Emulating Her

“My sister will die over and over again for the rest of my life. Grief is forever. It doesn't go away; it becomes a part of you, step for step, breath for breath. I will never stop grieving (her) because I will never stop loving her. That's just how it is. Grief and love are conjoined, you don't get one without the other. All I can do is love her, and love the world, emulate her by living with daring and spirit and joy.”
~ Jandy Nelson, The Sky is Everywhere

Twenty years this day, I awoke to a phone call that changed everything for me. My youngest sister was in the hospital and by the end of the day, she would be dead. Who could have predicted that? Two decades later, I stand in gratitude for the gift of her life and the gift of mine, which I have tried to live with daring, spirit and joy.

Corrinne was beloved in our family. She got along with everyone. She had big brown eyes that sparkled, a laugh that was infectious, a growl that jokingly meant back off, and a joie de vivre that inspired people. I spent part of the day on the road, enjoying the beauty of this season: the fall colours in the leaves and grass, the geese flying overhead, and the sun sparkling on the water. I walked by a man-made lake in a city just outside of Winnipeg over the lunch hour and was grateful for the opportunity to remember.

She was someone who was just beginning to enjoy life after a rough spell. She had fallen in love and had just moved in with him. Life was turning out to be pretty amazing for her. I had never seen her happier. Today, the grief is not a huge part of my life, but the gratitude is. The love I have for her is definitely still a big part of my heart. I will never stop loving her or missing her. I hope that everyday I honour her with living well--joyfully, mindfully, and thankfully.

Hug the ones you love tonight. Be grateful for those who have been part of your life. Live with daring, spirit and joy!

Peace,

Suzanne