhile, I decided to try French. I could not believe that worked better--even before the glass of wine! They said my French was much better than their English and we chatted about a number of things. It was a crazy lovely evening. I have amazing friends who have amazing friends.

I had to leave somewhat early because a new fridge and stove were arriving. I am so thrilled--they are brand new and state of the art. Energy efficient even!! I will be able to bake and not burn things or have them not be cooked through. Woohoo! Life is very good. What a difference a day makes!

I thank all the Saints who take care of me and watch over me each day. I am grateful for the cloud of witnesses that has gone before me.

Peace,

Suzanne