Thankful

"Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough."
 ~ Oprah Winfrey

I have been thinking about abundance lately even though I have felt like there was not enough finances to go with all the changes I am making in my life. As I have written before, I had a realization recently that I did not need more, I just needed enough. Today I lived into that knowledge in a more powerful and loving way. God's grace is sufficient and I have enough. It goes with another mantra that has been a few years in the making: I am enough. The gifts I have to offer this world are all I need. I am grateful for those who recognize my role in this world and help me live it out. That is such a blessing!

Can you trust in Providence? Throw all your cares on the shoulders of the One who is big enough to handle them and you will discover a power there that you never dreamed of.

Peace (and much gratitude),

Suzanne

Gifts Prepared and Presented

"Prepared gifts cannot serve their purpose unless they are presented gifts." ~ Priscilla Shirer

I am tired lately. I have been busy and burning the midnight oil. It is not a good combination. I have something on almost every night this week. I still struggle with the divine line of presenting my gifts so that they may serve their purpose and caring for the temple that holds these gifts. This post will be short because tonight I am going to opt for caring for the temple.

Tonight I was at a meeting that is examining prison ministry in Manitoba and I was giving the information about the various aspects of this work that my parish offers. The discussions were good. Why do I do the work that I do? What calls me or draws me to it? What gifts does one need for prison ministry? Where this committee goes may be very exciting news for those who do this volunteer and paid work. The benefits I suspect will extend to the inmates and those who work in the institutions. Who knows what the gifts presented are preparing!

When was the last time you presented your gifts in service?

Peace,

Suzanne

A New World Longing

"We are united in grief because we long for a world where peace and joy reign." ~ my Facebook post on my timeline tonight

I was cranky on the way home from work tonight. I had not yet heard the devastating news of the bomb attacks in Boston. As I prepared to do my examen for the day, I realized that my earlier crabbiness had come upon me for some unknown reason and had stayed with me, sucking the joy out of my life. If this had been my last moment, I would have died miserable. I don't even know why I was so out of sorts really--I do know the clerk at the grocery store was sarcastic about my having failed to swipe my air miles card properly and made a comment that irritated me. That was my first inkling I was in a bad mood. I am rarely in a bad mood and often don't know what to do with myself when I am. Meanwhile people had died in Boston, some had been seriously injured, and once again we hold our breath as we wait to see who has done this terrible deed and why on earth anyone would think up such an act.

Our hearts are not made for evil. I believe that in my deepest being. We are made for love. Oftentimes in life that is stolen from us at a young age, and yet some of us remain resilient, even if we are not unscathed. We choose the way of Love for a world so in need of healing, mercy and forgiveness. Why do some of us choose that way, while others stand for destruction, hatred, and horror?

I still choose joy. I sit here, reflecting back upon my day for today's dare: a gift in a bag, in a box and in a book. Three gifts a day will lead to over a thousand in a year and I shall be even more transformed into a being of Joy. Bagging my own groceries shifted my awareness of my grumpiness to a place of peace. A colleague dragged me to her office and hijacked my plans for the afternoon by insisting that she feed me Smarties for helping her. She knows I rarely say no to chocolate and really, aren't relationships more important than most things we do at work? Always, Ann Voskamp has a word for me and I am so grateful for stumbling across her blog by no accident, and for reading her book and devotional. Tonight I found solace in her words on the origin of joy. Such a wonderful image that it is linked to the word Eucharist.

Tonight I lift up all those affected by the Boston bombings--those of the dead, the injured, the innocent bystanders, the runners, the perpetrators and their families, and those awaiting news of family and friends. The voices raised in prayer once again prevail upon a new world longing, one in which peace, joy, and mercy live. May that day come when all the tears are wiped away.

Peace,

Suzanne

No Backwards Living

"Jesus said to them, 'Children, you have no fish, have you?'"~ Gospel of John

Today's Gospel is jam-packed full of meaning and challenges. Jesus appears once again to the disciples, this time meeting them as Simon Peter is attempting to live his life backwards. The Messiah did not do as was hoped, and so Peter was going back to life as he knew it before meeting Christ. He hopped in a boat and fished through the night. The result? He caught absolutely nothing.

