Still Over There

I am still here at the moment: http://suzanneinafrica.wordpress.com/2013/07/21/choose-the-better-part/ in case you want to see what is going on and miss my writing.

Peace,

Suzanne

Leaving

I am leaving blogspot for a couple of weeks and posting a new blog instead as I write about my upcoming trip to South Africa. I have 9038 page views on this blog and I have enjoyed writing it. I am delighted that people around the world have tuned in from time to time. I thank you for reading and invite you to join me here for the next few weeks:

http://suzanneinafrica.wordpress.com/

Peace,

Suzanne

Saintly Sinner

“I am not a saint, unless you think of a saint as a sinner who keeps on trying.” ~ Nelson Mandela

I have been reading a lot about Madiba this past eight weeks. He is a remarkable man. As his health falters again, the world watches for the man who caught our attention for so many years. How many of us have prayed for him over the past 30 or so years? His autobiography shows he is not a saint but he definitely was a man who kept on trying to do the right thing for his people. I am so very impressed with how he lived his life. The rest of us can seem very small next to the saintly sinner. He changed his nation and the world. What an inspiration!

May God bless him tonight and give him what he needs.

peace,

Suzanne

What If?

"When the Lord saw her, he had compassion for her." Gospel of Luke, Chapter 7

Losing a loved one is a difficult life event that often changes everything. In today's Gospel about the widow at Nain, Christ takes her pain and transforms it. What utter joy there must have been at this miracle of raising the dead! What did her son think about for the rest of his life? He was dead and was alive again. He had the chance to change everything that he did not like about himself--to be a kinder, more loving person, to break the bonds of fear that come over all of us from time to time, to risk instead of hold back, to believe in the unbelievable, to hold fast to joy because of what he knows, and to have a heart so full of gratitude that nothing will ever seem mundane again. What if you were given a new life today? How would you spend it?

Each day we are given a new chance, where mercies abound. What will you do with this amazing opportunity?

Peace,

Suzanne

Cause of Our Joy

“Immaculate Heart of Mary, cause of our joy, pray for us.” St. Francis of Assisi

Feast Day of Our Lady today inspired me to head to mass. I have not been for a while but it felt good to be back. I thought I should do a three-week novena in thanksgiving for all that has unfolded this past year in answer to the one I did last summer. I am grateful for Mary's gentle guidance and support.

Pray for me, Mary, model of service. As I prepare to leave I asked the Monday morning prayer group to remember me in their prayers. They are faithful people and their prayers protected me during my last trip to Africa.

Happy Feast Day to all of you! How does the heart of Mary inspire you on your life's journey?

Peace,

Suzanne

Job Well Done

"True happiness comes from the joy of deeds well done, the zest of creating things new." ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery

I took on a task that I did not think I had a lot of skills for but thought it was time to push myself. I accepted to be a fundraising chair for a national conference being held here. We had a fabulous event tonight. Lots of the Deaf Community came out to support us and this was equally important to the planning committee as raising the funds. This brought us all the joy we needed to know we had done a job well.

When was the last time you did something that blessed you a hundredfold in return?

Peace,

Suzanne

Grateful Nightly

“Let gratitude be the pillow upon which you kneel to say your nightly prayer." ~ Maya Angelou

Earlier today, driving home, I was aware of how incredibly grateful I am for all that is happening in my life right now and all that has unfolded in this past year. My journey has been amazing--a trip to Singapore, a retreat at a Jesuit retreat house, along with visits to several friends in the area, my annual get-together with my former interpreting classmates in the USA, reconnecting with old friends, working hard, raising a lot of money for the upcoming interpreting conference next year, taking an amazing art course, going to Mexico, returning to university, and so many other wonders. I will kneel and express my gratitude at the One who gives it all generously.

As you lay your head on your pillow tonight, what are you grateful for?

Peace,

Suzanne

Wonder Watch

“Always be on the lookout for the presence of wonder.” ~E.B. White

Beauty pulses all around us. We miss it because we are so often pulled in a dozen directions. Today at work, in several different interactions with colleagues, I began to see how we were all tired. We have lost our sense of wonder a bit, but apparently not our sense of humour. During a conversation with one co-worker, I suddenly realized that it was Wednesday today. She laughed so hard as I came to that realization as if it was deeply profound information. I have lost track of time and space lately. It must be getting to that time of year.

