On the Eve of Grief Remembering

“There should be a statute of limitation on grief. A rulebook that says it is all right to wake up crying, but only for a month. That after 42 days you will no longer turn with your heart racing, certain you have heard her call out your name. That there will be no fine imposed if you feel the need to clean out her desk; take down her artwork from the refrigerator; turn over a school portrait as you pass - if only because it cuts you fresh again to see it. That it's okay to measure the time she has been gone, the way we once measured her birthdays.” ~ Jodi Picoult, My Sister's Keeper

My sister died 20 years ago tomorrow. Tonight I contemplate on what that has meant for me in my life. I remember her often, still. The anniversary of her birthday and this marker of her death, this year a significant milestone, are both key life events. There is no statute of limitations on grief. A month would never cure the heartache. A year only cements the pain of loss. Two decades later, I look at this photo of her as she holds a gift I gave her and a bittersweet feeling sweeps over me. She has been gone almost as long now as she had life.

It is ok to remember and measure the time she has been gone, in the same way we measured years of her life. She was a gem and there are moments when the pain does cut deeply, as if she were gone only yesterday. Life has moved on without her physical presence, but not without her joie de vivre and overall loveliness. That remains a part of me always.

Peace,

Suzanne