What do we do when we are disappointed? Seeking comfort in some places leads to further disappointments. We are creatures of habit at times, and yet Christ calls us to so much more. At those moments do we hear the tender voice asking us, "Children, you have no fish, no satisfaction, in this futile seeking, have you?" We cannot go back to life as we knew it after knowing Christ. We will not have enough fish for our solo efforts. Yet with one word from Jesus, one correction--do it this way, cast the net here--there is more than enough, more, in fact, than we can ever imagine.

I watched fishermen in Bucerias one night bringing in a net of fish. The task was not easy and a crowd gathered to watch. The fishermen knew what they were doing and worked together to haul in the nets. I stood there watching and remembered this Gospel story. We are part of a community and we are to catch people by how we live our lives. We draw them in by being bright lights, by sparkling like the water we were immersed in on our baptismal day. Do we shine with joy, peace or hope for others? Do we catch enough fish in a day? Or do we simply cast the net half-heartedly and without being mindful? When we keep our eyes on the Lord, we recognize the signs of His presence faster, and like Peter we can jump into the water, without a care for our looks and forgetting that we have betrayed the Great Giver, because despite our inability to remain faithful, Jesus does. What a glorious Saviour we have!

We do not get off easily though as we see in the final exchange in this Gospel. Jesus looks into the eyes of the disciple who denied him, not once, but three times, for one of the first time since the cock crowed. What courage it took for Peter to respond three times with the affirmative answer that he loved Jesus to counterbalance his earlier denials. How often we are called to re-evaluate our lives and decisions and to stand in the Light and agree that we still love Jesus, even if on the surface, we appear to have lost sight of that.

Jesus has shown them once again that to follow him means a life of service. He has a meal of bread and fish awaiting these hardworking fishermen and now he reminds Peter that he must do the same by feeding His sheep. He warns him that this life will lead to suffering. The cost of loving is pain. Some days the journey of loving service seems beyond our capabilities. Jesus still bids us in the final words today to follow Him.

Will you?

Peace,

Suzanne

Freedom for All

"We were not fighting to free someone else, we were in fact fighting for ourselves, we were struggling for our own rights, the right to be free citizens of a free country, that was the answer, and the only way we could achieve our own true freedom was by helping to destroy the system of white domination that as crushing the whole country and denying us all our humanity, black and white." ~ Albie Sachs in Soft Vengeance of a Freedom Fighter

Albie Sachs walked into the room with a dozen or so people and the bright camera lights humbly and yet at ease. He sat in his assigned chair and APTN interviewed him for twenty minutes or so. The journalist asked if he had any final words, and his response was simply, "Do you think I might have a cup of coffee?" His casual sense of humour peeked through at that moment after the intensity of the interview. He joined us at the table at that point to begin his discussion with those of us who were traveling to South Africa in a few months.

As he settled into the chair across from me, I realized I already had quite a bit of admiration for this man, having gotten half way through his book, Soft Vengeance. I studied his face, fascinated by the scars there. One long one splashed across his face and a myriad of marks from the shrapnel that hit his body when the car bomb exploded. I am a tactile person and for some reason I had a deep longing to reach out and touch his face, perhaps in a moment of healing, or of a moment of wanting to be healed. I am not sure that there is a separation in that, but rather a combination of the two. He speaks of his body and the journey after the bomb with such brutal honesty. Most of us never arrive at a place of seemingly loving such a wounded body and yet, here is this man who appears to.

Within minutes he has begun to tell us that those in the human rights movement must keep a certain amount of vitality in life. All I can think of are the portions of his book where it is clear that he is overjoyed to be alive. He speaks of his work regarding same sex marriage in South Africa and how doing away with the word marriage for everyone would have created an equality of the graveyard and what he wanted to create was an equality of the vineyard. I am aware that I find his ideas fascinating and am enthralled by his articulate nature. This man is not a saint but his spirit is compelling. He has my attention and I believe in his words and how I am called to be a better human.

We could have kept him there for hours. I had a number of questions--or perhaps more accurately comments of affirmation for what I had been reading in his book. I wanted to sit and learn from this man to be less judgmental, more compassionate, and more vulnerable.