I am someone who is distracted by beauty and wonder. That playful inner child is mesmerized so often. As I begin to wrap up all my obligations here, my mind wanders to what South Africa will bring. What will I see, hear, taste, marvel at? Who will I meet and what story will they tell me that will change my life? How will I integrate this adventure into my life narrative? I want to be open to all that God will give me on this trip. I know I cannot even begin to imagine what God will create but I do know with all my heart that it will be very good.

Butterflies are transformed in an act of wonder. May I too be changed into a being of greater beauty with wings to fly, causing others to praise the Creator and the wonders of this world.

Peace,

Suzanne

Be a Blessing

"When you focus on being a blessing, God makes sure that you are always blessed in abundance." ~ Joel Osteen

I am breathing and smiling more lately. I can see the end of my stress and have started to look outward again. I realize I have been pretty self-absorbed lately. Looking inward is sometimes a good thing but for me it isolates. I am happy to look to others; that brings me joy and purpose. I am grateful for the transition.

I also have to admit that God has been incredibly gracious unto me while I have been navel-gazing. Extending mercies that are new each day, I am indeed blessed by the Creator's generosity.

Peace,

Suzanne

Art as Life

"I am interested in art as a means of living a life, not as a means of making a living." ~ Robert Henri

Yesterday I went out to a great party in the bush with a bunch of artists, mostly from the class I took over the winter. It was great to meet some new folks too and learn a few things from them. Artists are very generous people I am finding.

I am still a little stressed about all that needs happen before my departure and yet I know now that all will be well. This weekend I took not just one time out, but three. I had a lovely time on Friday night with members of the Catholic community, Saturday night with friends in the Deaf community and Sunday with these new artist friends.

On Sunday I brought my camera and snapped a few photos but mostly breathed in the beauty of the land and let the music settle in my soul. I had good conversations with folks who are fast becoming friends. The sun was shining and it was fairly warm--a novelty lately. I took a walk in the labyrinth, and even though I was chatting with someone I did feel my stress disappear.

I look forward to the journey into this artist world. I am feeling an inner shift lately of wanting to write more and to learn more about photography. I think when I return from South Africa, I will need to sort through some of my life goals and figure out a direction. All these amazing doors are opening for me and I want to pursue some of them.

How are you living your life? Are you chasing the wind or pursuing your passion?

Peace,

Suzanne

Enough and Then Some

"There is never not enough." ~ Fr. Trevor Scott, sj during a homily today

Trevor Scott celebrated mass this morning and wrapped up his homily with these words. He has been a Jesuit priest for all of one week. If this morning was any indication of God's providence for him, he will be an excellent priest and Jesuit. He gave a beautiful children's homily before speaking to the adults in the crowd.

The Gospel reading today was the feeding of the five thousand. I needed to hear these words as I prepare to leave for South Africa--to be assured that there will be enough time, mostly, and enough patience, enough sleep, enough love, enough mercy, and enough letting go. Jesus proves to us that when we walk with him, we not only have enough, we have more than enough in ways that we cannot even begin to imagine. Before we even become aware of what we need, God has it. All shall be well.

I love that Trevor also stressed that God cannot do it all alone but needs us to help bless the world. We need to be co-creators to bring about God's majestic plan.

When was the last time you saw the great Abundance that God blesses you with? How have you helped to ensure that others have more than enough?

Peace,

Suzanne

Finding A Voice

"Who stole your voice?" ~ Dr. Robin L. Smith

A series of self-improvement talks is happening over the next 10 days through Hay House World Summit. I have been listening to Dr. Robin this morning talk about the horrible twins of shame and blame. At one point, she asks who stole your voice? Who robbed you of your identity? When was the last time you were your authentic self? She made me think of the summer I was on retreat and on my first day my soul settled in and I heard the beautiful song bird's melody. I breathed deeply and closed my eyes. I had about a minute of solitude when the crow crackled. That sound was less than desirable. I had an epiphany that remains with me. How would I find my voice? Could it be that sometimes I needed to be the songbird and other times the crow? Would I accept both sides of myself without judgment? The voice of self-condemnation is loudest for most people. Dr. Robin invites us to awaken self-compassion at moments like that. Accountability without compassion is dangerous. I can mess up and feel badly but I can also let it go gently and not beat myself up.

