Deepest Desires

"Often our deep desires are hidden below a confusing mass of less important but more clamorous, insistent wants, needs and longings." ~ Annemarie Pauli

Today I helped facilitate the Chemin Neuf Community Day. The themes of the day were Ignatian desires, consolation, and desolation. This quote was one of the lines I used to describe our challenging the work of naming our desires can be. I think today we hurry at a frantic pace and do not really take the time to be still and sort through the maze of longings deep within us.

Since returning from Bali, I have been somewhat miserable. Well, maybe not initially but with the weather being seasonably normal I am not a happy camper. I am daydreaming about being on a beach in Bali more and more often. Ugh! Gotta get a new perspective on life. Can I survive the desolation?

Today though as I described desires, consolation, and desolation I became even a little more aware of my own desires about traveling, warm weather, and healthy lifestyles. This week I have been thinking quite a bit about photography and how looking through a camera lens is a relaxing activity for me. I wonder if someone would hire me on to be a travel photojournalist? I am guessing that could be a fun career.

I must find some time in the near future to go away to a quiet place and sort through the longings of my heart.

Do you know the holy desires of your heart?

Peace,

Suzanne

Forgetting Elephants

"You know ... they say an elephant never forgets. What they don't tell you is, you never forget an elephant." ~ Bill Murray in Larger Than Life

In the Gospel the other day, Jesus tells Mary not to hold on to him, as he needs to return to God. Humans have difficulty letting go of good experiences, fond memories, loving people. I have found myself missing Bali immensely this past week and a half. I keep dreaming about sitting on a beach and listening to the waves, probably because I did not get to do that before I left Bali.

Ok, so today with the earthquake, I probably would not have wanted to be in Indonesia but still, I cling to my vacation, and hate the idea of going to work every day. I know I will get over it, but right now when I look at some of my photos, I see how rested and happy I look. We do not forget the extraordinary, whether it is elephants or people or events.

Last night when I went to bed, I started hacking around midnight. That continued for several hours. At 4:00 I knew I had to let go of the idea of getting up and driving to a school two hours away. I called in sick and lay in bed, thinking about how healthy I seemed while I was away. I was in some pain, well, quite a bit of pain due to walking as much as I did but when I arrived in Bali, something shifted and I was more pain-free and at peace. I think I love the tropics. Why was I born where I was then? Nowhere near a tropical rainforest or ocean. I cling better than some top-selling kitchen wraps.

Elephants, dragonflies, and massages remain with me. People who adorn themselves with a flower every morning to remind themselves that they are holy and belong to the divine wander through my mind. I miss the smell of incense and the hundreds of offerings that I needed to step over daily. I know that in a week or so, the misery will pass and I will settle into life here and be happy but right now, I close my eyes and I am laughing at the elephant dropping a floral lei on me
or soaking up the sun as I rest by the pool.

What are you having trouble forgetting right now?

Peace,

Suzanne

Saying Goodbye to an Old Friend

"You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Easter Monday. Today was supposed to be a day to catch up on so many things but I hardly did any of the items on my list. Instead I went to a funeral for a woman who welcomed me into my parish and made me feel at home these past 25 years. I did not get home until 3:30 and then realized I was quite tired so took a wee nap.

When I think of Mary, I think of a strong woman, pictured here with her daughter and granddaughter at one of our church functions, who grew strong women, both her own and those around her. She encouraged me so often throughout the years and I knew I was not the only fortunate one. She touched many lives. I am grateful for her influence on mine.

I thought she might pass away while I was on vacation but she lingered and died on Palm Sunday. The church was packed today, filled with the lives she blessed over her many years in the parish and beyond. Her former employer celebrated and told great stories about her high expectations for life at our church. Her son and daughter sent her off with wonderful stories too.

I was glad that I was able to see her and bring her the Eucharist at the hospice where she spent her last days prior to my vacation. We reminisced and she introduced me as a dear, old friend to the staff there. She had done so much for me over the years that I was happy to give back. I had planned on starting to bring the Eucharist to her upon my return. I am relieved to know that I did not wait until it was too late. Sometimes, making time is crucial because we do not get a second chance.

Who in your life has changed you? Who should you stop and give thanks for this moment?

Peace,

Suzanne

Christ is Risen! Alleluia!

Receive (this candle) as a pleasing fragrance,
And let it mingle with the lights of heaven.
May this flame be found still burning
By the Morning Star;
The one Morning Star who never sets,
Christ your Son.