I believe I am called to engage in the goal of freedom for all. This week has been a difficult one for me in the Deaf Community. Sometimes on the time line I think we take steps backwards by decades instead of forward in baby steps. This week had a few moments like that and I find myself tired in the struggle. Moments of such deep oppression and ignorance that leave me speechless wear away at my soul. I cannot fathom how people do not see how hurtful they are being with their actions or comments. Sachs is on the mark with the thinking in his quote. None of us are truly free while some of us remain chained and treated unfairly.

Peace,

Suzanne

Trust Your Intuition

"My intuition was right. If in my heart I feel diminished and ashamed, I will betray this in my movements and physical attitude; if I feel proud and comfortable with my reality, I will bear myself accordingly, and the world will take its cue." ~ Albie Sachs

Albie Sachs came to this profound realization while sitting in the hot sun in a rose garden and agonizing over taking off his jacket and ruining the beauty of the moment for those around him who would see the stub of his blown off arm and be horrified. When he decided that his attitude might shape the reaction of others, he discovered this truth: the world did take its cue from him. In the midst of beauty, he found his own worth by trusting his intuition. What would happen if we all did that more often?

How we view ourselves really affects those around us. I had an interesting conversation this week with a young woman who was struggling with self-esteem. Bullied for a good portion of her life, the messages in her head and spirit are ones that diminish who she is and what she does. How do we turn that around? While a good amount of grace is helpful, I think finding your self worth comes from knowing that you are deeply loved, regardless of your shortcomings. Some days you have to fake it until you make it, but at some point, you do arrive at a place that feels comfortable and affirming.

Recently, on my vacation, I put on a bikini and walked down the beach. The first day I wore it my two girlfriends commented on how brave I was. I managed to pull it off with a certain degree of confidence. Of course, both of them had commented earlier that I had lost a fair amount of weight so I had been working up to this moment and though I am still wanting to lose some weight, I was pleased and proud of the progress I made. As I walked down that beach, I felt like a beauty queen and the world took its cue from me.

Of course, a funnier story was my walk down the beach on my second last night. I was turning heads like crazy and thought I must look pretty good. One guy started to say something as I passed by him, but then did not really continue his train of thought. A few steps later I turned around to take a final shot of the sunset and saw him staring after me with this strange look on his face. I did not really process it and kept walking though a niggling voice stayed with me for a second. When I reached my turn off to the town, I stopped at the top of the stairs to brush the sand off my feet and and then dusted off my hands on the back of my dress. That was when I had an inkling of why I was turning so many heads. Something did not feel quite right. My dress had a tie in the back and it had gotten caught in my lacy underwear when I had been to the bathroom prior to walking down the beach. I was turning heads but not for the reason I had thought! However, I was not mortified as I might have been at another point in my life. Instead, I held my head proudly and thought how entertaining that must have been for people and hoped they had enjoyed the view.

These stories are a good example of feeling comfortable in your own skin and trusting what is yours. Sachs has been an inspiration to me as I have read his memoir of surviving the bomb attack. I think meeting him tomorrow will be a life-changing event. His courage to step beyond the event that transfigured him has set a new bar for me.

When you last trusted your intuition, what did the world see in you?

Peace,

Suzanne

Puzzling Reactions

"What puzzles me is something else, and the doctors do not seem to have an explanation for it, and that is, why, after having been through what must have been a terrible experience, and lying in complete darkness with a mass of fractures and wounds, I am feeling so wonderful." ~ Albie Sachs in The Soft Vengeance of a Freedom Fighter

The older I get, the more I realize that it is not so much life's experiences that shape us but our responses to them that do. I am reading in preparation to hearing him speak on Thursday night, Sachs' autobiography about life after the car bomb that ripped off his arm, destroyed his sight in one eye and left his body riddled with shrapnel. What the bomb did not damage was his Freedom Fighter spirit.

He was so happy to be alive that he confounded doctors, colleagues, and even friends. When I think back on my own valleys in life, I am grateful that I could stand strong and cling to the joy that remained. Those are pure moments of grace that I hope I will always recognize.

In your complete darkness, can you still feel wonderful?

Peace,

Suzanne