The judgment voice is usually not ours--it is someone from our childhood who chipped away at our fragile self-esteem and it still plays out in our current relationships. At times, it might be best to ask whose voice is that in my head right now? We can dig around and discover some truths about ourselves that will help us to live more fully and joyfully.

When was the last time you found your voice in a way that surprised you and others? Have you embraced the songbird and the crow within you? Can you extend compassion to yourself when you need to?

Peace,

Suzanne

Step Out

"Faith is taking the first step even when you can’t see the whole staircase.” ~ Martin Luther King Jr.

Road map, please!! In two weeks, I will be landing in Cape Town. If I stop to wonder how I got there, I would not know how to explain it to you. When I worked Sojourners Magazine, I transcribed for hours audiotapes of South African women that my friend Joyce interviewed. It was an eye-opening experience that I never forgot. Now I find myself rereading that chapter in her book with new eyes.

The first step of a journey can happen years ago and the path may twist and turn prior to arriving at a destination, which may actually not be the final resting place. The important piece is to pay attention and to trust that the way is opening as it should.

Today is the feast of the Visitation, the day when Mary set out and hastened towards her cousin, to share her joy. She did not know that her yes would lead her to a path that would require great faith to complete. She hastened then and in fidelity completed the journey laid out before her over the decades. Great joy was hers. Great joy can be ours.

Peace,

Suzanne

Choose Carefully

“It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” ~J.K. Rowling

Stress is creating an A personality within me and I am not happy. A colleague did something unusual and uncalled for today and I lost it. I could not comprehend the actions and I was too exhausted to respond gently. It does not matter how many skills you have, sometimes life gets a little carried away from you and you behave badly. I need to choose differently starting right now. Goodbye A, come back B!

Peace,

Suzanne

Please Smile

"Please smile, knowing that everything will be fine." ~ Advice in an email from the planning committee for the Thich Nhat Hanh retreat planning committee to those registered for the August retreat

I came home to this email and promptly smiled. Lots is needing to be accomplished in the next two weeks prior to my departure to South Africa. To start with I have three papers due by June 10 and I still have about 200 pages of books to read before I can breathe easier about two of the papers. I do know that everything will be fine but I am struggling a bit with work-life balance at the moment.

Tonight I went to my goddaughter's amazing dance recital; it lasted 3.5 hours. The break did my soul good and I bathed in the beauty of the dances. I am just home and have decided to blog instead of read. A cool encounter with my friend's sister visiting from Utah helped me settle too. I am still feeling stressed but it is all good I keep telling myself. All shall be well is my mantra lately. I was telling this woman about how life was unfolding in miraculous and wonderful ways for the past 14 months or so, instilling in me awe and gratitude.

She does energy work and I had mentioned to her that today, driving back to the city, I suddenly felt like I had experienced a shift in energy and was overwhelmed with emotions as I read Tutu's book on Forgiveness. I have been reading literally thousands of pages about the stories of horror and hope regarding truth, memory and reconciliation and have managed to sleep well (no nightmares) but this afternoon, the emotions came barging in. I could have sobbed for a long while. I think the intensity of this course finally got to me. Better now than while I am there, I suppose. I am also aware at how tired I am at the moment. I must start getting more sleep.

A number of other emotional things are going on for me right now and as I work through some of them I feel somewhat fragile. It is not all doom and gloom. I had a conversation with some parents this afternoon with whom I have worked for over a decade and the mother turned to me at one point and said she would not know how to get along without me. I noticed yesterday that I was able to do some apartment dancing and found a song in my heart. This tells me that I am beginning to smile and everything will be just fine.