~Exultet

Ah, Easter! It’s a favourite feast day in my church. I love the Easter vigil and last night was no different. This morning I pray that the flame of faith and love is still burning in my heart.

The Gospel reading last night was about the fears of the disciples and the women when they find Jesus missing. Understanding the Easter mysteries is not easy, even for the most faithful. I pray that fear may never overwhelm me and stop me from doing your will, Jesus.

I am off to family supper so this is short. I hope to be more on track this week with my blog, finishing off some of the stories from my Asian Adventure and looking forward to spring here in Canada.

May the light within you mingle with the lights of heaven to create a light so bright the world will never be the same. Happy Easter! May joy and hope be yours.

Peace,

Suzanne

Journey to Who You Really Are

“Again the high priest asked him, "Are you the Christ, the Son of the Blessed?" ~ Mark 14: 61

Today is Palm Sunday. This is a day of a great journey for Jesus, one that starts in jubilation and ends in sorrow. Journeys are risky but to not take them is also risky. You may miss the reason you are here. This day we remember that Christ is the Son of the Blessed. We remember why he came and why he set out on the path that was laid out for him. The way was one of great joy at times and tremendous sadness at others. The human part of Jesus lived fully.

Having completed my Asian Adventure, I must say that coming home for Holy Week is a blessing. I am not sure how my journey these past two weeks will bear fruit in my life but I know without a doubt it will.

Peace,

Suzanne

Feeding Your Soul

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” ~ Mark Twain

I left my umbrella drying in my room and it is raining again. I have just finished having Japanese food here in Bali for a change of pace. I guess I might have to order some green tea and sit to write this blog until I can get back without being soaked.

I have had an awesome last day here in Bali. I shopped and was not too traumatized by the experience. I went to a spa for a yoghurt massage that started with a foot bath of alternating hot and cold water, accompanied by a foot massage. After that, the "toe-to-toe" body massage with yoghurt felt great--well, it was painful too but the coolness of the yoghurt was lovely. Then I soaked in a bath with flower petals. I had hoped to try ear candling but I have run out of time.

After a late lunch, a driver picked me up and took me to do more shopping but this time I did not buy. He took me to the expensive tourist area so I only bought a gift for my sister and a new silver cross for me. I like to collect crosses from around the world. This one is lovely--I got the tourist discount but it really is not much of one. The driver took me to a stunningly gorgeous silver store, called Angel to Angel. Everything was way too expensive for me and I wandered around the store feeling sadder by the moment. I could not afford anything but fell in love with a number of things and wondered why anyone would spend so much on anything, even if it is beautiful.

We finally arrived at the stop for the Kecak and Fire Dance of which the photo captures one of the dancers. The dance was interesting--sort of a Romeo and Juliet tale with a happy ending. I need a few more days here in Bali to see a number of things, including the beaches but I will have to save it for another day. For now, despite the rain, I had better head back and pack. I may not have done it all but I have dreamed, explored and discovered.

Peace,

Suzanne

Last Full Day in Bali

Today is my last full day in Bali. At 7:30 in the morning, it already looks like the day will be another winner. I am soon off to breakfast and then to lie poolside for a bit prior to going shopping and to the spa. I may even try ear candling. After that, I will go around a wee bit in the countryside again before catching a Fire Dance to end my time here. My vacation is quickly coming to an end. I have a short time left in this part of the world. Tomorrow I travel back to Singapore and spend the night with Celeste. From there I return to Canada, in particular, Vancouver for a brief time with Kathy and her family. After that, I return home. I am feeling like this trip has been an awesome gift with much to consider and remember in the days ahead.

Yesterday I went to the Elephant Safari Park which is run by an Australian man who is married to a Balinese woman. I enjoyed seeing these magnificent creatures up close, though it certainly differs from a real safari where the animals are free. I decided to go for a ride on one and it turns out her name was Ramona!! That is my sister’s name.

From there we traveled to the Mother Temple which was the most aggressive place I have been in Asia. People tried to get us to pay a lot of money to enter and it sort of reminded me of how Jesus overturned the tables in his own temple out of anger for the injustice he saw there.

Finally, we went for dinner at the Crispy Duck, which made me think of my brother who loves a certain duck, but I am not sure Donald would want to be crispy. It is as if my siblings have been here with me—Corrinne in Singapore; the other two here yesterday.

I best be off. The day holds more adventures.

Peace,

Suzanne