The opposite of love is not hate; it's indifference. ~ Elie Wiesel

It has been over 20 years since Canada had a shooting at Montreal's École Polytechnique that took the lives of fourteen women. For those unfamiliar with the incident, a man stormed into the engineering class and separated the men from the women and then opened fire on the women, expressing his anger towards feminists, and women in general. Canada was shocked at this violence against women and wondered how this could happen in our country.

Tonight I went to see The December Man, which is an award winning play that does not focus on the women or the shooter. Instead, it looks at one of the men who was separated from the women and the aftermath of his trauma and guilt. It is a cleverly done drama, working backwards through time, showing the unraveling of the young man and his parents.

I had recently returned to Canada after living in Washington, DC for a year when the historical event took place. Shootings were commonplace in my American neighbourhood. Canada was home though and such things did not happen. I had actually come through Montreal on my way home to visit a friend who was living there. I called her when I heard about the shootings. She was safe but she knew someone whose sister had been killed.

The shootings changed me. I was taking night classes at the university at the time. About a week after the shootings, I stopped at the washroom before walking home. As I washed my hands, I heard running in the hallway. My heart stopped. What was going on out there? Was there a copycat shooter? Was I going to die in the women’s washroom? It turned out to be nothing but the reaction was so strong in me that I realized I was no longer the same person. I no longer felt safe being a woman. I had always considered myself a feminist but now I knew that came at a great cost. I was angry about the shootings for a long time. I think as a nation, Canada was too. I think it is why we still honour these women every December 6.

The play took a broad stance. As the family moved through its existence post-trauma, it was obvious that sweeping the violence under the carpet did not work. Indifference and hatred are the opposite of love. Apathy destroys people. The man who left that classroom that day could not live with what he had done, though no one blamed him. How could anyone have blamed any of those men that day? We had never experienced anything like it in our history. No one knew what would happen. As a country we mourned and those who remember will probably not be indifferent to the violence that women experience. I know that I remember every December with sorrow and anguish. I pray that women don’t ever have to be afraid because they are women but some days that prayer seems ludicrous. Most days, however, I know that being a woman is one of the best gifts I have ever received in spite of all the hurdles faced.

The play reminded me that violence against women hurts everyone, not just women. It tears apart lives and families and the very fabric of our society. May we all choose not to be indifferent to the violence that we see.

Peace,

Suzanne