Peace,

Suzanne

Pear Ponderings

To know the taste of an avocado pear, you have to cut it in half. ~ Samora Machel

This quote is attributed to Machel but I came across it reading Albie Sach's Soft Vengeance. Sometimes in life, the very desire that draws you comes at a great cost. One never knows in a relationship or friendship what the vulnerability will be and if pain will tap at your heart. However to eat the flesh of the fruit and savor in the joy of the experience, you need to take the chance of breaking it. Relationships are such fragile things.

Peace,

Suzanne

God as Community

"The Trinity means that God is a Community." ~ Robert Dueweke

We are not meant to be hermits but to live in relationship with others. Today is a day of celebrating God's own community as Creator, Saviour, and Spirit. Who God is puzzles people. We look for answers and sometimes are left unsatisfied by our human knowledge of the Trinity. Today's feast gives some understanding of the complexity of God. We are one with a God who is multi-faceted, and unlimited by our small minds.

In the Ignatian Exercises, God is believed to be in all things and we must seek the holy in all that we encounter. Is this not what this feast also emphasizes? God is not to be boxed in, not even understood. God is to be worshiped and adored in all the glory and majesty that is God's. As always, the Creator is about the work of healing and we are reminded today that God is a community--and we are one body with God--it is here that we will find our healing.

Look for evidence of the Trinity blowing through your life today. What do you see? May grace and peace be yours.

Peace,

Suzanne

Beautiful People

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” ~Elizabeth Kubler Ross

I have met many beautiful people in my life. I have a different understanding of beauty than some. I look for souls that shine, the brightness escaping from the eyes and the joy spilling out in laughter. Oftentimes, the person has suffered greatly and compassion overflows. I have met beautiful people throughout the world--in Kenya, Congo, Burundi, Rwanda, Guatemala, Greece, France, Germany, Bali, Canada, and the US. These people might never be models on a runway but they are models for living. They show me what is important in life and what I need to value. They cause me to seek beauty and to be distracted by it.

How do you define beauty?

Peace,

Suzanne

Counting on a Miracle

"Gratitude was born for me in that helplessness on the first few days, when everything depended entirely on miracle." ~ Bill Millar

Sometimes the most beautiful parts of life are the most fragile. I love dragonflies but their beauty seems so fleeting. Tonight as I gathered with friends to break bread and share a meal, I again know that life is indeed fleeting and fragile. I was on the roster for delivering a meal to this couple who are in need of some extra loving right now. They could be depending entirely on a miracle as our friend Bill says. Bill was referring to his daughter's need for a heart transplant in that quote. This couple is struggling with a disease that will rob one of them of their ease. I know they have all felt helpless at one time or another.

When life feels overwhelming and help seems far away, hold fast to the belief that you are not alone. Do not stop believing in the power and possibility of a miracle showing up.

Peace,

Suzanne

Gifts Burdened

Sometimes we are offered a gift that we are reluctant to accept. Perhaps we do not recognize it as a gift because it feels like a burden, like a heavy responsibility that we don't quite know how to carry, and we are afraid that we will do so poorly. ~ Paulette Regan, Unsettling the Settler, Indian Residential Schools, Truth Telling and Reconciliation in Canada

Sometimes the gifts we are given, feel anything but. I have such a gift, one that I struggle with, and am very secretive about. I do not tell many people that I have it, not even recipients who might be very grateful to know that I do have this ability. Mostly, it feels like a burden, but sometimes I acknowledge that it is precious.

I am in the throes of preparing for South Africa. I am back into reading again--I have four books for sure to finish. I am almost done one, nearly done another, one third of the way through the third, and not yet begun the fourth, which I had read twenty years ago. I have three papers left to write. I received my mark on the first one this morning: 29/30. I am grateful for my gift of writing but I do not think I can sustain that level of performance in the next three weeks. I will have to do just the basics in order not to arrive in South Africa totally exhausted.

The readings continue to be a gift, working through the hard questions of forgiveness, memory, truth, and reconciliation. Tonight, I was fascinated by the question of what the children of perpetrators knew about what was occurring during apartheid. Are knowledge and truth gifts? If so, they can be a heavy burden to accept, even if they eventually free you at some level. What do we do with the truth when we do not know how to carry it?

Is your a gift in your life that you are reluctant to embrace? What is it and why?

Peace,

Suzanne